To lalez, whose encouragement had been crucial in my decision to transform my crazy private draft into this to-be-shared One-Shot.
Also thanks to claira8683 for the final push over the edge.

I Love You Too

Chris stood on the doorstep with her heart pounding even louder than her knocks. Luca would not be home, but Street must be. He ought to be here. She needed to see him before changing her mind, before leaving LA and him for three whole months.

Her hands trembled, but not for the cooling air of the late afternoon. She had rehearsed the conversation she needed to have with Street again and again in her mind, and yet, she still wasn't sure what she would be able to get out when the occasion arises. Her desires, her needs, and what she thought acceptable for her to say and do didn't match, and that was consuming her now more than ever.

She urged another set of knocks, glanced down the quiet neighborhood, and lifted her fist in the air once more.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" finally sounded from inside, and shortly after, the door unlocked. "What's so urgent?"

Chris's fist froze in mid-air. Her eyes lingered on the dripping, half-naked body in front of her, and her face burned. Get a grip, she chided herself. This is not the first time you see him wrapped in a towel right out of the shower. This time though, the orange sunset light made his skin glisten wherever it did not cast Chris's shadow on him... Why is he already making things more difficult?

She willed herself to focus on his puzzled eyes. "May I come in?"

"Yeah," Street said, giving her some way to cross the door. "Something wrong?" He continued, his insistent gaze seizing her from head to toes. "I thought you would be home tying up loose ends on the packing."

I'm done packing, Chris thought. That's why I'm here. But she found herself at a loss on what to say, not even able to hold his look. What she wanted to happen didn't match what she knew should happen. But how could she focus when he was like that? What he held in the depth of his heart was crystal clear, and since she'd started to accept it, all she wanted here and now was to see what he hid under that towel.

"What happened?" The concern dimple between Street's eyebrows deepened as he tried to catch her eyes. "You're worrying me."

"Is Luca here?" Chris asked even though she already knew the answer. Her eyes helplessly shifted down to take in Street's body before she forced them to focus on the wet trails he'd left rushing out from the bathroom. She sucked in a deep breath; the familiar and yet somehow new scent of his shower gel permeated the whole house.

Moments ago, he'd been trying to wash off the fatigue of the long shift, opting to shower home and not at the HQ so he could take his sweet time letting the hot water carry away worries and exhaustion. As steam surrounded him, the gentle drops obeyed his desires, stroking his hair, caressing his skin, massaging his muscles… his whole fit, vibrating, taut body… As heat invaded her, Chris tried to shake the image off before getting lost in it.

"You should know he's not." Street tightened his grip on the knot of the towel around his waist. What was that in his eyes? Why couldn't she read him anymore? He continued, "Luca's been talking about his farewell night with Kelly all shift. You know how being away from that kid for all this time again makes him feel. Why do you need to see him anyway?"

"Not him." Now or never. Chris swallowed hard. "I needed to see you."

"You found me." He tried for a smirk, but something deeper lurked behind his cheeky expression.

"Alone," she found herself adding. "I needed to see you alone."

Surprise flashed on Street's face, making his features hard to decode. In doubt, Chris's focus fell on the little water drops underlining his muscles. It surely didn't help her restrain her impulses and only talk to him. All this was proving a lot more difficult than expected.

What to say?

Street ruffled his wet hair, then slicked them back. "I'm right here." He smiled encouragingly and nodded his head toward the kitchen counter. "Why don't you help yourself to some tea or coffee while I put something on, so we can sit and talk?"

Now or never. Go.

"Wait," Chris stepped closer and grabbed his wrist. I don't want you to put anything on, she wanted to add, but with his blistering eyes set on her, she couldn't utter a word. Be brave, she told herself and quietly feathered her finger over his still damp skin until her hand was on his neck, and, pulling him closer, she laid a kiss on his full mouth.

Street's muscles instinctively relaxed under her touch, and he just gave in, slowly kissing her back. As his hands moved on her back, she pulled him even closer, warmth spreading inside her whole body. Her legs buckled for the intensity of the moment. How could she have resisted this until now?

As the kiss deepened, a movement under his towel sent sparks up Chris's spine, but right then, Street pulled away from her, putting both his hands on the loosening knot that represented the last defense of his hot, naked body.

