A/N - I wrote this for the prompt "anniversary." TW - Lemons ahead. Read at your own risk.
When It's Right, It's Right - aka Hal Pranks Batman And Inadvertently Heals the Batfam
Barry was still buried in the far reaches of the thrift store looking for camping gear when the ring in the display case caught Hal's eye.
A men's band, thick smooth silver with an inlaid green rock.
Hal had no illusions about the authenticity of either the stone or the metal, especially not at $9.99. But the color was such a Lanterny green, and the diamond shaped rock sprouted the beginnings of a terrible, wonderful idea deep in the back of his mind.
"Hal?" Barry said suspiciously when he made his way up to the registers ten minutes later.
"Yeah, Bar?" Hal said innocently.
"The last time you had that look on your face was at Ollie's birthday party," Barry said.
"So?" Hal said peevishly.
"So you made me swear to stop you at all costs the next time I ever saw you with that same gleam in your eye," Barry said.
"I don't remember that," Hal grinned.
"Gee, I wonder why," Barry said sarcastically. "Oh, wait. Maybe it was because you were high on about twelve different things at the time," Barry said drily.
"Which did not in fact do me any harm, thanks to the power of my ring!" Hal said triumphantly. "Didn't even have a hangover!"
"Hal…" Barry said warningly.
"This is totally different," Hal protested. "No drugs of any kind involved. I promise."
"Or alcohol? Or Tide pods? Or any other substances that would kill a normal human being?" Barry said severely, leaning in closer to stare him down.
"Nothing deadly at all," Hal promised. "I swear on my daddy's grave." Barry didn't look convinced, but he let it go.
As well he should have, because he hadn't even lied, Hal thought virtuously. Everyone knew that Spooky didn't kill people.
The Justice League members were still milling around the Watchtower conference table when Hal arrived to their next meeting, a whole two minutes early for a change.
"Dear God," Batman said sarcastically. "Hell must have frozen over. The Lantern is on time."
"It's a special day, Spooky," Hal grinned at him. "I had to be on time." Hal knew, he knew Bats didn't want to ask him, but the Bat hated mysteries and… there it was.
"What's special?" Spooky reluctantly grunted out, glaring around the room at the other team members as if they were keeping secrets from him. They all looked back at him clueless, though, of course, and swiveled their full attention to Hal, as he'd intended.
"Spooky Batman Wayne," Hal pronounced very seriously.
"Codenames," Bats hissed at him, but Hal ignored the interruption. Some things had to be done properly, after all.
"A year ago today, you stole my ring and yelled at me for the first time," Hal said. "And I knew then that if a whole year went by and we hadn't fucked each other to relieve the sexual tension -" Bats spluttered and it sounded like Ollie was choking - "then it wasn't lust after all, but true love," Hal piously finished.
Clark's eyes were huge and Diana looked cautiously curious. Ollie was wheezing now, coupled with Dinah's giggles, while Shayera and J'onn exchanged amused glances. Barry sped into the room exactly on time for the meeting right at the moment when Hal went down on one knee and offered up a green construct ring box to Batman.
"Will you marry me, Spooky?" Hal said very earnestly, opening the ring box and showing off his thrift store purchase.
"Oh, no," Hal heard Barry whisper from the back of the room.
Bats was staring Hal down, glaring at him as only Batman could. Hal smiled wider and nudged the ring box closer.
"Please, Spooky?" Hal pleaded with as straight a face as he could manage. "We're clearly made for each other. You're my one true love, my soulmate, my other half, the yin to my yang, the bark to my bite, the bat to my arang -"
"Say. Yes. Say. Yes," Ollie and Dinah and Shayera had gleefully started chanting in the background. Spooky was looking good and irritated and Hal had never felt more triumphant until -
"Fine," Batman snapped. Hal froze. Spooky's eyes took on an evil gleam as he deliberately said nothing more.
"Fine…?" Hal said cautiously.
"Yes," Batman said.
"Yes, you'll marry me?" Hal said very, very slowly.
"Yes," Batman growled. "I'll tell Alfred to expect you for lunch tomorrow so you can meet your new children."
"My children?" Hal said faintly.
"Of course," Spooky smirked. "They'll be so delighted to have a second father."
"How many children do you have now, Batman?" J'onn asked far, far too innocently for Hal's liking.
"Five," Batman said calmly. "Not counting Steph and Babs. So I suppose it's really twelve," he said.
"Seven," Hal protested weakly. "That's seven."
"Steph is as much trouble as five kids so she counts more," Spooky said nonchalantly. "You two have so much in common," he added with a smirk.
Hal's mouth fell open.
"Now perhaps we could stop wasting League time on personal business and start the meeting," Batman said, looking very pleased to have shut Hal up, and that simply wouldn't do.
"Put my ring on," Hal insisted. "You said yes." Spooky flicked annoyed eyes up to him so Hal shoved his ring box construct right up to his nose. "I bought it specifically in my Lantern color so you'd think of me all the time when you're wearing it," Hal said sweetly.
"What a pity I won't see it under my gauntlets," Spooky snarked back, pulling off his left glove. He plucked the ring out of the box and was about to shove it on his finger with no great ceremony when Dinah piped up, "Hal should put it on!"
"Yeah, Hal has to do it!" Ollie chimed in. "And you have to kiss!"
"That would be unprofessional," Batman said, glaring at Ollie.
"We haven't started the meeting yet," Diana said. "I believe we can allow a moment of affection in celebration of your pending nuptials." The Amazon glowed with sincere approval.
"We are late for the meeting," Batman growled, swatting Hal's hand away when he tried to move in with the ring.
"Oh, my bad, sweetie," Hal said to Bats. "We need a picture of me putting it on. Barry, record this!" he ordered, getting down on one knee again and grabbing for Spooky's bare hand.
"I, uh, don't have my phone…" Barry tried to hedge, looking terrified, but Dinah had already whipped hers out and was giving Hal a big thumbs up. He grinned back at her before angling himself sideways so he'd show up better on the video.
"No film," Batman thundered, yanking his hand away. "All we need is for Ollie and Dinah to post this on Instagram in a drunken stupor and our identities will be revealed when someone sees me wearing your ring as a civilian. Snookums," he added with a sinister growl, patting his still-gauntleted hand on the side of Hal's face about three times too hard to be considered strictly affectionate.
"Batman has a valid point," J'onn pointed out. Dinah and Ollie groaned and Hal huffed in annoyance, but the phone was put away.
"Love you," Hal cooed up at Spooky anyway as he slid the ring onto his fiancé's finger. Spooky just glared at him without saying a word so Hal leaned closer and said quite audibly for the people in the back, "It's ok, baby. I know you're shy. You can say it back to me tonight," he giggled coyly, tracing a finger down Batman's kevlared chest.
"Actions speak louder than words," Spooky said, grabbing the front of Hal's uniform and planting a very firm kiss on his mouth that left Hal staggered and speechless. Spooky smirked into his red face.
"Let's begin the meeting," he said. No one argued.
"Father!" Damian said imperiously, entering the BatCave later that night. "I demand to know the meaning of this text. What do you mean by saying that you have affianced yourself and we must assemble tomorrow to meet this interloper?"
"Ah. Blood son," Bruce said seriously. "I'm glad you're here. I have a secret mission for you regarding said interloper."
"Yes, Father?" Damian said eagerly, beginning to vibrate with excitement.
"You have undoubtedly heard me complain about the Green Lantern before," Bruce said. Damian snorted.
