The first few months of a whole year have always been so hectic. Not only did the winter holidays end, student council duties and responsibilites along with planning basketball regimens for the club had to be redone. However, if Akashi were to name a month so frantic for everyone then it has to be that dreaded cold February and maybe even that chilly breeze of March. Now, Akashi never really had such difficulties in managing all of his tasks, if anything, it was himself who yearns for something more than these sets of meager duties.
"A-Akashi-kun!"
"Yes?..." Akashi looks up at the voice belonging to one of his fellow student council members. He need not observe the timid girl in front of him to know how anxious the other was acting. As correct as he always is, the girl then hands him a familiar letter. One that is not so unknown to him. Simply looking at the same format for years, Akashi stifles up a sigh.
So it's that time of the year again...
Still, this kind of gesture is still well-appreciated for Akashi. This just means, he's still doing his best and that at least he's remaining consistent. Add the fact that this does give him something more to experience than his daily tasks so it is a bit...amusing although that might come off as a bit rude.
"Umm...!" the girl slightly raising her tone albeit shaky, interrupts Akashi's line of thoughts. Akashi then proceeds to listen to her politely as he does consider the feelings of most of the ones who are actually brave enough to approach him. He had always found letters secretly stuffed in shoeboxes or tabletops to be a bit bland despite all the heartfelt feelings written on said blank sheets. For him, it's all about the elegance and the grace along with the courage you could muster up to stand in front of whom you adore.
"...If it's alright with you, would you please give Kuroko-kun this letter?"
Akashi blinks.
...Kuroko?
The redhead then glances at the letter given to him and true enough the name of his teal-haired teammate was written in those neat, cutesy, stamps decorated with this month's theme of hearts and flowers.
"Why me?" now it wasn't meant to come off as snarky but Akashi asks anyways. It wasn't all that special for Akashi to receive such letters. However, it is his first time to receive one that's actually addressed to... Kuroko.
"O-oh...sorry...I mean...the past few months, people often found you and Kuroko-kun together..." the girl fidgets "I'm sorry...I know I should be the one giving it to him but I'm just...-" the girl cuts herself off and she seems to be lightly wiping her face as if on the verge of crying.
"I see..." this was all amusing to hear as out of all the people it has to be the phantom...So why was he, Akashi, breathing a bit heavily all of a sudden? He clears his throat.
"I'll see to it."
"R-really?!" the girl slightly beams up which does somehow remind Akashi of Kise's enthusiastic spree whenever the blonde's with Kuroko.
It's always been Kuroko...
"Thank you so much, Akashi-kun!" bowing to him very gratefully the girl then quietly leaves the student council room leaving Akashi alone once more with his thoughts.
Contrary to all of that, Akashi does not...see to this at all. If the name written on this letter was anyone else then he would've had no hesitation. He had been Kise's, maybe even Midorima's and Aomine's, somewhat 'messenger' for these girls the past few months so why was Akashi even feeling this much...emotion over this new chance of his colleague and Kuroko being together? The empty spaces of the room made him see how heavy he was breathing and how shaky he actually looks. He really ought to snap himself out of it.
Needless to say, this is Akashi's first time that he somewhat wanted to tear, maybe even burn the whole paper off.
"...you say that and act all tough and scary but you haven't even done or said anything. If anything, you're just scared. Scared of the changes." was once what Aomine had said to a team member when this kind of topic was brought out by Momoi in that one Teiko summer camp. It was a bit of a surprise to know how knowledgeable and empathetic the tanned teen is with these kinds of topic. The pinkette may have something to do with that but the point is...it was that phrase. That one random phrase Aomine preached that heavily stuck on to the redhead's mind.
Akashi slightly grimaces at the memory but became irritated with himself for knowing how much truth were laced in to those words. He'd never felt this way before...
...That's a lie. The last time he did feel this way was when he lost his only light in this world. By sending this letter, there is a probability that he'll be losing one of his friends and...Losing always left a sour taste in his mouth.
Granted, Akashi had sent Kise to his grave many times with these letters while with Midorima and Aomine's case the two don't really care about such trivial things. In this situation, however, where the letter is addressed to Kuroko from a council member that Akashi does know...He knew that the girl is serious.
The feelings are valid and validated.
Flashes of colors entered in Akashi's mind as he closes his eyes for a moment.
He doesn't want all of this to end.
His friends...
Akashi then opens up his bag placing that dreaded ashen white envelope he had received from earlier with the intention of it never having to see the living daylights ever.
It was selfish.
He knows it by that much.
He then stands up just in time for several familiar colors opening up the door to the room without any care for the world.
"Aka-chiiin, are you done yeeet?" a perturbed whine resounds the once quiet room as Murasakibara opens the door albeit too loudly. It's a certain probability that he had left his snacks on the court's locker room which results to his cranky attitude and impatience.
"Akashi. Good work as ever." prim and proper, Midorima would acknowledge.
"Hurry up and let's get going already, I want to practice that new move. Damn it, why do I even have to be stuck playing escort with you guys."
"Aominecchi! Teach me that move too! Let's have a 1-on-1!"
"You too, Kise. Shut up."
The usual banters of Aomine and Kise with their non-stop energy for their most beloved sport.
"Let's go, Akashi-kun." and that gentle invitation from Kuroko.
The warm usual colors accompanied by the loud yet familial voices.
The same fleeting days.
"Yeah..."
Akashi inwardly smiles.
And it will remain the same forevermore.
It should.
"Ehhh? Did Aka-chin already receive chocolates?"
