"He flicked off the light and raced up the stairs.
He glanced over his shoulder into the dark, afraid.
Embarrassed to be afraid.
Too preoccupied to notice the thing waiting at the top."
A mixture of salty sweat and tears trailed down the young Changeling's face as he fluttered through the dark and damp forest. He flew so fast he felt the droplets fly away from him, left behind in the moist air that trailed him. The buzzing of wings surrounded his ears and he frantically tried to flutter faster, but he was weak due to lack of nutrition and such a long time of hiding. Brash, venomous voices were heard behind him, rushing him down as if they were evil creatures of their own.
"He has to be here!"
"That traitor!"
"THORAX!"
Thorax covered his mouth to prevent himself from crying out loud, from speaking, from showing any emotion at all. The tears threatened to come out again, but he swallowed thickly as he swerved by a slouching tree. I have to be strong. I have to be silent.
He hated being silent.
Thorax never considered himself to be an overtly passionate type, especially in regards to the environment he was raised in. Cold-blooded, cruel, and intimidating, the Changeling Hive was a dark place where no changeling was fully satisfied. Constantly hungry, searching for scraps and bits of love left behind, the changelings rarely had their fill ever since Queen Chrysalis had taken over Canterlot and fed off the love from Princess Cadence and Shining Armor. Those names, then prominent, now seemed so distant from Thorax. They hadn't been uttered in what seemed like forever. And now the ponies were exhausted, taken over, and had little to no love to give. There was no time for love, and any bits were taken by the Changelings.
But Thorax wanted love. He wanted love not by force, but through sharing and caring for one another. Of course the Changelings would never understand, and Thorax quickly became the best unintentional joker of the Hive. But he always wanted a friend. Someone to love him. Someone that will stick by his side no matter what. He didn't want to fight; he wanted to love, and be loved. He wanted someone to love him for who he was. But it was hard to truly be himself in a world that stifled his voice and took his breath.
Thorax snuck away each night, courtesy of his older brother Pharynx's loud snores preventing him from being heard. Though he didn't consider himself the strongest of Changelings, he certainly did see himself as one of the stealthier types. And he had to be, if he was going to go to Zecora's resistance camp every night to feed. Of course, he never took his meals by force. He would camp outside their huts, which were strung together by strings of vines and covered in leaves, surveying families through open windows. He saw foals of pink and gray colors being cared for by ponies who were blue and pastel purple, tears of sympathy leaving his eyes as he realized that their real parents were probably dead because of the Changelings. Sometimes the nights were hopeful, with the ponies gathering around a small campfire outside their huts, united in hope for the future. It was those nights where, if one had the courage, they would pipe up a soft yet strong song of friendship, and the happy tunes that would float through the air blessed Thorax's ears and gave him plenty of love to feed on. It was a performance and a feast rolled into one. Sometimes Thorax had the urge to sing along, but whenever he opened his mouth he found himself involuntarily letting out a sharp hiss, causing him to close his mouth once more...remaining silent.
Sometimes the nights were bad. He would observe the ponies' behaviors around one another, seeing the way they listlessly paced the perimeter of the camps each would test one another, be cruel to one another, eat each other's foods or lie and steal their resources. In essence, they were self-defeatist, much like the Changeling Hive. Thorax knew that hope was fleeting in moments like these, and that it was hard to remain loving and joyful when the days and nights seemed so bleak. Remembering how ponies used to be was growing more difficult by the day, and Thorax knew that those in the resistance probably already forgot how they used to be. Friendship and harmony, the forces that had once binded the ponies together and made them strong enough to overcome any foe, was now abandoned for mistrust and hatred. There was a transformation almost as bad as the attitudes of Queen Chrysalis. And the rest of the hive for that matter; Thorax lost count of how many times Pharynx told him to grow thicker skin. He lost count of the times he was forced to hurt and feed off of ponies to save his own life. He lost count of the times he looked at himself in the pools outside of Canterlot, which was now covered with moss and vines, and saw a monster looking back at him. Even the color had left the castle, vibrant purples and pinks chipping off to reveal gray blandness underneath, each crack growing larger with every hour.
