Reason Enough to Celebrate
Addison comes to the hospital during Thanksgiving, and she and Meredith form an unlikely friendship.
"Alright Holden, I'll be back in just a second, I just have to-" Meredith is still talking to her patient when she bumps into Addison.
"Oh, sorry, I was just-" Meredith looks at the floor awkwardly as she runs into Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, who appears not to be working given the black coat, and the grey hat.
"It's alright… Meredith… Have you seen Derek?" Addison asks softly.
"Oh, he's been consulting with me on this former PVS case, that's not a PVS case anymore because the patient could be waking up…" Meredith rambles. "Sorry, were you looking for him?"
"Did he… Did he ask about me at all?" Addison asks her. Her eyes are tired, and she looks tired, and she looks so vulnerable that Meredith hates to break the bad news to her.
"He hasn't, sorry," Meredith sighs. "Though, if he'd been asking about you, he might not have asked me about it," Meredith smiles.
"True," Addison laughs.
"I'll let him know you're here, if you want?" Meredith offers.
It's not anything close to even by any means, but it's something, and Meredith feels obliged to give Addison something.
"No, no that's alright," says Addison. "I'll just wait."
"You do that a lot, huh. Waiting for him," Meredith continues.
"Yeah," Addison sighs.
"Yeah," Meredith sighs.
It's not in a menacing way, it's in a way that's understanding. When their eyes meet again, Meredith and Addison both realize they have more in common than they both thought.
"We were supposed to have lunch together," says Addison.
"We- I mean my friends and I, and not Derek and I, by the way-" Meredith starts. "We were supposed to all have thanksgiving together. Izzie was going to cook, and we were going to help here. And I ran away here, because I don't want to infect the nice happy people," Meredith sighs.
"Once I literally infected the nice happy people," Addison blurts out.
"What?" Meredith quirks an eyebrow at her.
"Derek suggested that I cook Thanksgiving dinner for his mother and all of his sisters. All five of them. And I'd never cooked a turkey before, and I must not have cooked it long enough, because Nancy got sick, and Carolyn thought I'd poisoned her. And then Derek made hotdogs," Addison laughs.
"What did they say?" Meredith asks her, shocked at the story, but even more shocked that there's even the smallest thing that Addison isn't naturally good at.
"Well, his mother hated me after that," says Addison.
"It wasn't your fault if he talked you into it," Meredith offers.
"They think he's the hero," says Addison.
"Yeah well, he's like that. Or people are like that with him," Meredith sighs.
"And we do that more than anyone," Addison says. She looks up at Meredith, and lays a hand over the blonde's.
"We let him think he's the hero, when we're doing all the work, and we're waiting for him," Meredith realizes as soon as she says it.
"Yeah," says Addison.
"Yeah," says Meredith.
Addison looks like she wants to say something more to her, but then Meredith gets a page, and she promises that she'll check in with Addison later.
"I won't go home with him, you know," Meredith whispers. "I won't go home with him if I know that he's supposed to be waiting for you."
It's the kindest thing she can give her, and Meredith swears she sees Addison tear up a little as she accepts her promise.
Holden turns out to need a risky surgery, and he's just found out that his family is walking out on him.
He's been there all this time, and people stopped noticing him. His life passed him by, people passed by him without a second thought. And now he has to decide if he's going to try to keep living on with all the people who've left him.
Normally Meredith would compare her own life to her patient's, but this time she's seeing the parallels between him and Addison.
Addison's been trying with him, but Derek's just been letting her sit there all along, paying no mind to her as his own life keeps turning.
It makes her angry, it makes her sad.
It changes her opinion about Derek a little bit, but she's too caught up in the surgeries to fully process this right now.
As expected, Derek lets her scrub in later, and he says that she would have gotten the surgery because she would want to go into the future. Derek says that he doesn't know what he wants, and Meredith says that she knows he doesn't.
And they're not talking about the surgery either.
Derek isn't sure if he should keep trying with Addison or start over with her. And normally this would make Meredith happy because he could pick her, or choose her, or whatever. But now it just makes her feel for Addison, feel for Holden. Feel for being left in the past.
"She's been waiting for you, you know," Meredith says quietly, once it's over, and they're sitting on the bench outside of the hospital.
Derek has contacted Holden's family, and now all they can do is go home.
"Who?" Derek asks, and that tells Meredith all she needs to know about him.
"Addison," Meredith explains. "She said you were supposed to meet her for lunch. And then she came here. And you haven't asked about her all day," Meredith sighs exasperatedly.
"Do you love her?" Meredith asks him plainly.
"I don't know," Derek sighs, and looks down at his shoes.
