The Witcher Chimera,
The Anomaly,
The Elder Cat,
The Witcher of Cintra,
The Elder Griffin,
The Prince Amongst Witchers,
The Elder Viper,
The Unrelenting Manhunter,
The Elder Bear,
The Nilfgaardian Butcher,
The Elder Wolf,
The Cat of Cintra,
The Wraith of Tretogor,
The Vicovaro Wolf,
The Pont Vanis Viper,
The Ellander Butcher,
The Last Son of Cintra,
and of course my personal favorite:
The Witcher of Witchers.
They have called me this and that, but those always stuck with me the most. I am Artus, Son of Prince Avern of Temeria and Queen Meve of Lyria and Rivia. My Grandmother was Queen Calanthe's Nephew, who married into the Royal Temerian Line, becoming the husband of Queen Bienvenu La Louve. My Father was the younger brother of King Foltest II of Temeria.
My birth predates my cousins of course, but don't ask me how I ended up being physically younger and older mentally than my brother's Villem and Anséis. Neither of us really has a shit to give over the finer details of Magical incubators that somehow managed to end up on the fritz.
All my life I've had one constant in me; my love for Triss Merigold, Margarita Laux-Antille, Ida Emean Aep Sivney, Cerys an Craite, and Cirilla of course. I was cursed to have a heart split five ways. My heart burnt hottest for Triss always, poetic given her luscious red head of hair.
Following her was Margarita, Ciri, Ida, and then Cerys. Now I wasn't really a Harem man, not my speed. But then again Fate had a way of being the bitchy ex-wife who somehow didn't find herself content with the settlement.
I started my Witchers Life at the School of The Cat, their incomplete Mutations and cruel training was only stabilized and balanced out by the Trial of the Grasses at The School of The Griffin. Following that I wintered for a time at the Bear School, their Trial of the Grasses made my Body more durable as well as my mutations. Subsequent trips to the Manticore, Viper, and ultimately Wolf Schools achieved Greater and more results in my training, however I either never completed either the additional Trials of the Grasses completely, the Trials themselves or did not take them at the Schools of the Manticore, Viper, and Wolf.
Fucking hated every minute of it!
Of course the repeated Trials did have it's perks. Unlike my brethren I was capable of siring offspring, and that in itself was pleasing. I could settle down and any children born of my woman I could justifiably claim as my own.
But of course I had my vices, I whored frequently, Passiflora was my favorite, and Amryn my Favorite within the Passiflora. I also suffered from mild insomnia and Paranoia. That last one had one man responsible, my greatest and most hated nemesis...
The one person I hated more than anybody else, was Jad Karridan. That sick fuck took twisted delight in abusing my fellow kittens of the School of The Cat. Only the Lions amongst the litter got past it.
On a more recent note, I spent a period of time fighting against Nilfgaard under John Natalis, when Radovid took over I deserted.
Oh, I still took the time to fuck over Nilfgaard, but for the most part I branched out when Contracts were scarce, became a Bounty Hunter.
I'll spare you the Gory details, but that got me locked up in a Nilfgaardian Jail...in Temeria's Capital city of Vizima no less.
(Vizima Dungeons, Vizima, Temeria, The Northern Kingdoms)
I spent my time in my cell meditating, or I would have been unless an authoritative and cultured tone broke me from my Meditation.
''I hear they call you Cintra's last son.'' I opened my eyes to see Emhyr Var Emreis.
''Yea, That they do cousin.'' I reply, and note the intrigued glint in his eye. ''My great-grandfather was Pavetta's Cousin, making you my third or so cousin-in-law. He married Queen Bienvenu La Louve whom he impregnated with Medell, who impregnated his wife with my father and uncle and aunt. Father was killed after conceiving a child with Queen Meve.'' I reply.
''Did you know Pavetta?'' Asks Emhyr.
''Not very well, I grew up with Cirilla though. Sorry, don't mean to raise dead ghosts for you or me. Look if your going to kill me bloody well get on with it. I've been wanting to die for years.'' I say.
''She's back, Cirilla is back. I have an agent tracking Geralt of Rivia down, I want you to help him track my daughter down.'' Says Emhyr.
