Hatoralo: "Merry Christmas!"
MamaAniki: "VERY belated Merry Christmas."
Hatoralo: "Or way to early, maybe?"
MamaAniki: "No, belated."
Hatoralo: "Hello, we do this instead writing more "Platonic".
MamaAniki: "A Christmas Fanfic about a show that is pretty decent but landed on a streaming service called "Peacock" you never heard before."
Hatoralo: "Cleopatra in Space" is good fun and we like it so much that we wrote this.
MamaAniki: "I hope you enjoy this late/Early Christmas Special.
Hatoralo: Have fun with the first chapter of this story we named:
Cleo v Christmas: Eve of the Holy Night
by
Hatoralo & MamaAniki
1st Advent: Christmas Begins
T'was the night after a hard but successful stealth mission to blow up a new robot factory of Octavian, when all through P.Y.R.A.M.I.D., no student was stirring. Not even BRIAN, as he was recharging.
Cleo was nestled, all snug in her bed, not aware of the things that lay ahead for her tomorrow …
It was rather late in the morning of a "weekend" at P.Y.R.A.M.I.D., meaning Cleopatra Philopator, foretold savior of the galaxy and nightmare of teachers, could peacefully sleep in late. Which she was enjoying tremendously, as she was dreaming of her home at the Nile. The sun in the sky was warming up her skin, the smell of the desert dunes was filling her nostrils and her vision was occupied by the frame of a bare chested Zaid, declaring his eternal love and loyalty for his Queen. But before the Queen of the Nile could "abuse" her powers over her loyal subject, which could have made the dream potentially less child friendly than this story is intented to be, a sudden bizarre chant was filling the air.
"Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sled."
"What in Ra's name…"
Suddenly old Egypt slowly vanished under the sound of jingling bells and Cleopatra opened her eyes. Only to face the sight of a bizarre creepy alien creature in a green suit, sitting on her shelf and staring at her with dead eyes while singing a really creepy song about how much fun it is to ride in a sled. The savior of the galaxy, who faced many robots and monsters in her battles against Emperor Octavian, reacted appropriately. She screamed in terror, grabbed her plasma staff and impaled it on it, only to get a face full of wool stuffing.
"What in the…" confused and trying to calm herself down, Cleo took a closer look at the thing impaled on her stick. Which turned out not to be an alien monster, but instead some really creepy humanoid doll. "Dang it, did I just destroy one of Akila's toys?"
When she heard the door to her room slide open behind her, she instinctively twisted the staff around, pushed the plush off it and kicked it under a pile of her clothes before facing who was likely coming in.
"Cleo, are you okay?" the worried voice of Akila asked.
"Yeah Akila, I just- WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU WEARING!?" Cleo asked as she turned around. Instead of her usual school uniform, Akila was wearing some bizarre green and reddish sweater with a gingerbread man and candy canes on it.
"It's my Christmas sweater, Cleo!" the girl stated cheerfully, adding that she got one for her too. Cleo didn't even have a chance to ask what was going on, before her friend "tackled" her and put one such "sweater" over the young Egyptian's head. Then, while still trying to adjust to the itchiness of this bizarre top featuring a snowman, she was handed over a cup of chocolate. "Merry Christmas, Cleo," the young fish girl just stated and hugged her friend.
"Ehm…" was the only thing Cleo could answer, her brain trying to wrap itself around any impression she just made within the last minutes. Not helped by the fact that before she could even formulate a proper sentence, Akila grabbed her by the arm.
"Let's go and meet Brian."
Cleo found herself being dragged over to Brian's quarters, feeling very confused. Not helped by the fact that when looking around the grounds of P.Y.R.A.M.I.D., she saw students all over the place dressed in similar outfits as hers and putting all sorts of decorations all over the place.
By the time they had reached Brian's quarters, Cleo has been wished "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year" like a dozen times. Well, that and once or twice a happy Chanukah, to which she had to retort that she was not a Hebrew.
