A/N I just have to. Inspired by Aladdin. Haha! I'm trying to write in omniscient third person in past tense so forgive me for any errors. I used to write in past tense but was enraptured by present tense and I've lost touch with the old me. English is my second language, so any errors pointed out would be greatly appreciated. Rated for excessive swearing here and there. Oh, and sorry for OOC Mikasa and Levi.

Disclaimer: AOT and cover photo not mine.

Summary: Surely, a talking teapot is unusual. But it's not even a fucking teapot, nor a kettle – it's a lamp, for goodness' sake! A talking lamp with a shitty mouth! And it became a she before his eyes. A naked she, claiming she's a genie at his service to grant him one wish.

Is That A Wish?

Basically, the story started when a certain human ordered a tea set online.

Had he checked the reviews thoroughly, he could have saved himself from heaps of emotional stress and disappointment.

"Shitty kettle. Or teapot. Or whatever." Levi hissed as he sat by the counter, glaring hard at the thing that he initially thought was a good quality teapot for his high-quality tea leaves. Because apparently, the fucking lid just won't open. He tried twisting clockwise and counter-clockwise, hammering, tapping it with a wooden spoon – all to no avail.

The only impressive thing about it was its durability despite being stainless silver. No matter how hard he hammered it with a pestle, it left not a single dent.

He should've known better when he saw that the teapot was made of different material while the rest of the set was ceramic. It obviously didn't belong to the set. He had been scammed.

He couldn't even figure out how he'd pour the hot water inside, much less the infuser.

He called the customer service of the online store he bought it from right away and asked if he could return and exchange the defective item they sent him but was brazenly turned down by their discourteous staff. She (informed) reminded him of their Buy at your own risk policy.

True enough, upon a thorough inspection of their site's terms and conditions, there was that very, very tiny font at the bottom – so tiny that if one won't squint, one would surely miss. And he was one of them, those who didn't squint, much to his utter dismay.

He was adamant about ordering stuff online. He was usually meticulous at buying anything. And the first time he wasn't, this happened.

He was about to hark back about consumer rights when she hung up on him with: "Just be grateful human." The nerve! He'll seriously write them a bad review and file a complaint against their crappy after-services as soon as possible. He scanned the site on his phone, he would make sure to compose a review so bad, they'd fucking take down their store of rubbish.

So, this pissed-off human decided to begrudgingly skip tea tonight for his old set was so worn and out of commission. It had served him well. Unlike this shitty teapot or kettle, he couldn't even tell. He might as well just throw it away – but it felt like tossing fifty bucks away. The teapot belongs to the garbage, yes. Not the fifty bucks, though.

He clicked his tongue as he picked up the pot, "Even if I give you away, who the hell would be happy to receive a useless teakettle?" He asked the thing like it would respond and sighed loudly after a second or two, he lifted it up to level his face then dropped it intentionally. It rattled against the counter tiles. "What the hell am I to do with a useless piece of shit like you–"

"That hurts, you shit! And who the hell are you calling useless, you ignorant runt?"

Levi blinked once, twice. He looked around his kitchen. His neck twisting left and right. He stood abruptly. That was a voice of a woman. And as far as he remembers, he lived alone and is still living alone. So, he grabbed a kitchen knife and peered into his living room and bedroom.

There's no one else in there.

"Where the fuck did you go? I'm here, moron."

The voice spoke again. This time, the hairs on the back of his head stood on ends. Cautiously, he strode toward the kitchen. The burst of adrenaline going ballistic through his veins.

"Rub me." The voice said.

He froze upon realizing who, or rather, what was talking.

The stainless teapot.

The useless teapot is freaking talking and damn, it has a shitty mouth – not literally.

"Hey!" It shouted this time, its tone oozed with sheer impatience.

Levi jolted and shook his head, slapping his cheek. This should be the effects of sleeping for three to four hours a day and too many inhalations of bleach fumes, perhaps? His sanity was hanging off a cliff. "I must be dreaming–"

"–you're not." Dare it to say, interjecting rudely. "Just rub me already and you'll see, idiot. Though I don't really like being rubbed." The voice dripped with disgust.

He took a step closer, setting the knife over the counter, eyes glued on the babbling teapot. Surely, his mind was playing tricks on him. He refused to believe something like this – what is this even? – was truly happening. He massaged his temples, "I must be tired–"

"I don't really care." It cuts him off again. "Don't even get me started with being tired. I've been stuck here for a millennium," it paused and then, "Okay, not a millennium. But hell, I've been here for centuries staring at the same walls in ages. And the fucking first time someone held me in three hundred years, had caused me to experience calamities after cursing me and calling me useless–"

"Calamities?" What the hell was this thing talking about? His brain was too shocked to function. How could he be talking to an inanimate object?

