hello hello hello!
right slightly different to,, anything i've posted on here before, tried out some first person pov for this bad boy. btw just going to shove review replies for my last comp at the bottom -
also as a note tumblepaw is amab non-binary! though tbf you can probs picture them as whatever gender you want, it's not too important
and uhhh i would say there's no real trigger warnings in this, parenting is somewhat iffy, and there's mentioned child murder, but nothing not within the actual warriors books.
lyrics for the title comes from 'the trick' by ajr
The stars are hot, a traveller had once told me.
The stars burn bright in the sky, seared into the fabric of the night, he'd continued. It's where you'll go when you die. It's where you'll be cradled by your ancestors, and be safe forever.
He'd spoken in a strange tongue, something rough around the edges, something wise beyond his years. He was a young cat, a tom who liked to see all ends of the earth, but smart. Sharp.
I'd believed him. I was desperate for comfort, and stars being that… that perfect was what I wanted to believe. I didn't have any doubt that my mother would be there, didn't think for a moment that she might end up somewhere else.
I only thought about that somewhere else moons later. If the stars were hot, what was the expanse of time, of space, beyond the stars? The place where those who didn't seek out the light go?
I supposed it was cold.
My father told me it was worse than that. I think he was trying to scare me, to strike fear of misbehaving, of stepping out of line into my bones. It worked, because I can't get this other side of paradise out of my head. The twisted, upside-down version of the plain of stars, where cats who have done evil with their lives recide.
It was cold, he'd said. Cold, but the kind of cold that seeps into your bones, into your skin, turning it flaky, like ice. Cold, but the kind of cold that makes you shatter.
He'd been trying to mirror the traveller, I think. That same lilting tone, except that he sounded like he was scared. Scared that he may end up with frostbite from that dark, cold, shadowy place.
I'd swallowed, and stepped away, left to stew over what he'd said. Left to think about where I'd end up.
My mother was among the stars, I knew that. She was good. Whenever I see her in my dreams - which is a lot, I spend most nights tossing and turning, restless - she's glowing. Lit up from within by some kind of divine inner light.
She always liked the warmth. Always liked green-leaf, where she could lounge in the sun.
I hoped she was happy. Happy up there, with the stars.
She didn't deserve to be there. It wasn't her time. Yet she was still gone, her body buried beneath the soft moorland of our territory.
I was still here, though, and it wasn't warm. No, it was cold.
We're in the midst of leaf-bare. It's chilly, but not freezing. The cold barely bites at my skin as I get on with chores around the camp, lugging branches, and thick clumps of brambles to the dens. The nursery is a shambles, untouched for moons, unused for longer. In the first days after the attack, it was a shrine, almost. A way of paying tribute to the fallen. Flowers brimming from every corner, soft weeping echoing throughout camp. Bird song being trilled, haunting. A message to the dead.
Me and Ripplepaw didn't move for those first terrible days. I was constantly being ushered from the medicine cat den back to the warrior's den, clinging to life. I'm still marred by the attack today physically, a deep gash stretches across my throat, almost curling up past my ear. It's ugly, and I cover it with leaves, flowers, when I can.
I swear, one day, I saw a starry paw reaching for me, and my mother's voice whispering in my ear. The stars were calling for me, and I wanted to answer.
It was easier, I'd thought, to slip into that endless sleep. It would be free. I wouldn't have to fight anymore, wouldn't have to choke up blood just to breathe. Wouldn't have my ears echoing, constantly maimed by senseless cries of violence, wouldn't grow up in a clan forever scarred by the attacks.
Because we're scarred. Every single cat remembers the attack. Every single cat lies awake at night, wondering what they could have done differently.
But I'd stayed. I'd stayed on, and fought with Ripplepaw to live. We were just kits then, so I should say Ripplekit, really, but in that day of the attack, we'd aged moons.
We were the only kits left in the clan. There were no queens, either, no heavily pregnant mothers carrying kits. Pineclan had taken that from us, crushed it beneath their paws like one would crush a beetle. We were powerless, and youthless.
It was just me and Ripplekit, against the world. Still is, really, except that we've outgrown our kit-fluff, and learned how to fight.
I'm still slacking. Still a few steps behind, much to my mentor's horror. I think she's ashamed that one of the only two apprentices in the clan can't fight, and it seems to be down to her.