"I'll take that as a yes," Bruce said. "His marriage proposal was a sham designed to embarrass me in front of the Justice League," Batman said. "So naturally, I accepted his proposal in order to embarrass him."
"I see," Damian said gravely.
"Now," Bruce said briskly. "I refuse to be the one to call it off, so your mission is to be as rude and unpleasant to Hal as possible so that he breaks our engagement. But don't tell your siblings," Bruce said. "He'll suspect if you all act up."
Damian's eyes began to glow.
"I shall not fail you, Father," he breathed out with reverence.
"I know," Bruce said contentedly, patting Damian's head. "You're a good blood son."
The next morning, Bruce came down to the dining room a few minutes before noon, where he noted that all of his children except Jason were assembled.
Well, he hadn't expected Jason to show, and it didn't make his heart wince in pain, either, that his second son wasn't there. Jason had obviously seen the phony engagement for what it was and had decided not to waste his time showing up and - the World's Greatest Detective wished that he could persuade himself to believe that theory. Bruce hid a quiet sigh.
"You're not really engaged, are you," Babs said as a statement rather than a question.
"Of course I am," Bruce protested. "And I expect you all to be very welcoming to Hal." He looked specifically at Damian at the end of that statement, who nodded his head at his father, eyes sparkling in anticipation.
Cass narrowed her eyes at Bruce and he smiled affably at her. Babs sighed.
"Bruce," Dick said in a weary voice. "Why do you have to involve us in your little games with Hal?"
"Can't a man ask his children over for lunch to meet his new fiancé without being accused of treachery?"
Bruce said in a wounded voice.
"Not when the man is you," Steph said cheerfully. "But I'm always down for Alfred's cooking, so I, for one, am happy to be here. And if I get dinner and a show, that's even better," she grinned.
Bruce was about to answer when the doorbell rang.
"Behave yourselves," he hissed at his children in what he thought was an approximately sincere tone of voice as he hurried to greet Hal. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Damian rub his hands together.
"Let me, Alfred," Bruce called as he came into the foyer and saw his butlerly father approaching the door. "Hal's my fiancé. I need to introduce him to you before you start answering the door for him."
"Have you ever heard the expression, 'can't see the forest for the trees,' Master Bruce?" Alfred said drily.
"We'll discuss it later," Bruce grinned, throwing the front door open. "Baby!" he enthusiastically exclaimed to the waiting Hal, who, huh. Had a vase of flowers in his arms.
"Hi, sweetheart," Hal cooed back at him. Oh, Hal was going to make this enjoyable, Bruce thought with glee. Victory was never so satisfying as when it was hard won. Poor Hal. If only he knew what was waiting for him in the dining room.
"Come in, come in," Bruce said, leaning forward to kiss Hal, who managed to keep it to a grazing peck thanks to strategically blocking his chest with the bouquet. Bruce's internal disappointment had to be due to his strategem being successfully thwarted.
"This is my adoptive father, Alfred," Bruce introduced. "Alfred, this is my Hal," he beamed, putting extra gooey emphasis on the last two words.
"I'm so pleased to meet you, Alfred," Hal said warmly, reaching up to hug the butler with one arm while planting a kiss on his wrinkled cheek. "You must have a strong disposition to put up with Spooky here for all these years," he winked. Alfred snorted.
"You and I shall get along splendidly, I think, Master Hal," Alfred said. Wait, what? Bruce thought. No, no, no. That was all wrong.
"These are for you," Hal was saying to Alfred, offering the flowers in his other arm to the butler.
"Such lovely flowers!" Alfred said. "And what impeccable manners you have, Master Hal," Alfred praised. "One can only hope that they might rub off on Master Bruce one day," Alfred said, giving his son a look.
Oh, Bruce did not like this. He did not like this at all. Damn Alfred! But Damian wouldn't fail him, Bruce thought with satisfaction. If there was one thing he could count on, it was Damian's personality.
Bruce made to lead Hal towards the dining room, but uh oh, what was this? Hal had interlocked their fingers while Bruce was lost in thought and was now gently swinging their hands together with the sappiest of smiles on his face. Bruce definitely only smiled back to play the part and if he squeezed Hal's fingers a little bit, it was to intimidate him and throw the Lantern off balance.
"I'm so looking forward to meeting the kids," Hal chirped in a smarmy voice. Bruce's smile this time was genuine.
Genuinely evil.
"Oh, they're looking forward to meeting you, too," he said smoothly. Was that a flicker of fear that crossed Hal's face? Excellent.
"Kids!" Bruce said delightedly as he and Hal followed Alfred into the dining room. "I'm so happy you're all here to meet my fiancé, Hal Jordan. The Green Lantern."
"Hal," Dick said suspiciously, coming forward to shake his hand and peer into his face for clues.
"This is Dick, who you've met before," Bruce introduced.
"Nightwing, right," Hal said congenially, trying to give nothing away. "Good to see you out of the mask," he said.
"Mm-hm," Dick said, glancing from him to Bruce and looking slightly amused at whatever he thought he saw. "Welcome to the family," Dick said.
"And here's Tim, Red Robin," Bruce said. "He spends most of his time with Young Justice these days and flew in special just to meet you."
"Aw, I appreciate that," Hal said, shoving aside any guilt, because Spooky was the one who'd forced his damn kids to attend their dog and pony show. It was all on his fiancé and Hal was absolutely not responsible for any of the disruption to these innocent children's lives. Nope. He hadn't invited himself to meet them, after all. It was all their manipulative bastard of a father's fault.
"I've heard a lot about you, Hal," Tim said to Hal. Who blinked.
"You have?" he said in surprise.
"Oh, sure," Tim said, stealing a not-so-subtle glance at Bats. "Everytime Bruce sees you, he can't stop talking about you for days."
"Spooky!" Hal said, his jaw dropping. Shit, was Bats actually blushing? What the hell?
"Complaining," Bruce stressed loudly. "Complaining about you."
"For days," Tim said significantly, looking back and forth between the two of them. "Suddenly, it all makes sense."
The redhead in the wheelchair coughed like she was laughing.
"B!" the blonde next to her squealed. "OMG!" she spelled out. "You really are in love. I never should have doubted you! Ohmigod, I get to be a bridesmaid, right? Say I'm a bridesmaid!"
"Of course you can be a bridesmaid," Spooky said to the girl who undoubtedly had to be Steph. She was squealing even louder now and jumping up and down and hugged Hal enthusiastically before smacking a big kiss on his cheek.
"This is Cass," Bruce said, pulling a much quieter girl forward. There was a scary level of intelligence in her eyes, though, and for the first time, Hal found himself getting nervous as he was eyed thoughtfully. Cass eventually smiled and nodded at him, though, before drifting over to join Steph and Tim who were apparently already perusing bridesmaids dresses on their phones.
"I'm Babs," the redhead introduced, wheeling herself up to him and offering her hand. "You're a brave man," she said. Hal wasn't quite sure what she was insinuating, but he beamed at her, anyway.
"That's what they say!" he boasted. "I'm the man without fear."
"Foolish," a younger voice sneered. "Those who lack fear lack foresight and intelligence and easily perish."
"Huh," Hal said thoughtfully, pretending to think that statement over. He glanced down at his body. "Haven't perished yet," he said.
"You will," the mini-Bruce said threateningly.
"Ah," Spooky said. "This is my youngest son and current Robin, Damian."