''I'll need five things before I agree. First A wagon of Gold for my payment. Secondly I want the Temerian, Lyrian and Rivian, and Cintran Thrones, I'll rule as a Vassal state to Cirilla, with Kaedwen, Redania and Aedirn as my own Vassals. I would never willingly war upon Cirilla so do not worry. Thirdly I want help restoring the Witcher Schools of The Viper, Wolf, Bear, Griffin, and Manticore Schools. Fourthly an estate in Toussaint, specifically a Vineyard. And finally letter of Imperial Authority from you.'' I say.
''You want a lot.'' Says Emhyr.
''Emhyr, I am the last son of Temeria with Royal Blood, Royal Blood that also contains Cintran and Lyrian and Rivian Royal Blood. Seat me on the Combined Thrones of Temeria, Lyria and Rivia, and Cintra, and in so doing, you can bring your detractors to heel with a Powerful new Vassal who's territory instantly covers whole swaths of the Northern Kingdoms Territories in a golden son on black. By comparison a Wagon of Gold, Letter of Authority, Help rebuilding the Witcher Schools, and a Toussaint Vineyard seem like a small reward in exchange. Paltry even.'' I counter.
''Hmm, you have a point.'' Says Emhyr grudgingly.
''Look, if it's any consolation the only Nilfgaardian problem I have is the War. When you reignited it I was honor bound to defend my Father's homeland. But the second my cousin-in-law took over I deserted. Besides I do have something to bargain with, a relationship with Cerys an Craite, getting into bed with her will get Skellige's strongest Clan on board, and will also improve your position with Cirilla. Cerys and Cirilla are fond of each other.'' I offer up.
''If I seat you on the throne, you must have either General Movran Voorhis or his cousin General Alec Vander Vor Eichel at your right hand.'' Says Duny.
''I know the names, they've both got a nice little rep, if either of them lives up to it I'd be glad to take them on.'' I reply, standing up and approaching the Cell's Door. ''I'll need information and contacts to work with however, as I doubt my own will suffice '' I say.
''Then You've got a mission, Guard unlock his chains and return his equipment and belongings to him after he's bathed and shaved.'' Says Emhyr.
''Trim my beard but that's allowed to do.'' I say gruffly.
''Very well.'' Says Emhyr.
There I was, Razor to the throat when a Nilfgaardian General enters and the Razor to the throat wasn't just being used for trimming my beard anymore.
''Well, bloody well get on with it.'' I say with disinterest, as the general approaches.
''Prince Artus, I'm General Alec Vander Vor Eichel, Commander of the 447th Battle Regiment. My cousin Movran Voorhis apologizes for being unable to attend, he's tending to a particularly unruly Lieutenant.'' Says The Man, and Artus notes the slight hint of a non-Nilfgaardian accent to his Nilfgaardian Accent.
''Your not a Nilfgaardian, not Culturally anyhow. My guess is either Cintran, Cidarian, or possibly Vicovarian. Tell me I'm wrong.'' I note.
''Mother was Cintran, but father was from Vicovaro. I prefer Cidaris however.'' The General states with some amusement.
''What do you want?'' I ask after a moment.
''Movran has asked Me to cover some basic questions to test your answers against Geralt of Rivia. Where were you when Your Uncle was fighting Baroness Maria Louisa La Valette?'' Asks General Alec.
''At the time of the Siege I was in Novigrad, tracking a particularly frustrating Fleder.'' I reply.
''You would later rendezvous with Geralt during the Pontar Valley dispute between Henselt and Saskia, on which side was that?'' Asks the general.
''The Kaedweni King was a cunt, but he was an efficient commander, so in lieu of a better Commander I would rendezvous with Geralt under Henselt's banner. Unfortunately Henselt betrayed us, he massacred the Temerian Blue Stripes and raped Vernon Roche's Second-in-command. Since Ves was a Temerian officer and the other officers had died, Henselt was guilty of War Crimes. The punishment was death.'' I tell him.
''What of Letho of Gulet?'' Asks Alec.
''Lethy was my friend, he mentored me at the School of The Viper. Him, Serrit, and Auckes were dear friends, you fuckers did yourselves no favors in betraying us. Letho kept his Word, you didn't. It cost him two of his last remaining brothers, and you still betrayed him. So betray me and I swear upon all the God's that I will burn Nilfgaard to the ground.'' I respond harshly.