"I have not, Murasakibara." clearly says Akashi as he fixes most of the things in his bag since practice just ended.
"Then why do you have a letter? Didn't they always have chocolates along with th-"
"Oooh! Who's the love letter from Akashicchi?" pipes in Kise who enters the regular's room along with Aomine, Kuroko and Midorima.
Akashi unnoticeably widens his eyes as he clearly did forget the events from lunch break with that girl from the student council. Akashi then carefully grabs the letter away from Murasakibara. With his fast reaction, nobody really took note of anything since that's just how Akashi usually was with regards to his stuff. To which Akashi is thankful for. Successfully hiding his flustered forgetfulness, Akashi opted to leave the room saying that he has something urgent to do.
Though... he was met with the suspicious eyes of the teal head who was the reason for all of his problems in the first place. If only Kuroko wasn't as observant as he is. What's worse is that the teal gave him that slight smile only noticeable by him.
"That's great, Akashi-kun."
Akashi blankly stares in return as a form of acknowledgement as he leaves the room.
Although he does wonder why he felt numb, almost like that heavy chill in one cold winter day. As if his mind was demanding him answers, he unconsciously ended up inside the council room where all of this pent up emotion of his started building.
It was only by chance that as Akashi steps in to the room he finds a pair of scissors lying next to the table near the door.
"Coward..."
Aomine's phrase rang true in his mind.
That he was.
...and maybe Akashi intends to remain that way for as long as he lives.
Because this is how things should fall in to place.
These days would keep going on.
As it always should.
By the time Akashi got a hold of himself, there were pieces of ashen white paper scattered all over the floor. Picking it up and placing it on the correct bin, he somehow wonders why he's not feeling any remorse.
Remorse for himself at least.
As if the universe was taunting him, the girl he was working with, the who entrusted that heart-filled problematic letter, enters the room to pick some stuff up for her errands. That was when Akashi sees that hopeful look in her eyes. Asking and praying for such a miracle. A change in her world.
Akashi wasn't a saint he knew it by that much as he merely shrugs the look. The girl, as expected, presumably assumed the worst as she lightly bows before him as a form of gratitude and hurriedly leaves the room in such a shaky form.
All because of that accursed letter.
That Akashi never truly gave.
The redhead sighs as he ponders over what he had done. It was of no use because apparently he had already done it.
What had he gotten into?
Akashi closes his eyes as he once again opens the door outside of the room. He'll probably think this one out after playing shogi at home.
"Akashi-kun." a certain voice greets the instant the redhead steps outside.
"Kuroko." the world really seems to be intent on making him feel all the remorse because of that letter...but Akashi instead just felt that headache coming as he greets the other "Aren't you supposed to be on your way home by now?" he asks to shift the topic for his own overthinking sake.
"I was and along with Aomine-kun and the others too. But I forgot my something in the literature club room so I went back and told the others to go on ahead. Then it just so happens that I bumped into you." Tetsuya explains as Akashi hums in acknowledgement. As if on cue, both of them just started walking. Despite being silent, it's almost a given in their group that they would all usually go home together. It's not everyday that Akashi could go with them because of duties and responsibilities but if granted, it is his memorable and favorite part of the day where he can just be himself with his friends.
They are always seen by groups like any other normal middle-schoolers but Akashi did also have a lot of days where he and Kuroko spent the time going home alone together especially the months when he was training their sixth man. They both aren't talkative and that's what makes their time unique because chaos is the center of their group. The silence between them would remain ever so comforting. Today however, the silence just makes Akashi feel dread.
Once again, the reason being that innocent white envelope.
"Akashi-kun"
Akashi glances at the tealhead who stopped walking. They were near a public court where the six of them would usually train or play against each other. Seeing that place and the tealhead reminded Akashi of the thrill and enjoyment he felt at that time.
One that he wouldn't trade for the world.
The teal head stares at him silently with an impassive face as if calculating his next words, but having spent a long time with the other, Akashi knew there was something bothering him.
"Nevermind." the teal brushes off.
"If you phrase it that way, Kuroko then I do actually mind." Akashi lightly chuckles at the blank annoyance the other gave at his statement "What's wrong?"
"It's nothing." Kuroko was quick again in redirecting their topic just as how he is passing in basketball.
"You know...getting careless with words might get you in a rough situation in the future." Akashi somewhat teases as he knew which statements frustrates the teal haired the most.
"What's that all of a sudden?" grumbled Kuroko as Akashi flashes him one of his rare, playful, smile reserved to only his friends.
"Nothing. Nevermind." hums Akashi as Kuroko huffs at the irony.
"Akashi-kun's quite enthusiatic today and I think I have an idea as to why" retorts Kuroko and Akashi's smile suddenly turns sour. If the redhead knew where to push the other then the same goes for Kuroko as well. Being the observant that he is.
Akashi sighs.
"It's not really what you think." Akashi wonders why he sounds almost as if he's pleading. The redhead then stares at the other intently fully making his point.
"Well..." Kuroko knew Akashi's stare more than anyone else but somehow Akashi notices the doubt within the other's eyes "..if anything does happen, we're always here for you, don't forget that at least."
Akashi smiles.
As expected of Kuroko.
Always so blunt...yet so gentle and kind.
"...as I am to all of you." dropping the topic and comfortably warm with the emotions, Akashi contently says looking up ahead.
This is all how the days should be.
The rest of their trip was graced with the comforting silence with a few witty banters thrown here and there as they both reached their destinations and parted ways.