"A pleasure to meet you, Damian," Hal said extending his hand, and jumping back as a knife shot out from under the kid's long sleeve and almost stabbed right through Hal's hand. Holy shit.
"Damian," Bruce tutted indulgently. "We've talked about this."
Talked? Spooky had talked to the mini-him about stabbing people? What the hell? Hal thought, growing slightly concerned.
"You're lucky he only went for your hand," Tim called from across the room. "He tried to kill me."
"Twice," Damian added proudly.
"He was raised in a cult," Bruce said airily, patting his tiny son's head. "I trust you'll make allowances," he said to Hal.
"I don't know about that," Hal said. "Are you gonna make like stopping him from stabbing me, Snookums?" he said tersely.
"Are you suggesting that you're incapable of defending yourself?" Spooky said, raising both eyebrows in a mocking gaze. "Well, that is simply untrue," Bats tsk'd. "I believe in you, baby," he oozed, leaning in to smooch Hal's cheek.
Hal was saved from flushing by Damian yanking him away from Spooky and body slamming him into the dining table. Ouch.
"Master Damian!" Alfred thundered, just arriving back into the room. "I never! Is that any way to treat a guest?"
"He is not a guest!" Damian argued, but he was visibly deflating under Alfred's menacing stare, Hal noticed. Interesting. "He is a stranger who has seduced my father with his wiles!"
"And what of my dining table?" Alfred snapped. "Has it, too, seduced your father? Water from the flowers everywhere and the plates and silverware all askew. Fetch a dishtowel at once and set everything to rights, if you please, young sir," Alfred commanded.
"Yes, Alfred," Damian mumbled very humbly, trotting off rather quickly.
"I'll go talk to him," Dick said, following Damian out of the room. "Because God knows you won't," Hal thought he heard Dick mutter to Bruce as he went by. Oh, that was very interesting. Especially how Spooky was sighing and pinching his eyebrows.
"Damian can be … difficult," Spooky said to Hal.
"Noted," Hal said mildly. Who would've thought the Bat had an Achilles' heel? And that it was a kid who barely came up to his elbow? Huh.
"So," Babs said as they waited for Damian and Dick to return. "How long have you two been dating?"
"We didn't," Bruce said.
"Nope," Hal agreed.
"You proposed without dating?" Tim said, narrowing his eyes at Hal.
"Yep," Hal said. "On the one year anniversary of when we met. Because I knew it was true love and I was sure Spooky here felt the same and I figured, why should we keep running from our feelings? Right, babe?" Hal smiled up at Bats.
"Yes," Bruce nodded. "It's a much more efficient use of our time to simply proceed to an engagement and move forward with a wedding rather than wasting time on pointlessly dating."
"Riiiiiiiight," Steph said slowly. "Uh huh. Sure. Because romance is all about that efficiency."
"It is for Spooky," Hal schmoozed, and cuddled his face into Bruce's neck for good measure. Which happened to smell rather delicious, but whatever. He probably used expensive billionaire products. Of course Spooky would smell good with all that money. Fuck, he was delicious.
Smelled. Smelled delicious.
"And it means so much that Hal understands my desire for efficiency," Bruce cooed right back at Hal, reaching a finger up to boop Hal's nose. Across the room, three kids erupted into disbelieving giggles and even Babs was smirking.
"In fact, baby, that's why I was thinking we should get married next month," Spooky continued on.
"What now?" Hal faltered.
"Why should we wait?" Spooky said, actually fluttering his goddamn eyelashes with a gleam in his evil, evil eyes. "When it's right, it's right."
Well, Hal wasn't the man with no fear for nothing, and he knew how to call Bruce Wayne's bluff.
"Babe, that is so true," Hal said. "And we should totally have an engagement party next week so you can show me off to all your friends before the big day."
Spooky froze.
"What a splendid idea, Master Hal!" Alfred said, coming back into the room. "I shall make all the arrangements."
"Alfred," Bruce said in a tight voice.
"Oh, it's no trouble at all, Master Bruce," Alfred said. "I have waited so long for you to settle down once and for all. I shall be absolutely delighted to organize your engagement party and your wedding, both."
"Well, my wedding color is green, of course," Hal said, batting his own eyelashes now.
"Naturally," Alfred nodded.
"Where's Damian?" Spooky said, looking very put out.
"Coming, Father," Damian said, re-entering the room with a dishtowel in hand. He met Bruce's eyes and seemed to hunch over as he scurried to tidy up his mess, which, huh. Maybe Spooky had a few more parenting skills than he gave himself credit for.
"Hal wants to have an engagement party for us next week," Bruce said to Damian and Dick.
"I do not even know him!" Damian hissed. "How dare you replace my mother with a stranger and insert him into our family and our home and not even first ensure that he is a worthy parent for me."
"Oh, son," Bruce said, sounding deeply concerned. "I'm sorry - I was just so excited to get married - I didn't think - perhaps we should push back the engagement party," Bruce sighed, "and give you two a chance to get to know each other first."
"I'll move in tonight, to speed up the parental bonding process," Hal suggested on a wicked impulse and - bingo. Spooky and the kid met each other's eyes in a panic. Yeahhh, Hal had learned a long time ago to trust his gut. So Spooky was trying to use the kid to drive him off, huh? Oh, it was on.
Super Stepdad was about to step up to the plate and win over one tiny murderous tyke while driving Batman crazy in the process, because Hal Jordan wasn't backing out of their engagement first. No way in hell. He'd make Spooky's life so miserable that he'd get thrown out of Wayne Manor on his ass in a matter of days. By the end of the week, tops. It was in the bag.
Fucking Hal, Bruce thought sourly as Alfred began to serve lunch.
Of course he had to go and offer to move in. Well, two could play at that game. He and Damian would make Hal's life in Wayne Manor so unbearable that Hal would be packing his own bags and leaving in a matter of days. By the end of the week, tops. Because one thing Batman knew how to be was an asshole. And like father, like son.
Hal had insisted on sitting next to Bruce at the head of the dining table instead of "all the way down at the other end so far away from you!" and he was smiling up at Bruce in a very pleased with himself way while plates were filled with food, and Bruce was racking his brains for his next ploy to make Hal chicken out of their engagement when he heard the front door slam.
Bruce's eyes went straight to Alfred, startled.
"Expecting someone else?" Hal asked curiously.
"I didn't think so," Bruce mumbled as he got up, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. He barely registered Hal following him as he went out to the hall and suddenly stopped short in his tracks, because -
There was Jason.
Jason, who hadn't set foot in the manor since coming back to life, years ago at this point. Not for holidays or birthdays or even just to drop by. Jason hadn't crossed the threshold of his onetime home even once, and here he was?
"Pops," Jason said, and Bruce almost fell over. Jason hadn't called him that since - "Guess you didn't change my codes, huh?"
"This is still your home," Bruce said numbly. "You're always welcome here." Jason slowly nodded at him before sliding his eyes over to - oh.
"You must be Hal," Jason said, coming forward with his hand out to the man who had come silently up to Bruce's side, who was resting a steadying hand on Bruce's back that felt way too comforting to be comfortable and - "It's really nice to meet you," Jason said, shaking Hal's hand. "I'm Jason."
"Jason who died?" Hal said, gaping. Bruce inhaled sharply and the look that Hal gave him was oddly apologetic.
"Yep," Jason said easily, though. "Not so dead anymore. Sorry I'm late, last night was a bitch. I overslept."