"Akila, what is-"
Once more, before she could properly finish her question, she was rudely interrupted. This time by Akila wishing Brian a Merry Christmas as soon as they entered his quarter. Followed by the sound of some song assaulting Cleo's ears.
"I just want you for my own, more than you could ever known, make my wish come-"
Brian, who was sitting at his computer, turned to his friends. "Merry Christmas, Akila. I am just listening to this ancient music from Terra and-"
Cleopatra shot the Radio, blowing it up but good.
"And I am happy to say that I made copies of that track," mentioned Brian.
"Cleo, what gives? I wanted to listen to that song," said Akila.
"Sorry," said Cleo with an awkward smirk, rubbing her head and laughing nervously while sweating. "But the last time I heard a song today, I was almost assaulted by a creepy green doll."
"Oh, you found the elf I put on your shelf?" Akila asked.
"Yeah about that… WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?! Why are there creepy singing dolls on my shelf? Why am I wearing an itchy top made out of wool? And what is Christmas?!"
"According to a singer by the name of Andy Williams, it's the most wonderful time of the year," explained Khensu while coming in the room. He was wearing a harness with many little bells and antlers on his head."
Cleopatra couldn't believe what Khensu was wearing. It was honestly more shocking then when she found out he was the son of the administrator. But suddenly things started to make sense to her. "Oh, this is kind of a costume party, right?"
"No, Cleo, this is Christmas," explained Akila, who was throwing the broken radio away and got a Christmas hat she put on her friend. "We're trying to celebrate an ancient holiday from Earth. According to records, the first one started 30 years… I mean 130 years after your time," corrected Akila herself while looking a bit nervous.
Brian, who was working on a cable of Christmas lights, added: "Though, we are not sure what is Christmas related and what isn't."
Cleo raised an eyebrow. "How could you not know what is celebrated on such a day?"
"Well, a certain tentacled galactic conqueror who purged us of almost all records on Earth's history may be involved with it…" Khensu stated.
"Oh yeah, Octavian. Sorry, just forgot about that." Cleo admitted with a nervous chuckle.
"My moms and other archeologists have tried for years to get an understanding of Earth's old traditions and stumbled upon Christmas by accident. But ever since, it has gotten quite popular again. This will be the 15th Christmas I am going to celebrate!" Akila explained in glee, while chewing on some snowman shaped cookies.
"Though admittedly, some aspects of it are kinda weird," Khensu admitted while accidentally scratching his antlers off his head.
"How weird?" Cleo wanted to know. She got her answer in form of a knock at the door. When it opened, a big decaying looking tree creature came in the room, holding a big bag. "Trick-or-Treat!" demanded the creature.
"Dennis?" asked a confused Cleopatra, realizing it was her furry classmate in a very detailed Ent costume.
"We have controversial discussions on whether this is part of Christmas or another holiday where people worship pumpkins," said Khensu, giving Dennis some sweets.
"That was odd," Cleo stated as she watched her classmate leave. And considering she was an ancient princess from Earth studying in outer space to stop an octopus mummy from taking over the universe, she considered herself a bit of an expert when it comes to oddities.
"Why did this start overnight?" she wanted to know.
"Actually, it starts every first of this month," explained Brian, tangling himself in the lights. "They called this month "December", and it was also the last year of the Gregorian Calendar."
Cleo was sure that she had heard of the Gregorian calendar somewhere in class, but she didn't bother to ask further questions on that one yet. If anything, she was just getting more confused, but also interested, in this holiday.
"So… are there many people celebrating Christmas?"
"Not really," answered Khensu carefully. "Most celebrate it out of fun and tend to be people studying history in the first place. Many who celebrate this ancient and mysterious holiday are here at P.Y.R.A.M.I.D., my dear Cleo."
She was about to ask a few more questions, when Akila grabbed her by the hand.
"Come on. Cleo," she said. "Let me show you how Christmas is celebrated."