"Goodbye...Akashi-kun."
But maybe if the redhead had the moment to actually observe the teal head then he would've had a glimpse of the other's sorrowful face.
Life generally never really goes as planned. From their once tight-knit group, from that warm gentle harmony of colors, they all crumbled too easily. Powerful, ambitious, uncaring, tense, and unsure instantly replaced all those memories Akashi once took solace in. It only took one moment...one fight...one event...for the safe haven that they had built upon, to immediately crash into bits and pieces leaving nothing but broken shards of what was once their full team. Akashi knew it was mostly his fault as all of their ideals clash with one another. In all honesty, it frightens him...as he knew this was bound to happen. He knew those days wouldn't last long before it even began. Change is the only thing permanent in this world and that is a fact. With that, he knew had to leave what he knew behind.
Knowing full well that he never wanted to do so.
"It's been a while...Kuroko"
"Welcome back, Akashi-kun."
"...thank you."
Nevertheless, time would never heal all those wounds but it does give all of them a chance to recover what they had once lost.
It was all because of Tetsuya.
Tetsuya has always played a huge part in Akashi's life even before then. A simple, fragile person yet unobtainable and uncontrollable. With the other knocking them all of in their high shoes, Tetsuya definitely deserves all the fortune and happiness in the world. After all of the things that they did and say to him...It was only correct for all of them to fix all that they had broken. To which, Akashi does somehow envy all the others who are in Tokyo since they could all just meet up whenever they can. He does miss all those nonchalant times. Nevertheless, Akashi is appreciative of all the things he currently has, and again it was mostly because of Tetsuya who had helped him realize such things.
"Do you...ever get scared of what would change, Reo...?" Akashi asks ever so suddenly as he stares at the clear sky outside the window of their team's room.
It had already been four months since their loss last Winter Cup and as much as they grieved their loss, their team managed to coordinate well with the other groups that they got to be invited for joint training camps. Akashi has been feeling nostalgic lately since he gets to see his friends more often because of said camps like now, for this week, he had the chance to be with the whole group of miracles. That being so, the heavy feeling he had from back then would come up and bother him every now and then...
...not to mention that today is also the same accursed month.
"That's quite a heavy question out of the blue, Sei-chan." Reo chuckles but takes a while to think of such answers to the inquiry. He had already gotten used to the redhead's over-the-top thinking (quite cute if Reo must say) and is actually quite glad that the other is trusting them with these questions every now and then.
"I do apologize..." Akashi says as he inwardly sighs. He is very much grateful for Reo and the others to be patient when it comes to his line of questioning.
"Is this like that time where you fought with Murasakibara-kun on the phone and Kuroko-kun unknowingly fixed the problem?" the black-haired male gave him a somewhat playful grin to which Akashi lightly smiles.
"I see..." Reo and the others would only bring that topic up to imply that Akashi was overthinking "Sorry..." Akashi apologizes once more to which Reo pouts at the other's response.
"Sei-chaaan! We've already told you that it's okay for you to share what you're thinking." Reo lightly grumbles "We're a team, alright?"
Akashi warmly nods.
He truly is grateful for what the events had led to as he had more...friends...bonds that he could share his thoughts with...
and he has Tetsuya to thank for all of it...
Somehow, Tetsuya manages to invade his thoughts a lot more these days...
"Now, back to your question to which I think really doesn't have a correct answer..." Reo pauses a bit "It's only natural for everyone to fear the changes because we all are not used to it. It's as simple as that." Reo gently answers.
Akashi remains silent as he stares by the window.
"Sei-chan, everyday, each one of us changes even in the most little ways... Even if things were to go wrong, change can mean a chance to get even stronger and better."
Stronger...Akashi does agree to that. All of these changes strengthened all the bonds with his friends. Back then, Tetsuya would also say ever so often that in order for him to keep up with the others, he had to change his habits everyday...
Tetsuya...
Why does this make Akashi feel so uncomfortable?...
"What if you don't want anything to change...?" asks Akashi.
"What do you mean Sei-chan?"
"It's not that I'm afraid of the changes, it's just..." Akashi pauses as that long-time letter from the very past crawls its way up abruptly in his mind
"What if you don't want for a certain someone to change?"
Reo raises an eyebrow seemingly having a slight suspicion as to what the situation is now and albeit very surprised to even consider the idea.
"Why is it that you don't want that person to change?" asks Reo ever so patient.
Why...indeed. Akashi definitely asks that to himself a lot of times. If none of them had changed, then these events wouldn't have been possible at all.
...If Tetsuya didn't change and have that courage to oppose him then all of this would've ended...
"That's great, Akashi-kun"
But why does it feel so heavy to consider the teal head smiling at anyone other than their group...?
That rare smile...
"I don't know."
If Akashi had known then he wouldn't have thrown that letter a long time ago.
Akashi could feel Reo's stare get more intense if that's even possible.
"Hmm...sounds to me that Sei-chan, you might be in-"
"Akashi!"
The two inside the room slightly jumps up as a certain, definitely irritated, green-haired person abruptly opens the door and enters their unfamiliar room looking for a certain redhead. That's something that doesn't happen everyday that's for sure.
"Midorima?" Akashi looks at Reo to excuse himself. The other simply smiles and shrugs since it's probably just a usual Miracle thing. Akashi and Midorima then exits the room in time for Hayama and Nebuya to enter.
"Where's Akashi going?" Hayama asks genuinely sounding concerned as he sees the other leave with a cranky carrot from Shuutoku.