"I didn't think you would come," Bruce said hoarsely. Hal be damned, Jason was here and he didn't want to cry, he didn't, but why the fuck was Jason here, Jason had never come before. Why -
"Pops," Jason said, sounding surprised. "You're engaged. That's huge."
A well of guilt a mile deep churned up in Bruce's chest. Fuck fuck fuck -
"It means a lot that you wanted me to meet your fiancé," Jason was saying softly, looking down at the ground kind of bashfully now and scuffing his toes on the floor. "I wouldn't have thought you'd care if I met him or not," Jason said. "Hell, I would've figured you'd probably rather I didn't," he laughed hollowly, finally looking back up and rubbing his nose on his sleeve.
Bruce swallowed.
"Of course I wanted you to meet him," he said. "You're my son." Jason blinked furiously and Bruce sniffed and suddenly Jason, his Jason, was in his arms hugging him, and Bruce was kind of blubbering like a baby into his son's hair, and he dimly realized that Hal's hand was rubbing soothing circles on his back, and oh fuck, what had he done?
"Ahki," Damian said in surprise when Jason followed Bruce and Hal back into the dining room.
"Hey, habibi," Jason said, bending down to press a kiss to Damian's hair, and look at that, the kid was smiling like a real boy. Even more curious, Spooky seemed as startled by the interaction as Hal was.
"Little wing," Dick breathed out. "You came." He was already bounding out of his seat before pulling Jason into a giant hug that went on for way longer than Jason pretended that he wanted it to, but Hal saw the way that Jason leaned into it even as he fussed.
"Hey, Barbie," Jason said, kissing Babs' cheek, who smiled up at him warmly. "Um," Jason said, looking uncomfortably at Cass and Tim. "Hi," he said.
"Stop being awkward and come sit down," Steph bossily ordered him, patting the chair beside her. "That's Cass, she's your sister," she said. "You'd know that if you ever came around." Hal snorted as Spooky choked.
"Five times as much trouble, huh?" Hal muttered under his breath.
"I told you," Spooky whispered back.
Steph was gleefully continuing.
"And I know you know Tim, because you tried to kill him -" This time Hal choked.
"Does he have a fuckin' target on his back?" Hal wheezed. "Why do they all try to kill him? And what is up with your kids?"
"We're a complicated family," Bruce said petulantly.
"No shit," Hal said.
"Tim's also your brother now, by the way," Steph was explaining, "which makes it fratricide, not homicide -"
"Dear God," Bruce muttered, dropping his head into his hands. "He'll never come back."
"I don't know," Hal said thoughtfully. "I think your Big Bad is kind of into the chaotic one."
"What?" Bruce growled, snapping his eyes back up and staring down the table at Jason, who was patiently listening to Steph's ranting with a very amused half-smile on his face.
"Damn, babe," Hal snickered. "You went from welcoming him home with open arms to being ready to put him back in the ground in under a millisecond."
"Just because he's my son doesn't mean I think he's fit dating material for my pseudo-daughter," Bruce hissed. "Or for anyone, for that matter."
"Why the hell not?" Hal said, frowning. Bats groaned.
"Jason is Red Hood," he said. Hal's iced tea shot out of his mouth and across the table, interrupting the entire flow of conversation.
"And I got in trouble for spilling flower water," Damian scoffed. "Jordan spat his drink all over our food."
"I'm sorry," Hal coughed, trying to dab at Cass's wet plate with his napkin. "I apologize."
Beside him, Spooky's shoulders were silently shaking, and when Hal snuck a glance at him, he would've spat his drink out again if he'd had any liquid in his mouth, because Spooky was laughing. At him. Spooky the cranky bastard was laughing at Hal Jordan.
Cass distracted Hal's attention by patting his hand.
"Is ok," she said.
"It is not ok," Damian glowered. "It is a disgusting breech of both etiquette and sanitation."
"Habibi!" Jason said, sounding shocked. The kid's eyes flew to his older brother, who said something rapidly to him in Arabic. Astoundingly, the kid flushed. He mumbled something back and got another earful of what sounded like a stern scolding before turning to Hal and mumbling, "I apologize, Jordan."
A sharp noise from Jason made Damian sigh and correct himself to say, "Hal."
"Thank you," Hal said kindly. "I appreciate that."
Damian gave a tight little nod and stared down at his plate. Beside Hal, Spooky had stopped laughing and was instead taking shallow breaths, staring at his second son as if he was still a ghost.
"How did you and Pops get together, Hal?" Jason asked politely. "If it's PG-rated," he added with a grin.
Hal felt his chest clench. It was one thing to poke fun with Spooky's other kids who were obviously clued into the reality of the situation, whether by direct informant or by intuition. But Hal couldn't play games in front of Spooky's estranged kid, but he sure as hell didn't want to tell him the truth, either. Shit.
Beside him, Spooky surprised him by picking up Hal's hand and squeezing it.
"Hal here decided to wait until the one year anniversary of when he first met me and then propose, instead of asking me out like a normal person," Bruce said with dry humor, in a voice that didn't have a hint of cruel mockery about it.
"Well, you're not a normal person," Hal grinned at Spooky. "I was hardly gonna treat you like one."
Jason snorted.
"Clearly you know him well," he said.
"I like to think so," Hal smiled, and why did his heart glow warm with the surprising truth of that statement?
"It's not as if you're a normal person, either," Spooky said to Hal, but it was softly affectionate instead of scornful, and why did that make Hal's chest seize up again?
"Of course I'm not normal," he blustered. "I'm extraordinary."
"And so modest, too," Spooky teased. Hal found himself laughing in delight and oddly enough, it felt natural to lean into the little kiss that he was relatively sure that Spooky had initiated.
Alfred was shepherding everyone into the family room for coffee and dessert, so no one noticed when Steph hung back and tugged Jason around the corner and out of sight with her.
"Blondie?" Jason said, raising an eyebrow.
"You are an epic troll. Grand Master. I am so here for it," Steph whispered. Jason's eyes began to sparkle with mischievous delight. "Also, it's very, very hot watching you work," Steph said, stretching up on her tiptoes to press her mouth to Jason's in what quickly became a searingly sexy kiss.
"Drive me home afterwards?" Steph asked him when she finally pulled away and they were both panting.
"Hell, yes," Jason grinned.
Steph smiled at him over her shoulder as she slipped out of the room to catch up to the rest of the family.
Dessert was a surreal experience.
Seeing Spooky surrounded by the swarm of his kids and being an actual dad - it was weird as hell. Hal was so used to surly answers and grunts and growls that to see Spooky openly smiling and teasing his kids and speaking in complete sentences was downright unnerving. So unnerving that it kept making Hal feel all fluttery and jittery and nervous.
Although, Hal got the impression that he wasn't the only anxious one. Dick looked as astounded as Bruce that Jason was in the room with them and seemed to second guess his every word to his brother, which was a far cry from the breezily competent Nightwing that the Green Lantern had worked with on occasion.
Damian seemed torn between acting like a brat towards Hal and earning the approval of his brother, which of course meant earning his father's displeasure, since Bruce had clearly been egging the kid on to act out. What the hell did it say about Spooky and the kid's relationship that the kid cared more about his brother's opinion of him than his father's, Hal wondered. Not to mention why the kid and Jason were so close in the first place, when the rest of the family (minus a certain blonde) seemed to be walking on eggshells around him?
