Title: I'd rather die than forget you
Characters: Thomas and Minho
Disclaimer: The characters belongs to James Dashner
Notes: A Thominho fanfic based during the events of The Death Cure and after, with the addition of a hanahaki AU. I wrote it in English and it's not my first language, so if there is any mistake, it's normal. Thank you, and enjoy!
"If I don't see you on the other side" Minho said in a sappy voice "Remember that I love you."
If asked, Minho would have said it came out of nowhere and that he was just joking. But the fact was… he has been in love with his best friend, Thomas, ever since that night in the Maze. Ever since the dumb shank saved his life. And he was so scared of losing him, like in the Scorch back then, that he had to tell him how he felt. That was maybe his last chance.
But to his despair, the boy only rolled his eyes. It was like a punch to his stomach, sucking the air out of him. His heart was being torn to pieces. Thomas didn't love him back. He shouldn't be that surprised, there was so many people interested in the lovable brown haired boy, why would Thomas love him? Why would he chose him? But having it confirmed was just so painful. But he couldn't let it show.
So he snickered, acting as if he just told another joke, endorsing his sarcastic self once again, and went into the city, ignoring the weird feeling that started blooming in his chest.
...
The first time it happened, it was in Hans's house. Minho had just stopped Thomas from killing all of them while the boy was under WICKED's control. Letting go of Thomas's body after he passed out and was now safe as Hans was removing the chip he had in his head, Minho excused himself to the bathroom. Ever since they entered Denver, the Runner had a weird sensation in his throat, as if something was tickling it from the inside and it was bothering him.
It's only once alone, that Minho started coughing uncontrollably. He started panicking. His lungs were burning and his throat was hurting.
Was he sick? Was he not immune and the Flare got to him? Out of breath and eyes watering from coughing too hard, he barely acknowledged the small pink petal that felt from his mouth. He stopped coughing not much later. He sat on the cold floor, trying to calm himself down.
Looking at the petal, confusion filled his mind. It definitely came out of his mouth. From his knowledge, something like that wasn't supposed to happen. But as Jorge was calling for him as it was his turn on the surgery, he had to put that aside. He kept the petal in one of his pocket, promising himself to get to the bottom of it once he'll have the time.
...
He woke up not much later after his surgery. He was glad the thing was out of him, the thought of WICKED controlling him was terrible. Looking around, he saw Thomas asleep on a bed not much far from his. He looked peaceful, a rare expression on him.
The Runner got out of bed and got a chair to sit close to the brunet. He didn't know why he did it, why he got up to sit next to his friend, a bed would be more comfortable. But he had to be close to Thomas. He had to protect him, to make sure he was okay and safe. He wanted to be close to him. If he wasn't afraid of disrupting Thomas's well deserved rest, he would have joined the boy on the mattress and took him in his arms.
He knew that soon, they'll be back into troubles, so he wanted to enjoy this peacefulness as much as possible. For the first time since the Maze, Minho was alone with Thomas. He was alone with the boy he was in love with. But as he was tracing the boy features with his eyes, he was reminded of the fact that his feelings were unrequited. That Thomas didn't love him that way.
He started coughing heavily once again. He tried to muffle it by putting a hand on his mouth, not wanting to wake up his friend, as the same pain from before constricted his chest. It fortunately didn't last long, but as he was removing his hand from his mouth, he saw two pink petals covered in saliva in his palm. This was concerning.
But beside him, Thomas was waking up so he once again had to put his uneasiness aside and act like everything was fine. The only thing he never wanted to do was to make Thomas worry, the boy had already enough on his shoulders. So he put the two petals in his pocket, along with the first one.
...
It's only once in Paradise that he started throwing up full flowers. After they left Denver, Minho had often excused himself whenever he felt like a coughing fit was about to happen. As time passed by, more and more petals were coming out of his mouth. But they were in the middle of the apocalypse, he didn't have time to think about it.
