Awkwardness…
It was something that Maddie Hayes wasn't used to when it came to David Addison. Sure, he embarrassed her, surprised her and had made her cringe on many occasions. She had just never felt at a loss for words with him. Here they were, sitting in a Lamaze class together, and it was a constant reminder of how things had ended between them. They were surrounded by parents-to-be, who were obviously very happy together and had no reservations about putting their hands on each other during these exercises. There were no hurt feelings between these couples, nor had there ever been questions about the paternity of those babies. Maddie felt a bit out of place and David himself was not his jovial self. She could sense that he was still walking on egg shells around her and was hesitant about everything.
They had gone out for cheeseburgers earlier, as David had promised he would take her out to eat before each and every one of their Lamaze classes. Maddie couldn't help but wonder if he had chosen the menu specifically because of her tirade about not knowing what it was like to go out and get cheeseburgers with him some time ago. Their time at the diner had been silent, forced and strained. She had hoped it would have gone better at Lamaze, but everything was… well, awkward…
She was leaning back against David's chest, just like their teacher had instructed, and she could feel every one of his muscles being tense. He barely touched her and it was just impossible for her to relax in this setting.
"David, it would really help your partner a lot of you could put your hands on her belly and breathe with her," the teacher interrupted Maddie's musings.
Yep, there were those muscles again, getting even more tense. Did David even want to be here? Sure, he had made a promise to her, but still… What was it that he had said to her in Terri's delivery room? The baby's not mine. You're not mine..
She couldn't ask him for anything more than what he was already doing. She didn't have the right after these past five and a half months. What a mess…
Very carefully, David placed his hands on top of her bulging belly and a shiver went through her. It was uncanny how those feelings for him hadn't changed after everything. She had been so sure that time and space would erase the intense, magnetic pull that existed between them. It hadn't, however. It had been strong as ever, even when she had returned as a married woman.
God, her marriage had been born out of a state of blind panic. She had been on that train, being a single, pregnant woman with the unnerving prospect of doing all of this on her own to look forward to and there had been Walter, offering her safety and stability. She had jumped at the chance without even thinking about it. Whatever she had shared with David was far from forgotten, though. It was a never ending dance between them. So here she was, with her marriage to Walter having been annulled and without any guarantee about how things would end between her and her business partner. It was a scary position to be in.
She tried to relax; she was here for her baby, not to be mulling over the past and how she could have done things differently. David's hands felt warm, his body heat penetrating her maternity wear. The warmth spread across her stomach and finally, she let loose a little. Her breathing became deep and even, and she closed her eyes, placing her hands on top of David's. Out of nowhere, a firm kick interrupted the peaceful moment. Maddie's belly jerked a bit and she opened her eyes again to look down at their interlocked hands and the movement beneath them. She had felt her baby before, but David hadn't. He was very silent behind her, and she arched her neck to look up at him. He had a look of wonder across his face and he was gazing at her stomach intently. Another kick could be felt, making David let out a careful laugh.
"Whoa there! Easy, Junior!" he exclaimed.
There was a flutter inside Maddie's stomach as she watched David react to the movements of her baby. The look in his eyes was indescribable and it was making her heart skip a beat.
"First time, huh?" one of the father's in the group asked, a smile covering his face.
"Well… yeah..," David muttered, obviously feeling a bit embarrassed about the fact that his emotions were showing so clearly.
"It's quite something, isn't it?" the father continued making small talk.
David merely nodded, continuing to focus on whatever was going on inside Maddie's womb. She realized that they were still holding hands on top of her belly and it was probably what was making the baby react; there were two sets of hands evoking him… or her…
"Someone's awake," Maddie whispered, looking up into David's eyes.
"Yeah, it seems so."
The rest of the group was forgotten. For the first time that evening, the corners of David's mouth curled up and he smiled that lopsided smile that always made Maddie feel a little bit weak in the knees. She gripped his hands a bit tighter.
"Okay, group. Excellent work! I'll see you all next week."
Just like that, it was over. The moment was interrupted. They released their hands and quickly got up, thanking their Lamaze teacher for the class. The awkwardness immediately returned when they were walking side by side towards their car. David opened the door for her and Maddie slipped inside, buckling up.