The Meredith of yesterday might have told him that it's good that he's trying. That it makes him who he is. But the Meredith of today sees the pain that it's causing him. Causing her. Causing Addison.
It didn't work out for Holden, but at least he's asleep now. At least now he can move on. He's not stuck in nowhere.
They don't all need to be stuck in nowhere and wake up sixteen years from now and realize that their lives have gone by without them.
Not when they can be living their lives now.
"It's not enough you know," says Meredith. "It's not enough not to be sure. Not for me, not for you, not for her," she adds.
"Meredith-" Derek starts, but Meredith interrupts him.
"She's been waiting for you all day. She came here looking for you, and you didn't even ask about her. And she's your wife. Sure, she messed up, we all mess up sometimes. But she came here to either be with you, or leave you, and you're not giving her either. She deserves to move on with her life if she wants to. We all do," Meredith says, as she stands up from the bench.
"Where are you going?" Derek asks her.
"Dinner," Meredith says. "It's dinner time," and that's all she says before standing up again.
As she walks by her car, she thinks she needs a moment to collect herself before she goes home to everyone, so she stops by the bar, because she can always find someone to talk to at Joe's. Even if it ends up being Joe.
"He didn't ask about you. In the end. I'm so sorry," Meredith addresses Addison the same way she'd address a patient's loved one if they didn't make it.
It feels just as tragic, and just as heavy. And Meredith feels just as responsible.
"It happens," Addison sighs.
"Doesn't mean you have to let it," says Meredith.
"I had a bad feeling about coming here," says Addison.
"To the bar?" Meredith asks her.
"No, to Seattle," Addison sighs. "I just feel like everyone else has moved on, and I'm stuck in the past," she sighs.
"I know the feeling," says Meredith. "Look, you don't have to, but I know what might cheer you up right now," says Meredith. "Okay, and it'll help cheer my friends up also."
"Okay?" Addison questions.
"Come to thanksgiving dinner with us. Izzie's cooking. George and Cristina are on their way. And you deserve to be with people," Meredith offers.
"I'd be intruding," says Addison.
"Nonsense," says Meredith. "And I'd feel weird showing up all by myself."
"At your own house?" Addison giggles.
"C'mon," Meredith says, "You need to eat anyway," she says.
"Alright," says Addison. "I never did get lunch after all. So I'm starving."
Meredith drives, because Addison's already been drinking, and when they get there they see Alex hesitating outside the door.
"Go on, it'll make Izzie happy," says Meredith encouragingly.
"Is that why you brought Dr. Montgomery?" Alex asks her.
"Yes," says Meredith. "And she needed the company."
Izzie is, in fact, thrilled that there's three more people at dinner, and she cuts the turkey that she and Preston Burke made, and it's delicious.
Addison relaxes when she realizes that she knows someone else already, and the conversation is centered around George's hunting, and Cristina's wishbone surgery, and all the sutures that Alex had been doing anyway.
"I had a really good time," says Addison, as Cristina and Alex, and Burke are headed out to leave.
"Me too, thanks for coming," says Meredith, as she stabilizes Addison, who is swaying a little.
"Ooh, I'm gonna feel this in the morning. Not used to drinking like this anymore," Addison giggles.
"Stay over," Meredith offers. "People crash at my house all the time, and you can't drive," Meredith shrugs.
"Are you sure?" Addison says shyly.
"Sure," says Meredith, as she leads Addison back into the house.
Some of Meredith's extra pajamas fit Addison well enough, and Addison offers to take the couch before Meredith offers her the bed, which Addison won't accept, so they settle on sharing it.
They're saying goodnight as Meredith turns the light off when Addison looks impossibly small, and Meredith can't help but curl up to her.
"He doesn't love me anymore," Addison whimpers.
"Do you want to know the truth?" Meredith asks her.
"Yes please. Rip it off. No anesthesia," says Addison.
"He said he wasn't sure," Meredith sighs. "I asked him and he said he wasn't sure if he loved you. And I told him that wasn't good enough," she offers.
"Why would you say that?" Addison asks her.
"Because it's true. If he loves you fine. If he doesn't, fine. But my patient today was in limbo for over a decade. And you don't deserve to live like that. And neither do I. so he might as well get over it."
"Thank you, Meredith," says Addison. "I don't think I'd have been strong enough to do it myself."
"Hey, I owed you one," says Meredith. "It's no problem. Anyway, sleep well, and I'll see you in the morning," she yawns.
"Okay," says Addison, curling into Meredith's arms. "I'll see you in the morning."
It might not have been the Thanksgiving that either of them started out imagining.
But as they fall asleep, it finally hits them.
They have a lot to be thankful for.
***** FIN