When Thomas had left to go to WICKED, Minho had thrown up more petals than he ever did. He did his best to hide it, but he knew that his pale face, his dark circles and his hoarse voice were noticeable. He was sick and his lungs were hurting so much.
When he saw Thomas again in WICKED's facilities and helped him save the other immunes, it got a bit better. He wasn't coughing so often and the uneasiness he felt while being away from Thomas wasn't there anymore.
But it was only temporary. Once in Paradise, it got worst. And it was getting harder and harder to hide it from Thomas since the boy always wanted to be around him, not that he would have complained about before. They even started to share a cabin once they've built enough, which made his coughing fit a big trouble for him to hide. He didn't want Thomas to know, he didn't. It would only make him worry.
But when the first full flower came out, Minho knew he needed to tell someone. There was blood on the long pink petals, explaining why his throat was in pain. He didn't know what kind of flower it was, and he didn't care. The only thing that he wanted to know was why it was coming out of him.
So, the same day, after his duty as one of the leader, he went to the Medjacks. It was his only option. Clint was working there, along with other immunes who had medical knowledge. He knew the boy liked his job back in the Glade, but Clint seemed to enjoy it even more in Paradise as he was learning with the older immunes.
He entered the hut. Since it was late in the day, only Clint and a man named Aaron were left. He showed them the flower.
"That's a clematis" Clint said "I don't think I've seen clematis vines around here, where did you find it?"
"How do you know that?"
"Oh, I've always liked flowers" he replied with a small smile, "but that doesn't answer my question."
Minho looked away. He was kind of afraid to find out what was his problem. The idea that it maybe was the Flare was out of the window since the symptom weren't the same, but it could be something worst and Minho didn't want that.
"I… hum… It came out of my mouth" he finally admitted.
"What do you mean it came out of your mouth?" The young Medjack was looking at him as if he just a grown a second head.
"That it came out of my mouth! I've been coughing petals for a while now, but the flower just came out… I really don't know what's happening."
Clint looked even more confused, however, Aaron had a sad look on his face.
"What?" the young leader asked, "do you know what it is?"
The older man nodded sadly. "Yes, it's the hanahaki disease." Both ex-Gladers turned looked at him with wide eyes.
"And what is it?" Given the grieving look Aaron had, Minho could only guessed that this disease was anything but good.
"It's also called the love disease" he explained. "When a strong love towards another person is unrequited, the victim starts growing a flowering plants in their lungs and cough petals and flowers until the plants grow big enough to suffocate them to their death."
"That's a thing?" Clint asked, horrified by the idea of being choked from the inside.
The older Medjack only nodded.
Minho couldn't believe it. He was dying. He was dying out of love. He was dying because he loved Thomas too much. He tried is best to hold back tears and make his voice as sturdy as possible to ask "Is there any ways to cure it?"
"There's two. If the love he reciprocated, or by a surgery. I could do it, I've deal with it before."
Minho didn't hesitate "Okay, do it."
The immune sighed. "There is a twist though. After the surgery, you won't remember the person you love. And you won't be able to love them anymore."
Breath was sucked out of him as everything crashed down on him. He could never. He could never forget Thomas again. He was going to die.
Silent tears started to fall. After everything, his life had come to that? His stomach was in knots and soon enough he was coughing again, without restrain. He felt to the floor, vomiting another flower. Clint had went to him, putting a hand on his shoulder, helplessness and worry heavy on his face.
After drinking some water that Aaron brought him, Minho took a deep breath and spoke clearly, wanting to make his point clear "I will not take the surgery. Never."
"But Minho…" Clint pleaded.
"No. Never. Forget it." He was being serious. The most serious he had ever been. Looking right into the ex-Glader's eyes, he tried to make him understand to not ever question his decision.
"It's Thomas, isn't it?" Aaron sighed. "It's Thomas you love?"
Minho turned around quickly, facing the man "How'd you know?"
The Medjack let out a sad smile "It's pretty obvious. You should see how you look at him."
