A/N: In December 2019 I wrote my first Darvey fanfic. 5 Years Time, a 13k one shot, based on a prompt by Angelina and submitted for Darvey Secret Santa. To my surprise it got a lot of positive feedback and many requests for a continuation.

When I finished the one shot I had never considered anything beyond the ending and it took me a while to step back into this universe to see where the road leads these characters. But over a year later, here we are. This AU stole my heart again and we'll wind our way to an unambiguous ending this time, I promise.

Am I daft to have two multi chapters running at the same time? Probably but my fantastic beta Stefanie says I can do it and I trust her endlessly so here we go!

This story picks up pretty much right where 5 years time left off so reading that one first is strongly recommended as it is an AU setting and serves as introduction as to where our characters are right now.

I hope this sequel lives up to your expectations. Please let me know your thoughts by leaving a review.

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Maybe This Time

Chapter 1

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Two old friends meet again

Wearin' older faces

And talk about the places they've been

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She was standing in front of the bedroom window. It was dark but the fireworks in the distance illuminated the room on and off. Each burst of light reminded her that she wasn't alone.

Her two girls in her bed didn't so much as stir while the sky was lit up and the rainbow of colors danced across the bedroom.

Aubrey had insisted she'd stay awake and Ella imitates everything her big sister does, so she had settled herself on the couch with a large bowl of popcorn and a little girl on each side. It had been 8 pm when Ella's soft snores vibrated through the room. Aubrey had been a real trooper and lasted considerably longer but at 10 pm she admitted defeat as well.

At a quarter to midnight, she had carried the girls upstairs to the master bedroom and tucked them in.

Now it was 00:10 am and a new year had started. She hadn't uncorked a bottle of cheap champagne. She hadn't chunked glasses with anyone and toasted to what this year would bring. And she most certainly hadn't made any New Year's resolutions. She didn't know what this year would bring. She didn't know what she wanted this year to bring. The year was only ten minutes old and already it had been filled with nothing but fear and doubts.

Her phone on the nightstand was buzzing. It must be all those obligatory text messages of people sending Happy New Year to their entire contact list. She hated those. Every year the same old story and all it did was overload the telephone network and none of those messages were genuine.

While her mind was now in full rant modus on those impersonal messages, the buzzing continued. She picked up her phone annoyed, ready to turn it off when she noticed the caller.

Harvey Specter

She had only just added him to her contacts list again the week before. Instead of picking it up immediately, she hesitated.

He was one of the reasons she entered this brand new year full of doubts. But it had been a week since their airport goodbye and she wanted to talk to him even though she might not be ready for it.

"Hey."

"Hey," his soft voice came through the speaker.

Her stomach immediately started doing somersaults. It was insane what just a Hey did to her.

She had missed it. That soft voice that was so different from the strong one he used in court and basically on everyone else that he wanted to impress.

His next words snapped her out of her reverie.

"Happy New Year, Donna."

"Happy New Year, Harvey."

Donna left her master bedroom and ducked into Aubrey's room to avoid the girls waking up and overhearing their conversation.

"I hope this year brings you and your girls nothing but happiness."

"Uh-huh." Donna bit the nail of her index finger.

Her mind immediately drifted back to the days at the firm when she would wear nail polish every day and wouldn't dream of biting her nails. She hadn't even bothered anymore the last few years. One afternoon with her girls in the park or baking cookies and her nails would be chipped or worse. Never mind her designer dresses.

"And I hope I can be part of that happiness."

Once again his voice pulled her back to their conversation.

He sounded shy, she thought. Harvey Specter was many things but never shy. It felt foreign to her and she wasn't sure what to do with it.

"Donna, you still there?"

"Yeah, uhm, yeah I'm still here."

"How are you? How are Ella and Aubrey? Are they awake?"

Donna sat down on the windowsill and put her feet up on the little desk chair nearby.

"They were out hours ago. They wanted to stay awake but at their age seeing the clock strike midnight is something they can only dream of."

"Oh man, do you remember that each year you would make a pact with yourself that this was the year you'd see the ball drop? Only to wake up in the morning and find out you failed again?"

"You didn't even remember how you got from the couch to your bed."

"And that without a single drop of alcohol." Harvey chuckled.

"I'd give an arm and a leg to be able to sleep like that again. You spend all of your childhood wanting to stay awake more and sleepless and as an adult, you want to sleep like a baby again."

Donna sighed while rolling the chair back and forward with her feet.

"Donna, how are you?," Harvey asked again.