"Man, we can never have peace and quiet when having those miracles in the same place." Nebuya mutters as he manages to not burp aloud. He then looks at Reo.
"So, what were you two talking about a while ago?"
Reo grins.
"Oh, just some young love. A clueless Sei-chan is so cute."
Needless to say, Reo got bombarded with tons of questions.
Akashi truly does not have any idea as to what Reo was implying. Recalling that intense stare, he was almost tempted not to follow Midorima just to know the answer to his query. Still...he could always ask Reo later. Also, Akashi would like to get Tetsuya's opinion on this as well, it is why he is somewhat elated to see what commotion there is now as he is very well certain that the teal head would be there since the cause of Midorima's frustrations would either be Kise or Aomine to which those two are glued to Tetsuya.
As expected, Aomine along with Kise are arguing with each other whilst seemingly trying to hide as to spy what was happening outside the large vast garden of the lot their teams are staying in. It does intrigue Akashi that even Murasakibara and Momoi is spying intently along with them. Also, the argument between Kise and Aomine aren't even to the point where Midorima would lose his head as those two had way worse arguments.
"What's the problem?" Akashi concerningly asks as this does seem different than what usually happens before...
Then again, they had all grown up after all...
"Aaah! Akashicchi!" Kise calls out and instantly Akashi finds himself being gobsmacked by the other.
"Be quiet you dolt! They might hear us!" Aomine hushes the blonde as he swats him away from the redhead.
"They...?" Akashi asks as the other four somehow went back to spying on what was outside. Akashi had to double take if the world was ending since Midorima spied with them as well. Five colors hiding ever so silently.
Akashi felt a headache coming as he brings his hands to his forehead.
Where was Tetsuya when he needs him?
"I wonder what Kuro-chin replies to that confession." Murasakibara suddenly wonders.
Akashi blinks.
Confess...?
"Who's that girl anyway? She can't just steal Kurokocchi away from us!" whines Kise.
"Idiot. Tetsu could be with anyone that he wants." smacks Aomine "Though, would've been nice if we did know her too..." everyone could hear Aomine's protective streak going through even though his voice is as gruff as ever.
"She's...really kind." points Momoi out in a hushed tone "I've worked with her a lot of times at Teiko. She used to be Tetsu-kun's partner in the literature club...and she now started to be Seirin's new manager three months ago."
Everyone stays silent at that statement knowing full well as to what the girl was feeling right now.
"I've seen them together a lot of times back then too..." Momoi secretly wipes her face as she then stops spying outside.
"...I think I'll go now. Coach told me to arrange the papers for tomorrow." the pinkette didn't really bother to wait for any reply as she hurriedly ran out of the place.
"Momocchi..." Kise along with the others stares at the girl's leaving form "...she looked like she's about to cry."
Aomine silently huffs as he looks like he wanted to follow the pinkette but knowing full well of the boundaries he had to respect. He'll go and talk to her later.
"...so what do you think of this, Akashi?" surprisingly it was Midorima who inquires Akashi of what they were to do next.
Why should they do something? Isn't this Tetsuya's life to begin with...?
"Akashi...?"
Akashi remains silent.
He kind of understood now why Momoi looked like she was about to shed tears.
Why she doesn't want to see such a thing before her eyes.
As Akashi was somewhat feeling the same.
...
...
to Tetsuya...
...
Oh...
So that's what it was.
That's what Reo was implying.
"We...support Tetsuya as to whatever will happen" was the only obvious words that he could ever say as the other four shrugs since it's the most logical thing to do as a friend.
Nevertheless, tonight felt like an eternity after having to witness that event. Akashi knew how late it was in this cold night as he wanders aimlessly throughout the never-ending stretch of halls of this place.
He can't seem to bring himself to sleep.
He couldn't even think straight.
All because of that confession.
And it's unknown conclusion.
"Akashi-kun?"
Akashi raises his eyebrows at the familiar tone calling him but finding no one at sight. Oddly enough, he just realized that he's in the garden where that event took place. He must've been hallucinating.
Great. Just gre-
"Akashi-kun. Are you alright?"
Akashi blinks as he then sees Kuroko who is sitting down next to the pillar of the balcony on where his group was spying a while ago.
Looking at that familiar color, that gentle tone, and that slight smile that accompanies all of it would always make Akashi feel so pleasant...so warm...
at least before.
Akashi grimaced.
"Yes...I just can't seem to sleep so I thought I should take a breath of fresh air." nevertheless Akashi replies to which Tetsuya hums in acknowledgment.
The air is as tense as ever.
Akashi hates change.
He definitely does.
"You should rest soon though..." concerningly says Kuroko.
"Says the one who isn't resting." Akashi retorts.
The teal haired didn't reply and instead, he fiddled with a familiar yet ever so different envelope in his hands.
"However, I could definitely tell why you won't be able to." Akashi taking a glimpse of said paper, musters as he can casually even getting the feeling of de ja vu.
"So you knew as well..."
"You know how Kise and the others are when it comes to these kinds of things." Akashi explains and Tetsuya gave out a tired sigh because that does explain a lot of things.
The bluenette remained silent as Akashi remains rigid.
How he wanted to ask a lot of questions...most importantly, how did everything turn out? But Akashi knew it wasn't within his boundary to even ask such a private question. Even Tetsuya seemed uncomfortable with this line of topic.
"How is Seirin fairing by the way?" redirects Akashi.
To which Akashi knew he screwed it up by bringing up another sensitive subject.
Great.
