Title: The Mourners
Team: Holyhead Harpies
Position: Beater 2- Cult
Reserve: No
Extension: Yes
Prompts: [colour] Pink; [word] Priority; [dialogue] "We're disorganised mourners"
WC: 1122
Beta: MissyAndTheDocs
Hermione keeps her head down as she walks out of the building. They had just finished burying Colin's body and she couldn't stay another minute. The emotions she feels are too big; they fill every part of her. She thought that, after a year of being sad, unhappy, scared and on the run, she would be able to deal with negative emotions better. This clearly wasn't the case as Hermione finds herself kneeling in between two buildings and counting her breaths. All she wants to do is disappear because, at the end of the day, a lot of those bodies are her fault.
"Hermione!" Parvati's voice breaks through the thoughts that are running recklessly around Hermione's head. "Do you want to go home?"
Hermione latches onto those words. Home, the space where she, and not her feelings, are the priority. She knows that she isn't being fair and that the people she lives with are just as traumatised too; but right now, Hermione just wants to be taken care of. She wants someone else to answer the questions, to go to the funerals and to act strong.
"Come on. Lavender is at the teahouse and I don't have the strength to apparate us back just yet, so let's get some tea," Parvati says as she drags Hermione to her feet and they walk quickly to Madam Puddifoot's.
Hogsmeade doesn't feel the same anymore. Hermione can't tell how much of it is due to the war and how much of it is her fault. The blame is something that matters a lot to her in ways that she is struggling to verbalise. That scares her friends, Hermione knows that. She can hear the hushed conversations that Parvati and Lavender have when they think she is asleep.
They have this routine after funerals and memorials. Hermione breaks down, Parvati finds her and Lavender books a table at Madam Puddifoot's. The tea shop is an explosion of pink cheer and is the only place that serves builder's tea in dainty little teacups. The trips represent routine and, while Hermione does want to go home, she knows that routine is important.
Lavender has already ordered for everyone and her leg bounces up and down nervously. Hermione tries not to flinch as she looks at Lavender's face. She should be used to it by now, the way that werewolf claws mar a person's face. But Lavender is easily one of the most beautiful people Hermione knows and looking at her scarred face reminds Hermione of the role she has actively played in creating this society.
Today, when the panic disappears after drinking two cups of tea and counting the number of items in the room that aren't pink, Hermione realises that she wants to talk. She looks over to Parvati and Lavender, who are sitting with their shoulders brushed against hers on the booth that they are sharing.
"I shouldn't have proposed the DA," Hermione starts. The words make her feel vulnerable and raw. Those two things have never been a priority for her. But she knows that this is important, that taking accountability for her actions is important, even if everyone is going to say something else.
"Why?" Parvati looks shocked. "You made our education your first priority in a year where we were scared and confused, you guided us through what was the beginning of the worst and I am sure that without you, none of us would have surviv-"
"Let her finish." Lavender is the one who cuts Parvati off.
Parvati shoots Lavender a concerned look; her brows are pulled close and her lips are pursed, but she nods at Hermione.
Hermione takes that as permission to continue. Her fingers play with the ombre-pink napkin in front of her. The different shades of pink remind her of Umbridge, injustice and why she even started the DA in the first place. However, none of those things that Parvati brings up are excuses to justify Hermione's actions when she created and ran the DA. Hermione knows this.
"It was a cult. I helped funnel all of you into a war that would have left you alone. I made you promise yourself to the Light, to Dumbledore, as if it were some kind of divine realisation." Hermione's skin is covered with sweat, her face is pale and she looks five seconds away from fainting.
"You couldn't have known. You were just protecting us from the pink monstrosity." Parvati's words are passionate and warm. They still hold the faith that Hermione fears many have in the DA and she is not comfortable with that.
"Well, of course, they have blind loyalty in you and the cause." Lavender takes a sip of the strong tea to clear her throat. Her pink nails tap against the cup and Hermione is grateful that at least one of them can wear the colour without feeling angry. "You were on a hit-list, Hermione Granger; you were such a high priority on the Death Eater's agenda that they turned you and the Light into some mythical being."
There is a beat of silence that passes their table. It is Hermione who picks up the conversation. Although she does want to go back home, she does not want to drag this conversation back to that space with her.
"So what? I was supposed to be better than this. Someone should have stopped me!" Hermione hisses the last bit in a desperate measure not to scream the words.
"Look at us, Hermione," Lavender says. For the first time, it feels like Hermione is really forced to look at her surroundings. The room in shades of pink and the faces that seem to mirror the looks on her face. All of them tired, angry and exhausted from the weight the war has put on them.
"We're disorganised mourners," Parvati's choice of words is unusual, but she takes the crumpled pink napkins from Hermione's reach and carefully repairs and folds them. "No one had the energy to keep you in check - they still don't and, as scary and uncomfortable as that is, by making our survival your priority through a cult, as you refer to the DA, you gave us a purpose."
"But I shouldn't have. I had no right to brainwash a bunch of teenagers."
"You were a teenager too and I'm sorry they put this on you," Lavender says, as she stands up. "Let's go, we all need some sleep and tomorrow you can think about amends if it is still important for you."
Parvati nods and Hermione knows that this conversation is over for today. They leave the pink tea room and go back home, looking like the lost disorganised mourners that they are.