"Wait what, you're in love with Thomas!?" Clint exclaimed, surprised.
"Yeah" he admitted, not without looking away as if embarrassed. "And you better not tell anybody, not even him."
"But what if he loves you too? You have to tell him! That could save you!"
"I did!" Minho yelled, the anger getting to him. "I did tell him! And he doesn't love me back! So what can I do!?"
"Get the surgery" Aaron intervened.
The leader clenched his fists, trying to not get even more angry "No, never. I thought I made that pretty clear."
Taking a deep breath, not wanting his bad temper to get the best of him, he continued, his tone a bit calmer than before "I can't forget him. I can't. It would break Thomas. We've been through so much and this friendship that we have is the only thing we can hold on to. If I forget him, Thomas would lose me and I don't know how that's gonna affect him. I don't wanna risk it."
"But if you die, he will still lose you, have you thought about that?" the man argued back.
Minho glared at him, mad that he even said that "Yes I did, shank. With me dying, Thomas would be able to grieve and go on with his life. If I stay and don't remember him, he won't be able to, I know it, I know him… Beside…"
He stopped, realizing he started crying. This was such a mess. His mind was running wild. He couldn't believe his life had come to that. He was going to die, leaving Thomas behind, leaving everyone behind, because of love. He was so mad, he wanted to destroy everything.
"Beside" he continued after a while "I-I can't forget something about my life ever again. Never. And you-" he pointed to Clint "should understand that. We know when our minds have been altered and I don't want to experience that again. I don't want to forget Thomas. I lov-"
He stopped, realizing what he was going to say.
"Because you love him too much" Aaron completed for him, surprisingly understanding the Runner. But he didn't put too much thought into it.
Minho sat down on a chair nearby, wiping away his tears before nodding, forcing to admit the truth. "Yes" he said putting his head in his hands as everything crashed down on him. "I love him too much. He means too much for me. If I forget him, I forget everything. I can't do that. I'd rather die."
His declaration was met with silence. Both men didn't know what to say. How could they?
"I understand your decision Minho, but if you change your mind, just tell me and I'll perform the surgery."
Minho nodded in acknowledgement, already knowing he would never change his mind.
"In the meantime, don't tell anybody, especially Thomas, do you understand?" The boy had used it authoritative tone, making sure they both understood that it wasn't a request, but an order.
"If that's what you want…"
...
Weeks passed by. Every day, Minho was throwing up more and more flowers. Aaron told him the final stage of the disease would have him coughing out petals and flowers whenever he would speak.
He also told him that apparently, when someone have the hanahaki disease, the flowers that starts growing in their lungs is supposed to represent the person they are in love with. Given that Clint had told him that clematis symbolised mental beauty and ingenuity, Minho knew he was indeed dying out of love for Thomas.
He was also able to hide it from said boy, luckily. His best friend was of course getting concerned about Minho state, as he was getting paler, his voice hoarser, as if he was sick, and looked more tired every day. But the young leader brushed it off, saying it was only the pressure he felt as one of the leader that made him sleep less. Since Thomas was also part of the leader group, he didn't really questioned it as he also felt like this job was tiring sometimes. He suggested Minho to take some rest, which allowed him to go throw up more flowers without anyone seeing.
And whenever he could, Clint tried to convince him to do the surgery, saying that he didn't want to lose another friend again, but every time Minho threatened to punch him if he ever suggested it once more.
Breathing was becoming harder too. Well, with a plant growing in your lungs, it shouldn't be a surprise. But because of it, he had more and more troubles sleeping. He often stayed up at night, staring at Thomas laying on a bed not much far from his. Sometimes he would see the boy stir and toss restlessly when having a nightmare. During those time, he only wanted to cuddle to him in order to appease him, but whenever he touched Thomas for too long, he felt the urge to throw up another flower.
So he stayed awake, forced to watch the one he loved suffer, feeling helpless. Sometimes, when it was getting too much, he would go to the beach and watch the waves until the sun came, crying about his life.