"It's...difficult as we did lose Kagami-kun..." Akashi could definitely hear the sorrow that the other didn't bother to hide "...but we'll manage." looking as determined as ever Tetsuya declares.
The silence continues to stretch on and Akashi felt like he's being suffocated slowly but surely.
"Can you...do me a favor, Akashi-kun?"
Akashi raises an eyebrow at the sudden question.
"Sure. What is it?" accepts Akashi rather easily. Often for Tetsuya...
As if the universe was taunting him once more, Akashi saw that familiar envelope being handed to him. Maybe if it was addressed to him from Kuroko then he would've felt elated but Akashi jests.
"Isn't this...?" Akashi genuinely asks confused of the other's unusual actions. Tetsuya always took the feelings of others ever so seriously, so a confession letter would definitely be in his care.
So why?
"I...refused."
...
...
...
How Akashi wanted to slap himself for feeling that tiny ounce of happiness coming through him as he hears the other say those glorious words. As if they were music in Akashi's ears.
"But why? You knew each other well, don't you? A nice...match if I might say." no he does not want to say and Akashi hopes that the other didn't catch his slightly shaky tone.
"We were...but that's...that. We're only friends and she knew that as well." Tetsuya inwardly sighs.
"I've read most of it and... I don't know... I'm just asking for you to hold on to it...If that's alright with you?"
Akashi somewhat deflates at the tone the other was using. If anything, it's as if the other was pleading to help him deal with such an important thing. And maybe if Akashi was a lesser man then he would've declined. He already pities himself too much and by the time he realizes it, the redhead already has that envelope in his hands.
"Why me?..." unintentionally voices Akashi as he hurriedly catches his slip "I mean wouldn't let's say...Aomine be a better option for this?"
"That's true."
As expected of the bluntness of Tetsuya.
"But Aomine-kun's with Momoi-san..."
and with that simple statement, the two of them remained silent as if all questions in this tense atmosphere were answered.
"I see. Then I'll hold on to it."
"Thank you, Akashi-kun..."
The night breeze decided to keep up on their conversation and it reminded Akashi that it was getting late.
But somehow...the redhead knew he wouldn't be able to sleep today.
"It almost feels like that it's Tetsuya confessing to me with this letter."
Especially not when Akashi jests that out of the blue. What a delusion. These emotions and events. That talk with Reo seems to have messed up his way of thinking. Akashi was about to laugh it off but he caught that glimpse of the other's flustered face before it went back to its usual impassive one.
Huh...?
"Akashi-kun's just...cruel. For saying that in this kind of situation." Tetsuya somewhat pouts and became somewhat frustrated to which Akashi himself panics inwardly at what he just did. Forgetting the other's flustered self.
"But that's how Akashi-kun should be." the teal haired gently laughs making Akashi's mind flutter. Tetsuya then stood up from his position and lightly bows to excuse himself for the night.
"It's getting late. Thank you for the time again... Akashi-kun."
Akashi then watches the other leave and he wonders why there's this nudging feeling in the back of his head as if he should be doing something.
...but he didn't.
The night seemed so long after all of this as Akashi continues to wander the grounds of this traditional establishment. It was getting a bit chilly and he opted to go to the fireplace near the common lobby. He's certain no one would be there at this point of the time so he could at least be left with his thoughts.
Turning up the heat of the furnace Akashi casually sits in front and stares at its brightly lit flames. This does feel as if he's playing shogi right now...albeit a bit more complex and difficult than what he ever has encountered his whole life... He never really thought of such things as he was never was given a chance to be in these kinds of situations. All of this is new to him. But somehow he understands it like any other normal person would as the pounding in his chest doesn't seem to falter at any given rate.
Akashi sighs as he shifts his position and when he hears the slight sound of a certain paper beside him only then did he recall of what these emotions really are. He grabs the envelope and stares at it. Finding himself unable to open it he just lets it sit in his hands.
It wasn't even his.
Even back then.
The one he tore out.
It wasn't his.
Only then did he realize how he could almost sympathize with the girl from before.
Akashi unconsciously bit his lip as his mind somehow shuts down and he finds himself slowly placing the paper near the heated flames in front of him.
"Look, I'm not smart or anything but anyone can tell that what you're about to do is wrong, Akashi."
Snapping out of it, Akashi uncharacteristically rattles the paper out of the flames just before it turned to crisp to find who entered the room just then.
"That's Tetsu's isn't it? Why do you have it?" suspiciously asks Aomine as he enters the place. Akashi could clearly tell that he's also asking why in the world was he even thinking of burning such a thing not belonging to him.
"He...entrusted it to me." Akashi tries to find words but finds himself unable to do so "It's none of your concern-"
"To hell do you think that it's not my concern. Tetsu is my friend damn it." Aomine interrupts "Look, you're smart Akashi, just a bit clueless and delusional"
Akashi lightly grumbles at what the other was insinuating.
"But this isn't the correct way to...I dunno, cope?" Aomine definitely looked so frustrated in all the years Akashi had been with the guy.
"Cope...?"
Aomine clasps his hand in his face.
"See, you're clueless. You're acting the same way as you did with that other letter."
Akashi widens his eyes.
"Look, we're not stupid like you when it comes to these kinds of things." Aomine prays to whatever god there may be as he bluntly says what's on his mind as he knew that dealing with these kinds of people, you have to give them a direct and formal answer. Akashi glares at him for the accusation and Aomine could feel that once familiar chill of late-night triple regimens back in middle school.