Chris's eyes burned through him, demanding and confused.

"What does this mean?" he managed almost in a whisper, his Adam's apple quivering.

Chris stood silent, her cheeks flaming and her gaze unable to abandon his lips. Street's face was again hard to decode, or maybe she was just too scared to read it; his eyes were begging her, but for what?

"I thought you wanted it too," she breathed. Why was her voice so uncertain, pleading even? It, she'd said. It. Why couldn't she name this feeling? Why couldn't she say aloud what she wanted?

"That I wanted what?" Street pressed as if reading the chaos in her mind. Why did he always need to talk? Why couldn't he just live in the moment?

"Us," Chris forced herself to admit, at a loss for anything else. She wanted it all. Him. Them. Why was it this difficult to say it out loud? What was she so scared of?

Street's eyes widened. She could tell his gears were turning and his heart was racing. He was a mirror of her own feelings: confusion, desire, love... fear.

"Chris, you're leaving from Germany tomorrow." He folded his arms tight. "I'm supposed to drive you and Luca to the airport."

"I'm here now," she insisted. We still have now. Please.

Street sighed, and she could tell he wanted to give in. "And then what? You're going away for three whole months, and I'm staying here. Alone." He shook his head. "And when you get back? What happens to us then?"

Us. Hearing it from his mouth was elating, but Chris hesitated. Then what?

What?

"Are you gonna regret it tomorrow?" His voice quivered. "Are you gonna change your mind as soon as the morning comes? Sooner?" The turmoil in his eyes was a punch in the gut. "What do you feel, Chris? What will this mean tomorrow?"

What does this mean now? What will this mean tomorrow?

Chris shifted uncomfortably, surprised by how terribly she needed to look him straight in the eyes while admitting, "I don't know." She didn't want to hold it in anymore. She couldn't. She didn't know? So? Why couldn't they figure it out together?

Street's pupils dilated and his eyes got misty, but he didn't break eye contact. Chris felt he was close to giving in to her, that he wanted it, and yet he refrained himself. Didn't he trust her? Was it a thick layer of pain holding him back?

"All I know is that I'm here now," Chris uttered. "I want to be here with you. I need to be here." She placed a hand on his chest; his heart throbbed against her fingertips as if making a race with her own. "Let's make this our goodbye night. Let's be here in the present. No past to haunt us, no future to worry about." She wanted to believe these words with all her heart. She needed to cling to this moment because right now, she was burning. Burning for him. Burning for him to want to be with her.

They locked eyes and the time stopped until Street's defenses broke down. He let her kiss him again and let himself return the kiss, exploring her back under the tight jacket she was wearing. And she knew he was all-in. Here and now. His body pressed on hers, and the signals were unmistakable; the heat exploded between them.

But once more, Street broke off. Pain in his eyes told Chris how difficult that move had been for him.

"I can't," he said, his voice broken. "There is nothing I'd want more," he added, his eyes searing into her in a whirling storm. "But I can't. Not like this…"

Feeling the tension in his muscles—the kind of tension of a shield being erected—Chris dropped her arms from him. "Why do you always want to talk everything out? I'm giving in to you now." The tingle of her skin where he'd touched her a moment prior made focusing on words nearly impossible. "We can talk later."

"Because you're killing me, Chris." Street shook his head passively. While Chris had been consumed by the growing affection she'd felt, until now, bound to bury, he had been drained by the agonizing fear and her scorching rejection. "This is killing me. You know how I feel about you, and I'm pretty sure I know you well enough to guess how you feel about me, but I don't understand what you want." He sighed, his eyes peering directly at her soul. "I don't know if you understand what you want."

What do I want? What do I need? What can we have?

"Chris," he breathed out, "you can't play with my heart like this."

She winced. "I'm not playing." This was not a game. She could never purposely hurt him. But… "This is no play. No joke," she insisted. If only he knew how serious it all was for her, how deeply embedded he was inside her very essence.

"If we go there, if you accept to love me now only to take it all away from me tomorrow... I don't think I—" He grimaced. "I can't do that. I can't do this."

"Hurting you is the last thing I want," Chris said, taking his hand and squeezing it tight. "But I don't know what tomorrow will hold."