He hated it. He hated it so much. Knowing he was going to die soon, he at least wanted to make happy memories before it happened, but he was just becoming miserable. People started noticing how irritable he was, not that he had a good temper to begin with. Sometimes, he wished he would die quickly. Like right now. It would be better than to deal with all the dark thoughts that were invading him.
...
"I knew I would find you here" a soft voice said behind him.
It was another morning on the beach for Minho. During that night, Thomas had screamed in his sleep. It was just too much for the boy to handle. He had went out of their cabin and ran to the beach before throwing up more flowers then he ever did. He was still holding them in his hands, cursing them for killing him softly, when he heard someone coming. He had quickly hid the flowers in the sand, hoping was had not been seen.
"You seem to come here often nowadays" Thomas continued while sitting next to his best friend.
"Yeah, hearing you snore gets tiring" Minho responded sarcastically, voice hoarser than ever.
He didn't even had to look to know Thomas had a small smile on his face after that comment. That's how he wanted the brunet to remember him - a snarky boy who could made him smile. Not someone who can't remember him and can't love him the way he should be loved.
Thomas got closer to him, enough to be able to put his head on Minho's shoulder, who immediately tensed, but not enough for the Runner to notice.
"I must admit, seeing the sun going up in the sky is pretty beautiful" he said after a while. Minho wanted to agree, to say something, but something was in his throat. Soon enough his secret would be discovered and he couldn't allow it.
He got up quickly, pretending to have something urgent to do. Pretending he didn't see the pain in Thomas's eyes.
...
"We should go running" Thomas suggested one day, taking Minho by surprise.
"What?"
The brunet looked away shyly before answering "I barely spend time with you anymore… I just… I want to do something with you, alone… If you want."
Minho felt bad. So bad. By trying to keep his secret, he had to reject and be away from his best friend too many times and he was now realizing how hurt Thomas was because of it. "Okay" he said, not thinking about the consequences. Seeing the boy's smile was enough for him.
They went into the forest nearby and started jogging. It had been a while since he has run and soon, the adrenaline got to him and the familiarity of it was kind of soothing. He smiled, his first smile ever since he was diagnosed with the love disease. It felt good, even if breathing was a bit hard because of those damned flowers in his lungs.
Thomas was a bit ahead of him and also looked happy, freer than he'd ever been. As he turned around, looking at him with a big smile, Minho was once again hit by another wave of love for this boy. He was so beautiful. So perfect. He really was his everything. Forgetting that boy would be forgetting himself.
All of a sudden, something was choking him and he felt to the ground, unable to breath. He panicked. Thomas was with him, he couldn't start throwing up flowers now! He couldn't! But his reflexes took control and he started vomiting and coughing up tons of petals and flowers.
Thomas, who heard him stopped, screamed in horror "What the shuck Minho!? What's happening? Are you okay?"
Minho wanted to cry. It hurt so much. His throat throbbed in pain and by the red spot on the petals he knew he was bleeding from the inside. He couldn't breathe. He was dying and he was dying in front of Thomas which was the last thing he wanted.
Beside him his best friend was still panicking, but he couldn't hear anything he was saying. He continued coughing, hoping to die now to make the pain stop.
He didn't die.
His coughing stopped, but he was feeling so weak and breathing was so hard.
"Minho, Minho, please talk to me, are you okay!?" he finally heard Thomas said, still panicking.
He only then realized he was now laying on his back with Thomas over him, his hands holding his face. The boy was crying. He wanted to wipe the tears. Why was Thomas crying?
"Minho, what's happening to you?! Why did flowers came out of your mouth?!" he sobbed.
Minho looked up. Big golden eyes were looking at him in worry. And despite the fact that they were watery because of all the tears, in his mind, they never looked to beautiful.
"I-" he tried to say, but his voice only sounded like a whisper and to his despair, a petal had come out of his mouth.
The last stage.
He was dying.