"Yes." It cried, infuriated. "You hurt my ears with all your thunder poking and then caused a massive earthquake here. I'm telling you, if you don't rub me right away, I swear I will make it my life-long mission to hunt you down every time you're reborn and fucking kill you all the time, you foolish, ignorant human–"

Levi needed time to process what he just heard. He felt a nerve protruding on his head. This thing sure had sure-fire ways to get into his fucking psych. "Shut up. Who the hell are you?"

A crass click of the tongue. "It's either I shut up or I answer your question. Which one?"

"Answer the question."

"I am nobody. And if you don't rub me, I will fucking make sure you will never know." It screamed in downright frustration. "Come on, human."

Again, Levi slapped his cheek and he made sure to add extra force this time. It hurts. It even left a hand mark. He was certain his television was turned off. He checked, didn't he? And even if he had it on, he was convinced that all that profanities he just heard should've been censored with beep and toot.

Maybe he should go and take Hange's advice to go see a psychiatrist. Even if she just meant it as a joke, she might've been right all along. He was going insane. And there's a thin line separating madness and ingenuity – he must be leaning too much to the other side.

A few moments of silence passed until he decided he was just sleep-deprived. Yes, that's it. He hooked the teapot and brought it to the sink, he placed it directly under the faucet and tapped the lever open. He allowed the water to run through it when it spoke again.

"It's hot. Now you're causing a tsunami with hot water. You insufferable runt." It howled in pain.

He almost jumped. Now he was positive, the fucking teapot is really talking. It was not simply his imagination – more like a hallucination. He considered taking that free session to Hange's friend from the Psych department. He turned the lever to cold and heard it hiss in what sounded like a foreign language. Then, he tapped the faucet off, grabbing a paper towel to wipe the thing dry.

He realized too late that wiping and rubbing were the same.

A cloud of smoke started to leak out of its spout. Instinctively, he throws the pot to the other side of the room and fell into a defensive crouch. The smoke created a glittery illusion of different colors and it crawled to the ground rather than going up. It was like adding hot water to dry ice except it wasn't producing a white fog.

He strained to see as a form began to appear from within.

"Shit, you flooded my home for three hundred years. Can't say I'll miss it though. You don't know how cramped it was in there. Another hundred years and I would have lost my saneness." The it became a she before his eyes.

A bare-naked she. Save for the two golden bangles on both wrists. And she was ethereal. Beautiful wasn't even the right word. It or she was something beyond words could describe. Her dark, shoulder-length, raven tresses were dripping wet (his fault), she appeared glistening, shining – he couldn't tell anymore. Her skin was as pale as snow, she's got a bomb of a body and her eyes are the color of the stormy skies.

And as the puff of smoke began to clear, he realized her feet weren't touching the floor. So, when she spared him a glance, he bit the inside of his cheeks.

"Oh, I've always adored how humans looked so torn between admiration and terror the first time I show myself. Excuse my lack of proper attire though." She spat bitterly, and Levi had to bite harder for he had to stop himself from telling her he didn't really mind. She covered her fine chest and bottom with her arms, nonetheless. "I am the genie of the lamp." She huffed arrogantly, arching a perfect brow at him. "For goodness' sake, that–" she turned her head to point the teapot, Levi briefly followed her gaze. "–is not a kettle nor a teapot. That's a fucking lamp."

Levi stared at her in horror, as if his brain had finally fully sorted out the events that had occurred. He rubbed his eyes but found himself responding, "Fucking lamps don't talk. Or swear. Or threaten to kill people."

She rolled her eyes as she floated closer to him. Levi straightened his back, now standing erect, forcing his stubborn eyes to focus on her face. The face was more than enough to stun him, couldn't talk about that distractingly proportionate body.

"It wasn't the lamp who's talking. That was me. The genie of the lamp." She exclaimed smugly, tilting her head up slightly as she glowered at him from under her lashes. "And the genie here is to grant you one wish, you lucky bastard."

Levi rubbed his temples. His head was now beginning to ache. "Genie?" He scoffed in disbelief. If she had said she was a goddess, he could've believed her right away. "I'm sure you're just a product of my hyperactive imagination. There's no way genies are real–"

He nearly squirmed under her intense regard, obviously offended. "Has our lore disappeared through time? Haven't you ever heard about us?"

"Yeah," he dismissively sighed. He refused to not stand by his argument. "So, you know Aladdin or that 99 genies trapped by a king and such?"

Her brows furrowed, "Aladdin? Nah. Never heard of him. But that fucking king who tricked me with his freaking tricks and trapped me inside that tedious ket – I mean, oil lamp, yeah shit it looks like a kettle I must admit – I remember it clearly like it was only yesterday." She gritted her teeth, emitting a menacing aura. He felt a chill run up and down his spine.