Street shook his head only faintly, without breaking free from her touch. He was trembling.

"But I promise you I will not regret this," she continued with an earnestness that surprised even her. "I will not take it back."

He took a shaky breath, his eyes pleading. "Take back what?"

He wanted to hear it from her voice. Why was it so hard for her to say it?

Chris slowly breathed in the scent of shower gel hovering in the air. "I don't know how our future will be. I don't know what we're going to do tomorrow or when I get back from Germany. I just... don't know." She withheld the tears welling up in her eyes, compelling herself to look at him straight. "But we can figure it out together, okay? I won't shut you out." She squeezed his hand again. "I promise."

His Adam's apple quivered as every fiber of his body seemed ready to believe her. She felt how desperately he wanted to drop his defenses, and yet… he did not.

"I love you, too, Street," Chris finally said out loud. She had never given him the chance to actually pronounce the words, but love was what his eyes screamed whenever they laid on her. And she wanted him to read nothing but that in her eyes too. "I love you, and I am not going to take it back," she solemnly promised.

A smile gradually illuminated Street's features as he closed in on her. She'd finally said it, and the taste of those words had been exhilarating. While his silky touch lit sparks on her skin, his lips started teasing hers—playful or insecure? Eager to remove any doubt, Chris ran a hand through his damp hair and down to his neck and pulled his body closer to hers as they advanced, entangled, toward his room. His firm but delicate hands lingered on her back as she encouraged him to slide her jacket off. As on cue, his towel dropped at their feet and, grinning, she detached from his mouth to take in the full, astonishing view. Her eyes lingered on him, and her smile broadened.

Heat rose almost unbearable. Their kisses got more and more demanding, their hands and lips and hips pressing into each other until they were both naked and unafraid in each other's arms.

For the first time, Chris fully accepted Street loving her, and for the very first time, she let herself love him without reserve or restrictions. Neither of them held anything back.

Their bodies proved a perfect fit, just as their souls had always been. Street was caring and considerate but still intense and avid, and the bolder Chris got in loving him, the more he gave all of him to her until he was completely lost. And she got lost too. She touched heaven, blood cursing rapidly and hot in her veins, her heart exploding. She couldn't stop her eyes from lingering on his mouth when her lips weren't on it. Their bodies coating with sweat, she couldn't help herself from arching toward him, from demanding more, from giving more until he seemed to touch heaven too.

Cheeks hurting from the everlasting smiles printed on their faces, they pulled closer to each other and just rested in bed to catch their breath and let their hearts recover. The sheer exhaustion taking over Chris's body was well worth it. There was no going back, and there was no chance this would be just a one-night thing. As she'd promised him, she had no intention to take it back.

Just a moment, Chris said to herself. Let me be here with him one more moment. She closed his arm on her naked body, placing his hand on her heart, feet grazing feet while she sucked in a breath full of his scent. Still breathless, Street kissed the back of her neck and then rested his head against hers.

Let me be fully his one more minute. Chris closed her eyes and savored the authentic love hovering in the air.

When Chris's brain recovered from the emotional daze, she slowly took in the scene. The dim light filtering through the blinds revealed to her the sight of Street's chaotic bedroom. She had not been in here since this was only a room in construction, and now it was his room, and something else was in construction. Even though terrified by the future, she couldn't help but smile at that thought.

Chris laid on the soft mattress fully relaxed. Street's hot breath, regular and comforting, caressed her neck; his heart beat strong against her bare back while his muscular arm closed in on her waist; his legs entwined with hers and with the messy sheets that tangled themselves all around the bed. His morning wood nudged at her, subtly inviting her for another round.

Wait.

As her mind registered the whole of her assumption, breath stuck in her throat. Morning? No, no, no, no, no. How could we fall asleep?

What they had done—together—had been physically exhausting other than elating, and the way they had been able to relax in each other's arms afterward had been… perfect. But still, this should not have happened. Not at all. Chris didn't know what the future held for them, and though she promised to try figuring it out with Street, she wasn't ready to involve Luca or anyone else in the matter. She glanced around, did she have the time to sneak out before—

"Street!" Luca's voice came from the other side of the closed door. Cold sweat trailed down her back. Did they lock it? Luca's footsteps approached. Of course they didn't, they had more urgent matters on their hands.