The silence was slowly beginning to kill her as he drove her home and she squirmed uncomfortably in her seat.
"Are you all right?" David suddenly spoke up, having seen her movements.
"Yes, it's just that carrying an extra weight around sometimes puts a strain on my back."
"I can understand that. Is uh… Is Junior still awake?" he asked, nodding his head in the direction of her belly.
"The baby is quiet for now, but I'm sure that he or she will wreak havoc once I'm in the comfort of my bed. It's what always happens; I settle down and Junior here decides to have a little party."
David chuckled.
"I like the little critter already."
They pulled up in her driveway and Maddie looked on as David cut the engine. He leaned back in his seat and sighed. It was funny how this moment threw her back in time to another moment when they had been sitting in her car in her driveway; they had been about to go on their date to that infamous laundromat and she had been ambivalent. How ironic, that he seemed to be the ambivalent one now. Not that she could blame him. They had kissed on top of a bridge a week ago, with him saying that sometimes you had to let go of the past. However, saying something and acting on it were two different things. They hadn't made any progress since that night. They hadn't kissed, they hadn't really talked again and everything still seemed out of sorts.
"Well…," he began.
"Well…"
"I suppose you want to get some shut eye now."
Wait, he wanted to leave?
"I thought we had agreed on talking somewhat after class?" Maddie tried. "Seven thirty to midnight… your words."
David looked at her a little sheepishly.
"I thought you wanted to sleep. You seemed so tired earlier."
"I'm always tired with this pregnancy. I don't want you to leave, though."
They locked eyes for a mere moment and Maddie felt it again; that electricity that still managed to zap back and forth between them.
"All right. Then I'll escort you and the dividend inside."
David got out of the car and walked around it, before helping Maddie out. She gratefully took his hand and got up on her feet as gracefully as she could. Gosh, being almost six months pregnant didn't make her feel very sexy, that was for sure! She felt him put his hand on the small of her back while they walked up towards her doorstep.
"What can I get you?" he asked, once they were inside.
"You don't have to get me anything, David. I can find my way around my own house."
They stared at each other, not really sure what to do or how to act. Oh, why were things so awkward? How had they gotten to this point?
"How about we go into the living room? We can talk while I put my feet up," Maddie suggested.
David nodded and followed her. They both sat down on the couch, each in separate corners.
"It's getting impossible to wear these," Maddie pointed towards her heels, which were already flat so she could walk around better, but still... She eased them from her feet and flexed her toes, seeing that she was slightly swollen. "There will come a time when I have to wear sneakers, or heaven forbid… flip flops. Talk about unappealing, huh?"
David gave her a slight smile.
"Maddie Hayes? Unappealing? That will never happen."
"Oh, you're such a charmer."
Maddie eased into the couch cushions and sighed.
"Are you sure that I can't get you anything?"
"Besides a good backrub?" she laughed, trying to find a good position to sit in.
"Okay…," David trailed off. "I guess I could…"
She hadn't been serious, but the look in David's eyes told her that he was considering it. She blinked up at him, feeling a surge of emotion course through her veins.
"David, you don't have to…"
Her voice trailed off when he scooted over, indicating that he was really planning on going forward with this. He helped her slide forward somewhat and sat behind her, making her lower body being trapped between his opened legs.
She gulped.
How did she suddenly find herself in this position?
"You have to tell me if I'm hurting you, okay?" David told her, his cautious approach still evident in his voice.
Maddie could only nod, the anticipation of what was coming doing funny things to her insides. His touch started off as very soft, almost as if he was merely stirring the skin underneath her maternity wear. Then, he relaxed a bit, kneading her flesh more thoroughly. His thumb made rotating movements up and down her neck, before sliding lower and working her shoulder blades.
"Oh David, that feels wonderful," Maddie exclaimed, leaning into his touch.
She closed her eyes, enjoying the sensations of her straining muscles being worked into relaxation. Her breathing slowed and came out in little puffs of air. He treated her lower back to the same rotating and kneading movements and before she knew it, a little groan escaped her throat.