And what had been up with Dick's earlier jab at Spooky about not parenting the kid? Hal didn't like the queasy feeling in his stomach that he got at the thought of his Spooky being incompetent, or worse - outright bad - at something. Batman was supposed to be the best at everything. Hell, he was the best, as far as Hal was concerned.
Hal might love to needle him, but deep down he had nothing but respect and admiration for the Bat, so to witness the strange dynamics that Bats had with his youngest, not to mention whatever was going on between him and Jason - Hal felt like he'd gone from sailing on smooth seas with Spooky to being caught in a whirlpool, and he didn't like it.
He had thought that he knew Batman well, but then he'd also thought that Batman's emotions were impenetrable, and to have seen him crying in the hall earlier… Hal swallowed and leaned closer into Spooky's side without overthinking it.
"You ok?" Spooky asked him, looking down with what might be construed as genuine concern.
"Yeah," Hal said softly. He cleared his throat and fished for a line. "You got a lotta kids," he finally said, earning a soft chuckle from Spooky, who actually took his arm and wrapped it around Hal, tugging him closer into his side.
"I told you," Spooky grinned. Hal felt adrift at sea as he automatically smiled back up at his fiancé, so he tucked his head tighter into his shoulder and refocused on the rambunctious conversation of the Batkids, but he still noticed the way that Spooky's fingers squeezed his arm an extra little bit.
Tim and Dick and Cass had just managed to convince Babs and Damian to watch a movie with them for the rest of the afternoon, when Jason stood up.
"I gotta get going," Red Hood announced.
Dick started to whine at him to stay, but abruptly cut himself off, looking embarrassed.
"Another time, Dickiebird," Jason said gently. "I got other plans this afternoon."
"Ok," Dick said, giving his brother a bashful smile.
"C'mere," Jason sighed, holding his arms out. Dick beamed and practically skipped over to wrap Jason up in a big hug.
"I have some schoolwork to do, myself," Steph said, also standing up. Tim and Cass did not check their pouty whines at all for her. "Hey, one of us is a college student," Steph sassed, sticking her tongue out at them. "Excuse me for getting an education," she said sarcastically.
"You still live in the Narrows?" Jason said casually. When Steph nodded, he said, "You need a ride? I'm headed that way."
"Sure!" Steph said cheerfully. "Thanks," she smiled at him, innocently enough to pass Tim's muster, but Cass gave her a knowing look. Steph promptly stuck her tongue back out once Tim's back was turned and winked.
"Bye, B! Bye, Hal!" Steph said, giving them both big hugs. "Don't kill each other," she grinned.
"Why would we kill each other?" Hal chuckled weakly.
"Dude," Steph said very seriously. "You're engaged to B. Have you met him?" B's booming laugh echoed in the room, and Hal looked a little surprised by it, until he started to laugh, too.
"Family Bats is different from Watchtower Bats, though," Hal said.
"Not to us," Steph dramatically declared, adding a shudder for emphasis. B rolled his eyes at her with all the attitude of a teenaged girl, making Steph snort and Hal giggle.
"We'll walk you out," B said after Steph and Jason had finished saying their good-byes to the rest of the family. When they got to the front door, B accepted a tenderly emotional hug from Jason and Hal got a handshake, before B laid a firm hand on Jason's shoulder.
"Babe," Hal said warningly, making Steph pause on her way out the door and look back. B ignored all of them and leaned in to whisper something in Jason's ear. Something that made Jason's eyebrows go up and his eyes get wide before he suddenly busted out laughing so hard he keeled over.
"What did you say to him?" Steph demanded as Jason wheezed.
"If it was any of your business, I wouldn't have whispered," B snarked. "And I mean that," he added menacingly to Jason, who was still laughing.
"I'm sure you do, Pops," Jason managed to get out. "Tell me something, Hal," Jason said when he could catch his breath.
"Sure," Hal said, eyeing Jason and B both suspiciously.
"How well do you know Hawkgirl?" Jason said. Hal didn't repress a shiver.
"As well as I care to," he said carefully. Jason froze.
"Oh," he said somberly.
"Yeah," B said sarcastically. "Oh. Keep that in mind this afternoon… son."
"Yep. Will do," Jason said with a straight face. "C'mon, Steph," he mumbled, turning to walk out the door.
Jason didn't say anything to her when they got on his bike and sped off, but when they were well off the grounds of Wayne Manor, Jason pulled over and turned to Steph, a grin splitting his face.
"How'd I do?" he begged to know. "Did I look properly intimidated?"
"You totally did," Steph assured him. "What the fuck did he say to you?"
"He gave me the shovel talk," Jason smiled at her. "On your behalf. With Hawkgirl and her mace as his enforcer of choice."
"Oh my god," Steph breathed out. "Beeeeeeeeeee! That's so cute!" she said.
"Right?" Jason laughed with her. "He's such a dad."
"He would be to you, too, if you'd let him," Steph said gently. Jason made a non-committal noise. "But for the record," Steph said, leaning in closer and wrapping her arms around Jason's neck, "I can totally kick your own ass if you're a shit to me."
Jason's laughter faded into their kiss.
"How'd I do?" Hal beamed at Bruce once the door was closed. "Did I sound convincing about Shayera?"
"You did, actually," Bruce said, feeling reluctantly impressed. "I'm shocked you didn't oversell it."
"I can be subtle," Hal protested. Bruce snorted. "What?" Hal insisted. "I can."
"Subtle is not a word in your vocabulary," Bruce said, feeling dangerously playful as he reached out and twisted a lock of Hal's hair around his finger.
"Well," Hal said in a suddenly seductive voice as he leaned in a little closer, "you must like flashy and bold, then," he smirked, sliding his hands up Bruce's chest.
Bruce tugged a little harder on Hal's lock of hair.
"I think you mean cocky and arrogant," Bruce said in a lower voice as his free hand slid around Hal's waist.
"Oh, I got plenty of cock, babe," Hal said. "And I'd be more than happy to prove it to you, just in case you think that's me being arrogant," he said breathily, moving his mouth closer to Bruce's.
"Oh, yeah?" Bruce hummed back. "You sure you want to put your money where your mouth is?" he said, his hand sliding lower to grip Hal's ass.
"Babe, I want to put my cock where your mouth is," Hal said with a wicked grin. He paused. "Wait," he said. "Should I have said your cock where my mouth is?"
"Why not both?" Bruce said.
"Why not both," Hal agreed. "There's my brilliant Bat."
"Oh, so you think I'm brilliant, do you?" Bruce said, feeling ridiculously pleased in a way that felt foolish, but -
"Brilliant," Hal said, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to Bruce's mouth, "cocky," he kissed him again, "arrogant - infuriating - annoying as hell -" Hal clearly meant to keep going but Bruce dipped deeper into the last kiss and took control of it, squeezing Hal's juicy ass cheeks and yanking Hal's groin into his rapidly hardening cock.
"Good discussion," Bruce panted into Hal's mouth. "Let's continue it upstairs."
"Point the way," Hal grinned, levitating them both off the ground atop a green flying saucer.
"Fuck, Jason!" Steph moaned, digging her fingernails deeper into his back.
"Right there, baby?" Jason panted, thrusting again into the same spot and grinning as he felt Steph clench around him. "God, you feel so fuckin' good around me," he told her.
She pulled him into a wet kiss that soon dissolved into whimpers as Jason kept pounding her pussy so hard and perfect that Steph couldn't help slipping over the edge again, and the little whispers of encouragement that Jason breathed into her ear made it last even longer than the last one had.
