A/N

Written for Chaser 3 on Holyhead Harpies for Round 5 of the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition. Thanks to my teammates MissyAndTheDocs, TheCinderCrown, and gingerdream for the beta.

Chaser 3: Each position will be given a character flaw that must clearly feature in your story. The catch? (Because of course there's a catch) You cannot write about someone who shows that flaw in canon. For example, Severus can't be shown demonstrating unfairness, Peter can't be the one showing cowardice, etc. Selfishness

Optional Prompts

(word) fleeting C3

(dialogue) "I wouldn't blame you if you hated me." C3

(color) bronze C3

Summary: AU where Tonks and Remus survive the BoH, Sirius survives the OoP but dies in BoH. Teddy (as much as we love him) was never born. Tonks leaves without notice a bit after the war, and comes back, only to leave once again.

WC: 1394

The door to the Leaky Cauldron closed behind her, Nymphadora Tonks' eyes darted around the crowded room in search of an empty table. The note had read 3:00 pm, but here she was, 15 minutes early. She stood at the entrance and her gaze settled on a familiar pair of green eyes. Why was he here? The owner of the eyes that she had so wished to forget was focused on a book, which he clutched tightly in his hands.

As Tonks made her way through the pub, she looked down to avoid eye contact. The floorboards were old, and they creaked which each step. She lifted her head and their eyes met for a fleeting moment.

Those eyes transported her back to late-night Order missions, drinks after long shifts, comforting touches at the end of an emotionally and physically draining day, and warning glances they traded mid-battle. Tonks had abandoned it all suddenly, after Voldemort's defeat, five years ago.

Tonks quickly averted her eyes from his but, in that fleeting second, in which they held eye contact, she could've sworn Remus' eyes were filled with hurt and a touch of shock.

She headed over to a tiny table at the far right of the room nearest to the brick fireplace. Tonks set her bag down, she looked up to see the older wizard staring directly at her. Oh, how she missed the way Remus looked at her; under his gaze, she had felt like she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

Yet, when she looked at him now, she could only see Sirius's limp body, hear Fred's laugh, and feel Lavender's heart stop - all the memories of war attached to him. The person who had kept her grounded and sane throughout the war had only made her want to fly away from him.

She smiled awkwardly at him - that kind of smile one would give a stranger- not knowing how she should greet him. His longer hair and stern expression were all unfamiliar to her. They'd started out as strangers, became lovers, and somehow, along the way found themselves as almost strangers once more. She cursed Merlin when he stood up, approaching her table.

Remus's expression was soft, and he reached a hand out to her as if he didn't believe she was real, and whispered, "Dora.."

Grasping his hand, Tonks pulled him into a quick hug. His hand found its usual position at the small of her back, but she shivered; his touch felt comforting, suffocating yet overbearing at the same time. She quickly pulled herself out of the embrace.

They stared at each other, neither not knowing what to say. "It's been a while," Remus finally broke the silence. "How have you been? What have you been up to?"

Tonks looked down. "I.. after the war, I needed a break. Everything just kind of piled up, dealing with all the grief, with Sirius' death, and then trying to catch all the remaining Death Eaters. - it felt like I was going through all the motions, you know? It'd been like that for a while…" Tonks stuttered, trying to find the right words. "But with the major threats out of the way, it finally felt like I could leave. And one night, you weren't home, and something in me just told me to leave? I went and rented a small cabin on the coast of France to take some time for myself. For a long time, I wasn't happy here. But then I was happy there and didn't want to leave."

She looked back up - Remus was still staring intently at her. With a pained expression, he replied, "You left. Without even saying goodbye. Not even a note. I thought you were hurt, or something."

Tonks grimaced, "I wouldn't blame you if you hated me. I-"

"I was in love with you, Dora. I was going to propose to you the next week. I still love you."

Tonks sat in shock. Remus' words cut through her heart, but the arrival of a professional-looking wizard prevented her reply. His robes were black and neat. His face was not unfriendly but would not fit in with your textbook definition of approachable. "Nymphadora Tonks?" he asked, looking towards the young witch.

Tonks smiled at him, sending a regretful look towards Remus. He shook his head at her, turning away back to his table. The wizard reached into his pocket, pulling out a bundle of scrolls. "Are you sure you wish to proceed with this, Miss Tonks? This is your last chance to back out."

Tonks nodded, this had to be done. "Yes, I'm sure," she said firmly, forcing herself not to look in Remus' direction.

"Then you'll need to sign here, here and here," the wizard responded, passing over a simple quill.

Tonks quickly signed at the spots he had indicated. He accepted the papers, and she dug into her pocket. She pulled out two thick, bronze keys. She felt them in her closed palm - Remus had once had one of these keys before she had left. She had given it to him when the war had started, so he always had a place to come to if he didn't want to be alone. His presence had been comforting, and he was there for her just as she was for him. Yet, as people died because she had been unable to save them, because she had failed, no words or actions from him seemed to be able to soothe her. He began to see her as fragile, always wanting her to talk about the war and her feelings. He hovered, and she knew it was because he cared, because he loved her so much, but she just wanted to forget.

Taking a deep breath, Tonks slowly placed the keys on the table and slid them over to the other wizard. She knew she was being selfish, doing this to Remus, but her shoulders felt lighter, her heart a little less broken. The wizard accepted them, before wishing her a good day and apparating out. She turned and saw Remus looking over at her with a sad expression on his face. She made her way over, knowing he had seen - just after he let her in, she had broken his heart once more.

"You're leaving again," he murmured, once she reached hearing distance. "Just when I finally think I've got you back, you're gone."

She nodded, "I'm sorry, Remus, I really am. I never meant to break you."

"You didn't mean to. But you did. You left, you left me, and then I was alone again."

"I know, I was so selfish, but I had to leave."

"You were. And you don't have to be selfish this time. You can stay, you know? Even if you sold your place, you can still come back to mine… You're always welcome here," he replied, his tone desperate."

Placing her hand on his, she replied, "I can't. I have to, for once, be selfish in my life. Please, let me. Don't make this decision any harder for me.'

He squeezed her hand, "I hate letting you go again once you're in my grasp once more. I want to hate you for doing this, but I love you too much."

"Remus, I really don't want to leave… but I went around yesterday you know? Dropped by the Ministry, Hogwarts, even was outside your apartment for a few seconds. I couldn't look around without seeing death.. Everywhere. And I still love you, I do. You'd always been there for me. But being with you feels like I'm still entangled, actively fighting, with the war. And… I can't live like that."

"I understand, Dora. But you know, I can't keep waiting for you."

She responded gently, "Don't wait for me, Remus. I don't know when, or if, I'll ever be ready. But don't put your life on hold for me. And if you were meant to be the one great love of my life, our paths will cross once more. I love you, I really do. But I'm just finally learning to live again, I can't stay here, be here, be with you right now. Maybe one day I'll be back. Maybe I won't."

Remus sighed. "So this is goodbye. For now."

Tonks tried to prevent the tears from running down her face. "Goodbye. For now."

With that, she reached in to give him one last hug, for now. She rested her head on his shoulder, and she muttered, "Thank you for everything. I'm sorry, I really wouldn't blame you if you hate me for doing this. I'll miss you so much, like always."

He squeezed her tighter, "I know. You know I could never hate you. Stay strong, okay? Keep your head up, Dora."

They finally let go of each other, and without looking back, Tonks walked out of the bar and disapparated out, tears streaming down her cheeks.