The camp was the place Thorax escaped to, and even there he was silent. He watched two ponies in particular, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie, who would cross paths with one another and treated the other quite nicely compared to the other patrol ponies. Of course, they weren't exactly friends, but they would give short nods to one another when they met or asked one another if they were okay. Three other ponies, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Applejack, would sometimes join them on patrol, and they would make a campfire and sing those hopeful songs that Thorax loved to hear. Of all the meals he had, the meals made from their love were the tastiest and most fulfilling. It seemed as if these ponies found solace in one another during a time of darkness and hopelessness, and their fiery friendship was one that Thorax admired and envied. Rarity would make the most stylish and convincing camouflage outfits, even with the little materials she had, and Applejack and Rainbow Dash made great hunters. Pinkie Pie always knew exactly what to say to raise her friend's spirits (though none of them openly admitted to one another that they considered each other "friends," Thorax knew they saw one another that way), and Fluttershy was selfless and had a hard spirit, willing to sacrifice herself for the good of the rebellion and her comrades. Watching them gave Thorax the solace he desperately sought, though it never fully satisfied him.
The schedule was all too normal to Thorax. Feed, patrol, sleep. Rinse and repeat. The repetitive schedule made him feel as if he weren't alive, and made him wish he weren't. Despite the monotonous nature of his days, it was bearable. But life has a way of throwing curve balls right when one feels too comfortable. And it was that day that led Thorax straight into this very situation, desperately fleeing the Hive, trying to escape with his life.
He and Pharynx, along with some other Changelings, were assigned as bodyguards for Queen Chrysalis one daily feeding. Thorax wasn't used to being a bodyguard, unlike his brother, who relished being favored by the queen and constantly bragged about his exploits to the other Changelings. There was a hint of a crush there, Thorax believed, but his brother was so disgusted by the idea of positive feelings that when Thorax brought it up, he brushed it aside and claimed that it was simply his duty to admire the queen. Thorax thought otherwise.
But now he was on patrol too. And it was a feeling scarier than Thorax had expected...and he expected to feel incredibly frightened. Buzzing by his queen's right side, he kept his gaze forward and refused to meet her dirty emerald eyes. Despite ruling over Canterlot for so long, Queen Chrysalis, to Thorax, looked as ugly as ever, still starving and angry and cruel. Surely he couldn't be the only one who thinks that way. But according to what he hears from others and what his brother says, he might as well be.
"Thorax." The queen's hard voice threw the timid Changeling off guard. "You're probably wondering why I've asked you to join us."
Thorax swallowed hard, beads of sweat forming as the group made way into the Everfree Forest. He nodded.
"Well, I've noticed you've been participating less in our...activities." The queen licked her lips, causing Thorax to internally cringe. "I wanted you to look at your brother and some other...how to put it? Real Changelings...to see how you need to behave. You are weak and irresponsible towards your duties as a Changeling. Perhaps getting some much needed experience will persuade you…"
Her final sentence came off almost as a purr, inviting him to be lulled into her false promises. Thorax narrowed his eyes slightly, but wanted to keep up the act. "Of course, Queen Chrysalis." He bowed his head slightly. "Thank you for giving me this opportunity."
"No need to thank me, I know I'm glorious." Chrysalis flipped her dark turquoise mane. "And besides, thanking is something those...ponies would do."
Thorax bit hard on his lip to keep himself silent.
"Oh Thorax…" The queen uttered smoothly as the group dodged by a patch of trees. Thorax and Pharynx, the front line patrollers, zapped away some cobwebs in between two mossy trees so the queen could fly through the center. She turned to the younger Changeling, putting a hoof under his chin. "You know that I'm only doing this for your own good. You know it is because I love you…"
Her definition of love was not the one Thorax had come to understand. He kept himself silent as he flew through the trees.
"Queen Chrysalis! There!" Pharynx growled in a low voice, narrowing his purple eyes towards the dancing shadows of three ponies stumbling into the bushes.
"After them!" The queen hissed, and Thorax found himself blazing towards the bushes where the alleged rebels were hiding, hissing in their direction and baring his fangs. The three shadows were collapsed, seemingly of exhaustion. A trail of blood led the group straight to the culprits. Thorax's jaw almost dropped when he saw the three ponies there: Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash.