"Do you have any idea how perfect you look coming all over my cock?" Jason murmured when she started to come down as he ran fingers through her hair, tender and slow.
"If it's as perfect as you're making me feel, I'd say you're a lucky man," Steph smirked back at him, making him laugh before he kissed her and pinned her hands over her head, interlacing their fingers.
"Gonna make you come one more time, with me," he told her, squeezing her hands tight.
"Hell, yeah, you are," Steph grinned up at him, squeezing right back, and not just with her hands. Jason's delighted smile made her feel woozy with joy, and Steph decided that this was definitely going to be more than a one-afternoon stand, if she had anything to say about it.
"Fuck," Hal groaned when Spooky slammed him into the wall, none too gently, as soon as the bedroom door was shut and locked.
He didn't have a chance to say anything else, though, because Spooky's tongue was in his mouth and his hands were pinning his down and Spooky's cock was grinding into him, and Hal, for once in his life, decided that shutting up might be an acceptable option.
He moaned when Spooky abruptly dropped his hands and hauled him higher up the wall by his thighs, wrapping Hal's legs around his waist as Hal's arms dazedly wrapped around his neck.
"Turn your suit off," Spooky rumbled.
"So commanding," Hal sassed, although he did dissolve the Lantern suit that had flickered in place when he'd constructed the UFO to fly them upstairs. Bats was raising a sarcastic eyebrow at him, though, so Hal saucily added, "Did I say I didn't like it?"
"Is that your problem, Jordan?" Spooky playfully growled at him, his hands already undoing Hal's belt and pants. "Do I make you all hot and bothered at work, telling you what to do all the time?" Spooky smirked, grabbing Hal's cock in his hand and stroking it hard, drawing a moan from Hal's throat. "Is that why you're such a brat?" Bats added, leaning in closer and sucking a hickey over Hal's throat as he kept jacking him off, slow and deliberate.
"If you wouldn't be such a tease, I wouldn't be such a brat," Hal muttered back, raking his fingernails across Spooky's scalp, through his luscious locks of hair.
"Getting me all hard every day and leaving me wanting. Is that fair?" Hal pouted. "Do you have any idea how annoying it is to have to construct a cup under my suit so the others won't see what you do to me?" he said, although the contrast of the fluttering eyelashes with the jutted lip ruined his 'woe is me' look, judging by Spooky's snorting laughter.
"Aw, baby, I had no idea I was being so mean to you," Spooky teased, giving Hal's cock a good tug. "From now on, I'll make sure to fuck the sass right out of you when I get you all riled up."
"See that you do," Hal said primly, before gasping around a particularly good squeeze. "A man can only take so much, Spooky."
"Oh, honey, I think you're gonna take everything I have to give you and then some," Bats cooed over him, letting go of Hal's cock to carry him over to his bed.
"Yes, please," Hal happily moaned, flinging his arms over his head and wriggling with anticipation as Spooky stripped him.
"Look at that," Spooky snorted. "You do have manners."
"Only where your cock is concerned," Hal said. "Why'd we never do this before, Spooky?" he asked him as the Bat rapidly got undressed.
"Because you're a little shit," Batman grinned.
"Well, I'm your little shit, now," Hal smirked with a twinkle in his eye. "My ring looks good on you, baby," he commented, noticing that Spooky was indeed still wearing it.
"Your ass is gonna look good on me, too," Spooky said, grabbing some lube out of his bedside drawer and slicking his fingers up.
"No arguments here," Hal said contentedly, crossing his arms behind his head. "Fuck, yeah," he mumbled as Bats pressed a finger inside him. He'd been a damn genius to propose to Spooky. No matter what Barry said.
"Ooh, babe," Jason said later that afternoon, when the afterglow had long since faded but Steph was still wrapped up in his arms.
"Hm?" she said with sleepy contentment, looking up at him.
"You know how we could escalate trolling Bruce by about a thousand?" Jason beamed at her, his eyes twinkling with his positively genius idea.
"How?" Steph said, suddenly wide awake and eagerly interested. Damn, he liked her. A lot. A lot a lot. So maybe he should keep his mouth shut instead of blurting out his great idea, because it might really piss her off - but on the other hand, if she did like it …
"We should get engaged, too," Jason said, preparing himself for a bad reaction, but -
"Yessssssssss," Steph hissed with glee. "Oh my God. You're a fucking genius. I love you."
"You're amazing. I love you, too," Jason beamed. Perfect. Woman. "You want to get up and go ring shopping?"
"Seriously?" Steph said, her eyes lighting up.
"Absolutely," Jason said. "If you're gonna be a top-tier troll, you gotta commit," he said very seriously.
"Amen," Steph said reverently. "I guess I should move in with you, then, too," she added oh so innocently.
"Oh, you must," Jason nodded back, equally innocent. "It's gonna take a lot to fool Batman."
"Well, I believe in us," Steph declared. "Dead Robin Power." Jason grabbed her face and kissed her until she was breathless.
"Careful, Blondie," he said hoarsely when he finally let her go. "You might make me forget we're trolling."
"I've never been good at being careful," Steph said thoughtfully. She winked at him as she rolled out of bed and strutted naked to the bathroom.
"Me, neither," Jason mumbled to himself with a smile on his face.
Hal couldn't keep his mouth shut during sex, but Bruce found that he surprisingly didn't mind the babbled litany of 'fuck, babe' and 'ohmiGod' and 'right there, YES' and 'holy shit I love you' and 'God, Spooky, you're so fuckin perfect' that fell from Hal's lips as Bruce plowed his ass with his cock and Hal fell apart under him.
Especially that last one.
"Yeah? I'm perfect?" Bruce growled as he dug into Hal's prostate especially hard, making him whimper and clench his legs tighter around Bruce's waist.
"You know you are," Hal managed to get out, scrabbling his hands from Bruce's back to his head. "Perfect, smart, beautiful, way too good for me -"
"Hey," Bruce interrupted him, pausing in his thrusts to tightly grip Hal's jaw in his hand. "You're beautiful, too."
"But not perfect and smart and way too good for you?" Hal pouted, and Bruce couldn't help it, he started laughing with his cock buried deep inside Hal, and his laughter turned to little kisses that he pressed all over Hal's face and eyelids and jaw and throat until it got to be too much and he was fucking Hal again harder than before, and Hal's whines and curses and the way he whimpered out "Spooky!" when he shuddered around him filled an emptiness in Bruce's heart that he hadn't ever realized was there and made him spill his load with gasps and the oddest feeling of tears at the back of his eyes.
After he tied off the condom, it didn't feel strange at all to pull Hal into his arms and lay him across his chest, their legs tangled together under the covers that Bruce pulled up over them. Hal nuzzled contentedly into him and sighed into the gentle caresses of Bruce's fingers in his hair.
"I never realized before how much I hate being called 'Bruce' during sex," Batman said eventually.
"What about 'Brucie'?" Hal mumbled. Bruce shuddered.
"Even worse," he said.
"Good thing you got me, now, Spooky, huh?" Hal smiled into his skin. Batman only grunted at first; but -
"You are a good thing, Hal," he added quietly, several minutes later when Hal's eyes were closed.
The little smile that appeared on Hal's face made Bruce's heart feel far lighter than it had any right to - but he supposed that he didn't actually mind.
The Batkids looked up with varying degrees of surprise and amusement when Hal came down for dinner at Bruce's side, but Damian frowned especially hard.
"I see you decided to stay the afternoon, Hal," Babs said mildly, but her eyes were laughing as they met Dick's.
