A/N: This is my first foray into this fandom and pairing, so don't be too harsh. The reunion and new episodes ignited the spark (and this is a reprieve from teh rollercoaster these new episodes are taking us all on!). This is obviously A/U, and something I wanted to explore. Takes place directly after that epic episode "Fault" in season 7.

For the rest of her life, Olivia Benson would never remember her journey from Mercy Hospital back to her apartment. When she would look back, it was as if a chunk of her memory had been deleted, the way security footage could be manipulated by a perp or the people protecting them. In between Elliot walking away from her and her phone ringing…the journey was gone.

It didn't surprise her, though. Elliot's words to her outside of Rebecca Clifford's hospital room had been like one explosion after another. Emotional shellshock has a way of blurring memory immediately following. It wasn't until her phone rang did she realize that she had practically collapsed on top of her bed. But the phone call immediately broke the emotional shellshock. As a well-seasoned detective, a phone call could always bring her back to reality with her senses sharper than ever, no matter what.

"Benson," she said into the phone, sitting up on the bed.

It was Cragen. "Olivia. Good work on saving Rebecca. I've just come to the hospital. Since it's Friday, I don't want to see you back here before Monday. Since Gitano is dead, the paperwork can wait a while."

Olivia's gut reaction was, of course, to object. "Captain, I'm fi-"

"Don't even try, Olivia. I've just talked to Elliot and told him the same thing. You two both need to take some time. I wish I could say take a week, but I know you both too well, so I'll have to settle for this weekend. And if either of you so much as set foot on the same block as the precinct, I will write you two up for disobeying a direct order, and also for that screaming match you two had yesterday."

Olivia shut her eyes in defeat, the memory of that terrible fight flooding her mind. She may have been able to argue her way out of time off until the Captain had brought up the fight, but now Olivia knew that the only thing she could do was admit defeat. "Alright, Captain. You have my word."

"Good. Take care of yourself, and I'll see you fresh on Monday."

They hung up, and Olivia practically tossed her phone onto her bedside table before heavily laying back down. She felt torn, both happy and terrified to have two whole days off right now. Olivia knew that she needed it after this horrible case, but this also meant two days to think about the crossroads that she now found herself at as Elliot's partner.

Something had to be done. If this case had proved nothing else, it was that she and Elliot could not keep going as if nothing had changed. Perhaps he thought so – in fact, she was sure that he thought so – because he needed to believe that nothing else in his life was different when so much had changed for him in the past year. But Olivia knew better…so it would have to be her that made the first move.

But what was that move going to be?

Groaning in frustration, Olivia reached over to her alarm clock and turned on the radio to the FM station that played everything from the 80's to today's music, if for no other reason than to fill the silence in her bedroom with something other than the thoughts storming around in her head. It proved a good thing to focus on when she hit a roadblock in her mind, which was quite frequent…

It wasn't until night had well and truly fallen that Olivia finally moved from her fetal position on her bed. The catalyst was a song that was now playing on the radio, a song that she hadn't heard in a very long time, and one that she honestly had never taken very seriously.

It was "Tell Him," a duet between Celine Dion and Barbra Streisand.

Under literally any other circumstances, this song would have washed over her like a shower at best. She would have listened to it, perhaps even understood the message the song was delivering, but then she would have waved it away as cheesy, impossible, and in no way practical or beneficial. However, Olivia happened to be in a completely vulnerable state – physically exhausted, mentally over wired, and emotionally raw. As a result, the song soaked into her mind and heart like a sponge with the power and speed of a bulls-eye.

By the time the song was over, Olivia was sitting up on her bed and her dark eyes were blazing. In the next moment, she was up and heading out of her apartment, barely managing to grab her keys and not bothering to turn off her radio.

Fifteen minutes later, Olivia was knocking on the door of Elliot's apartment, after hailing a cab outside of her building. If he'd been a long time coming to the door, that may well have been the thing to kill her impulse of bravery (more likely stupidity). But he answered the door promptly.

Olivia had to consciously stop herself from biting her lip as she looked at Elliot. He wore nothing but a white tank and a pair of sweatpants. He looked tired, but he didn't hide his surprise at seeing her. "Liv? What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk," she said, nearly barreling past him into his apartment without waiting for his permission. Olivia needed to refocus her mind on her mission – what she knew would be the most important conversation of her life – and get this over with.

As she entered his living room from the hallway, Olivia took in her surroundings while Elliot shut his door and slowly joined her. She'd only been here once to help him unpack boxes, right after he'd moved in eight months ago. Though it was still sparsely furnished, it had that lived-in feel that a home usually had. Elliot had moved here so that Kathy and the kids could live in the house again; after all, it was too big for just him, and it was the only home his kids had ever known. It relieved Olivia to see that the place didn't feel like a mere crash-pad.

When he came into the living room, Olivia turned to look at him and saw that he was looking hard at her. Elliot knew her so well and could read her like a book. It was clear from his face that he knew something important was on her mind.

"Liv, what's wrong?"

Olivia took a deep breath, shoving her hands in her pockets to hide the fact that they were shaking. But Elliot had spotted it and took a deep breath of his own.

"Liv, please talk to me before I start freaking out. Today's already been eventful enough."

"I know," she said, trying to steady her voice as well. "And I'm sorry to add to it, but…if I don't do this now, then it's never going to happen…"

"Ok…" Elliot's tone was carefully neutral, but she could hear the fear lurking beneath. After all, she could read him like a book too.