Soon, Cleo found herself at what was called an "office party". Which really was just a get together in the mess hall, decorated with Christmas lights, colorful balls hanging from the ceilings, pretzels on all tables and people dressed as polar bears, drinking soda while watching the Aurora Borelais projected as a Hologram. Looking around, Cleo only could make sense of one certain aspect of the celebration that was universal to all forms of celebrations around the globe: Food and drinks. Especially all sorts of booze, as indicated by a line of bottles on a table bearing such names as Wassail, Hot Buttered Rum, Tom and Jerry, Mulled Wine and of course, Eggnog.
"There is alcohol?" Cleo looked over the offering with a raised eyebrow while holding up a bottle of Eggnog. "I thought we weren't allowed to drink this stuff?"
"Christmas is an exception," Khensu explained. "Though obviously, we expect everyone to drink responsibly."
Somewhere in the background Cleo, saw several administrators of the faculty already wasted to the point they were demanding other students to rub their bellies and give them cheese.
Cleo was just about to give a snarky comment on how the administrators led by example when suddenly a voice yelled at her.
"Hey Cleo, how much can you drink!?"
Cleo turned towards Callie, her pink haired sometimes rival, but now mostly friend. "What is it, Callie?"
"We're having a drinking contest," explained Callie. "Whoever can drink more than their opponent wins."
"Don't do this, Cleo," Akila warned her friend. "Callie can drink grown-up soldiers under the table."
"I can drink an entire battalion under the table," boasted Cleo, knocking on her chest with her fist. "Bring it on!"
Callie signified for her to sit down and poured them both a glass of Eggnog. "Skol, you fool."
A few minutes later, it turned out that Callie had been the fool. She was lying under the table. Along with twelve more students and several faculty members.
"How can you drink so much?!" asked a seriously surprised Brian, who had turned the Christmas lights he was tangled in into a dress. "Your liver should be dead by now."
"I have been drinking beer since I was a toddler," explained the young royal as if it was normal. "I was served beer with higher amounts of alcohol after I turned 10."
"OF COURSE!" shouted Brian. "Ancient Egypt was famous for their beer, they brewed it in masse! But I am surprised they were so lenient when it came to underage drinking."
"My father thought it was important for a Pharaoh to drink her enemies and allies alike under the table," said Cleopatra, taking another glass of Eggnog while the others around her moaned in distress. "Do you also have something that does not taste like sweet eggs?"
"I don't know if I should punch her or give her a kiss," slurred Callie before falling into an alcohol-induced coma. Thankfully, the school medics were on alert and brought her to the infirmary. Cleo, meanwhile, felt rather bored. "So is this all you guys do on Christmas? Get drunk?"
While asking, she looked over at Khensu. The cat was licking up on a bowl of slightly spiced up milk, but otherwise looked rather sober. Her mind was mostly occupied processing what has happened with so far today. And honestly, the more she thought about it, the more it simply reminded her of-
"Actually, there are many other traditions," Brian stated.
Somewhere on the other side of the mess hall, Akila could be heard. She was drunk on some peppermint schnapps and dancing on the table, wearing some Christmas lights as a fashionable boa, topped off with a lampshade on her head. The latter was quite an accomplishment, as lampshades ceased to exist in the 290th century.
"Is this one of them?" Cleo wanted to know, pointing at her roommate.
"Well, making a fool of yourself during a party is kinda …" Brian said, trying his hardest to justify what was going on. But as soon as Akila started to take her Christmas sweater -as well as her school uniform- off while shouting that she was going to unwrap a present for the students, any further explanation was put on hold in order for Cleo and Brian to save their friend's reputation.
"Sorry guys, I got carried away."
"Note to self, train you to hold your liquor," Cleo stated, handing her friend over an aspirin along with a glass of water.
"That was an entire bottle of schnapps I drank" Akila stated in disbelief.
"As I said, lightweight," Cleo said, trying to be comforting to her. "Also, you don't need to be in any way embarrassed."
"I threw my bra on Brian's face."
Cleo looked at her friend, who was sitting frozen next to her other side. The result of his brain and software freezing up the moment his face made contact with the soft fabric of Akila's underwear. It was admittedly kind of an awkward situation. But the shit-eating grin on Brian's face made Cleo wonder if he really was that deeply shocked.
