"Kill me."
Charley woke with a strangled gasp. Her hands were slick with blood, her heart pounding with adrenaline and fear and grief. The Doctor—no, Zagreus—no, the Doctor!
She bolted upright and searched the darkness for the looming figures of Rassilon and the TARDIS-as-the-Brigadier, for the crumpled, lifeless form she was terrified she would find at her feet. She saw nothing, heard nothing. She should have heard the menacing crackling of anti-time in the air, felt the heat of the forge, but there was nothing. It was quiet, cool, and dark. She could feel soft fabric beneath her.
This was not a forge. Nor was it any of the weird-ish, wild dreamscapes she had traversed in her search for the Doctor. She was in her bedroom, in her bed. They were back in the TARDIS. Safe. Home.
Charley forced herself to breathe, to relax her tense muscles and slow her racing heart. As her eyes adjusted to the dark of her bedroom, the cobwebs of the memories gradually fell away until only one image lingered. Holding her breath, she dared a look down at her hands, afraid that she might indeed find them stained with orange-tinted blood, but there was none. Only sweat. She exhaled, shuddering slightly, suddenly cold from the sheen of sweat on her arms and shoulders. It was just a nightmare, only a ghost of a horrible memory come back to haunt her.
She hadn't expected the dreams to continue now that they were back in their own universe. She had, of course, had more than her fair share of bad dreams while in the divergent universe, reliving every moment, every narrowly escaped encounter. From the never-people to the hellish brightness of that endless tube, to glimpses of events she could never quite remember but left her feeling utterly hopeless.
But now, reunited with the TARDIS and returned to the proper universe, Charley had just assumed things would get better. After all, the blade was gone. Rassilon could not touch them here. The TARDIS was whole. The Doctor was himself again and alive.
But her chest still ached terribly, as if she had driven the blade through her own heart instead of… instead of…
She needed to check. Just to make sure, to be completely, one hundred percent certain that things were back to normal.
Charley untangled herself from the sheets and blankets that had ensnared her during the night and swung her legs out of the bed. Once she had a shawl wrapped tightly around her torso, she slipped out of her room, shutting the door quietly behind her.
The corridor beyond was dimmed low, the TARDIS in the middle of her artificial night-time cycle. The ship brought the light of the corridor up to a soft glow, providing Charley with just enough light to see while maintaining the drowsy atmosphere. She had nearly forgotten about some of the ship's finer details like that. There were no gas lamps or electric bulbs to be found, no ceiling or wall fixtures of any kind—apart from a few lamps and fireplaces in some of the cozier spots (for aesthetic purposes, she could only assume). The TARDIS herself created light wherever it was needed. A smile crept over Charley's face at the thought, and she lightly ran her fingers over the wall.
To her surprise, a soft groan answered her touch. It seemed all was forgiven between them as well.
Charley passed a handful of doors as she walked, one of which she recognized as the door to the room C'rizz now inhabited. The Eutermisan had been wary of the ship when he first boarded. She remembered how he entered his new room with trepidation, glancing uneasily at the walls as if they might swallow him whole. Over the days, however, he had relaxed considerably and even warmed up to the TARDIS' quirks. She had to admit, she was greatly pleased by the development.
Yellow light seeped out from the crack beneath the door. She wondered if C'rizz, too, was having difficulty sleeping. Was he dreaming of L'da?
How strange that all of them had lost something so dear. Stranger still that they had all found each other in the end.
The only sound in the maze of corridors was the rhythm of her bare feet on the floor. She was growing increasingly grateful for the roundels on the walls and the occasional door breaking up the hall's monotony. Anything to separate herself from the memories of the sound creature's domain. A chill ran down her spine, but she kept fingers brushing the wall, the physical contact with the ship grounding her.
She arrived at the console room sooner than she expected. The TARDIS must have rearranged some hallways for her, shortened the distance between them. Charley stepped out into the awning space of the console room, admiring once again the beautiful complexity of the controls surrounding the central column, the glowing rotors lazily pumping up and down, and the expanse of the universe projected against the high-arched ceiling. A slight hum vibrated in the air, tremoring through the floor beneath her feet. The twinkling projection bathed the room in cool, soft blue and cast shadows from the bookcases lining the walls. Home.
The tightness in Charley's chest finally began to ease.
She stepped further into the room, searching for the Doctor among the stacks of books and few other furnishings scattered about. His cushioned armchair was empty, though a half-drunk cup of tea sat abandoned on the table beside it. Her eyes swept over the many piles of odds and ends the Doctor had collected throughout their adventures, some familiar—the sword in the umbrella stand, a painting, some dried alien flowers, among other things—many that had been there longer than she had traveled with him. She noticed several empty spaces where some souvenirs, as she dubbed them, were missing. Most likely lost in the anti-time incident.
It wasn't until her second sweep of the room that she spotted the green of his velvet coat, nestled behind the TARDIS console in a shadowy corner.
Charley padded over, bare feet crossing from cool metal to soft Persian carpets and back again, savoring the grandeur of the galaxies hanging above her head.
The Doctor stood hunched, his elbows braced against the railing encircling the console platform, arms dangling off the other side of the rail. He held a book loosely in his hands, unheeded. His head was hung low, and she couldn't see his face, obscured as it was by his curls. She had never seen him look so tired, she thought. Not once in all their travels, not even while they struggled through the divergent universe.