"I, uh…I wanted to give you a heads-up," said Olivia, glad that her tone was calm, neutral, almost official. Almost the tone that she used when prepping a victim for a line-up. She made sure it stayed that way when she dropped her bombshell. "On Monday, when we go back to work…I'm going to talk to Cragen and ask for a transfer."

Olivia stool still and firm, keeping eye contact with him as he processed what she'd just told him. She knew it would take a minute, which was just as well; it gave her time to brace herself for whatever negative reaction she would get.

She watched so many emotions storm and pass across his eyes, even though his face was frozen like stone. When he finally spoke again, the emotion that had settled on his face was absolute and heart-breaking confusion.

"What the fuck, Liv?" His voice was barely a whisper, but the pain and confusion was crystal clear.

Olivia had to blink hard to stop tears from coming to her eyes, but she stood tall and firm. She'd come this far, and she couldn't go back. "I'm sorry, El, but I have to do this."

"What do you mean you…" He slowly began to pace in front of her, as was his way when his frustration was rising. "Liv…I don't get it, and maybe I'm just dense, but please tell me how you can just throw away eight solid years of good work together. Tell me what exactly I've done to make you even consider doing that!"

"It's not you, El," Olivia said, her heart breaking at the betrayal in his tone. "It's…it's me." She took another deep breath to keep her voice steady. "I'm not fit to be your partner anymore."

Clearly, this was the last thing that Elliot had expected to hear. Complete shock flooded his face, soon to be mixed with concern and fear as he took a small step towards her. "Liv…I know that this case was…brutal. For the both of us, and we both made mistakes. But that's no reason to…" He shook his head, his hand going up as if to reach out for her, but it dropped again as he struggled for words. "Unfit my ass! You're the best cop I've ever worked with, Liv!"

Olivia allowed herself the smallest moment to soak in that genuine compliment, but she couldn't linger on it in order to say what she had to say. "Really? What you screamed in my face at the precinct conveyed a very different message."

Elliot shut his eyes and hung his head. "Liv, that was…that was about me, not you. I couldn't get the image of that little boy out of my head, or the fact that I could have saved him. I took out my…frustration and anger with myself…on you."

Olivia nodded slowly. "Okay…I appreciate that. But, like I said, my decision isn't about you, Elliot. You weren't the only one to make a mistake on this case. I meant it when I said I could never take your life, not even to save that little girl. She and you could very well be dead if that sniper hadn't hit him just in time."

Olivia watched as the gears switched in Elliot's mind as he took another step towards her. His expression was more open and rawer than it had ever been before, and Olivia had to clench her fists so hard that her nails dug into her palms to keep her from breaking.

"Liv…please…I told you, you and this job are –"

"Shut up!"

The word came out of Olivia's mouth with so much force that they both took a step backwards. She pressed her palms to her face for a moment before continuing.

"You know what really pisses me off, Elliot? Even more than when you throw the crap of 'You're not married so you wouldn't understand' or 'You're not a parent so you wouldn't understand' at me? When you say something like that – make a claim that you don't have a family when you do – to someone who doesn't have one, has never had one, and may n…"

A lump caught in her throat but she spiritually shoved it down to keep talking.

"You haven't lost your family, Elliot; it's just different now. Your mother is still alive; even though you've told me virtually nothing about her, there's no way she could be worse than mine or your father. Your marriage may be ending, but I know that you and Kathy still have enough respect and love for each other to be able to figure out a way to still move forward as parents. You have great kids who love you so much – that hasn't changed even though you're not always under the same roof. So don't you dare tell me that you've lost everything but this job and me."

This time, a tear escaped from her eye, but she wiped it away before it could travel down her cheek. What she had to say now would take every last ounce of bravery that she had, but she strangely felt no fear. Perhaps because she'd already come so far, especially telling him about his family. It also helped that Elliot seemed petrified or in a stupor, so he was unlikely to stop her.

So, taking what felt like the millionth deep breath she'd taken since hearing that stupid song, Olivia walked towards him and stopped when they were nearly toe-to-toe.

"Elliot…I can't guarantee that I won't make another mistake like that again. Because I meant it, when I said I could never take your life." Tears filled her eyes again as her voice became little more than a breath. "And we both know why."

To emphasize her point, Olivia placed her palm on his chest, over his heart (which was racing just as much as hers was). She could feel the texture of his skin through the tank top he was wearing. Elliot was still silent, seemingly struck dumb, but he held her gaze with his own, his blue eyes burning like fire. His scent and body heat rolled over her in waves, and her heart unconsciously soaked it in like a sponge, knowing that she may never have another chance again.

"I'm so sorry, Elliot," said Olivia, this time not stopping the tears from escaping her eyes. "The last thing I want to do is let you down, but…this is where we are. You deserve more than what I can give; you always have. You'll be ok, I promise you. I know you will because you have so much to help you get there. Good-bye."

It felt like the most natural thing to do for Olivia: she cupped his right cheek with her hand, and pressed a kiss to his left one, just close enough to the corner of his mouth to truly tell him what he meant to her. Quite unconsciously, she breathed three words against his skin before tearing herself away and heading to the door, not looking at him.

As she opened his door, Olivia thought she heard him say, "Liv…" But the way he said it, with so much longing in such a gravelly but soft tone, convinced her that she was only imagining it. In the next moment, she had shut the door behind her and closed a door on a chapter of her life.