Ripplepaw can fight. Ripplepaw can hunt, can stalk, and catch great birds, snatching them right of the sky. Ripplepaw is so far ahead that he hardly seems to get compliments anymore. He's outgrown them. He's practically a warrior.
Ripplepaw is my best friend. He's a good tom, smart, witty, funny…
He keeps me going, in all honesty. Having that other cat there with you, knowing there's someone else by your side. Knowing it's not just you alone, against the world.
I shouldn't ramble like this. Softness isn't becoming of a warrior, my father always says so. But softness is needed when the world outside is harsh and cold.
It's not like I'm anywhere close to being a warrior. I'm skittish. Flighty. Scared of anything and everything, especially the faint scent of Pineclan, drifting languidly over the border.
Pineclan are terrifying, though. Even my father's pulse quickens when he catches a trace of them, and he's brave. Unshaken, stone-like, stone-faced even after my mother died.
Even the faintest scent of them sets me off. Sends me skidding away, teeth chattering, squealing like a kit. That scent, pine needles, and soft, leaf-strewn ground, and a faint tang of blood.
Pineclan don't hang around our borders often, though. I think they're ashamed, deep down, of what they did to my clan. Of how they shattered it, broke it apart.
It's not often that we see them at the gathering, either. They're more inclined to stand besides Hollowclan, avoiding us altogether. I've heard that in the first moons after the attacks, Sunstar - our leader, just over thirty moons, and as sharp as a bramble thorn - hounded them down, accusing them in front of the stars, asking them to repent for what they did.
Pineclan had simply turned away. Ignored her. Pretended they'd done nothing wrong. In their eyes, they hadn't. We'd been knocking on their borders for moons, sneaking over for a slip of prey, and the attack was simply a warning. A warning taken too far.
I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts. It never does you any good to remain stuck in the past, caught up in what could have been. I wonder how different life would be had my littermates lived, had my mother survived, had Ripplepaw not been the only other survivor.
But I'd never know. There was no point dwelling on the what-ifs, only the current. The now.
I lug another thick clump of brambles, tug them over to the nursery. I start to thread the strands of brambles into the den, reinforcing the walls, making them strong.
"You're doing that wrong," Comes a voice from behind me. Ripplepaw. I pause, bask in his presence. I'm awkward, now, not knowing how to act around other cats my age. Even with Ripplepaw, I'm clumsy. It's tricky at the gatherings especially. I just end up in the corner, alone, or with Ripplepaw. "There's still gaps." He carries on.
"Right." I nod, and jab a paw aimlessly forward, catching my fur on the thorns. It comes off in a tuft, and I sigh. Ripplepaw sits just behind me, watching, not helping. "That better?"
Ripplepaw steps forward, examining the placement of the brambles. "Yeah, it is." He smiles, and it's radiant. He's the sun, bright, dazzling, and I seem to just orbit around him.
I don't… I don't care for him like that. Not in the way a she-cat loves a tom, or the way my father loved my mother, or in the way the two old toms in the elder's den love each other. But he's the centre of my world. We're the two sole survivors of the attack, and he's seemed to thrive rather than just live. It's easy to cling to him.
I hum thoughtfully as I work, amber gaze sweeping around camp. There's elders gossiping outside, sprawled in the sun. Sunstar sits atop a ledge, watching the clan, observing them as they live their lives. Warriors pad back in after a patrol, jaws hanging with rabbits.
They set the rabbits down, two braces of fat fresh-kill. I can smell them from here.
We don't go hungry. Me and Ripplepaw are almost spoilt, fed whenever we please. The clan doesn't want to lose the last shreds of hope they have left.
"You busy today?" He asks. I pause. I'm not. I have to clean out the elder's den, and then I'm free. Free to… I don't know.
"No." I answer quietly. I think I speak too loud, too abrasive - whenever I talk to Ripplepaw in camp, I get odd looks.
Ripplepaw stretches, grins. "You wanna go chasing rabbits?" He asks, and there's an edge of a challenge in his voice. His eyes gleam. It's almost a dare, rather than an offer.
"I…" My gaze flickers, anxious. Rabbit chasing has never been much of a strength, I'm slow, easily tired. "Yeah. Why not?" I allow myself a smile, then, just a small one. There's little to smile about here, it's an uneasy custom. I find myself showing a slip too much tooth, lips a hint too wide.
"Great." Ripplepaw nods at me, and turns away, darting off.