"Then why aren't you blue?"

She whistled, swallowing a laugh. "Damn, humans these days are hard to please. I'm a high genie but I can turn blue for you. Would you believe me if I do it, then?" She glowed brighter and grunts after a minute. "Oh, I'm so weak I can't." She clicked her tongue.

Levi snorted, she felt slighted. "Genies are only fictional characters created by–"

She shrieked, cutting him off. "That's a common misconception. But your ancestors definitely don't think that. They used to fear us. And then that fucking king just had to save the day – just because he was blessed by the gods. He trapped us into servitude to inferior beings such as you. I can't believe I'm trying to convince an ignorant, lowly, small human that I exist when I'm practically standing right in front of him."

"Wow. You just attacked me with my height, didn't you? I don't really mind the inferior, ignorant and lowly – but small? Seriously?" He scowled at her in incredulity.

She chuckled haughtily, "Oh. I hit a sensitive spot." She teased and gave him an annoying smirk, "Why don't you wish for you to get taller? So, I could prove that I'm the real deal." One of her eyes twitched awkwardly. An obviously poor attempt to wink. She gave up eventually.

It would have been laughable if not for the dubiousness of the whole situation. He waved his hand as he looked away. He was indeed in a quandary between feeling terrified and entranced, not to mention his qualms about his sanity. "No need. I don't really find my height inconvenient." That's true. He heaved a sigh, "And can't you dress yourself up? You're distracting me." Might as well tell her directly.

She didn't seem to mind as she hummed, "Is that your wish then, mas – what's your name?"

It was Levi's turn to arch an eyebrow, amused. "Were you about to call me mas–"

"Don't say it!" She warned, aggravated.

"Mas–"

"No! Don't." In a snap of a finger, the genie was floating in front of him, clutching his face and forcing him to look her in the eyes.

"Master?" He just had to finish the word, albeit lost in the depth of her gaze. Their faces now an inch apart. He couldn't feel nor smell her breath. But, do genies even need air? Do they even have a respiratory system? Do they have a heart? If they did, does it beat as fast as his right now? Her hands against his cheeks felt warm and soothing and light even though it kind of feel like his jaw would break.

She sighed in resignation and looked away, "Yes, master." She enunciated. "I am the genie at your service. I shall grant you one wish. But please keep in mind that I can only grant wishes within my power. I am not a god. So, don't expect too much."

Everything about her was just too mesmerizing he almost didn't understand what she was saying but, "Why only one wish? Isn't it supposed to be three wishes?"

"Nah." She inclined her head to the side and looked at him from the corner of her eyes, hands still planted firmly over his face. "It's my rule. You wish one time, I grant one time and we're done. I move on, you do too. And no, you can't ask for more. You can't bind me forever, you insolent small human. Well, I guess even if you do find a way to and managed to convince me to stay with you, that's not really forever for a human's life span is so short, it's over in eighty blinks of my eyes." She shrugs, turning to properly meet his dazed gaze.

Absently, he gulped.

"Don't ask me to resurrect the dead, no can do. That's disgusting. You can't ask me to fuck with time either, I don't want to. I advise you not to wish for eternal life, you'll regret it. I don't grant infinite riches as well, there's no permanent thing in your world but limits. And world peace is something you pray for, not wish for. So, if you're the noble type who desires it so badly, go visit the gods' temples and shrines and offer as many sacrifices as you can until they answer your prayers. Children made of clay are complex beings. As I said, everything in your world is temporary."

Levi grimaced, finally waking up from his trance. She almost laughed. "Maybe you should have told me about the thing you can actually bestow rather than those you can't. That would've been shorter–"

"Hey, hey. Don't look down on me." She hissed, looking down on him. He wasn't really in the place to look down on her – literally. "I'm just weak right now. Staying in that sunlight and water forsaken place for three hundred years would naturally dull any genie's skills. I was trapped there because I am strong." She countered, her hands limping to her sides. She then floated away.

He could feel her disappointment as she mumbled incoherent words to herself in a language he couldn't comprehend. Levi noticed then that she was translucent and glowing. Like she was one with the air. Like a ghost. She was present but not physically there. He couldn't quite put an exact finger on it.

Realizing she was still naked, he went to his room and took a shirt and a pair of trousers. She followed him behind, floating by the door.

"You should dress up. This is a bachelor's flat. You can't…" He thought using the word walk didn't fit whatever she was doing. "You can't float around exposed."

She snatched the clothes from his grip and he decided to step out, giving her some privacy. While cleaning the clutters left in the kitchen, he realized that privacy wasn't really a thing for genies.