No, no, not them…
"Perfect…" Queen Chrysalis flew over to the three, standing domineeringly above them. "You thought you could outrun us? Outfight us? You're out of options, weaklings. It's time to see what happens when you dare oppose the Changeling order!"
She turned to the patrol, and Thorax felt her eyes landing on him briefly before looking towards the rest of the group. "My my, you must be tired from all that chasing. Why don't you feed first, little ones?"
Pharynx wasn't afraid to pounce on a weakened Rainbow Dash, sucking up her love. Rainbow Dash grew limp, the color slowly leaving her pelt as her leg twitched once before going still. He wrapped her up in a cocoon. "The rest is for you, my queen." He bowed his head.
Thorax felt like he wanted to vomit seeing the way he forcefully took love from an injured pony. Is that the way he looked whenever he took love while the ponies sang their campfire songs? Even when taken in a nonviolent way, eating love like that was disgusting. Thank goodness he can't see himself.
"I wouldn't expect anything less." She grinned menacingly as the other two Changelings fed off of Rarity's love, dulling her pelt as well as leaving her once beautiful purple mane unkempt and frayed. They wrapped her up as well, giggling and laughing at the pony's misfortune.
"Y-you...monsters…" Thorax looked over at Applejack, who was struggling to get up. Her hooves were covered in blood and scars, yet she still managed to feebly get herself on her four hooves, planting them firmly on the ground and looking squarely at the queen. "Y-you're all...m-monsters…" Her voice trembled, and Thorax knew it did so not because she was injured, as Applejack was quite the strong pony, but because she had watched her friends have their love drained from them before her very eyes. "The lot of you…"
Queen Chrysalis lifted an eyebrow, before bursting into raucous laughter that bounced off the trunks of hollow and dead trees, spreading through the forest. "Oh my," she wiped a tear from her eye, "you really are quite funny. Do you think I care about what you think? It's foolish of you to waste your breath on saying something I don't care to hear or want to hear. Your love is mine to feed upon, and I will never care for what you disgusting ponies have to say." She smacked her lips, gleefully observing the orange pony's suffering. "You ponies are so funny. Do you always explain your feelings towards one another? It's hilarious!"
Seeing Applejack in that state hurt Thorax, as he sympathized with her plight. She turned to give him a hard glare that bore into his very being, almost causing his wings to stop flapping and him to fall onto the floor. What she didn't know was that she was lookin at a Changeling who had watched her peacefully for many moons.
"What? Are you going to say anything? Or do you all just do what your queen tells you to?" She spat.
Thorax recoiled from her statement. Queen Chrysalis stepped forward, a loud thud escaping her hooves as she approached the orange pony. With a swipe she knocked Applejack's hat to the floor. "Pick it up." She ordered Thorax. Thorax buzzed over and picked it up, and as he left he felt Applejack's hoof whack him in the back. It wasn't very hard, as the pony was extremely weak, but it hurt Thorax nonetheless. He held his breath, trying to keep himself from speaking up as he hovered over to Chrysalis's side.
To Thorax's surprise, Queen Chrysalis didn't suck all of Applejack's love right away. She wrapped her in a cocoon, leaving a squirming Applejack in her hooves before turning to the rest of them. "Let us return back."
The others picked up the other two ponies' remains and followed suit. Thorax didn't dare look their way.
"Now, Thorax…" The queen cooed as the Changelings returned to Canterlot. The group flew into the main hall, filled with other Changelings who were fighting one another or trying to steal each other's love. "This is your test." She unraveled Applejack, but kept her hooves pasted to the floor through her Changeling webs. Pharynx and the others surrounded Thorax, and he felt their shadows closing in on him as he shut his eyes, quivering with each hiss the others emitted.
"LISTEN ALL CHANGELINGS!" Queen Chrysalis boomed, causing all the Changelings to grow silent and look in her-and Thorax's-direction. Thorax didn't want to open his eyes, he felt safer in the dark, with nothing to look at but the images of happy ponies singing around campfires. It warmed his heart, and gave him momentary solace before the queen's harsh voice interrupted him.