"Whatever for?" Damian scowled. Tim coughed.
"Oh, Damian," Bruce said a little guiltily. "Hal and I have decided to try to make our relationship work, so I don't need you to bully him anymore."
"What?" Dick and Damian yelped at the same time.
"This is an outrage!" Damian exploded. "I do not want the Green Lantern to join the family!"
"It's not up to you," Bruce said shortly, causing Damian to start to shriek with inarticulate sounds while Dick began to glare at Bruce, hard.
"First you tell Damian to attack Hal, and not even twelve hours later you tell him Hal's becoming his stepfather, like it or not? What the hell is wrong with you, Bruce?" Dick snarled.
Hal's eyes flew open wide. He had never seen Nightwing in anything but a pleasant mood, and Dick seemed more than a little personally invested in how his younger brother was being parented, but … well… he wasn't exactly wrong. Spooky was kind of out of line, much as Hal hated to admit it.
Raised in a cult or not, the kid was just a kid, and dropping a new parental relationship on him out of the blue was undoubtedly upsetting.
"We won't actually be getting married right away," Hal said to Damian, when Spooky seemed disinclined to answer. "Ok, kid?" Hal said, trying to appease the screaming maelstrom of rage and fury. "We'll make sure you get to know me first and take the engagement slow. Plus, I go off world a lot," Hal grinned conspiratorially.
Damian had paused partway through Hal's overture to listen to him, which was a good sign, Hal had thought, except now the kid was sneering.
"I do not care to get to know you at all," he said. "I shall move in with Richard in Bludhaven." Dick's eyes lit up before he could mask it and beside Hal, Spooky tensed.
"You can't move in with Dick," Batman said authoritatively.
"Well…" Dick said slowly. "He could, actually, but we'd all need to discuss it first and agree on a visitation schedule. For you two," he added. Spooky was the one glaring, now, levying it with full force onto Dick.
Cass made a quiet noise, and Tim cleared his throat.
"Maybe Babs and Cass and I should go out for burgers and let you all discuss this in private," he said. Babs was already halfway out the room before he finished speaking.
"There's nothing to discuss!" Spooky spat.
"Bye!" Cass said brightly, right on Tim's heels as the trio fled.
"It wouldn't hurt to have a conversation, babe," Hal said gently, placing his hand on Spooky's forearm, who jumped slightly at the touch. "Why don't we sit down for dinner with Alfred and let Damian tell us more about why he wants to move out."
When Spooky started to splutter, Hal moved in closer with a beguiling smile.
"Who in this room is the most skilled at conflict resolution?" he said. "Oh, that's right - me! The intergalactic negotiator. Come on, babe," he urged. "Let's sit down. You, too," he motioned to Dick and Damian.
Spooky sulked, but he allowed Hal to gently push him towards his chair. Alfred, who had appeared in the doorway as silently as a Bat, looked relieved.
"I'll begin serving dinner," he said.
"Do you need some help, Alfred?" Hal asked politely as Dick led Damian to his seat, with an arm around his shoulders and a lot of whispering in his ear.
"Master Hal, the help you can best provide is not with carrying dishes," Alfred sighed dramatically, giving Bats a pointed look before heading off to the kitchen. Spooky grumbled underneath his breath.
"So," Hal said conversationally, "who's gonna start explaining to me this messy, drama queen dynamic that you three have going on?" Dick groaned out loud, but when Damian and Bruce both stayed silent, he was the one who spoke.
"Bruce got trapped in time a few years ago, right when Damian came to us. Before you joined the Justice League, Hal," Dick said. "Damian had been raised in the League of Assassins and his mom had wanted Batman to finish his training."
"Well, that's not an oxymoron," Hal muttered sarcastically.
"Yeah," Dick sighed. "I know. So when Bruce disappeared, we thought he was dead. And I wasn't gonna let Damian go back to the League, so I took over as Batman and took care of him."
"You parented him," Hal said, the pieces suddenly clicking into place.
"Yeah," Dick mumbled. Damian was staring down at the table and Spooky looked distinctly uncomfortable.
"Why aren't you living here now?" Hal said in confusion. "Or why isn't Damian with you?" Dick hesitated but Spooky was stubbornly silent, and when Spooky was being stubborn, well…
"He's Bruce's son," Dick said awkwardly.
"And yours," Hal said, piercing Nightwing with a look. Dick shifted in his seat and such misery crossed his face that Hal felt punched in the gut.
"Spooky…?" Hal whispered hesitantly. "Did you ask Dick to step back?" It was always a bad sign when Bats wouldn't meet his eyes. Batman was usually more than eager to stare anyone down.
Next to Dick, the kid looked equally miserable, and Hal groaned.
"You need to move back in," Hal said to Dick. "The kid needs both his parents."
"Richard prefers Bludhaven," Damian mumbled.
"No, Dami," Dick immediately said with a plea in his voice. "I mean, I love Bludhaven, but I moved back to Gotham once before and my world didn't end. if you wanted me here …"
"I always wanted you here," Damian said in a pitifully small voice. "But you left."
"I shouldn't have asked him to," Spooky finally rumbled. "I wanted to bond with you, son, yes. But I also never wanted Dick to become Batman. He loves being Nightwing and he made an entire life for himself in Bludhaven and I didn't think he should be tied down to Gotham once I was back." Dick stared at Bats.
"Did you feel tied down to me?" he said. "When you took me in as a kid?"
"Son - no," Spooky said, looking horrified. "I made that choice. I didn't have it thrust on me."
"Damian wasn't thrust on me, either!" Dick snapped. "Alfred could have raised him without me. The only thing thrust on me was leaving him and leaving Gotham once you were back. I swear, Bruce -" Dick began to fume.
"Hey!" Hal cut in. "Are you a grown ass adult?" Dick looked at him.
"Yes," he grumbled petulantly, sounding just the opposite.
"So you're responsible for your own choices," Hal said. "You didn't have to go. You could have pushed back and stayed. Or got an apartment here in town. Sued for custody. Whatever the hell you wanted to do. Spooky's always an over-controlling bastard. That doesn't mean you gotta roll over and do what he says. Take it from me," Hal smirked.
"Love you, too," Bats snarked.
"You know you do, baby," Hal shamelessly winked, and holy fuck. Spooky actually blushed. Huh. File that for later, Hal thought.
"My point is," he continued to Dick, "if you want to be Damian's parent, you need to step up and act like a goddamn adult who's gonna fight for what's best for the kid instead of crawling away to hide like a scolded child. Spooky fucked up, but if you don't know by now that he's socially incompetent and you need to work around that, then I'm worried about you," Hal said.
Spooky and Dick and Damian stared at Hal.
"And you need to stop treating your adult kids like they're still children," Hal added, nudging Spooky under the table with his foot, just for fun and also to see if he could make him blush again. "Plus, the Batman I know is not insecure about whether or not somebody is gonna like him. What's with driving off the competition, who by the way is not only your son but also your other son's parent?"
Spooky let out a long sigh of resignation.
"I may have overstepped," he mumbled.
"May have?" Hal pushed, raising an eyebrow.
"Fine," Bats snapped, glaring now. "I overstepped. I shouldn't have driven Dick away. I'm sorry," he said, still sounding harsh at first, before his eyes landed on Damian looking small and pitiful and his voice softened. "I'm sorry, Damian. I should have realized how much you and Dick meant to each other. I just -" for once, Spooky seemed to flounder.