She hovered around him, shooting daggers at the back of his head. Her nose flared up, she spoke pompously. "Human–" She choked and feigned a cough. "Master, I never learned to dress up by myself. I always use magic but I'm currently drained." She fidgeted then, the sharpness of her eyes wavering. "So, I. You. You help me, or I'll kill you." She settled with a threat.

Levi bit his lower lip, suppressing the urge to laugh. He just released an overbearing genie. She was cute though. Not that he had an idea how genies normally act. The movies he'd seen and the stories he'd been told and read were all products of imagination. He took the clothes from her and asked, "Can I touch you?" He just had to ask.

"Is that a wish?" She probed, tilting her head, genuinely curious.

"No, it's a question. Are you trying to trick me into making a wish?" Levi inquired, finding it peculiar that even in her weakened state, she had been pushing him into making a wish.

She laughed, "You're smart." Her eyes brightened. "You may touch me, master."

Indeed, the human boy was intelligent. And she had come to admire him being able to see through her tricks.

Levi tried to dress her up without looking and with trembling hands. He grasped that she might have been translucent, but she felt real and warm, and tangible under his touch. "Levi."

She blinked at him, confused. "Huh?"

"My name is Levi." He breathed as he stepped away from her. "You may call me Levi."

A smirk crept at the corner of the genie's lips. "Is that a wish?"

"No, but I don't acknowledge people–" he halted and trailed with a silent chuckle. "Or genies if they don't call me by my name."

She floated beside him and levelled his face with a look of intense bewilderment. "In the old times, humans don't just blurt their names especially to beings not their kind. You do realize that telling me your name is like binding yourself to me, right?"

"Binding?" He frowned, he wasn't sure what that meant. "Then, why don't you tell me your name? So, we can call it quits."

Her grey eyes widened at that, and then it sparkled. "A genie's name is sacred. If you don't wish for it, you never get it."

That wasn't intended to trick him. The genie just didn't want to give him her name. Because what stupid human would use her or his wish just to get a genie's name?

Deep in thoughts, she observed Levi. He hadn't spoken a single word ever since that exchange and he'd been so quiet for what she estimated an hour and a half in human time. All she did was follow him around like a dog, much to her chagrin.

He was meticulous in cleaning his home too. The genie could smell his drowsiness, but he still moved around like sleep wasn't essential to his frail body. He's got a good build though.

What's interesting about her new master was he stood firm with her tricks. It was like a breath of fresh air. Yes, genies have respiratory systems and hearts too. Just that, it worked differently than humans.

Humans were created out of clay. Genies were created out of the smokeless fire. Their bodies worked differently.

Three wishes for humans were always, always insufficient. Much more one. Humans, no matter what era, are naturally greedy creatures. For they are inferior. That was a given.

So, imagine the genie's surprise when he finally uttered his wish the next morning.

"I wish to know your name."

A genie's name is sacred.

For whoever knows their real names hold greater power over them.

He waited, staring at her in anticipation. She was reluctant. For the first time since she had been caught by the king, she was alarmed. Her knowing his name and him knowing her name is like marriage in the spirit world.

"There must be something tangible you want–" she tried to convince him into using his only wish wisely, but the words died down in her throat when he firmly shook his head.

Who was the genie kidding? The wisest way to use a wish is to wish for the genie's name. And her new master must have figured it out. Or he was just not greedy enough. Whatever.

"Are you sure about this?" She asked him.

He nodded.

"I should warn you of the consequences. Your spirit, your soul will be forever bound to me–"

His eyes glinted ominously, "I remember you saying an insolent, small human can't bind you forever and if I did manage to find a way, my lifespan is so short, it'll be over in eighty blinks. What are you so scared of?"

The genie swallowed thickly. "You knew–"

He shoved an electronic device to her face, in there was an electronic mail.

It read:

Dear Mr. Ackerman,

We are sorry for the inconvenience our staff had caused you. The so-called teapot or kettle was a freebie. As proof of our sincere apology, we'll give you advice on what to wish for. If it's a high genie, ask for its name. If it's a lesser, still ask for its name.

- Armin's Online Store

She's in trouble. Big, big trouble.

Armin is a fucking god. Damn it!

She sucked in a deep breath. The wind outside blew hard, shrieking as she grants him his wish.

"Mikasa."

And the golden bangles on her wrist broke.

A/N Sorry! I'm drunk and my RivaMika feels are too extreme, it's uncontainable. So, this was born. Haha!

I based the 99 genies on King Solomon's story about the djinns. And yeah, additional disclaimer, Aladdin is not mine. And everything written here is pure products of my drunk imagination.