Hopeless Opus
BoJack held the letter in his hands still unsure as to whether to open it. He knew that if he did everything around him would probably come crashing down. Hollyhock was one of the last few good things in his life and he didn't want to lose that. But he already knew that their relationship had become strained. He knew that it was probably over, the fact that her phone number was disconnected already spoke volumes to his answer. Now he held the truth and last tie to her in his hands. The letter he had been holding on to for a while, the one he was too scared to read. The envelope had become a bit warn and tattered with age. Even now holding the letter gave him a mild panic attack.
It took everything he had in him to open that letter, and it took whatever else he had to even read it. He was right the letter did change everything, which made what he had done to better himself feel pointless. The letter now lay on the ground leaving his hands but not his mind. Bojack found his way back inside the frat house and let the words play over in his mind.
Bojack,
You are the big brother I never knew I had or even wanted. I know you can be a good person you we're always good with me. I was really happy that you got the help you needed and finally moved away from all the drinking and pills. But the truth is Bojack, I don't want you in my life anymore. I'm sorry but I can't, not with everything I know now.
I knew about what happened in New Mexico, I learned that a while ago. That's why I was weird with you being on campus, I worried that it might happen again. I didn't want to let it bug me. I wanted to work it out and I was actually happy that you were going to come back next year so we could have a brother and sister relationship a real one.
But now it just seems like I would be giving you another excuse to get away with something. What makes this worse is that you can't even be honest with me. I do hope that one day you can be honest with yourself, but I can't be there for you anymore. As much as I don't want to say it, you do cause a lot of trouble for the people that are around you. Bojack I can't be that person anymore, I can't let you hurt me even if it's not directly. So I'm letting you go before you even have the chance.
I do hope you stay clean and sober, maybe one day you'll find a way to get better for yourself. I can't say that I'll ever be a part of your life again, especially now after everything you admitted. I'm too young, I have so much of my life ahead of me that I can't let this stop me or get in my way. I'm just not strong enough, I know that you understand that, you have too.
Everyone knows what you did now Bojack. I didn't want to be a person that would abandon you but I also have to think of myself. So as much as I know it will hurt you, I need to say goodbye to you. Please just don't do anything stupid. Find your better path, build a good life where you can finally be happy.
Just know that I will do good in my life and I have you to thank for saving me in so many ways. But I'm just not able to help save you, I don't even know if you would even let me try. I know I'm the only family you have left but I can't be your anchor.
You told me before you had many regrets in life and even wished you could have chosen a path other then stardom. To get married have a kid or 2, have a life you could truly be responsible in. But it's reality where you need to look, not in dreams, not on a path you never decided to take. Bojack reality is what you have to look at and be responsible in.
You finally took responsibility for your drinking and drug use. But when will you do the same for the lives you have ruined? Those that you hurt with your actions when you are sober? Do they matter to you? That's what you have to fix, or you'll never get better.
I love you Bojack I always will. I won't stop thinking about you from time to time. But this is it, my finally words. Try to find happiness, it's all I ask of you.
Hollyhock
Bojack was just reeling from the words, how hurtful and how truthful they were. He protected her from everything he could, but it just wasn't enough. He just couldn't stop the past from pushing her away. He lost the last family member he had and now, Bojack felt completely alone.
He just wanted the pain to stop, to disappear. It didn't matter how anymore, he was alone that's all he felt. As he picked up the bottle nothing mattered, not the rehab or his friends. He just needed that drink, it's the only thing that ever gave him peace.
He new once he swallowed the sweet bitter alcohol, there was no turning back. There would be no way to save himself. But Hollyhock was right he didn't want to be saved, deep down he knew it was the truth. His life was just full of hopeless dreams and nightmares, why would he choose to stay sober if it meant he would still suffer alone.
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