It's like the people criss crossing the sidewalk weren't even there. The horns blaring, the smells wafting from the foods stands were pushed so far into the background, they were near existent.
But the sense of awakening. The threads of who she once was, ripped and left dangling, were mending themselves back together. The pieces of her, busted apart, still felt raw and jagged. Not quite fitting. But they were making themselves known. Drifting together. Pulling toward where they belong.
This pull, this pounding in her chest. This was the only real thing around her, as her feet strode across the pavement. Faster and faster to sprint ahead of her head, before it could pull her back. Olivia Benson was coming back to life. The essence coursing through her veins. Olivia Benson was rising with every breath she exhaled.
Liv could just barely remember ripping out her phone as she stormed out the front of the precinct. Demands to stay away ringing sharply in her ears. Back off. Stay away. Keep your distance.
She was done. She had more than enough distance forced upon her. No more. Liv nearly gasped at the exhilaration flooding through her. She felt more like herself, more connected to Olivia Benson, than she had in ages. It was powerful. It was intoxicating. It was terrifying.
"It's me" she had started simply. They still didn't require many words. "I need to see you"
Her breath only stuttered for a moment, "Our – our spot" She contemplated ending it there. Or taking it back.
But the ferocious tenacity weaving through her spurred Liv on, "I'm done with backing off"
And here she was making her way to her destination. Their spot. The bench just feet away from their favorite hotdog stand. It wasn't like any other bench in the park. It was the one that was a safety net. From the horrors they were facing. Those long moments when it was just them. When he was hers.
That bench that she had taken pains to not go near. Until now. That she was sure if Nick had even cast an eye at, she would have pulled out her gun.
Their spot. He would be there. He had to be. Some things about him had not changed. She knew that, if she let herself, she knew that. Even as she sank down on the bench, gingerly, slowly easing into the ache of it's comfort; tendrils of fear tried to rise. But she slapped them back down. It wasn't an option.
There were some things that would not change. Not by years or by distance. Even when it was the other side of the world.
No one was going to keep her away from him now. Not Garland. Not her own fears or pride. Not even Elliot Stabler himself. Especially not Elliot Stabler.
And as if to prove he could still read her mind, a cup of coffee was pushed into her hands, as he dropped down beside her.
"Garland told me to stay away from you" Liv spit out, before even looking up.
When she met the steady blue eyes gazing at her, she did not find the matching steely outrage she was expecting. She was nearly offended, but couldn't fight the pull of the intensity she found there, and the gentle open way he held her gaze. She had seen it in flashes. But never like this.
"Why do you think I told you to back off Liv" Elliot breathed as he reached for her.
His gaze flicked questioning at her, losing his nerve at the last moment, and setting her coffee next to his on the ground.
It slammed into her. She had known, a small part of her really had known he wanted to protect her. Equal parts infuriating and endearing as that was.
But the larger part of her. The part that was terrified he would be ripped away from her again, the sinking feeling that she wouldn't be enough for him to stay. Again. The ache that as much as she tried to stop caring, she never would, and that he already had.
She had let herself drown in it; building a life size, Olivia Benson size wall to silently crumble behind when the time came.
"I burned my life down" Elliot said softly. "It's time I stop taking you down with me"
Liv stared back at him incredulous. That he would ever think she would never not be right by his side. Wherever that was.
And an awakening began to seep in. He was the very same. His place was beside her. If he heard her voice, he would have been in his place, and she would have been in hers. Fighting beside him. Fighting for him. Even if they were in ruins, even if they were in flames, they would always go down together.
It was still a new thing. That Elliot had found his words. And wanted to give them to her.
"You know, I'm so proud of you" Elliot looked at her with reverence, "Captain" as his lips curled into a grin.
Olivia lowered her eyes, but smiled, letting the words wash over her. Words she had been aching to hear for so many years.
"I needed to hear that too" she repeated back to him, her voice just above a whisper, as if she was revealing it to herself at the same time.