"Does that feel good?"
"Yes," she breathed in a needy voice.
She could feel his hands walk back up over her back towards her neck, his fingertips briefly sweeping across that notorious spot that he had discovered during their passionate month together. Her senses instantly came alive, remembering how in tune that spot was with every other erogenous zone on her body.
Now was not the time to think about that. This was just a backrub… nothing more and nothing less. She tried to ignore the sudden sexual sensations that swirled up through her veins. She didn't want to scare him off; just an hour ago, he had been experiencing reservations about touching her during Lamaze class. A backrub was a lot of progress.
Just then, his thumb caressed that spot again… slowly… deliberately. He was making tiny circles across it and Maddie's body jerked involuntarily. Her lips slightly parted, while she tried to catch her breath. What was he doing? Wasn't he aware that a pregnant woman was troubled by a lot of different hormones? A touch like that set her on fire. She could sense him leaning forward, his breath tickling the back of her neck. His hands caressed her upper arms while she desperately tried to keep it together.
She was almost afraid to move, or even breathe, not sure about his intentions and if she was reading them right. The living room was silent, save for her heavy breathing, and she almost wished that she had turned on some music or something. He would be able to hear every hitch in her breath if he carried on this way.
He still continued to stir her skin, so softly that it definitely couldn't be defined as a massage anymore. The hairs on her arms stood up to attention when his fingers danced along her flesh, before dropping down towards her stomach. There, he stilled for a short spell, feeling her bump underneath his palms. The baby chose to remain silent this time, and Maddie was almost grateful. They needed this moment.
She dared to turn her head and looked up into his eyes… which, to her surprise, hadn't been resting on her protruding stomach. He had been gazing at her the entire time. It was a conversation without words between them, none of them willing to release the intense look between them. Maddie could suddenly feel his hands moving again; they quietly went down over her stomach towards her upper legs, where they trailed a path of fire. He tickled up and down her inner thighs, bunching up her maternity dress every time he came a little closer to where her fire was burning the most. It was insanely hot to still be looking at him during all this, but she couldn't look away.
Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath, while he carried on with his onslaught. He was deliberately teasing along the edge of her panties now and Maddie dug her fingers into the couch beneath her, trying to steady herself somewhat. She was positively throbbing down there, and she was pretty sure that a single touch to the right spot would sent her flying. Something to do with not having sex in months, pregnancy hormones, and the notion that she was back in the arms of the man who knew how to drive her crazy with nothing more than a look and a smile. He tortured her to the brink with his slow, lazy, circling touches and finally, she dropped her gaze, not being able to focus on his face anymore. Her inner muscles were quivering underneath his hands and she couldn't help but arch her hips upwards a bit. When was he going to touch her there?
Maddie rested her head back against his shoulder, closing her eyes in absolute concentration. She could feel David pressing his lips to her damp temple. Then, it happened. His thumb carefully, but purposely fluttered across her nub and she instantly spiraled out of control. Waves of pleasure wracked her body and she could do nothing more than ride them out.
When it was over, she didn't want to move, afraid to ruin the moment. Her head was still thrown back against his shoulder and her eyes were still closed. What would they say after this? Would they be able to talk now? A blush travelled up her skin when she realized how quickly this had taken a turn. This hadn't been what she had meant to happen when he had suggested Tuesday nights with her. Would this ruin everything? Hadn't sex already ruined everything between them?
Suddenly, she sat up and moved away from him.
"I'm sorry, David. I didn't mean for that… "
She blushed even more, looking down at the rug with absolute embarrassment.
"It's okay. You've got nothing to be embarrassed about."
He said it with such sureness in his voice that Maddie dared to take a peek at him. She was relieved to find a careful smile adorning his features.
"It's just that, with this pregnancy, there are a lot of different things that are… heightened. I mean, these urges are really strange," Maddie almost mumbled.
"Nothing strange about it to me."
"Nothing strange about it? David, I suddenly like to dip chocolate in a jar of peanut butter without shame. When you touch me, I…."
"Finish?" David teased, arching an eyebrow at her.
Maddie put her hands up to her face and groaned out loud.