"Open your eyes, Thorax." She ordered. Cracking his eyes open, Thorax saw the heavy stares of all the Changelings around him, trembling under the pressure.
"This is your test. Drain that pony of her love...for all of us to see!" Queen Chrysalis flew over towards Applejack. Thorax felt his ears flop downward, afraid of her authority but also afraid to do what he knew was wrong.
"I…"
"Do you dare oppose your queen!?"
"Of course not, b-but…"
"But WHAT?!" The queen flew straight at Thorax and stopped just inches away from his face, cold eyes staring him down. "I am your queen. You must listen to me!"
Thorax shifted uncomfortably, before turning to Pharynx. But his brother simply looked ashamed, baring his teeth and shooting daggers at him.
My own brother...is ashamed of me. Everyone here is. If everyone here, even my brother, thinks that this is what I need to do...I should do it, right?
Thorax felt tears enter his eyes, but shook his head quickly to get rid of them. He walked past Queen Chrysalis and stood over Applejack, who was no longer angry and rebellious but now gazing back at him with a dull emotionless expression. He narrowed his eyes at her and opened his mouth, watching the pink trail leave Applejack and come towards him. Behind him, he heard Queen Chrysalis laughing with glee.
Thorax looked into Applejack's eyes and, similar to when he looked into the pools outside of Canterlot, saw a monster looking back at him. A monster feeding off of her love right after taking away her friends. A monster who cruelly kidnapped her from her home and is now essentially draining her of all that she has left.
I'm a monster.
He remembered the laughter, the smiles. The genuine happiness and love etched across Applejack's face as she tended her friends' wounds and sang songs with them. How her face would line itself with concern when checking on the foals. The bitter tears and cry that escaped her as she watched her friends get drained of their love in front of her very eyes. He grit his teeth, shutting his eyes once more to get rid of the images. But when he did, those images only became stronger.
Applejack has made such a large difference in other ponies' lives. She has spread hope and love for them, and offered a glimmer of light in their otherwise dark and bleak world.
I have only hurt ponies, drained them of their love. I am loved by neither side. I am mistrusted by other Changelings, and hated by ponies. The mark I have on this world is nothing compared to hers, or any other pony for that matter.
Applejack shouldn't be there on the floor.
I should.
With the ultimatum made, Thorax stopped himself before the pink trail entered his mouth. He whiffed some of the sweetness, but had the will to turn down the actual meal.
"No." He muttered softly to himself.
"EXCUSE ME?" Queen-no, Chrysalis asked, baring her fangs.
"No." He asserted, his voice refusing to tremble for the first time in front of her. "I will not drain her of her love. Love should be shared consensually and be reciprocated. Love is not about taking. It's about giving. And I refuse to take the love from a pony who has had such an impact on those around her." Below him, Applejack's eyes are widening in shock, a slight sparkle returning within the dull greenness as she looks at Thorax.
"Love is about acknowledging one another's differences and flaws, and...loving them anyways." Thorax looked out towards the crowd. "It's about being able to express yourself because you know that the other will care for you regardless of your image." Surrounding Changelings exchanged uncertain or sad looks, emotions that Thorax had never seen them show. Gathering his courage, Thorax turned to Pharynx. "It's about…" He trailed off, finally letting his tears come down his face. "It's about support and trust. It's about acts of goodness. It's about sharing." Phraynx's eyes widened slightly before he looked down towards the floor, expression unreadable.
There was silence. Thorax took a deep breath. "So I don't want to suck up her love. I-"
Pain filled his body as he felt himself being blasted by Chrysalis's beams. He crashed into the wall behind her throne, crashing to the floor as bits of dust and stone fell on top of him.
"What a ridiculous sentiment!" Chrysalis roared. "Don't listen to this traitors' lies. This is how you do it!"