I huff, and carry on with the brambles.
Later, when the sun crests just below the horizon, and the creak of frogs drifts towards us, we're out again. It's evenings like these that I relish being alive, that I thrive in my survival. Because it's a gorgeous day, and Ripplepaw glows so brightly that I may cry.
We're running, paws pitter-pattering against the dew-soaked ground, muzzles raised to the air. There are rabbits nearby, currently huddled in burrows, but they can be scared out. It's an easy enough job.
I thump one paw on the ground, hear dry mud cracking beneath the surface. It's quiet, now, and I can hear tiny hearts beating. My own heart beats too, but not with that terrified, rapid frequency.
"Are you ready?" Ripplepaw asks, and he's wearing a cocky smirk. I nod, wordless, and bash on the ground again.
There's a squeal, and suddenly, a rabbit dashes past us, legs pounding with the urge to escape. I stop for a heart-beat, and start running, chasing after the creature. Ripplepaw laughs behind me, and I follow suit, caught up in the thrill of it.
The rabbit heads towards the border, long ears flying behind it. I quicken my pace, paws throbbing.
It's close. We're close, and I can almost touch it, and-
And there's Pineclan scent. Pineclan scent, on our side of the border.
"Pineclan." Ripplepaw hisses. "Look!" He calls out, lashing his tail, and I follow the gesture, and yes. Damn it, he's right. They're just beyond the horizon, dusky black shapes on the moor, but they're invading. They're on our land.
The invaders look up, and they seem to sense that something is amiss, because they turn tail, and cross the border. They're gone as soon as they came, and I feel bile in the back of my throat, because this is an achingly familiar dance.
"Let's head back." I mumble, and turn back towards home.
It's a silent journey back. The idea of Pineclan being aggressive again is almost too much to think about, and I don't want to voice my fears aloud. Ripplepaw doesn't speak either, just as silent as I am.
My father is the first cat I see when we arrive back, and I approach him, cautiously dipping my head.
Ripplepaw slips away once I'm with my father, disappearing back towards the moorlands. He seems to fade away, blending into the heathers of the land.
He does this quite a lot. Disappear after any big event. Always towards the moors, always towards Pineclan, always avoiding any large crowd.
I often wonder why it is, but I've never asked.
My father nods at me, shaking me out of my thoughts. "Tumblepaw…" He greets, and looks me up and down. "You look shaken."
I swallow, and nod. "There's Pineclan intruders. Me and Ripplepaw saw them, they're by the Sky-Willow."
His brow furrows, and he looks concerned. I don't blame him.
"Right." He steps forward, and opens his jaw, scenting something. "Yeah." He murmurs, gaze hardening. "I can smell their scent on you."
"You can?" I'm alarmed at that. I don't like the idea of being tainted by them. Of having their scent sink into my skin.
"Faint, but it's there." He glances away, up towards Sunstar. "You get into the apprentice's den. I'm going to lead a patrol."
I step forward. I want to help. I want to make Pineclan pay, want to charge into battle against them. But…
Something tugs me back.
"Okay." I whisper, and turn away, tail trailing on the ground, brushing the grass. It tickles.
There's low calls behind me, but I don't see. I tuck myself in the corner of the apprentice's den, hidden away from everyone else.
I'm restless. My paws scrabble at the ground, desperate to do something. I want to help - I need to help. Pineclan killed my mother. And they're invading again, and it feels like a cycle. I don't want them in our territory, crawling all over our land, like ants, fat off berries.
But I stay here. I stay here, silent in the den, just listening. I can hear my father lead the patrol out of camp - it sounds like a big one. At least five cats. I can hear the anxious chittering of the older warriors, of the elders, of those whose memory of the attack will be permanently seared into their skulls.
I stay in the den for… I don't know how long. Ripplepaw joins me some time after the patrol has gone, and sinks into the nest besides me. I don't ask where he's been.
"Foxtail's leading it." He explains. Foxtail is my father. He's named for his fiery ginger fur, quite unlike my own. I'm plain, pale, and cream. "Berrysnap, Heronflicker, Harestreak, and Eaglebounce were the other warriors."
"Is there…" I pause, lick my lips. They're dry, cracked. "Is there a backup patrol?"