"I really did want to talk. Why is sex the only thing we seem to be able to do?"
David remained quiet with that admission. They were on opposite ends of her couch again, making Maddie wonder if they could ever make it work if they continued down this road of fear. For she knew that that's what it was; they were both afraid to get hurt. She had hurt him and that's why things were so strained now.
"Why did you touch me?" she suddenly found herself asking.
"Why? Maddie, what… "
Maddie sat up a little straighter and looked David dead in the eye.
"Earlier, at Lamaze, you had reservations about putting your hands on me during the exercises. Here, just now, you touched me."
He didn't say anything. She could see his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed, turmoil evident in his eyes.
"Please say something, David," Maddie urged him. "If we're going to do this…. If you really want to be here for me and the baby, we have to talk."
She watched as he looked down at his hands. The silence was deafening… Just when she thought that he was never going to speak up, he suddenly opened his mouth:
"I care about you, Maddie. I do. So it's easy to fall back into those patterns and enjoy… well.. you. I'm just not there yet when it comes to… I don't know… Letting my guard down?"
"I get it."
"I mean, what if you decide to leave someday? What if Sam decides that he wants you and the kid to move close to him? Where will that leave me?"
Maddie could almost hear the crack that split her heart right down the middle when he said those words. She understood with perfect clarity exactly what this was about now. It wasn't so much that he was afraid to let her in again… well, that too… but most of all; he was afraid to get attached to this baby. He had already lost a child once and he couldn't bear the thought of another baby being taken away from him. Her hormones got the best of her again and to her horror, she sniffled.
"Damnit! Now I've made you cry," David cursed.
He scooted forward again and let her rest her head against his shoulder. Her tears fell onto his shirt and she found herself grabbing onto him for dear life.
"God, David! I never… I didn't realize… I'm so sorry."
She felt him slowly brush some strands of hair away from her face and that's when she knew that they were finally getting somewhere. He needed to be sure. He wanted to know that she wasn't going to take this away from him.
"I'm never going to leave, you know," she therefore firmly stated. "Well, I know I left for Chicago, but… I'm not going to leave Los Angeles permanently, not ever. For starters, being back in Illinois made me realize that I could never sell the agency. I'm having way too much fun with it. Go figure, I actually like working there."
They both chuckled a bit and gradually, Maddie could feel David's tension ease up somewhat.
"If Sam ever wants to have contact with us, he's going to have to come over here. Even then, I will be very sure to let him know that you're a part of this baby's life. Nothing is going to change that. Not even when we want to kill each other, and Lord knows that those moments will come again."
Another laugh between them, making the atmosphere feel instantly lighter. He carefully placed a hand on top of her stomach again and they both looked down. This time, the baby did kick. Maddie raised her head to find David's eyes and she smiled at him.
"I guess that was Junior, telling you the exact same thing. We're not leaving."
Out of nowhere, David swept forward to capture her lips into a searing kiss and Maddie wanted to weep for joy. Their tongues dueled, getting reacquainted with each other in a slow and deliberate way. The baby wasn't finished letting them know its' presence, though. It seemed to be doing somersaults in there, making Maddie's entire belly jump. They released each other for a moment to glance down at Junior, demanding to be noticed.
"Yeah yeah, we love you too," David chuckled.
They held hands on top of her belly and Maddie relaxed into David's embrace, knowing that everything was going to be alright….
A/N: This story came about, basically because the Moonlighting board got us talking about David's backrubs, which Maddie mentions in 'Those lips, those lies.' Yes, those backrubs actually happened, people! Then, in the middle of writing this story, it suddenly took a turn. I re-watched 'A Womb with a View,' which I think has to be one of the most hated episodes of the entire series, and noticed how at ease Maddie and David actually were with each other before they lost the baby. They sat next to each other at the baby shower and gazed into each other's eyes with a smile, they danced and held hands on top of her belly. Which made me wonder if Maddie and David had reached a point of intimacy somewhere between the end of season 4 and the beginning of season 5. This is why this story came about. It's also my gift to Marlena, who came up with the backrub idea. Thanks everyone, for reading, reviewing, liking and what not. It makes my day.