"I think he isn't taking it too hard," Cleo said, trying to find Brian's reset button behind his ears. Besides, I have done worse than you, she thought bitterly, only to blink, wondering where that thought came from. "So, anything else you do on Christmas aside from getting drunk?"
Akila drank her glass of water, trying to regain composure.
"Well, we decorate Christmas trees."
"Decorating trees?" Cleo asked curiously.
Akila nodded. "Yeah, with crystal balls, ornaments, little strings of popcorn…"
"Okay, that sounds like it could be fun."
"This is way too hard!"
"Come on Cleo, it is not that hard," Akila stated. In her hand she held a pair of tweezers, which she was very, very carefully trying to put a 0,07 inch long snowman ornament on the tree with.
"Are you kidding me? This is my fifth attempt at getting that stupid micro candle on the branch."
As it turned out, decorating a Christmas tree in the future was harder than it sounded. Primarily because the average size of a Christmas tree in the future was around 10-15 inches.
As Khensu explained, "traditional" Christmas trees were supposedly going extinct by 2400 because of something called global warming, with the result that for centuries afterwards, palm trees became the Christmas go-to alternative for mankind. Which changed yet again sometime between the so called "Console Wars" and Octavian taking over. Now Christmas trees were derived by cultivating plants from some ancient terranean gardening technique referred to as "Bonsai", resulting in trees small enough to put on your shelf. Which, admittedly, looked kinda impressive when you knew how to cut your branches, but was living hell when it came to Christmas decorating.
"I find it very relaxing," Brian said. He was almost finished with his personal tree, the Christmas ornaments arranged in such a manner they spelled the P.Y.R.A.M.I.D. in ancient Egypt. "It's like putting together a model kit."
"You have optical sensors and perfect hand control, allowing you to put those things on," Cleo stated in an attempt to explain why he had such an easy time. She, on the other hand was close on running out of micro sized Christmas balls, because each time she had one of those things between her tweezers, they cracked.
"It's all a matter of technique," Akila explained. Which was nice to hear, but didn't really solve the problem of Cleo only being done with a fourth of her tree within the last hour, while the others were already almost finished. For Akila's sake, however, Cleo decided to collect herself. To calm down. To get into the zone. Getting closer to the end of the branch with her next ornament. Slowly and carefully to assure it didn't…
"Done!" shouted both Akila and Brian in unison, having finished their trees. Their little proclamation caused Cleo to squeeze the tweezers harder, shards of micro-glass falling on her tree's roots.
"Sorry, Cleo" her friends apologized. Cleo didn't say anything. Instead, she just put the tweezers down, sighed, grabbed her box of ornaments and emptied it over her tree. Much to her friends' surprise, it actually resulted in a decently decorated tree, albeit surrounded by lots of garbage on the floor.
"There, done. What's next?"
Around 30 minutes after decorating the trees and 2 hours after they prevented Akila from participating in the Christmas tradition of making a fool out of yourself because you are drunk on eggnog, the group's next activity made Cleo wish she had taken something to drink with her.
"Guys, how long are we supposed to sing these songs?" she asked with a dry throat. They had joined a group of "Christmas Carolers" as they were called. Based on what Cleo understood, they were some ancient singers meant to sing the praise of Christmas. And hey, she didn't mind singing. But after two hours, it got kinda repetitive. At least to her and Brian. Akila was singing with her heart fully in it.
FELIZ NAVIDAD
"Just 30 more minutes," Brian told her.
The fact that a) the other carolers (except Akila) couldn't really hold a tone even if their lives depended on it and b) the choice of songs was kinda weird for her taste didn't help much either.
FELIZ NAVIDAD
"I am just saying, if I have to sing "Last Christmas" by that artist called Wham again, I am going to scream!"
"Cleo, I know this song is tiresome," Khensu admitted. "But It's tradition. Humans sang it ever since the year 1984."
FELIZ NAVIDAD
"They've sung a song about a human sacrifice for that long?"
Khensu looked at her dumbfounded.
""Last Christmas, I gave you my heart"? Am I supposed to believe the guy survived that?"
