Impulse
"Our impulses are too strong for our judgement sometimes" Thomas Hardy, Tess of the D'Urbervilles
It's an impulse rather than a premeditated action. Sam doesn't plan to kiss Jack and it doesn't register that she does until she's pulling back. The thought hasn't been lingering in her mind as she hobbled around the planet while evading an assassin in a weird game of hide-and-seek with the Super Soldier. She didn't have time to consider regrets or anything else while she was trying to survive. She had been focused on protecting the prototype, determined to get it back to Earth.
It's an impulse when that's over, a relief. They're sitting on the boulder while she rests her weight on him, unable to fight the exhaustion after her adrenaline ebbs away when he and Teal'c's sudden appearance. The colonel's arm goes around her, anchoring her to him as a haze settles over her.
It's over, the Super Soldier is dead. She's alive.
It's an impulse when Jack's lips touch her brow and linger. A featherlight touch that is over so quickly, she isn't sure she isn't imagining it. She won't think about it till she is back on Earth and out of the infirmary and home alone.
Still, in her haze, despite his embrace, she needs grounding in a way she hasn't needed in years.
It's an impulse when she raises her chin and touches her lips to his. This is quick too, but not too quick for her to ignore the way he returns it. Chaste, desperate, gentle; the kiss is a reassurance rather than anything else.
Afterwards, her head drops to his shoulder with a sigh, tucking into the crook of his neck, partially shielded from the sun beating down on them. The brim of his cap offers little protection to her as his cheek leans against her head. She blinks slowly, feeling exhausted, unable to process. She just needs a minute to think, to catch her breath.
She doesn't know how long passes as they sit there, ten minutes or an hour, yet the colonel sits with her patiently while Teal'c stands guard. After a while, her haze starts to lift while the throbbing in her leg starts to get her attention. Jack's canteen appears in front of her, she takes a swig. Then a second, then a third, before screwing the cap on tightly. She's cognizant of the fact that they can't stay here forever; Hammond will want a progress report, she wants to know if her father survived.
"Dad?"
"He's in good hands, Carter," Jack tells her, his voice echoing in between the ringing in her ears. "Selmak is taking care of him."
Sam nods, taking relief from his answer. She takes a deep breath, readying herself to move. Jack follows her cues, moving to support her when she shifts her foot to test it for standing. The arm around her tightens and supports her as she pushes up off the boulder.
Jack hovers as she tries to stabilise herself, yet the ground spins around her. His hand grips her waist, steadying her as her equilibrium fails her. The ringing in her ears grows louder, drowning out what he calls to Teal'c as he lowers her back to the boulder. Jack crouches in front of her, eyes tracing her features with concern as she breathes in. He offers his canteen again, which she takes gratefully. They stay like that until she hears a tell-tale thumping of boots approaching the clearing as other SG teams reach the quarry. Among the bustling, she hears Reynolds and his team taking control of the watch over the dead Super Soldier.
Teal'c appears in her line of vision. The colonel looks up at him and murmurs something, she doesn't even try to listen. She trusts them to do what's needed to take her home. Then he nods at Teal'c's answer before turning his attention back to her. She knows what is coming next.
"You ready for this, Carter?"
"Yes, Sir," she answers, ready to leave this planet behind and go home.
It doesn't hit Sam till hours later; long after she pouted at Janet and promised to rest at home; when she's been released from the infirmary, when she's seen her father, and Daniel has driven her home. The memories and realisation and overthinking don't clench her heart as they have in the past when they've indulged in fleeting touches or encountered closer calls. No, she doesn't feel like she's gasping for breath or just been sucker-punched. No, the warm sensation in her chest starts with a soft knock at her front door, growing when she opens it to find Jack standing on the step looking at her as he had in the field, with concern and his innate warmth.
It takes her a second to realise coming to her house was as much an impulse for him as pressing his lips to her brow hours earlier. As they stand there staring at each other, it isn't fear of the frat regs that strikes her or the fact that she doesn't care. What hits her is the fact that when she kissed her commanding officer it didn't change anything. He hadn't retired, she hadn't transferred. It wasn't something they dwelled upon or premeditated.
Sam steps back, opening the door wider in silent invitation. An impulse she would have fought. He gives her a cautious once-over before following her back into the house.
And then she realises it was simply an impulse they were both too tired to fight.