Donna shrugged and stared out of the window but he wasn't able to see that of course. So silence engulfed them.

She wasn't sure of how she was doing and she wasn't sure what to tell Harvey and she hadn't known what to tell Jack a few days ago.

Oh god, she sincerely hoped he wouldn't try to call her too. If the pit she currently felt in her stomach was a sign of how this year would unfold then it did not bode well for her.

"Donna? Would you rather we'd hang up?"

"No!" Her voice was resolute.

Funny how she did not know what to say but she was sure she wanted to continue the call.

"Then talk to me, please. You know you can tell me anything," Harvey begged her.

"You sure you want to hear it?" she whispered in the receiver.

"Oh."

"Yeah oh." She kicked the chair away in frustration and rubbed her temple.

"Do you want to stay with Jack?"

She could hear Harvey pouring a drink. A glass of Scotch no doubt. She also heard the anxiousness in his voice. Jack's voice hadn't been entirely steady either last time they spoke. What had happened to her, that she was in a dilemma with two men?

Sure she had been there before, long long ago when she was much younger and not to mention single. She never expected to be in this situation when married with kids.

The common divisor then and now was however the man she was currently on the phone with.

This realization wasn't new but somehow it knocked the wind out of her, again.

"I don't think it would be good for me to stay with Jack. And ultimately it wouldn't be good for the girls either to pursue a marriage if my heart isn't in it."

She could hear the small sigh of relief that escaped Harvey and her shoulders slumped in a prelude of what she was going to say next.

"That's all I know though. I don't know what I want next."

Harvey didn't immediately respond and she knew he'd been hoping for more from her.

"I guess I want a job to show my girls that we need to push through that glass ceiling."

She raked a hand through her red tresses.

"Actually scratch that socially correct statement. I NEED a job to provide for them."

"You are entitled to alimony and child support. Do you think Jack isn't going to pay? Because this guy I know from Harvard runs a very successful practice in your area. I'll give him a call in the morning and we will sue his—"

"HARVEY." She heard his voice raising an octave and he was totally getting carried away. "I'm hoping to settle this without a court fight. He's their dad. I want a decent parenting plan. I want us to be able to celebrate the girls' birthdays together or all have dinner when he brings them back. I don't hate him and I want my children to feel that, even though we aren't together anymore, we respect each other and we can be around each other."

Harvey huffed a bit. "I get that and I totally respect that, but you are entitled to claim what's legally yours so that you don't have to worry about needing a job."

Donna let out a hollow laugh.

"Jack isn't a name partner at some firm, Harvey. He's an agent for newcomers in the entertainment industry. The salaries at Specter Litt Ross aren't exactly what you find on the payslip of the average American. He makes enough to support us while I stay at home but it's not like I can keep the house and rake in alimony and child support while I organize bake sales at kindergarten. He can't support two households. It wouldn't be fair either. We were only married for 4 years. That would barely get me temporary alimony."

"You'd be surprised," Harvey mumbled but he didn't press any further.

Donna wasn't sure if Harvey felt insulted or embarrassed after accusing him of not knowing how these things work for the average Joe.

"So you need to sell the house then? You'll get a share from that assuming you don't have a prenuptial agreement."

She heard rustling coming from the speaker and she realized Harvey was leaving through pages of a law book.

He was in full lawyer modus. Probably because it was a way to hide his insecurity, not knowing how to define their rekindled contact.

She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples.

"I have barely come to terms with the fact that I'm going to pull the plug on my marriage. I haven't even begun to look into all other aspects of my life that will change because of that decision. Just thinking about parenting plans, working out holidays and birthdays, and selling the house makes me anxious and maybe it's just easier to have everything stay the same."

There was nothing but silence in response and she jumped down from the windowsill and walked downstairs to lock all her doors so she could get to bed soon.

After a while, Harvey's strained voice said, "If that's how you feel then I will leave you to it."

Donna stood still in the middle of her hallway.

"That's it? You're not going to tell me that's a stupid idea and convince me otherwise?"

Harvey let out a frustrated sigh.

"Of course I think it's stupid to let fear rule your decisions. I did that for a long time and it didn't bring me anything in the long run. But I'm not going to beg you to pick me. I'm not that guy."

"Of course not. We wouldn't want you to actually fight for me this time."

She was so annoyed she felt like ending the call. In fact, 30 minutes in and she was ready to cancel the entire year already.

