Swing To My Heart
Rated: T
Fandom: Fire Emblem
Characters: Sylvain Jose Gautier, Dorothea Arnault, Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Genre: Humor
Summary: Sylvain attempts to win Dorothea's heart by doing the one thing he never thought of doing in his life. Imagine how this one ends.
Disclaimer: I seriously do not own anything associated with Fire Emblem Three Houses or any of the characters. They are all owned by Nintendo and Intelligent Systems and that's it. Anyway, you want a little humor in your life, here's a little something I wrote featuring everyone's favorite red-haired skirtchaser, Sylvain Jose Gautier. Once again, I do not own anything Fire Emblem Three Houses related. Enjoy, my people.
A yawn was broken inside Felix Hugo Fraldarius as he immediately got up after a long painful sleep he had to endure thanks to Linhardt's loud constant snoring happening last night. Good thing the church bells ringside inside Garreg Mach Monastery managed to wake him right up from the uncomfortable slumber, otherwise he'd probably go deaf if the loud snoring had increased nonstop.
"Ugh, thank goodness it's frickin' morning," Felix sighed to himself as he shook himself from his nap. "I swear, it's like sleeping upclose to a banshee…"
It took Felix quite a while to get himself out of bed, do his hair, brush his teeth and get himself dressed into his academy clothes before he finally went outside, figuring out what to do on his day off.
He finally got out in the open when all of a sudden…
*BAM!*
Felix went face-first into what seemed to be a pillar filled with wood!
"Ack, what the hell?!" The lone wolf said, rubbing his head painfully, "What just hit me?"
It wasn't long before Felix immediately looked up to see a scaffold standing tall next to him. Much to his utter surprise though, Felix managed to see a certain red-haired skirt-chaser on top of the scaffold holding what seemed to be a long rope of sorts. It wasn't just any skirt-chaser though. The skirt-chaser happened to go by the name of Sylvain Jose Gautier, who immediately looked down at Felix with one of his signature smiles.
"Ah, you're just in time, Felix!" He said to his best friend.
"I'll say," Felix nodded before asking, "Why in the hell did you place a scaffold close to downstairs?"
Sylvain winked as he said to Felix, "Just another one of my brilliant schemes to win a lovely lady."
Felix immediately rolled his eyes, "And just who exactly are you trying to win over now?"
With a wink around his eyes, Sylvain looked down to Felix and said with a smirk, "Dorothea, of course!"
"You gotta be kidding me…" Felix muttered while rolling his eyes.
"Oh, I'm afraid not, my man." Sylvain smirked again before explaining to Felix, "Because if there's one thing girls like in a man, it's a full-blown risktaker. And what better way to take a risk than a little rope swing right by the fishing pond?"
"That sounds corny, Sylvain." Felix groaned as he then explained to his friend clear-mindedly, "And I could definitely say the same when it comes to the other women you hit on and fail. Like that one time you tried to sniff Ingrid's hair and all you got was a staff right across the junk. Or how about the time you tried to surprise Hilda with four boxes of chocolates? I oughta know since Raphael barged in and stole them out of your hand, just to chug them down his throat. And what about that time you caught that one fish with Flayn? Let me tell you something, Seteth kicked your ass really good after he saw you slap Flayn's butt." Felix said, replying that sentence with a smirk.
"Hey, I didn't mean to do it! I had to slap her on the butt as a way to congratulate her." Sylvain groaned out of defense before retaining back to his smile, "But that humiliating moment aside, you're about to see me pull off a sick flip that I know Dorothea's gonna dig. You just wait and see."
"Oh, I can only imagine the joy…" Felix said in an unmotivated manner.
Before he could say at least one word of English however, Sylvain quickly cut himself off once he saw Dorothea quickly step out of the dinner hall, possibly finishing her lunch that she just ate not too long ago. And by goodness, did the songstress look so beautiful as ever with her beautiful brunette hair, cute black hat, incredible singing voice and those awesome high-heeled boots.
"OK, Dorothea's here, so step aside." Sylvain whispered quietly to Felix before shouting out to the songstress from the scaffold, "HEY DOROTHEA!"
It didn't take too long for Dorothea to look up at the scaffold to see Sylvain waving right at her with the rope gripped tight in his hand. Dorothea on the other hand, looked a bit disinterested to see him truth be told.
"What do you want, Sylvain? And no, you can't see me shower." The songstress sternly warned him, "The last time you did, I hit you so hard, you went right through a hole in the wall."
"But I have learned my lesson, Dorothea!" Sylvain clearly exclaimed, "So as my way to apologize for barging in on you? I figured I'd impress you with a nice little rope swing and a fancy little flip on the pond, since I know you're into the thrillseekers."
"Well, that's mostly true." Dorothea blushed right away, which showed her feeling very interested on what Sylvain wanted to do for her, "All right, impress me, Sylvain."
"With pleasure, milady!" Sylvain nodded back to the brunette before winking, "Just so you know, I call this flip, 'The Flying Dorothea'!"
"More like 'Flying Dumbass'..." Felix muttered to himself, trying to make sure Sylvain didn't hear that insult (thankfully, he didn't).
With Felix and Dorothea watching with bated breath, it was now time for Sylvain to pull off his special trick on the fishing pond. He gripped the rope super tight as he took a running start…
…
…
...took off…
…
…
...and landed flat on his back on top of a smelly fish cart himself, hereby making him smell like a bad-smelling case of dead sardines.
"Owwwww… why me…" Sylvain said, groaning in pain.
Letting out a little 'tsk tsk tsk' for good measure, Dorothea shook her head and approached him with a smirk, "Yeah, Sylvain, that never works with anyone."
"Can you at least help me out, Dorothea?" Sylvain said with a feigned smile.
"I'd love to," Dorothea shrugged before groaning, "But you know I don't date guys who smell like fish."
Sylvain immediately felt a combination of pain and rejection come inside him, although the skirt-chaser didn't know which one hurt the worst in his case.
Dorothea somehow caught herself by surprise when she saw the monastery's professor, Byleth, walking right past her. She managed to turn her head right to the handsome professor, who at this point was walking with his firm flutes molding through that sleeve-like cape of his.
"Ooooh, me likey…" Dorothea gushed to herself, all before she left to go follow Byleth.
Still feeling out of pain, Sylvain looked up to Felix with a smile, "Hey Felix, can you help a brother out?"
"I would, but I gotta meet up with Annette and Ashe for lunch." Felix shrugged as well, "Good luck getting up for all I care…"
With that, Felix walked away from Sylvain, obviously heading out to the dining hall. This now left Sylvain writing in agony all alone, not just in pain from the landing he took, but for the fact that he now smelled like dead fish.
Sylvain attempted to wiggle free from the fish box, but wobbled himself right back in leaving the ladies man stuck in the box with a painful groan. "Okay, someone REALLY needs to help me get out of here…"
But then, right out of nowhere, Sylvain turned to the right to see Flayn run right at him and punch his lights out, knocking the lady-killer out cold and unconscious!
She then left after pointing at him and say, "That's what you get for groping my butt, creep!"
Yeah, hard to believe this was written over the phone and done in a day. Yep, I definitely live to work fast, everyone.
Okay, now that I'm done, don't forget to like, read, review and follow my stories if you like Fire Emblem: Three Houses or just love a good old fashioned lemon to get you hot and bothered. You know I'll be on the march! So until the next story is posted: All here, hey Scott!