Ripplepaw shrugs, gaze fixed past me. He's not entirely with it. "Sunstar told Stonejaw and Speckleflight to be ready." He says. They're out by the entrance, I can see them. Stonejaw looks determined, mangled jaw clenched tightly, and his sister, Speckleflight, is restless. Bouncing from paw to paw, kit-like.
"Good." I reply simply. I apparently used to be quite a talkative kit. That doesn't ring true today. "Do you think she'll let us…?" I ask, trailing off, hoping he understands.
Ripplepaw shakes his head slowly, regretfully. "Nah, I don't think so." He says. "We're… too young, she doesn't want us charging into battle before we're ready."
"There's going to be a battle?" I hiss, fur standing on edge. "I- we have to help! C'mon, Ripplepaw, please, we need to do this-"
"Tumblepaw," He cuts me off, voice sharp. "We can't. As much as I want to make those bastards pay…" His lips curls, and his eyes narrow. "We can't. Sunstar would kill us, and we'll never get our names."
I sigh, and sink back into the nest, admitting defeat.
"You're right." I murmur, closing my eyes lightly. "We'll get our chance soon, anyways, surely."
"Exactly." Ripplepaw answers. "We'll just wait for a little longer."
"Yeah," I reply, settling properly into the nest. "We will."
They'd gone by the time the patrol got there. That's what Foxtail announced to the clan, brow furrowed, looking like he'd had at least three seasons added to his lifespan. They'd disappeared completely, almost as if they'd been warned. I didn't think they had, though - what Moorclan cat would sell us out?
He'd added something else, about how their scent was strong, as though they'd been in the territory for a good while.
"And there were bones," He'd announced, provoking cries of outrage from the surrounding clan. I just looked blank. "Rabbit bones. They hadn't buried their prey."
The clan was in turmoil. Half of the clan wanted to take the fight to Pineclan, to make them pay. The rest were skittish. They didn't want a repeat of the attack. They knew how easily something like that could backfire.
I wanted to tear into them. Wanted to avenge my mother, my littermates. Ripplepaw felt the same, I think - his mother had died in the attack. We'd visited her grave a few times, dropped flowers by the site. Daisies, and lavender, stark against the ground.
I doubted I'd be allowed to, though. Too young. Not experienced enough. Too frail, too fragile, too likely to crack.
Which was why I was surprised when my mentor approached me, and told me to get ready for the battle.
Goosecall stopped me as I was heading into the apprentice's den, turning in for the night.
"You're needed," She says, head jerking back towards the crowd of cats, clustering around Sunstar, ready for battle. "C'mon."
"Huh?" I ask, looking at her. Ripplepaw's disappeared. I don't pay it too much attention. "Me? Really?"
"Yes, really." She rolls her eyes, and stalks off. I don't take it to heart. She's always been like this - aloof, and holding me at paw's length. I think she's afraid that if she pushes me too hard, I'll break.
I stand still for a while, stiff, until Ripplepaw slinks up to me.
I blink at Ripplepaw, eyes narrowed. "Are you going…?" I ask, cautious. I don't have to tell him what I mean - he knows. Every cat in this camp knows.
He nods. "Can't leave it to just you." He murmurs. "Besides, I might get my name." His eyes gleam then, sharp, and glittering like flint.
"You will." I promise him. "It's about time, you deserve it."
He seems to preen, then, chest puffing out. Smiling. "Thank you," He whispers, and he seems almost bashful. My ear-tips warm. "You do too, you know? You've come a long way."
I grin back at him, and duck my head. "Thanks," I mumble, not really daring to say anything more. "Maybe I'll get my name, then. Just have to see what Goosecall says."
Ripplepaw grimaces, then. The cruel thin scar on his neck stretches with the movement. It's odd - in certain lights, the old cut seems much more recent. Vivid. Red, almost, crimson against his soft grey fur. "Yeah, you'll have to do quite well in the battle." He remarks wryly. "Pull out some special moves to impress her."
I roll my eyes, and chuckle softly. "I'm sure I can… I can try." I whisper. The confidence from his earlier comment is already draining. We need to leave.
Ripplepaw seems to recognise that, and he slips away, heading towards the patrol.
I pause, and follow after him. There's no time to lose.
It's time to make them pay. Time to avenge my mother's death, time to take revenge for my littermates, time to seek retribution for what happened to my shattered clan.
We snuck into Pineclan territory when the moon was high, and the stars were faintly visible. The sky was clouded, murky. Like a pool with unseen depths. The stars shone, still, but their light was diminished.