He didn't move, didn't give any indication that he heard her approach. Charley hesitated the last few feet. She pulled her shawl a little tighter around her shoulders. "Doctor?"
At once, he straightened, shaking his head so that his curls bounced away from his face. She had surprised him, though he hid it well. He rolled back his shoulders, folded his hands behind his back, became the Doctor once again instead of the lost boy she had caught the briefest glimpse of. She stared at him, unable to unsee the haunted look veiled in his eyes.
It seemed that none of them had escaped the nightmares this night.
"Charley?" The Doctor looked at her with obvious concern when she failed to speak. "Is something the matter?"
"No," she said, the word unintentionally slipping out after seeing him so vulnerable, even for just a second. "I just… wanted to check on you."
He seemed to surmise the hidden truth behind her seeking him out regardless. "I'm here," he said, voice soft and gentle. He closed the gap between them and touched her forearm with his free hand. "You couldn't sleep, I take it?"
She briefly considered the merit of continuing the farce but decided against it. Maybe it was due to the guilt she felt for catching him unawares, or maybe because she needed to be near him at that moment, but she couldn't stop herself from shaking her head. "It's really lovely to be back in the TARDIS and in our own, proper universe," she said. And she meant it, she really did.
So then why did she still feel so wretched?
The Doctor watched her. "But?"
She bit her lip. "There's just… so much that happened."
He nodded. He glanced away in thought before returning to her, both his eyes and voice gaining a note of urgency. "Charley, you know we're safe now. There's no more danger of anti-time or—or him. The TARDIS will keep us safe."
"Yes, I know." But she remembered the haunted look behind his eyes and heard the silent plea in his words. Even Time Lords, she knew now, had fears and doubts. She slid her hand into his and grasped it tightly. "Do you?"
He looked surprised for a second, and then he gave a small smile. He squeezed her hand back. "Yes, Charley, I do."
They stood there in companionable silence for a few minutes, hand in hand, drawing strength from one another. Simply existing in the quiet, the calm, of this singular moment in time. Moments like these didn't happen often, and Charley had come to savor them amidst the hullabaloo of their adventures. Perhaps, now that they were in their own universe, back in the TARDIS…
But no. Their lives didn't allow for that sort of peace and quiet any more than once in the hypothetical blue moon. She knew well enough that things would go back to normal soon, that every day would be filled with danger and excitement and adventure, and that was good. The Doctor and Charley, and now C'rizz, off to save the universe. It was the best life she ever could have wanted, even with the lack of peace.
Charley nodded to the book still in his hand. "Doing some late-night reading?"
The Doctor hefted the tome in his hand, as if he could judge its contents by how much the pages weighed. "Peter Pan," he mused, flipping the book over in his palm, allowing her to see the embossed cover. "I'm not sure why I picked it up, actually. I think it was just… well, what I mean to say is…" he struggled to find the words for a few seconds before sighing, deflating with the sound.
It had been the last real conversation they had, before… everything. She stared at the brightly colored picture of the Lost Boy himself on the cover, lost in the memory of then. You know who you remind me of? You're Peter Pan… I wanted to be Wendy. And now I am, having adventures in fairyland with the boy who never grew old. So many adventures, and not all of them good. But all of them together.
The Doctor still stared at the book, his brow furrowed. It was as if she could see his mind churning, though she could never really tell what his thoughts were. He sighed again.
"I told you, that day, that Peter never left Wendy to face the crocodiles alone. But I did, Charley. And you… you still came after me."
She leaned into him. "I couldn't let you face down that crocodile by yourself, now could I? Besides," she grinned sheepishly, "we had to pick up a Tinker Bell somewhere."
There was a second's pause before the Doctor threw back his head in a hearty laugh. Charley smiled broadly, now imagining their newest passenger in something akin to a fairy costume, scaley skin shifting to match the gaudy, glittering colors perfectly. C'rizz would hate it, naturally, but oh it would be fun.
Then their laughter had died down and the blanket of quiet had descended once more, the Doctor looked back at her. His eyes held a mirth that hadn't been there before. "Thank you," he said, simply and sincerely.
She leaned into his arm and felt him compensate for her added weight, keeping them both steady.
They looked up at the galaxies above, a small portion of an infinitely wide universe they had only barely begun to explore. The nightmares would not always haunt them. But Charley—she had faced Time Lords, Daleks, the unraveling of the web of time, and more, and she was still there. And she always would be, she decided, regardless of what the universe threw her way. Everything would be all right as long as they were together.
"Always, Doctor."
A/N: Hullo friends, and thank you for joining me in this lovely little corner of the universe!
This little fic is partly inspired by Johannes VIII's work of art (found here, though be sure to remove the spaces - post/144461232289/ the-nightmares-of-the-eighth-doctor-charley-and) and partly because I recently revisited Neverland/Zagreus/Scherzo. It just felt like Charley and Eight just needed a moment to breathe. I suppose this is a slight AU, only because I forgot about Terror Firma occurring immediately after The Next Life... or perhaps this happens some time after that episode. Who can say. I just want these lovely characters to rest and have Moments Together.
This work has been cross-posted to ao3 under the username LadyZay