Katrina rose off the floor with an unladylike grunt. Tugging the too-small tank top over her swollen belly. Tommy chuckled from his spot on the couch but appraised her apprehensively from behind the book he was reading.
"oh hush," she said screwing up her features in a mock frown. But she couldn't hold the expression and laughed.
Tommy smiled, his eyes crinkling as he watched her move to the kitchen. He admired her figure as much as he could without her noticing. Tommy enjoyed watching her and the blush that would stain her cheeks when she caught him, but he was careful these days, her hormones caused unexpected reactions then he was used to.
"So, I was thinking," she started carefully from the kitchen, her back was turned and her voice soft.
Tommy took in her tone warily, knowing it was the tone she used when she wanted to discuss something uncomfortable.
"so," he responded, his tone cautious?
"I was thinking," She began, she turned then but didn't meet his eyes. He sat up setting the book aside. Worry flooded him and his eyes drifted to her baby bump, but he waited for her to continue.
"Maybe we could talk about you retiring when the baby gets here," she finished in a rush, glancing up at him when she finished.
He watched her, wondering how long she had been working up the nerve for this conversation. He felt a wave of guilt as he imagined her up at night as she always did when something was bothering her. He didn't say anything for a long moment, and he could feel her eyes on him.
"I know this seems out of the blue," she said. She had told him five months ago that she was pregnant, and not once in all this time had she said anything about this.
"How long have you been planning this," he said finally?
Tommy couldn't understand the guilty expression that flitted across her features.
"Since we started talking about having a baby," she admitted.
"So before you got pregnant," he asked? Anger rose in him before he could get a handle on it and he stood up, scowling at her.
She shrunk back in response, fear evident on her face.
Tommy took a step back, shame seeping away some of his anger. "I don't get why this is the first I've heard of this." He took a step forward again but calmly, his voice a low whisper. "We started talking about kids three years ago."
"I know, but I felt so guilty about asking that I kept putting it off. Every time you won a fight, I convinced myself that it would all be ok," she was looking at the ground again. Tommy swore he could see tears falling to the hardwood.
"All these conversations about being honest and telling each other everything, they were for what," he said. His voice didn't raise again but there was an edge to it. He thought back to the early days of their relationship. She was the reason he quit drinking after they met, an ultimatum was given, and he took the option that brought him unprecedented joy.
"This was harder than anything for me," she said a hysterical edge to her voice. "It wasn't like a secret or a lie, it was something that I wanted and was sure you would refuse."
Tommy walked to her, wrapping his arms around her. He understood the position she was in; it was the same situation Brendon and Tess had been in. she was afraid now not just of losing him but of their child growing up without a father. He tightened his hold, feeling her tears soak through his shirt.
He was at a loss for words, it was the way it had always been with them. Katrina always new what to say in any situation, while he stood back watching in awe. He patted her hair and kissed the top of her head hoping to convey his feelings through touch. Wondering if this time it was enough.