"Murasakibara and Kise told me that they saw the name on that letter back in Teiko. They're not blind. We're not. I simply asked Tetsu if he ever received any. Which I think you know the answer to that."
Akashi and Aomine glance at the flames.
"...then what am I supposed to do?"
Aomine blinks at the unfamiliar tone. The tanned teen exasperatedly stares at the other as if he was seriously asking him that question.
"Uhh..." Aomine had to do a double-take on the statement as he was truly caught off guard. He then grumbles. He knew that this is the first time the other was experiencing such emotions but Aomine just didn't expect to be the one answering all the questions. This should be Midorima's job or that black-haired guy Akashi's usually with. Aomine considers himself the last person on earth that Akashi would consider talking about this kind of topic.
"Tch...This sounds like me talking to Satsuki but whatever." Aomine clicks his tongue.
"Just be honest damn it. Tetsu will understand. What would you even know if you haven't even tried telling him anything?" Aomine then points out the letter "Burning that won't help any of you. Don't be a coward. Besides..."
Aomine lightly frowns as he recalls the pinkette's words a while ago.
"We should at least be satisfied that we can even be by Tetsu's side...even after all that we did..."
With that, Akashi definitely understood. He clearly did judging from his melancholic face staring at that innocent flames. At least, that's what Aomine had thought as he left the room a few minutes after to give room for both of them to breathe.
Aomine's words had never been so true.
Just like it did before.
The words kept ringing in Akashi's mind.
Although...
Aomine was only correct about one thing.
That as long as they...
He...could be by Tetsuya's side, then it's enough.
Akashi then turns off the flames as he heads out to their team's quarters. Leaving behind ashes of what was once heartfelt feelings written in paper.
Akashi still was a coward.
But this is all enough.
He is satisfied.
He tries to be.
The days simply passes by in a blink of an eye as their once enchanting, thrilling basketball matches came to its conclusion as they all entered a new part of their lives. Akashi does consider everything going well these days. Bonds reforged, him reuniting with everyone else in Tokyo for his university studies and all those mini-tournaments that some of his friends would host. The days where everything's so dull and colorless seemed so far away now and Akashi felt ever so grateful for it.
"Akashi-kun, I might be running a bit late today. I have to catch up with someone suddenly. I'll stock up on groceries after."
Akashi truly feels like he's on such a smooth ride as he finishes reading Tetsuya's text message to him. It's quite a twist really, how he and his friends ended up living in dorms close to one another. To which Kise insists that they should take turns in doing some chores despite living in separate rooms. Nevertheless, it seemed amusing so everyone got along with it. Especially Aomine who laughs at Kise's now exasperated face when the blonde ended up on cleaning duty of the tanned teen and Murasakibara's room.
Somehow...Akashi definitely feels like this was as close as a familial interaction he would ever get.
"But I've always considered my team as a family..."
was once Tetsuya had told him when their group decided to have some kind of "family" trip one summer morning.
Akashi embraces this kind of life.
He feels like he's living in such ecstasy that he might not have deserved but...
As long as he gets to be by everyone's side...it's enough.
As long as he's by Tetsuya's side.
Akashi smiles at the thought. He then closes his phone not really bothering to reply to Tetsuya's message as he then walks his way towards the tealnette's university campus. Somehow, Akashi developed that habit of surprising the tealnette by accompanying him to do chores. A flustered Tetsuya always amuses Akashi after all. Knowing the way like the back of his hand, Akashi completely guesses where the other would be. He was about to call him out but stops as he sees a familiar girl together with Tetsuya.
Only then did Akashi realize that it was that dreaded month again.
He sees the girl give the other that same dreaded cursed envelope that manages to drive Akashi's wits back then and even now.
What's worse is that he definitely recognizes that it's the same girl from the council back in Teiko.
What's even way worse is that Akashi saw the way the two are speaking with each other in front of him and that the girl proceeded to embrace the other happily with tears in her eyes as the tealnette finishes his words.
Akashi finds himself rapidly blinking and ends up walking away and back to where his apartment was. Never really looking back. Closing his doors, he sits somewhere near his table and falls asleep within his thoughts. What was he even expecting? The days came by after the next as Akashi himself notices that he's drowned himself with school responsibilities to a point he's not even meeting any of his friends the past few months.
Nobody seemed to notice anything wrong.
Akashi's the only one feeling wrong about everything else.
At least...that's what he thinks.
"Oi Akashi." called Midorima as the green-haired knocks on the other's door. All their dorms are somewhat connected and Midorima just so happens to be the one beside him ...along with Tetsuya on the other side but that's all there is to it. Recognizing the grumpy voice anywhere, Akashi opens the door only to be met with three other colors who pushes a familiar teal head in front of him as the group locked the doors from the outside.
"Now both of you get your shit together and stop avoiding each other like a plague. Even Satsuki's love life is interesting than thi-"
Akashi definitely guesses it was Midorima who hits the tanned male at the other side of the door.
"I don't get it...? This is the solution...Aomine-kun?..."
Akashi hears the tealnette lightly frustratedly whispers.
"Sorry for intruding, Akashi-kun" Tetsuya unusually exasperatedly sighs "As you can see those three locked us up here."
"I can definitely see that."
and Akashi can definitely see himself wanting to get out of this situation. He can't even look at the other directly anymore. Akashi ought to slap himself out of it.
"and why is that?" asks Akashi. The sooner he knows why the faster this situation will end.
As long as he's still within this bubble then everything should be fine...right?
Akashi notices Tetsuya contemplate whether or not he was even going to tell the other what the problem was.