Unlucky for Pineclan. Good for us.
We creep forward, hidden by the shadows. Ripplepaw streaming just ahead of me, I stick to Goosecall's side. She seemed irritated at having to babysit me, but tolerated it.
My father leads the patrol. He's taking us right to Pineclan's camp. He visited there when he was an apprentice, and found himself stuck in the camp for a few days. He's mentioned it once or twice in passing, apparently he knew the leader, Shatterstar, when he was younger. Before Shatterstar was leader, before my father got with my mother.
Therefore, he's familiar with the layout.
We all know the basics. There's a river that runs right across Pineclan territory, and cuts past Hollowclan's land as well. It floods, sometimes, it happened last season-cycle. Pineclan's camp sits besides the river, on a wedge of land, lifted higher than the water level. There's a fallen tree that allows you to cross over easily, it can be dangerous this time in the season. The river flows quickly, and can sweep cats away.
We slip forward. I can see the tree-bridge in the distance, trunk mighty, thick. There's sprawling tendrils of the uprooted tree, splaying out.
I step over one root, anxiety clawing in my chest. This could go wrong in so many ways, and I half want to turn around, to go back.
But I know I can't. Not now.
It's too late for that. We're starting to tip-toe over the bridge, every cat dead silent. We can't be heard. Can't be heard until we're into the heart of the camp.
Ripplepaw is behind me, now. He looks worried, too, but he's hiding it well. He's always been good at that - hiding his fears behind a mask.
The tree bridge creaks as I step off, a harsh noise, discordant. Foxtail glares at me, and I place my tail to my muzzle, a symbol for silence. I need to be quiet.
We're growing closer. I can scent Pineclan cats, now, several scents cutting through the rest. One of them sends a chill down my spine - I remember it from the nursery.
I shake off the chill of fear that fills me, and carry on. The camp is just ahead. There's no guard on watch - we're free to swarm in, and…
And do what?
Foxtail said we'd be taking revenge.
My father said that, that we'd be… we'd be taking what they stole from us.
They stole our youth. They stole my youth, forcing me to grow up too fast. They killed our queens, our apprentices, our kits.
I catch onto what the true purpose of this mission is a heart-beat too late.
We're killing kits.
Kits.
That has to be what he means. We're… we're just completing the cycle.
You murder our kits, kill our queens, we'll kill yours. It's a message.
A message I don't want to send.
I choke back a sob, desperate to not draw attention to myself. Ripplepaw appears at my shoulder, and guides me away. As if in a trance, I pad after him, ignoring the looks from the rest of the patrol.
"Kits," I manage to sob out, pitiful. "That's what he wants us to kill, their kits. Do the same thing back, take revenge, I-" I must look wild, eyes wide, terrified. "I don't want to. I can't, it makes us just as bad as them."
Ripplepaw places a soothing paw on my shoulder. "Tumblepaw," He starts, voice quieter than mine. Gentle. "They… they killed your mother, you realise that, right? They killed your littermates… my littermates… my mother… our friends…"
"Yeah, I know, but-" I know I'm being too loud, and I try to quiet myself. "But their kits won't have anything to do with that. They're… innocent."
"You know what your father says," Ripplepaw starts. "The only good Pineclan cat-" His tone is off. Dull.
"Is a dead Pineclan cat, I know." I cut in, abrupt. Ripplepaw looks startled. "But… I dunno if that's the right thing to believe."
"Tumblepaw. You have to believe that. You have to. Otherwise your father will crumble." Ripplepaw murmurs, and removes the paw from my shoulder. "C'mon. Let's make your old man proud."
I don't want to follow him.
Yet I do anyway.
It's Ripplepaw. Ripplepaw. I'd follow him off a cliff if he asked.
And I follow him now. I follow him into the hollow of the camp, where sleeping cats lie, thinking they're safe. I follow him as he yowls a battle cry, along with the rest of the patrol. I follow him into the apprentice's den, follow him as he hurls himself at a burly apprentice.
He misses. I don't. I catch the tom around the throat, grappling to cut his throat.
My father wanted blood.
He's going to get it. There's chaos around me, fully grown warriors fighting new apprentices. Pineclan cats fall to the ground, heavy, spewing crimson.
I think we're winning. It's impossible to tell. I can't see Ripplepaw anywhere, he disappeared as soon as I tossed myself at the apprentice.