"I'm dying" he finally managed to say. Thomas widened his eyes in horror.
"What do you mean you're dying?! Please don't die! Don't do that to me, you can't-"
"Shhh, it's okay…" Thomas couldn't believe it. In what world his best friend dying was okay?! Minho was leaving him. He was going to be alone. He sobbed even harder.
"It's… It's the hanahaki disease" Minho said, voice weak and raspy, as more petals came out "The un… unrequited love disease."
"W-what?" he asked, sniffing.
He had no choice now, he had to explain everything to Thomas. He couldn't hide it anymore.
"I-I love someone who… doesn't love me back… and it's killing me from the inside." It was becoming harder to speak and it required all his energy. He could only see his friend above him, holding back his tears.
"Is.. is there a way to cure it?"
"If… if the person loves me back… or with a surgery… but the surgery will make me forget that person…"
"Then get the surgery! Please! Please Minho! I don't want to lose you too" Thomas cried, even more agitated and distressed than before. "Everything is my fault, everything… I killed him and now it'll kill you too… I'm so sorry Minho… I tried, I tried, but…"
"Thomas… you're not making any sense right now…"
"But I killed him Minho! I killed Newt! I killed the person you lov-"
"It's… it's not Newt that I love… shank"
Thomas took a moment to understand Minho's words. Wiping his nose, he asked "What? But I thought-"
"You thought wrong… Newt's was… he was in love with Alby… "
"What? But I thought… it doesn't matter, please get the surgery! Please, I don't want you to die!"
"No… I won't… I won't get the surgery…"
He tried to take a deep breath.
"…I don't want to forget you…"
Every word was painful. He knew that soon, the damn plant would be big enough to suffocate him. Consciousness was leaving him. He was dying.
At that point, it didn't matter anymore, he just had to tell him one last time.
"I love you…" he managed to say before blacking out.
...
He woke up in white sheets. The light was soft, as if he was in a tent and it was sunny outside. Everything looked soft and peaceful. Was he dead?
Coming out of his daze, he finally realized he was in the Medjack's hut. So not dead. Not yet.
His body felt lighter and his breathing was better, which was weird since he had a growing plant in him. But before he could dwell on it, someone shouted his name beside him "Minho! You're awake!"
Without seeing it coming, a body was on him, hugging him tight. "Shuck Minho, I was so scared! You almost died and… You passed out, I didn't know what to do… Jorge helped me carry you to the Medjacks and…"
"Shh… Thomas… shhh. One thing at a time please…" Minho interrupted, voice only barely a whisper, but it made the boy stop his rambling.
"Sorry. You just scared the klunk out of me…"
That made Minho laugh lightly, it was still funny to hear Thomas use Glader slangs. But he stopped abruptly, realizing that the petals supposed to come out of his mouth whenever he spoke… didn't. In shock, he stood up in bed, surprising the brunet who yelped by being pushed back.
"What?" Confusion filled his mind. Was this a dream? Was he dead?
"Aaron said all the vines are gone" Thomas explained, wiping his nose with the back of his hands, which made Minho realize only now that his friend has been crying. His eyes were red and dried tears were still apparent on his face. "You're cured."
"But… that's not possible" Minho argued, a little louder this time "I didn't get the surgery and…"
Thomas put a hand on his mouth, stopping him in his track. "There was another way for you to be cured, remember?" he said simply.
The young leader widened his eyes in realization.
The brunet slid his hand across his friend's cheeks, taking the older boy's face in his hands. "I love you too, Minho."
He missed a heartbeat. Butterflies swarmed in his stomach. Thomas was in love with him. He loved him. It couldn't be real. It just couldn't!
But as Thomas moved closer to him, pressing his forehead to his, Minho knew it was real. The hands on his skin felt real. The nose against his was real. The amber eyes looking at him were real. Thomas's love for him was real.
