I can still feel that cold stormy night in my bones
Kakashi couldn't forget that fateful night. He could still feel the thick raindrops falling on his face and those arms that were tightly around him.
He never thought it would happen to him. He was stupid and idiotic, a fucking unconscious! Since that night, Kakashi could never feel warm again. The cold of that night stayed in his bones forever. The ghost of that rain forever in his memory.
The silver-haired man was on his motorcycle on a spring night. A light rain had turned into a storm. The road was hazy and the road dangerous. But Kakashi paid no attention to the danger.
His boyfriend, his adored Iruka, was with him, his strong arms wrapped around the torso of the man who owned the motorcycle. He only had a helmet and it was Kakashi who was wearing it because Iruka told him "Honey. It's your helmet. I trust you and I know that nothing will happen to us."
Those words followed him in every nightmare, in every thought. Kakashi was the one who deserved to die and not Iruka. He was the best man Kakashi had ever known. His smile that warmed the sun and that scar that showed his strength and survival before the world. It was Kakashi who killed Iruka. If he had only refused to take the helmet, Iruka would not have been ejected from the motorcycle and fractured his skull. He wouldn't have suffered those horrible fractures. He wouldn't have suffered so much pain. Because Kakashi wasn't naive.
He knew that his love had died with the greatest pain. He knew that Iruka had felt every fracture and every blow.
And god, his face. His smile, his eyes were covered by the blood and wounds on his face. His perfect face of his ruined by Kakashi's selfishness.
It was so unfair that the silver haired man had made it out alive when he was not even half of what Iruka was. And just for wearing that damn helmet.
The price of his legs was the least he could pay the world for murdering that young professor.
His love would never return. His back was broken in that accident. The doctors had told him that he was lucky to only lose his legs, but Kakashi didn't care because in the end he was still breathing an air that he doesn't deserve.
And still feeling that eternal cold in his bones and the ghost of that infernal rain on that horrible night, Kakashi was left alone with his thoughts. Feeling a guilt that he does not deserve, longing for a yesterday that he cannot take back.
However, in his dreams that loneliness evaporated like a puddle on a summer day. It was there that she could feel strong arms wrap around her waist and marvel at a smile that warmed the sun.
"I love you." said his imagination.
"And I love you too," Kakashi said in whispers to the wind.
End.