"I felt guilty," he finally rasped out. "I know the grief of losing a parent, and for you all to have gone through that …" he swallowed. "And for you, Dick, to completely abandon everything you'd built for yourself as an adult to take care of my city and my child," Spooky's eyes were misting up a little bit, and Hal reached out to squeeze his hand, getting a surprisingly strong squeeze back.
"I wanted to fix it," Batman said hoarsely. "Raise Damian like I should have been there to do in the first place, so you could go back to your life."
"Damian is my life, Bruce," Dick said softly. "He's my son."
"Then move back," Spooky said quietly. "Please," he added. Dick looked down at Damian, whose eyes had started to shine with a quiet hope.
"Ok," Dick said, reaching out to run his fingers through Damian's hair. "I will."
"Really, Richard?" Damian said.
"Really," Dick said, bending down to kiss Damian's head. "I'm sorry, too, Dami," he said. "Hal's right. I never should have left."
"Or given up being Batman," Damian said, his voice rapidly becoming more self-assured and confident. "When Father is working with the Justice League, you must don the mantle again."
"You should," Bats said. "If you want to." Hal watched Dick take note of the light in Damian's eyes and melt.
"I will," Dick said to Damian. "We were the best, after all, right Dami?"
"Indeed, Richard," Damian said with contentment before frowning. "I thought Alfred was about to serve dinner. He is dawdling."
"Why don't you go let him know we're ready?" Bats said gently. "And help carry something."
"Very well," Damian sighed with great weariness of soul. The room fell silent as he darted off to the kitchen.
"For the record," Spooky finally announced, reaching up with his fingers to turn Hal's face to him, so he could look deeply into his eyes, "I have only ever felt insecure about whether or not one person liked me in my entire life. And it was not my son," Spooky growled.
Yeah, it was Hal's turn to blush. The kiss made it worth it, though.
"Jason!" Bruce said in surprise when Jason and Steph walked into the dining room for Sunday dinner the next day.
"Hey, Pops!" Jason said warmly, coming up to give his father a hug. "I took your advice," he said before immediately moving to hug Hal. "Hey, Hal," he said.
"What advice?" Bruce frowned. Jason had walked in holding hands with Steph, in the loopy, fingers intertwined kind of way that secretly made his heart do flips when Hal did it to him, but Bruce had specifically warned Jason away from Steph, which meant that he hadn't followed his advice, which had been more of a threat than advice anyway, and….
"We're engaged, bitches!" Steph screamed, holding up her left hand and waving around a truly dazzling ring of eggplant colored amethyst and - rubies? Bruce felt some vomit in the back of his throat. Beside him, Hal's face had gone suddenly blank.
Tim's, not so much.
"You're engaged?" Tim shrieked as he ran into the room, having undoubtedly heard Steph's scream from half a continent away. "To who?"
"To me," Jason proudly beamed, coming back over to Steph and wrapping his arms around her waist before picking up her ring hand and kissing it.
"What the hell - when did you even start dating Jason - you're ENGAGED?" Tim yelled, his voice going higher and higher. Bruce felt the beginnings of a headache.
"Pops told me that I better treat Steph right, because she was so amazing and only deserved the best -" Jason began to explain - "That is not what I said," Bruce protested.
"Oh, I guess Damian's not in the room," Jason said, looking around. "So Pops said not to fuck around with Steph, and I inferred the rest because he raised me to be a detective," Jason said, nodding seriously. "And then I discovered for myself exactly how amazing Steph was -"
"I'm calling Hawkgirl -" Bruce hissed -
"Pops, no, I listened," Jason said very earnestly. "I told Steph I didn't want to just fuck around with her because I liked her so much, and she's basically perfect for me, since we're both masks -" "- and Dead Robins," Steph said - "- and Dead Robins," Jason agreed, ("How many Robins died?" Hal whispered in a scandalized voice) "and you and Hal skipped dating and just got engaged," Jason blithely went on, "and I thought that was really smart and a respectful thing to do when you know it's somebody who's absolutely right for you, so I asked Steph to marry me," Jason finished triumphantly. "And she said yes!" he beamed.
"And then Jason bought me this kickass ring and then we fucked like three more times!" Steph crowed exultantly. "I'm getting marrrrrrrieeeeeeeeed," she sang.
Tim stared. Hal gave them an assessing look. Bruce groaned and dropped his head in his hands.
"Well," Hal said thoughtfully, after a minute of enduring the sounds of Bruce's misery. "When it's right, it's right?"
"Exactly," Steph nodded.
"One might even say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree," Alfred commented drily, having apparently been listening from the hall. "Like father, like son," Alfred went on.
"What goes around, comes around," Tim added helpfully.
"I assume your wedding color will be eggplant, Miss Stephanie?" Alfred politely inquired.
"And red," Steph beamed.
"Of course," Alfred said with a fond smile for Jason, who grinned back at him. "Naturally, I shall be more than happy to assist you in planning the nuptials, and Master Bruce shall foot the bill, of course."
"I - what?" Bruce squawked, finally snapping his head back up. "Jason has his own money as Red Hood."
"Really, Master Bruce," Alfred sniffed. "Let us not be gauche. It is the parent's place to pay for their children's wedding, especially when said parent is, as they say, loaded."
"Jason's still legally dead," Bruce suddenly said. Beside Steph, Jason stiffened. "We'll have to publicly resurrect you if you want to get married, son," Bruce said smoothly, watching Jason's facial expression like a hawk. Jason swallowed.
"I forgot about that," Steph said, looking up at Jason with worry and - actual disappointment? - creasing her brow. Oh, dear God. This was exactly why he'd told Jason to stay away from Steph in the first place. Bruce did not need the late night ice cream runs and sobfests of a broken hearted, dumped Steph on his hands, and he especially didn't need his newly renewed relationship with his long-distant son smashed to pieces in the process.
"I forgot, too," Jason stammered out. "I was just so excited -"
"I know," Steph mumbled, looking down. "Me, too."
Jason hesitated.
"Really?" he said softly.
Steph looked back up at him and nodded. Jason bent down and whispered something in her ear, and then she was whispering back, and then next thing Bruce knew, Jason and Steph were going from kissing to making out to sucking face at Flash-speed, and Tim was the one groaning now and yelling, "Get a room!"
"Good idea," Jason mumbled against Steph's lips, scooping her up and carrying her off. "Call your lawyers for me, Pops?" he yelled over his shoulder as he headed for the staircase with Steph's tongue already back in his mouth.
"I think they're actually getting married," Tim said a moment later.
"So are me and Hal," Bruce said numbly.
"Duh," Tim said, rolling his eyes. "I knew that as soon as you texted us that you were engaged to him."
"That was a prank at first," Hal protested.
"Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Hal," Tim snorted. "Well, I've lost my appetite. See you later," Tim said, drifting out of the room. Alfred had already disappeared back to the kitchen, leaving Bruce and Hal alone in the dining room.
"Where's everybody else?" Hal said.
"Over at Dick's," Bruce said, "helping him get packed up to move back in. Tim stayed behind to patrol with me tonight."
"Mm," Hal said. "I guess it's just you, me, and Alfred for dinner, then."
"Or we could postpone dinner," Bruce said, sliding a hand along Hal's hip.
"Yeah?" Hal said, beginning to grin. "You have something else in mind, Spooky?" Bruce pulled Hal in closer and pressed his lips up to his ear to whisper.
The End
A/N - Thanks for reading! Comments are much appreciated.
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