"Come on, buddy," Luca called in, "We're gonna be late at Chris's, and you know she's gonna kill you if you make us late to the airport."

Street's muscles tensed as he woke up with a start, his eyes blazing with confusion. The door opened, and Street tried to shield Chris from view; protective, thoughtful, attentive. She wanted to crawl under the covers, to let him truly protect her from the consequences of what they did. What she'd so fervently desired for them to be.

"What the hell, man?" Luca took his hand before his eyes, peering through his fingers. Did he see there was someone else there? Did he recognize her already? "Your naked butt is not the best sight at four thirty in the morning," Luca continued. "Nor at any other time for wha—" He froze, taking a second look at the bed, and Chris's heart dropped seeing his eyes go wide. "Chris?"

She took the covers up her chest, wanting to disappear. How could this have happened? For once, Street seemed at a loss of words, too, but even now, he was an open book to her. He tried to mutter something while on his face a flustered smile battled with real embarrassment. What Chris felt, though—what she knew—was that he wasn't ashamed of what they did. He wasn't even ashamed of being caught… And surprisingly, neither was she. It was more the feeling of something private and precious being exposed, being stolen from them.

She had wanted their unique connection to be only hers and Street's at least for a bit longer than that. To be their little, big secret for a while, not because she was shy, not because she felt guilty. Chris was jealous. Jealous and defensive of something so resilient and fragile at the same time.

Once the initial shock wore off, embarrassment flashed in Luca's eyes for just a moment before anger took over his features. "Did he make you do this?"

"What?" Street said indignantly, sliding out of bed and into a pair of boxers. "You really think I would ever take advantage of her? Of anyone?"

"Honestly? I don't know what to think now."

Street scoffed. "Think what you want, but this is none of your business."

"It's not? If you're hurting her… If…" Luca's hands scrunched in trembling fists. "Under my own roof?"

"That's where you wanna go?"

"Stop. Both of you," Chris intervened, straightening up while tightening in the covers even more. "I'm right here too, and I'm fully capable of making my own choices."

Luca and Street both stood tall but at a loss in front of each other.

Confusion, embarrassment, and fright blended inside Chris. "I swear we were both sober and consensual, Luca." As she locked eyes with him, Luca peered at her in search of any little trace of lies, but she knew he would find any. They made love. It was just as simple as that. "Can you just give me a minute now?" she asked, once again gripping the sheets and bringing them a few inches up her chest. She had not thought through this night very well, not planned it out thoroughly at all, and surely, this wasn't supposed to happen.

Luca shook his head and stepped out of the room, cringing. Chris passed a hand on her face, and while her eyes were closed, she felt Street taking her other hand in his.

"It's gonna be okay," he reassured her. The dimples on his cheeks got more pronounced, then completely disappeared in favor of the one in the space between his eyebrows. "You don't regret this? You didn't change your mind?"

The dismay and pain in his voice broke her heart. "Only the part where Luca saw us naked." She leaned over and kissed him softly on his chin's dimple, then smirked at him. "I'm done with throuples."

Street chuckled, then took her hand to his lips for a soft, lasting kiss. "It's gonna be a long ride…"

The ride. Chris's heart sank. She was going to take a flight to Germany and be there for three months. Twelve hours trapped on a plane sat right next to Luca were not inviting, but what really unsettled her were the nearly six thousand miles she was about to put between Street and herself.

"How long has this been going on?" Luca asked as soon as they reached him, fully dressed, in the kitchen.

This. What even was this? Chris asked herself. She still didn't have an explanation to tell herself, let alone anyone else asking to voice it.

"It had never happened before," Street and Chris exchanged a quick look, and she knew he was pondering to tell Luca about their kiss two years prior and how they tried to keep everything in control until it all exploded like this.

"What the hell are you thinking? Doing this behind the team's back? What do you plan to do now?"

The team. Their family. Chris's stomach knotted. She didn't have the answer to any of those questions.

"We did not plan anything," Street said, his arms folded high before his chest. "It just happened."

Luca shook his head reproachfully, then addressed Chris again "Do you have your bags here?"

She meekly shook her head no. Wasn't this enough proof she hadn't foreseen spending the night here? Or was it one more reason for him to suspect they were actively trying to deceive the team?

