Night, midnight, lose my mind
Night, midnight, lose my mind
Night, midnight, lose my mind
Night, midnight−
The beat of the music of the previous night echoed in Courtney's mind in a dream she didn't want to wake up from. But, much like an alarm clock, her mind didn't allow her to continue asleep for so long. After a few hours of being sound asleep she woke up, startled, her heart beating extremely fast and with a terrible headache.
She had terrible hangovers – headache, nausea, bad sleep, tachycardia, blurry memory. – which is why she didn't drink often. Last night, though, she went beyond her own limits.
Oh, God, I'm clean out of air in my lungs
It's all gone, played it so nonchalant
When she looked to the side, she saw the bare back and black hair of her hookup. When she started to recall the events of the previous night, her breath started to become heavier and her heart beating even faster. The anxiety and nausea made her jump out of the bed, wondering how he didn't wake up. He must be the traditional blackout drunk, she thought. How predictable.
Courtney rubbed her eyes hard and decided to get some headache pills and lots of water in her system, in order to battle the hangover. She put on a nightgown and underwear, slowly opened the bedroom door, in order not to wake him up and headed to the kitchen.
She looked at the clock on the wall that indicated 7:38 in the morning, and calculated she had less than three hours of sleep. Fuck, that's going to ruin my week. The only good thing is that I'm home, and not at his house. She sighed loudly, this is going to give me a huge headache, even worse than this one.
Courtney stood in her kitchen, leaning against the counter, thinking about whether she should go back to sleep or just stay on the couch, in the living room. She felt uncomfortable going back to the bed she was sharing with him. As she finished her second glass of water, she felt the anxiety and nausea go away, and went to the bathroom before she decided to go back to sleeping in her own bed, thinking it's just a hookup, it means nothing. I'm not going to feel bad about sleeping in my own bed.
She slowly opened the bedroom door again and sneaked back under the covers, and took a deep breath when she didn't feel him waking up. As soon as she closed her eyes, she heard him say "You know, you're not as quiet as you think you are," he wrapped his arms around her, spooning. "Princess."
It's time we danced with the truth
Move along with the truth
Something Courtney should've realized long ago – or maybe that she did realize, but couldn't face – is that, between her and Duncan, there would never be such a thing as "it means nothing". He felt her body become tense after the sudden physical contact, and she shut her eyes before embracing the good feeling of having someone holding her tight.
In fact, she became so relaxed once they were cuddling, that the thoughts of "how complicated this can get" escaped her mind and she actually fell asleep again. When Duncan felt her becoming relaxed in his embrace, he smiled, before drifting off to sleep himself.
Ooh (Hey)
We're sleepin' through all the days
I'm actin' like I don't see
Every ribbon you used to tie yourself to me
Courtney and Duncan hadn't seen each other for almost three years. When you say "bad break up" it doesn't even begin to describe what happened. Screaming matches, broken furniture and many, many lies.
They were a dysfunctional couple. That wasn't up for debate. Both of them lacked maturity and exaggerated with stubbornness. Neither could give up control or being right. Which then would result in a terrible argument filled with aggressive yelling. But, the worst part, hands down, was the lying.
"I can't stand you", "I hate you", "You're cruel, mean, and the reason nobody likes you is that you're a bitch", "I've never met anyone as disrespectful as you, and that is, in fact, why I'm no longer in love with you". That was their last and ugliest argument.
Usually, Duncan would simply wait until both of them calmed down and things would be better, they would apologize, make up and things would go back to normal.
Not this time.
He would wait three days of not speaking to her to make his move, but when he arrived from his job on that Wednesday night, before he could call her, he saw a piece of paper on his table.
"I can't do this anymore. This is goodbye."
Those eight words devastated Duncan. He was furious, drowning in anger. He grabbed the first thing he saw and threw it into a wall – a picture of them, he would see later. Shattered. But none of this compared to the pain he felt once he opened his bedroom door and realized she took everything that was hers.
Courtney didn't live with him, but they did exchange keys a few months prior, and they often spent the night together, so a lot of her belongings were there. The drawer he set aside for her was emptied. Her shampoo and conditioner were gone. She even took her toothbrush. But, what pushed him over the edge and brought tears into his eyes, was seeing that she left her key on top of his bed.
The months following that break up were terrible for both of them. In an attempt to protect herself from her own feelings, Courtney blocked Duncan's number and his profile on every single website. She even made sure he wouldn't contact her via e-mail and advised her friends not to bring him up. After a while, she would find herself doing fine again. She stopped crying, focused on school and got an amazing job. Their break up made her get closer to her friends and go out more often.
Duncan handled heartbreak a little bit differently. The first few weeks got him drinking a lot, smoking every single day and even occasionally doing drugs. He hid every single thing that reminded him of Courtney and, after realizing she had blocked him everywhere, he'd simply pretend she didn't exist. Every other week he would bring home some random girl to bring some joy to his emptiness.
There was one thing in common in their post-breakup routine. Neither of them could find interest in other people. Their love was a toxic environment, but it was intense and, in some way, beautiful. The connection they shared, the chemistry they had, it could never be replaced.
Duncan never got himself to do anything other than a one-night stand. Courtney tried dating, but she would never get past a third date – no one could hold her interest long enough, and she would soon miss the intensity only Duncan had with her.
None of them were stupid to make love the only relevant thing in their lives, but even with success in many other goals, they would feel a slight emptiness inside them, as if there was one single puzzle piece missing in a huge, complicated puzzle.
They would simply sleep through the days trying to ignore that itch in their hearts.