"I've always loved you, Minho. Always" he continued as more tears flowed his eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I'm sorry it took me too long to realize it…" He sniffed again "And because of that, you almost died and-"
"No… no… don't say that…" Minho whispered, his throat still hurting him. He went to caress his best friend cheeks, wiping away the tears. "Nothing is your fault, okay?"
"But I thought you were in love with Newt, so I-I never told you a-and I killed him and-and I thought you would hate me if I told you and -"
"Stop it Thomas. Stop it." He sighed. "I saw the note… I knew."
"You saw the-"
Minho put a hand on the boy's mouth "Yes I did. What Newt asked you to do is horrible… I'm sorry you had to go through that… But he's in a better place now, okay?"
Thomas nodded.
"Okay… now that this have been cleared off… I just wanna now… If you love me, why didn't you said so when I told you I love you back in Denver?"
It was now Thomas's turn to be surprised "But I thought you were joking!"
"Slinthead, in what world would I have joked about that…"
Thomas looked down, ashamed of himself "I'm sor-"
"No. No more of that, okay?" Minho interrupted.
Thomas nodded, reluctantly. He still felt responsible for everything… for killing Newt and then almost killing the boy he loved because he was so dumb…
"I'm okay now…" Minho continued softly, getting even closer to the other boy. "I'm okay…"
They stayed silent for a while, taking everything in. Stroking the brunet's cheeks with his thumbs, Minho was yet again hit with another wave of love for this boy. This selfless boy who cared more about other than himself. This boy who couldn't see how amazing, kind and lovable he was.
He wanted to give him everything. The boy deserved so much.
Not being able to resist anymore, Minho pressed their lips together in an overdue kiss. And it was the best feeling in the world. Everything else didn't matter. Thomas's lips against his own was everything. Wrapping his arms around the smaller framed boy, he also pressed their bodies together. He wanted to feel Thomas completely. But he was soon pushed on his back as the brunet took control.
Laying down, Thomas above him, Minho could only let him. His body was still too weak. But he didn't mind. Letting the boy he loved dominate the kiss as he was taking his bottom lip between his and sucking… It was everything he ever wanted.
As Thomas deepened the kiss, the young leader almost wanted to cry at how good it was. Gripping the brown hair in his fingers, moaning, he let himself completely go into the kiss. He couldn't remember if he ever kissed anyone before, but he knew that even if he did, this kiss with Thomas, the love of his life, would have make him forget about any another kisses he may have had before. Because it was that good.
As their tongues danced together, Minho couldn't help but be hit once again by his feelings. He loved Thomas. He loved him so much. And he was kissing him, his body against his. He never felt closer to him than in that moment.
They were in their own bubble, taking their times, as if they were alone in the world. They were appreciating this moment and making up for lost time. Realizing that this could have never happened and them just wanting to take the most out of it. Them being in love.
"I'm sorry lover boys, but we need the bed" a voice interrupted. "Now that you're awake Minho, you can leave."
Breaking the kiss, embarrassed to have been caught, both boys blushed and detangled themselves from each other in a hurry. Minho glared at Clint who interrupted the best moment of his miserable life.
"Y-yeah… we should go" Thomas stuttered, visibly uncomfortable, already prepared to leave.
Minho slowly followed him, still feeling pretty weak. Before they got out of the hut, Clint talked again "You should still rest for the day, Minho. Aaron said that the flowers started fading the moment you told Thomas about your feelings and he reciprocated them, before they started disappearing, but it apparently takes a lot of your energy, so yeah…"
"Okay, thanks Clint."
They went out of the hut, making Minho realize it was pretty late in the day. The sun was still there, but soon enough orange hues were going to color the sky.
Walking together, Thomas surprised the boy by taking his hand, holding it thigh. "Should we go to our cabin? So that you can rest?"
Minho winked at him before pressing a kiss to his temple "Only if you're here to cuddle with me."
"Good that."
And with Thomas, his best friend, his lover, in his arms, Minho finally started to enjoy life in Paradise.
Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it!
And leave a comment, it's always appreciated!
-Safr2n