"We better go then," Luca continued. "I don't want to run late."

The drive to her apartment was blanketed in uncomfortable silence, and just as much, the ride to the airport went dead quiet. When Luca stepped out of the car and headed to unload the trunk, Street turned back from the driver seat to look at Chris. What now? His eyes demanded, but his lips didn't move.

She wasn't sure what she'd expected from this moment, the moment when they were going to part for three months, but it wasn't this. With Luca waiting for her, she couldn't even kiss Street goodbye. She had not planned to want to kiss him goodbye.

"I'll call you when I land," Chris forced her voice out as calmly as she possibly could, her eyes dropping on his mouth. How badly did she want to taste them one last time before parting. "I promise."

Street nodded, peering at her with all the intensity he was capable of as if he was trying to impress a picture of her in his memory. "I'll wait."

Those words had a deeper meaning. He would not simply wait for her call later that day; she didn't need to hear him say he'll wait for her to know he would wait forever if only she'd asked him to, if only she promised to come back to him. Wait for her to be back as much as he'd waited—sometimes not so patiently—for her to be ready for him.

Was she ready now?

Sat on the quiet plane at Luca's side and with her eyes out of the tiny window, mixed emotions churned in Chris's stomach. Luca's words about betraying the team's trust resounded in her ears, but the memory of the night spent with Street was more pressing. Why did she let him love her? How did she let herself love him?

"Are you okay?" Luca's voice tore her from her thoughts. "Chris, you sure you are really alright?"

She turned to look him in the face. "I don't know," she admitted.

Luca's jaw set. "If he—"

"Street didn't coerce me," she cut him off immediately. She didn't just feel the need to defend him, she needed to defend them. "He didn't deceive me nor push me to do anything I didn't want to. Anything I wasn't ready for. He didn't even…" Chris suppressed a light chuckle at the memory. "He actually wanted to talk instead… Before…" She felt more naked and exposed now than an hour ago when she was actually wearing nothing. "I—" Her voice shook too much to continue, but she needed to talk this out. "He'd been truly respectful, and… It had been—"

"Okay, too many details already."

A sudden thought washed over her. "Are you going to tell Hondo what you saw?"

Luca sighed, not taking his eyes off her. "I'm not sure."

Silence met this statement and stretched excruciatingly slow until Luca spoke again. "I guess it depends on what you two are planning to do now. If you are an official couple, it should be you in person to inform the boss. But if this was just a crazy one-night stand? If this was some kind of comfort-seeking?"

Comfort-seeking? No. Well, yes, it had been comforting, but not the way Luca intended it.

"It just happened…" Chris took a deep breath. It wasn't true. It didn't 'just happen' at all. "I don't know what I was expecting when I got there last night. I didn't plan it out that well... but I did want it." Voicing that thought was at the same time scary and soothing. "We both wanted it to happen, but I don't know where we stand now." Her head sagged. "I just don't know…"

Luca heaved a deep sigh, peering at her with his wide and penetrating blue eyes. "Are you gonna trample his heart?"

The question knocked the wind out of Chris. Luca switched from being concerned Street took advantage of her to understand she held all the power of decision in their relationship, whatever it was going to be labeled. Their friend was now concerned for Street's fragile heart. And he may have a point. She deceived and dismissed Street for so long… Was she gonna hurt him for real?

"I don't know, Luca." She glanced outside, then her misty eyes met his again. "I… I fell in love with him a long time ago, and that feeling… that love just doesn't want to go away. No matter what I do, it doesn't go away." She was again all naked in front of Luca, she realized as she felt the first tear sliding down her cheek and desperately tried not to let others follow.

Luca exhaled audibly, but then the corners of his lips curved. His big eyes were firm on her, peering, understanding, compassionate. Every trace of anger and betrayal long gone, he was there for her. For both of them, she and Street too. He's not judging us, she thought, and maybe there could actually be a us there.

Chris was still embarrassed and uneasy and conflicted, but suddenly she wasn't alone anymore. Suddenly, figuring this out was not all that scary.

She had said it out loud. She had admitted it to herself, then to him, then to their friend: Chris Alonso loves Jim Street, what a giant, sweet mess.

The End
(even though it tastes like a start)