"You took enough hits for me, Liv. You have a life and I can't wreck that" Elliot implored her to understand.
He was broken down. He didn't have anything else to give her. Only this. He had sacrificed the last decade for so many others. He had only himself to sacrifice for her now.
"You took as many for me" she shot back. "Maybe even more"
It always had been a desperate race for who could throw themselves down in front of the other first. Some things hadn't changed after all.
Elliot moved toward her again, and this time he didn't stop until his forehead laid against hers. Breathing her in, his hands gently cradled the back of her head. It felt like they were sharing one solitary breath. The thud of their heartbeats in tandem. It had always been like this. Two halves never meant to be so far apart.
The line that they had lived, wherever that line was, it had disintegrated. The wisp of air flowing between their bodies diminished to nearly nothing. He felt her tremble, as they closed the minute distance, soft lips seeking their home with the other.
His fingers threaded through her hair, as Liv pulled back suddenly. The state of his face fully dawning, as her eyes widened. The familiar gut punch kicked in, like every other time he had been hurt. Her hands went to the sides of his face, looking up at him.
"I am worried about you" Liv repeated.
"El" she softly expelled, as her fingers gently stroked against the edges of his covered gash, brushing along the fading bruises littering his skin. She kept her eyes on his, and looked at him like he still had a concussion when a smile slowly spread across his face.
As Liv moved to check his head, he shook his head. "You called me El" his grin not disappearing at all.
Liv just nodded at him, trying to come to terms with how easily it had slipped out, and silently encouraged him to spill.
"They came after Eli" he ground out emotionally. He stared into her solemn eyes, as it swept over him. She could have been there.
"I won't let that happen to you" El promised, his voice wavered as he added "Or Noah"
The warmth descended upon her. His protection, his safety, his love for her. For Noah. It was every bittersweet dream she had ever awoken from.
Liv looked back at him, her eyes burning as they grew damp. "I'm your partner. I should have been there"
It felt right. It came from a place that was once buried, but was rushing back to the surface unbidden. Unstoppable.
After a moment, she looked away. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't – you have a partner now" It felt different than she thought it would.
Elliot wrapped his larger hand around hers, and tugged it toward him. He waited until she returned her gaze to him. Not pulling away from his touch.
"Partners for life" he promised, staring into her eyes, knowing it was the same for her.
Liv held his gaze, and clung to his grasp as she plunged forward, "Tell me," her voice deepening, pushing aside the tentative steps she had been making around him, "Tell me you don't want me to back off" And she let it hang in the heavy silence.
"Tell me she'll be okay" It hung in both of their minds as well. Those questions. Those demands. That you shouldn't dare to make. Dare to ask for so expectantly. But you do. When they are to that one person, you do.
Maybe it was the fire that had returned flashing in her eyes. The way she looked at him like she still knew him. Like maybe he hadn't burned everything into ruins. Or maybe it was just the way her hand fit in his. He knew he had lost the battle. And maybe it wasn't even one he wanted to win. When it meant she would be standing beside him. But he took one last chance to throw himself in front of his partner.
"You should go sit behind that Captain's desk and go home to your little boy" he reminded her.
Liv just nodded. But he knew. It was not "okay". It was "I heard you". It was "I'm where I want to be"
"So how are we going to play this" Liv tossed back, and not quite holding back a smirk, she added "Partner".
Elliot tried to glare at her. She knew what to say to him. She still knew how to disarm him. But his grin grew along with hers.
"Come on, Partner" he emphasized, as he pulled her up, only letting go when he grabbed
his discarded coffee cup as she grabbed hers, depositing them in the nearby trash can. "I'll buy you some good coffee"
"You're buying" Liv repeated.
Elliot agreed, as Liv added "For awhile"
His hand easily found it's familiar path to the small of her back, as they made their way out of the park.
Steps perfectly in sync.