"Donna, if it was just Jack I'd fight like hell with everything I've got. I don't think staying in a marriage because you're afraid of the consequences if you don't, is a good basis to continue. I think you deserve to be totally happy and in love in your relationship. But you just listed some very heavy implications of ending your marriage. You've got two kids and their life is going to change majorly but your role as a mother will as well. You won't see them every day anymore, you'll have to go major holidays without them. I know that would crush you, over and over.

I'm not going to ask you to do this and have you resent me for it later on. It needs to be your own decision."

"Still would be nice to hear you actually want me," Donna muttered in response.

"I DO!" Harvey exploded. "I thought I made it pretty clear last week. I kissed you several times even though you are still married and you know how I feel about that. I said I'd consider the west coast if that is what you need. But I also said it is your risk to take this time, not mine and I'm not going to push you to break up your marriage."

There was rustling near the speaker and Donna heard muffled voices.

"Harvey where are you?" she inquired.

"I'm at Mike and Rachel's," he replied a bit sheepish.

Donna sank down on the stairs. It must have been Mike's home office where Harvey poured the drink and leafed through a law book.

She had automatically assumed that he was home alone, like she, and like he had been all those years she was around. But he had rung in the New Year with friends. Their friends. Although they didn't really feel like her friends anymore.

Another wave of sadness crashed over her. Jealous, sad, angry. Empty, that is what she felt most of all.

Swallowing a lump she said the only thing she could say. "Go back to your friends Harvey. Go have a nice time."

"Donna, I called because I thought we left things in a good place last week and I hoped this would finally be our year. But it seems I got that wrong and the last thing I want is to cause you any pain." A hint of sadness could clearly be heard in his voice.

"Give my love to Rachel and Mike and I will call you soon." She hung up before he had a chance to reply.

...

"Hi mum," Donna said, picking up her phone.

"Hi Darling, how are the little ones?" Clara asked.

"Good, I'm just starting on dinner while the girls are here at the table making a clay house for the Lego dolls," she answered while closing a set of drawers with her hip.

"Hi, Grandma!" Aubrey shouted and of course, Ella couldn't stay behind.

"Hi, Gwanma!"

"Give them a big kiss from me," Clara said affectionately.

"I will."

"Soooo?"

"So what mum?"

"What's new?"

"Really mum, what's new?" Donna rummaged around in the freezer, looking for fish sticks, too tired to cook anything fancy tonight.

"Fine, have you got a solution for your 'torn between two lovers' dilemma yet?"

"MUM!"

"What? Too straightforward?" Clara tutted.

Donna did a few steps back into the mudroom. Covering her mouth with her hand, she hissed into the receiver, "I don't have two lovers!"

"You're right only one has had a sway over your heart all this time."

"Are you suggesting I never loved my husband?" Donna started picking up boots and shoes from the floor, tossing them in their designated baskets.

"You're the one labeling names to my words, dear."

"I'm this close to hanging up and adopting Ruth from down the street as the girl's grandmother from now on," Donna snarled.

Clara laughed wholeheartedly. "Someone needs to push your buttons darling." Her tone grew serious. "I've stayed away from the subject when you seemed happy in your marriage but now that you've opened Pandora's box... Don't you think it's time to either go for it or close that chapter for good? It's been seventeen years of trying to build something with all kinds of men except the one you gave your heart away to."

Donna's arm halted midway into hanging Aubrey's coat. Her posture slumped and she slowly sunk down on the bench. Her shoulders shaking, she stifled the sobs that were wracking her body, aware her daughters were just a few feet away.

"Donna? What did I say?" Clare's confused voice came through the receiver. "Surely my words are not some new kind of revelation dear?"

"It's—, I—, what have I done?" she sobbed. "Why does it always come back to this again? To him?"

"Because you don't just fall out of love, darling. Running away across the country doesn't change that."

"I had to!" Donna exclaimed. "Every time he couldn't, wouldn't show up emotionally—" another sob escaped. "It hurt too much."

"Running away from love doesn't stop you from being hurt. And a new love isn't a bandaid to cover up old wounds."

Donna inhaled sharply. "Are you saying my husband, my kids, my life of the past five years are just a rebound?"

"Donna, don't put words in my mouth." The frustration was palpable in Clara's voice now. "All I'm saying is real feelings don't just disappear and you can't deny them forever."

"Mummy, mummy, MUMMY." whaling voices penetrated the mudroom.

"The kids. They need me." Donna sniffled, wiping away the tears and hopefully the mascara stains under her eyes.

"Make some time to listen to what your heart needs too, dear."

Her heart would have to wait though as Donna got up and squared her shoulders. "Bye, mum."