Somehow...Akashi knew.
It's that dreaded feeling again...
It had to be that...
Painful thing.
That event he happened to witness a while back.
Akashi hears a light knock from the other side of the door which snaps him and Tetsuya out of their thoughts.
Akashi sighs.
It's better to get this thing over with.
...Isn't it?
"So why indeed did they lock us up?" repeats Akashi.
"...I don't exactly know the main reason." excuses Tetsuya and if Aomine were here the tanned male would definitely smack the tealhead to be blunter with his emotions.
"All I did was ask them if they know why Akashi-kun's avoiding me the past few days."
Akashi perks up at the mention of his name.
"Am I? ... " was he really that blatant about it? Here Akashi thought he did a great job of hiding what he's feeling. Then again, everyone's so perceptive these days.
"I'm merely busy with school duties...you all know that." no they don't and Akashi excuses the same thing ever since middle school only this time everyone knows how hard he tries to make things up for their missed times. So everything just doesn't add up.
Akashi inwardly sighs as he notices the other shrug knowing full well what he was thinking.
"Well...doesn't Tetsuya have anything better to do than to worry about me?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Akashi could definitely feel the other get offended "Is it wrong for me to worry?"
"Considering you have a serious relationship now, you can't just have the free time to worry about...all of us." Akashi somehow wanted to slap himself out of it as he sounded so...bitter to say the least.
"What?" the tealnette looks at him confusingly.
To which Akashi reciprocates.
"I just so happen to come across the event."
"No wait, what did you just say?"
"That you're in a relationship?"
If Akashi wanted to cry the past previous days then he was thankful enough he had the courage not to do so as Tetsuya now begins to lightly chuckle at his confused expression.
"I find it hard to see what you're so amused about, Tetsuya" because Akashi was seriously hurting the past few days which the other didn't need to know about that.
"Is this why you never gave me my letters back? Akashi-kun."
Akashi widens his eyes at the insinuation to which Tetsuya just gently smiles at him.
"I heard from Aomine-kun and the others as well. Even the girl told me so..."
"But...I already knew all of that. Maybe I just wanted to know why."
Akashi snaps out of his thoughts.
"I...know it wasn't a very logical move back then but I honestly thought it would just hinder...your performance...I guess" If there was one person in the world who could actually make Akashi ever so speechless then it has to be Tetsuya with his neverending surprises.
"Then...can I have the other letter back?"
What other letter...? was left unsaid as Akashi had to do a double-take as he finally recalls the ashes of said letter.
"I'm afraid I do not have it...currently" Akashi repeats "Rather, I do apologize, I think I may have lost it..." for good was left unsaid.
Tetsuya raises his eyebrows in suspicion nevertheless lets it go.
"I see..."
The silence between the two of them became rather heavy and it doesn't help the room's already tense atmosphere.
"Then...can I tell you something, Akashi-kun" Akashi hears Tetsuya breathe heavily...a little too heavy if he might add.
Even Akashi is feeling light-headed.
All of Reo and Aomine's advice from after that training camp had enlightened Akashi that the situation right now is blatantly pointing to one thing.
Confession.
Emotions.
And all the other extra vocabulary that Reo and Aomine had come up with.
Akashi then blinks as a rather medium-sized horizontal box is then presented in front of him.
"What's this?" nervously asks Akashi. A box? Isn't this way too advanced? What do people do and say in these kinds of situations? Aomine and Reo never really got these far in their words. Tetsuya just stares at him as if knowing full well of what he was thinking. The other then seemingly wanted to prod for him to open the box but is hesitant in doing so.
Nevertheless, Akashi opens the damned, rigid, box.
Full of...
"Letters?..." Akashi narrows his eyes as the other just somewhat turns a bit away from him. Picking one of the papers up he immediately recognizes his own name.
...a full box of letters addressed to him.
"They were all giving it to Midorima-kun at first...and maybe even Murasakibara-kun because you three are always seen together. It's funny actually because they don't really know what to do with it but Aomine-kun and Momoi-san are the ones who do organize most of it and kept them in that box..." reminisces Tetsuya "there were a few that noticed me so I ended up having some requests too. So, in the end, I was the last one to have that box and has just been keeping all of those for a very long time now..."
"Then why didn't you just give it to me then?" that sounded so wrong in Akashi's head nevertheless he points out. Years of having to listen with Aomine and Reo have then led Akashi to believe that...
This would mean that Tetsuya...
"I don't know. Besides, if I did, then as Akashi-kun says a while ago, it might hinder your performance. I guess I just never really thought of it until now." Tetsuya critically points out.
"Oh..." Akashi misunderstood again...It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.
Because this does hurt like hell.
Maybe Aomine was rubbing off on him.
"But even so...I don't think I'll ever be able to give it to you...I don't think I can ever..."
Akashi somehow shuts himself down as he anticipates the next words that are going to be uttered. The balance between both of their worlds would be shattered in just a few minutes in the conversation.
"Because I - "
Of course, the universe hates Akashi even more by having a blasted tune ring in the middle of their conversation.
At this given moment.
Of course, it does.
"Sorry... I have to take th-"
"No."
Damned world.
Akashi grabs Tetsuya's hands that was holding the phone so abruptly making the other drop the device to the hard wooden floor. The redhead unconsciously tightens his hold and never lets go.
Aomine and Reo were right, Akashi should really just get this over with and be honest with himself.
Even way back then.
Akashi is stupid. He knew it by that much.