Suddenly, there's another cry, and I see a stream of warriors heading in, all Pineclan. There's… dozens, and I-
I can't help but feel that we've been set up. Because they seem prepared - they were all out of the camp, all ready for this. Their medicine cat even came set up in the corner, herbs spread out before them.
Ripplepaw is still missing, and I wonder, for a heart-stopping moment, if he orchestrated this.
But he wouldn't. That… that wasn't him. That wasn't the cat that he was. He would never.
Pineclan rush forward, and we're scrambling out of the apprentice's den, gasping for air. They're hemming us in at all sides, pushing, and shoving, and I realise dully that we've walked into a massacre.
They're intending to finish off the job. To wipe us out.
They're chasing us now, and I have a flicker of hope that they don't want to kill us. They just want to teach us a lesson, evident by the scene I see now.
They've blocked off the tree bridge. We're stuck now, fully. There's no way of getting out, every single opportunity for escape is blocked off.
I think this is it. I look around for Foxtail, wanting to be by his side before I die. He's nowhere to be seen, and neither is Ripplepaw.
That thought comes rushing back, shocking and sudden.
I shake it off again, refusing to consider it.
A rough looking tom barges forward, and he curls his lip. I think he can smell my fear, it's radiating off me in waves. I'm… terrified, and desperate to escape.
I dart forward, and he easily traps my scruff with his teeth. I thrash, and lash at him, but the tom doesn't budge.
He deposits me before the Pineclan leader, a tom named Shatterstar. He looks at me, apathetic, eyes glazed over as if I were little more than a blight in his vision.
"This is your only apprentice, yes?" He asks, directing his question at my father.
He grits his teeth, and I see his claws unsheathe, and sheathe again. "Yes." He spits out, and I'm thrown for a moment. Because he's forgotten about Ripplepaw.
Then I realise he's just trying to protect my friend, and a wave of relief floods through me.
"Excellent." Shatterstar murmurs, and a heavy paw rests on my neck. "Honestly… you're foolish. You sent your only apprentice on a mission like this?" He tuts. "Typical Moorclan…"
His claws unsheathe, and dig into my neck. Tiny pin-pricks of blood form, and I start thrashing, because-
Because this is familiar. This is the vision that plagues me every night, every night while I try to sleep.
This is the cycle ending.
"I-" I pant out, eyes wide. "Please, no, I didn't-" My voice is rising, hysterical. "I didn't do anything, please, it wasn't-"
"Silence." Shatterstar whispers, and blood blooms beneath his snow-white paws. "You don't treat your apprentices how to respect their elders either, huh?"
"Don't-" My father is panicked, now. Wild, and unpredictable. "Don't hurt my kit. They've done nothing wrong."
"Neither did we." Shatterstar replies, tone icy. "Yet you still disturbed us tonight. You killed two apprentices, and a queen."
"You murdered our entire nursery, you bastard." My father snarls, voice dangerously low. "And you invaded our territory."
"That's old news." Shatterstar comments, callous. There's a gasp from the surrounding Moorclan cats, as if they can't quite comprehend what he said. "The queen you killed was my mate." He adds, and the only thought that runs through my head is 'oh, shit.'
This isn't just punishment. This is personal, and Shatterstar wants blood, and-
And it's going to be mine spilled.
"I'm sorry." Foxtail murmurs. "But you killed my mate too."
"I suppose I did." Shatterstar says. "But… it didn't teach you your lesson, did it? I just…" The paw on my neck feels a little heavier. "I just wonder what will?"
"Ripplepaw!" I cry out, and a shadow passes over my father's face. "Ripplepaw, help me!"
There's no reply.
Shatterstar looks confused. "Ripplepaw?" He asks, directing his question to Foxtail.
"None of your fucking business," He spits, defiant, until the claws dig into my neck again, and he loses some of his fire. "Ripplekit." He replies at last, and the world seems to slow down.
"Ripplekit was… was their best friend, but… he was killed in the attack along with everyone else." My father murmurs, and everything halts.
That can't be right. Ripplepaw is as alive to me as the birds in the trees, as my other clanmates. He's not… not dead.
"Right," Shatterstar says, sounding calm. "And they think he's still alive? That's-" He chokes back a wheeze of laughter, and around me, I hear echoes of the same, twisted laugh. "That's pathetic. Do you do the same with your dead mate?"
