Too Sweet
Dealing with the nightmares had never been easy. Even now, it was still a struggle.
They still woke him up in the middle of the night, his shirt drenched with sticky sweat and the thundering vibration of his heartbeat ringing in his ears, the bitter imaginary taste of ashes and blood clinging to his tongue. He swallowed. The nightmares never got less harsh, but they got less frequent. That was something, at least.
Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in. Levi tried to relax his fingers, tried to sense the soft bedsheets beneath his touch, tried to release the high strung tension of the muscles in his arms, legs, his shoulders. He lay there, staring at the shadowy ceiling, trying to breathe through the gnawing ache in his chest till he was sure he could sit up without shaking apart. After a while, he untangled his limbs from the clammy sheets and got up, struggling a bit before his weakened knee was steady enough to lean on. Levi breathed out again, swiping the hairs out of his face. Through the crack in the curtains, pale moonlight spilled into the small room.
Levi breathed out once more, lungs contracting, feeling a shiver run down his spine. He groped blindly for his jacket.
He needed a cup of hot tea.
000
"Mr. Levi?" The soft voice pulled him from his musings, his hand halting for a moment. He looked up from the crossword puzzle he was attempting to finish. A few months ago, he'd taken up the habit. It gave him something to distract himself from his roaming thoughts. From all the piled-up shit he did not want to take a look too closely at. That and he learned something new about this world - the world beyond their tiny island. Falco settled himself at the table across him, setting down a heavy book. The boy liked to read, always bringing a book wherever he could.
"Have you been sleeping less again? You look tired." Levi looked down at the still few open spaces that needed filling in, glaring at it like it was the root of his sleeping problems.
"A bit, maybe." He put his pen down and felt the gaze on him. The boy was persistent when he thought something was not right. Annoyingly so, but it was not unwelcoming. "But nothing you need to worry about, probably the weather or something." He shrugged. Falco frowned. "But— "
Levi lifted his gaze. "Maybe you should worry more about the test you're having tomorrow at school, mh." He shifted in his chair, trying to ignore the ache in his lower back. Falco's face fell a little at the reminder of his study load that was still waiting on him. He looked down, tracing the cover of his book with a finger. Levi felt a spark in his chest of - of something. Falco was doing well in school, eager to learn when he was not distracted by other things that took his interest. However, these last few weeks, he'd been more withdrawn. Less responsive. Levi had asked, but Falco had only smiled and assured him nothing was going on. "Really, Mr. Levi. I'm just a bit tired, that's all. Have you eaten anything yet? I'll make you some dinner tonight." The boy had trouble fitting in with the others, Levi knew. It could be that. It could be something else.
Levi sighed, pushing away his crossword puzzle. "Put on the kettle for water to boil. I'll help you memorize that damn test." He sniffed, crossing his arms against his chest. He lifted his chin. "Better be prepared."
And Falo smiled a bit, shoulders straightening. "Okay. Thank you, Mr. Levi." And he stood up, heading toward the small kitchen to make tea.
000
They grow up fast. Soon, both would be taller than him. Not that that was difficult. Ha. And he nearly smiled. It reminded him of earlier days. Days that appeared so very long ago now.
Times were the darkness of his mind seemed easier to avoid.
Levi stared at the azure summer sky high above him. The clouds, small and fluffy, slowly floating by, birds soaring freely and soundlessly. The weather was a little too hot for his liking. Sweat causing the back of his shirt to cling to his skin. Levi grimaced. He should take a bath early today.
The noise of a door falling shut had him turning, wrenching away his thoughts. Levi hadn't even heard it open. Fuck, he was getting slow - not who he used to be, broken— Footsteps resounded and came his way. Then Gabi tumbled into the small backyard through the open door, a white bag in one hand. She smiled at him when she spotted him in the shadows of the large apple tree, sunburned cheeks under a straw hat, summer dress fluttering in the mild breeze that brought no relief.
She came his way. "I've got ice cream." And she placed the bag down next to him. Levi looked down at it, frowning. "Why?" The word slipped sullenly out of his mouth. Moody and fucking sweaty, that's what he was.
Disgusting.
A chuckle. "You've never had it before, right?" And Gabi was already turning back before he could voice his response - his refusal, or whatever. He did not say anything and gazed at the bag instead. The white was dazzling him. "It's perfect for this hot weather, you know," Gabi called from the doorway. "You should try it. I will get us spoons and bowls."
Levi had never tried it in all his time here. It seemed too sweet to him, and his appetite was even less these days - these months. Whatever. That and memories of a long time ago. A lifetime ago, it seemed now. Memories of small moments. Memories of wide-eyed brats, carrots, and cars, recollections of a stupid four-eyes, just going with the flow.
Yeah. Levi tore his gaze away from the blinding white, looking up as Gabi strolled back to him, tray in her hands. It would be unquestionably too sweet for him.
All the mistakes are mine.