"...I've always liked you, Tetsuya"
To which the silence and tense atmosphere in the room seemed to have gotten even higher than before if that was even possible. What makes the matters worse is that the teal head is just staring at him with such unreadable eyes and expression that could rival his but both of them knew how flustered they are at the moment.
"I ..."
"...feel the same way too." it was only a tiny whisper but Akashi felt so much ecstasy as he hears the words he never knew he wanted to.
"But it's long past...we all were."
"You can't possibly tell me all this just now and expect me to feel alright about it..." Akashi adds albeit a little too shaky as he realizes what he just did and lets the other go. Ironic and hypocritical that's what he was.
"...I've always admired you... I never stopped admiring you, Akashi-kun."
"Then why-"
"Perhaps, I am just afraid of the changes. All I could do is watch from afar...and I am all contented with it. I am merely a shadow after all...I can never stand next to the brightness of what you guys can offer... It's enough as long as I get to be by your side."
They were the same.
Perhaps if Akashi had been courageous and be actually wise a long time ago then this wouldn't have gone on for so long. It was such a long wasted time.
"Don't say that..."
"If anything, you've got one thing correct. It's true that we cannot go back to the way we all were before and..." Akashi pauses as he recalls the things he had did "it's a shame. I should've done this a lot earlier but I too, as you might not believe me, is afraid of the changes. I do not want to lose any of you...and you knew what happened after that."
Tetsuya frowns as he does face the redhead in front of him.
"And despite all of it you still managed to bring us back, Tetsuya...You are our light even up to this day. You brought us all back..." Akashi then stares at the other intently determined.
"You bought me back...and I don't think I can ever make up for everything that I did but let me be selfish enough to tell you that my feelings up to this day is not a lie and that...Tetsuya, I still am very much in love with you"
It's already a given that the room would go immensely tense after all this commotion but somehow blurting his feelings out makes Akashi relieved. It's one of the things that he should've done way back when. Akashi then directly stares at Tetsuya.
And as the stars and moon align in the sky so too did Akashi's expectation of what the other's reaction would be.
Very unexpected indeed.
The other is giving him such a playful smile as if everything that just happened was all calculated.
"Again...Tetsuya, I am not someone to test your amusement out." lightly grumbles Akashi but he knew that the other took his confession to heart because that's just how Tetsuya is.
"I'm not testing anything out...it's just...are you...sure about this, Akashi-kun?" despite the unexpected notion of reply, Akashi could definitely hear the worry and the inferiority laced upon the other's voice "I'm...dull, boring and maybe one of this days I'll turn invisible..."
"and I'll still find you even then." Akashi simply replies and any futile inferiority that the other mentions just goes past him. "I don't understand why you're even saying all these, Tetsuya. Aren't those traits what makes you unique? It's why I came to like you even more."
Akashi can definitely get used to the other's flustered face the same colored as his hair. The redhead smiles.
"My opinions always so futile when it comes to Akashi-kun."
Akashi hears the other's melodious laugh as the tealnette walks towards the door they were both shoved in.
"...maybe that's why I love you too."
It was Akashi's turn to have a face same colored as his hair. Maybe even brighter if Tetsuya were to describe. Akashi then sees Tetsuya casually unlocking said door with a key in his pocket and going outside the room as if nothing happened.
Akashi blinks.
"Wait, Tetsuya did you just-"
When Akashi leaves the room he finds the three other colors grinning at him.
"Heeh...I didn't know that stuffing people together in a room like in those romantic dramas would actually work."
"I told you it would be Akashicchi confessing first."
"You voted for Kuro-chin though...like Mido-chin which is rare since I thought Mido-chin will pick Aka-chin."
"Shut up, all of you."
Akashi felt his once dull headache going back to him.
These guys will definitely get a word with him or two.
...
But Akashi does thank them later on.
AN:
In which Tetsuya voted that Akashi wouldn't confess like those in the dramas Aomine mentioned. Too bad he was wrong.
Some things in this au:
- There were actually some letters that Kuroko wrote for Akashi buried beneath the other letters in those box. When Akashi figures it out, he teases Tetsuya about it for days. Cute dorks.
- The girl from Teiko wasn't really confessing at the university part. She was just glad to see Kuroko again to settle some things with him. Akashi just happens to see her hug him and assumed the worst. Poor babbu cinnamon roll
- It's canon in the drama cd that Akashi and Murasakibara had a somewhat "fight" over the phone and Akashi ended up overthinking (so cuuuute :') as he consults Reo and the others for advice (Reo also mentions his guilt about that last shot in their match against Seirin where they lost T_T Reooo ) but in the end, their "fight" was unknowingly fixed by Kuroko. Reo says "Kuroko is a great friend" to where Akashi agreees and I'm like YES appreciate the babbu more T_T. I really wished this scene was animateeeed ughhh.
- Lol I kinda planned on having Masaomi dad cameo here as I do have a soft spot for the guy buuut didn't end up doing so but the man, similar to my other fic Lectures from Shiori, got introduced to Kuroko and after series of awkwardness and "strict" rules and stuff became fond of him to the point where it drives Seijuurou nuts.
- Also, Aomine being a love advisor kinda works for me since he does have Momoi as his childhood friend so they definitely had this topic discussed at some point in their life. Maybe Aomine's just a gossip...guy or whatever lol. Oh and Reo is just being Reo he can just join in with the two's chat being fabulous as he is.
- Kiseki supports their group all the way through! god I love this rainbow children :'( I miss them so much
There you have itttttt.
Thanks for reading guys! Stay safe.