"We are not supposed to take it literal!"
iProspero año y felicidad/i
"And who is this Batman and why is his car broken? And who is the king of Israel? What even is Israel? and why is a guy by the name of Al not allowed to celebrate?"
I WANT TO WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I WANT TO WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I WANT TO WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS…
Somewhere behind the princess of Egypt, multiple trombones and mariachis were playing as Akila ended the song, drowning out any explanation Khensu could have given her.
FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!
Cleo looked at Akila. Kinda impressed by the volume behind the normally slightly ditzy girl's voi-
LAST CHRISTMAS I GAVE YOU MY-
"ARGH!"
After getting the ringing from Akila's impressive performance of terranean Christmas songs out of her ears, Cleo found herself dragged to the hologram court, where a so called "Christmas village" had been set up. What was that? Well, as far as Cleo could figure out, it was a refugee camp for short people in really weird costumes that triggered flashbacks to the creepy doll from earlier this day. They worshipped an adipose saint/high priest of theirs, dressed in red and with a white beard that really needed some trimming, with Akila insisting that she should sit on his lap. However, the young princess was quick to point out that her dad had taught her to never sit on any stranger's lap. Instead, Akila dragged Cleo to another activity within the Christmas village, past such actually fun looking attractions as "Chimney bungee jumping" and a petting zoo. What Cleo saw there, made her recoil in horror.
"WHAT IN PTAH'S NAME IS THAT?!" She shouted, pushing herself away from Akila and pointing at the abominable creature in front of her. The creature in question just tilted its head and bellowed in confusion.
"Cleo, what's wrong?" Akila wanted to know while getting closer to the creature.
"Akila, stay away from that- that thing!"
Her friends looked at her in utter bafflement. They had never seen Cleo that scared.
"Cleo… it's just a reindeer," Brian explained, getting closer to the creature and petting it on its head, much to Cleo's shock.
"I don't care what you call it; I just want you to get me away from it!"
People were starting to look at them, Khensu getting quite embarrassed. Meanwhile, the reindeer just lazily nuzzled against Akila.
"Cleo, how can you say something so mean," Akila wanted to know, laughing at the sensation of the reindeer tickling her with its snout. "Little Rudolph here is adorable!"
"5 feet is not little. Also, did you just name this thing?"
"Cleo, please…" hissed a rather annoyed Khensu. "You are making a fool of yourself."
Can't have that again, Cleo thought bitterly before putting her attention back to the creature, ready to strike if it just as much as thought of biting Brian's head off. Instead, it sneezed, earning aw's from the people around it.
"Come on Cleo, it won't bite," Brian said. "And you were not as scared of the diseased Crabmoles we had to face recently."
"With crabmoles, you at least know where you stand," she mumbled while eying "Rudolph" suspiciously. Still, if Brian and Akila said the creature was harmless…
She carefully approached it. With only a few inches separating them, she moved her hand forward. Slowly. Eventually putting it on the reindeer's snout, which earned her a bellowing sound of approval from the strange creature.
"You now, this is actually not half bad," Cleo stated, looking at her friends. "Its fur is very fuz-"
Cleo froze midsentence. The creature had just licked her hand. Which wouldn't have been a problem in general for her, if the creature hadn't just dislocated its jaw to do so with an almost two-foot-long slimy appendage that was travelling up her arm.
Something that Akila found bizarrely heartwarming.
"AWWW! It's trying to give you kisses, Cle-"
Unlike Cleo, who screamed bloody murder and had to be held back by Brian, before she smashed Rudolph's face in.
MamaAniki: And here you have the first chapter. Hoped you had fun. Hatoralo & Mama Aniki: "We want to thank ultrabud 2 for proofreading this first Chapter. We thank you very much."
Hatoralo: We also want to reassure you that no reindeer abominations were hurt in the making of this chapter.
MamaAniki: As for why we release a Christmas fanfic now and not before last christmas... Look guys, we had stuff to do and COVID-19 meant severe delays for us too. At least there is now a Cleopatra in Space story out there for a start.