There's a definite taunt in his mew, and I wonder if my father and Shatterstar's history goes deeper than I know it does. Not that I care much for that right now, because the only thing spinning around my head is Ripplepaw, Ripplepaw, Ripplepaw.
I've lost him again, and I didn't even say goodbye.
"Ripplekit, c'mon! You have to get up and playyyyyyy-" I squeak, prodding at Ripplekit's prone body. He's not moving. I think he must be sleeping.
"He's gone, Tumblekit." My daddy says. He looks tired, sleepy. "You need to get out of here."
I ignore him, because how could Ripplekit be gone? He's right here.
Ripplekit died that day, his body cool to the touch. A different Ripplekit was born then, I suppose. A creature of my imagination, fractured fragments of memory shaped into a companion. I clung to what I knew, created a new reality because I couldn't stand the one I lived in.
"Do you think me and Ripplekit will get the same mentor?" I ask my dad, excitably.
He looks stricken, and I turn to see if he's spotted something in the distance, but there's nothing. "You won't get the same mentor, because Ripplekit's gone." He says, which is stupid. Ripplepaw played moss ball with me this morning, though he wasn't very good. He couldn't pick up the ball.
I figure my dad is just playing a silly game, and giggle. "Okay!" I chirp. "I'll tell him you said that."
I missed the shudder my father gave when I toddled away, the look of a cat who couldn't tell the truth, because he knew it would break me.
"Ripplepaw is the best at fighting, he beat me the other day, you should have seen the move he made. It was like-" I pause then, thinking. "Pow-pow-pow, and then I was on the floor."
"Right." My dad says. He sounds sad. I guess he's missing mummy. "Did your mentor watch…?"
"Yeah, but she looked weird. She told me to stop being silly." I murmur.
"Good," My dad says, nodding. "She's a good mentor."
I must have looked a sight, tussling with myself, flopping on the floor after defeating myself in a fight. I suppose I might have made Ripplepaw the apprentice I wished I was - bold, and brave, and good.
"And then, Ripplepaw said-"
"I'm going to sleep." My dad announces, abruptly. He usually says something when I talk about Ripplepaw, usually cuts in with something, a correction, usually. Sometimes something that doesn't make any sense, telling me that my best friend is 'gone'.
"Oh, okay!" I chirp. "Goodnight!"
"Goodnight." He says back, and my father leaves.
That was the moment he gave up, I think. Before then, every time I'd brought up Ripplepaw he'd tried to shut me down, but… he just stopped. Let me ramble as much as I wanted after that.
I wish he'd pushed on. Then I wouldn't be here. Then I wouldn't be feeling lost now.
My life has just been a lie of my own making, and as the lie comes to an abrupt end, my life does too.
Shatterstar's claws dig into my throat again, and I let out a pained whimper, wanting to cry like a kit. He scoffs, and just latches harder.
"This is an example," He announces. "To all of you. To all of you Moorclan cats who couldn't just… keep to yourself. If you'd stayed tucked up in your nests… this wouldn't be happening."
I see Foxtail thrash forward, see Goosecall try and escape too, but it's too late. It's too late, because Shatterstar draws his paw back, and tears my throat out in one slick, fluid, motion.
Blood ebbs out immediately, but I don't feel a thing. Everything's fuzzy, hazy, soft around the edges.
I can see one thing, and it's crowding closer.
The stars.
The traveller was wrong. The traveller was wrong, because they're not hot. They're not skin-searing, not burning.
They're as warm and comforting as a green-leaf day. They feel like gentle bird song. They feel like a fast-flowing stream.
They feel like love.
I close my eyes, and slip into their embrace.
right yeah that took me like three weeks to write and it was fucking weird -
anyways, word count is 5696 according to google docs!
also review replies for last comp;;
mossy;; ah thank you! yeah fawnswirl was really funnn! and lmao yep rip cherryshiver
res;; sddksskkksd i know this is several months late but tysm! and yeah i defo get the thing about the relationship - and eyyy did get first place on that bad boy so :sunglasses_emoji:
storm;; ahahah thank you! this review made me laugh months later pftt, n cheers cheers cheers!
bailey;; shskkddshd thank you thank you! just sdkks thanks thanks
guest/i know this is swift pfttt;; thank you ! v much appreciate this review, also whenever you read this just,, hope you're doing alright
thank you everyone for readinggggg