''Fair enough.'' Says Alec evenly.
''One thing bothers me, Alec Vander Vor Eichel was killed at the Battle of the Pontar, so how are you still alive?'' I ask.
''The Arrow that hit me missed my heart by centimeters.'' Alec offers up simply.
''What about the Venom? I refined it myself, how are you able to act normally after getting penetrated by an Arrow that was coated in Basilisk Venom that had been modified to have Archespore Spit and Archgriffin Venom ingrained into it.
''Went stale.'' Was the reply, and I curse silently at that. I'd be having words that ninny of a Sergeant if he hadn't died in the fifth wave of Nilfgaardian's.
''We're done now.'' Says General Alec, as he departs.
''Your not just an ordinary servant are you?'' I say to the barber.
The Barber grins cheerily before pulling his face off.
''Son of a Bitch.'' I say laughing as I stand embrace the man.
''Been awhile brother.'' The man before says.
''What brings the likes of Ivo of Bearhaven to my new employer.'' I ask embracing Ivo.
''You should know, We received word from the Old Man, Queen Adda wants Radovid dead and circulated a Contract among our Order: Take her husband's head, and she'll hep us rebuild the Schools.'' Says Ivo.
"We've been down that road before, here, with these ysgarthiad. What makes the Illustrious Adda The White any different?" I ask, having met my cousin previously I was a little wary of her intentions.
"Because, she'll unite her claim to Temeria with yours. Together you will rule, and in her own words: "Fuck Nilfgaard in the Arse." Bit more colorful than I'm used to, but She's willing to put serious coin behind us." Says Ivo.
"How does she know about me? The Records were sealed, and later burned?!" I demand in a fierce whisper.
"Karridan, he leaked it." Says Ivo in a dejected tone.
My body tenses, and my entire gut burns furiously as rage begins to course through me.
"He's still alive?!" I ask barely keeping my voice even, my body is literally fighting me for something to throttle.
Ivo, notices my bodies adverse reaction and quickly jabs me in the neck with a needle.
A few moments later my body stops twitching and my sweat stained face and glazed look shows my relief as my heavy breathing begins to still and slow.
"Thank you." I say breathlessly.
"Yeah, He's alive, Adda wants to sit down with you. Me, Keldar, Letho, Gaetan, and Eske have agreed to come to the table, but its a deal breaker if your a no-show. Radovid's currently in Novigrad, Adda has situated herself in Oxenfurt, but has arranged the meeting at Sigi Reuven's bath house. We'll be meeting the other conspirators there." Says Ivo.
"My price, is six names, five alive, one dead. One guess as to the corpse I want." I growl out furiously.
"Had a feeling that'd be the case, already making inroads to the five, have Lambert and Fergal runnin' down that last name." Says Ivo.
"You put Fergie with Lambert? Ah you fucking trying to get them killed?" I asked.
"Wasn't my choice brother, Keldar has seniority, and those two have issues that need sorting." Says Ivo.
"If they don't kill each other I ain't gonna take my knife to Keldar's un-fucked nut. They do kill each other, it'll be your nut that meets my knife." I tell him.
"What do I tell the other's? What do I tell Adda?" Asks Ivo.
"I'll be in Novigrad soon enough, no doubt run afoul of that fat tub of cow shit, one way or another I'll be there." I tell him.
"Master Witcher? The Emperor's sorceress is ready for you." Says a guardsman as Ivo fucks off into an alcove.
"Oh joy, Fringilla Vigo, the Magical Cunt of Coldness." I mutter sarcastically.
Geralt...is...gonna...die.
He has the shittiest taste in women, insofar as Yennefer was concerned. But Lady of the Lake's tits, that figure.
I was cursed and gifted being incapable of fucking without potentially producing a child, naturally this meant my Witcher's Libido was higher than Lambert's and Geralt's put together.
Which makes you understand why I whore frequently.
''As I was saying Geralt will likely end up in White Orchard. I want you in Novigrad while I handle Skellige and Geralt handles Velen.'' Says Yennefer.
''Have business at Passiflora anyway, Can do this as a side job.'' I say, trying my best to piss her off.
Yennefer looks at me and slaps me, In response I give a backhanded slap myself. The surprise in Yennefes's eyes soon turns to an unnervingly predatory look...