She flew to Applejack, opening her mouth. Thorax was on the floor, but he was still able to hear the pony's shrieks of pain as Chrysalis drained the love from her. He was grateful he couldn't see, but the tears still flowed when he realized that his refusal to hurt her had been in vain. Finally, he forced himself to look in Applejack's direction, his gaze greeted by a motionless figure on the floor, devoid of color or life. Before Thorax could sneak out, Chrysalis turned to him, green eyes glowing.
"Kill him."
Before he knew it, Thorax was fleeing the palace, refusing to look behind him as the other Changelings chased him down.
And that's where he was now, flying away from his hive as fast as he could, desperately clinging onto his life. He couldn't transform into anything, as other Changelings would be able to see right through it.
Eventually he reached a comfortable area, at least as comfortable as it could be. A small cave that was hidden by long branches of sloping trees. It was dark and damp but Thorax was used to that at this point. He settled in, catching his breath as he collapsed on the jagged floor. He heard the buzzing of wings as Changelings flew past the cave's entrance, waiting until silence to release a deep sigh.
A voice behind him startled him.
"You're a fool, you know?"
Thorax turned around to see Pharynx walking towards him, expression still quite unreadable.
"I almost did it."
"You made them uncertain, sure. For a second or so."
"Someone had to try."
"Thorax, there's a reason no one did."
Silence between the brothers.
"Aren't you going to kill me?"
"What?"
"Kill me. That's what you were ordered to do."
Pharynx inhaled deeply. "Yes. That was our queen's orders."
"So...do it. You know you're stronger than me and can overpower me easily. Why don't you?"
"Thorax."
"Do you love me, Pharynx?"
"Don't ask that."
"Do you? Are you so afraid to talk about how you feel?"
"Thorax stop! That is such a pony thing to say."
"Do you love me or not Pharynx?"
"Stop it…"
"I had no idea that such a fierce Changeling was afraid of emotions."
"I said STOP IT!" Pharynx's voice echoed through the cave, causing bits of rock to fall from the ceiling. "Stop it…"
Much to Thorax's surprise, he wasn't afraid. He stepped closer to Pharynx, even as the older Changeling's horn began to glow a deep purple.
"You're not going to attack back?" He hissed.
"No."
"Your loss."
The beam hit Thorax hard, slamming him into the wall of the cave much like how Chrysalis slammed him into the wall in the throne room. But it hurt so much this time. His own brother, who grew up with him and slept in the same grounds as him, was hurting him. Thorax finally released the cries he had been burying beneath his chest for so long, the wails almost as loud as Applejack's shrieks. The cries had nothing to do with the physical pain, of course. Though Pharynx failed to realize that.
Beam after beam, before punch after punch as Pharynx used Thorax's limp arms to hit him. "Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?" He asked cruelly, before punching Thorax straight in the gut. Thorax felt liquid escaping him, looking down at the blood below him, mixing in with his tears. It looked like watercolor paint, making a picture on the rocks below. He smiled softly. It was pretty.
The final blow came as Pharynx rammed his horn into Thorax's chest, creating a bloody hole and covering his own horn with his younger brother's blood. Panting, Pharynx stepped back, watching his flailing injured brother as he fought for survival.
Thorax finally gave up, watching his surroundings go black. All this fighting and pain and suffering he had to go through were about to end. When he closed his eyes, he thought of a world where Chrysalis had been defeated, a world where he got to run away and find a friend of his own. In another world...was he ever able to share love with another?
"You're idealistic." Spat Pharynx as he approached him. "You know that it doesn't take a speech for an entire group to change their ways. You're an idealistic grub who should've fought back. Especially against me. Why didn't you fight back?!"
Though Thorax's world was dimming, he thought he saw tears pricking the sides of his brother's eyes. He smiled softly at him.
"I didn't fight back because I didn't want to. I would never hurt you."
"Even when I hurt you?" Despite its harshness, the elder Changeling's voice trembled.
"Never." Thorax reached up with a bloody hoof, trying to wrap an arm around his brother. Before he could however, he felt himself go limp.
"I love you."
Death was so much sweeter than Thorax thought, embracing him and taking him away from a world he found so cruel.
Ever since what had happened, Thorax didn't believe he deserved to live in this world. But he never got the chance to live in the universe where others refused to believe that such a cruel world deserved to be a part of him.