The words were still ringing in his ear as he nursed his glass of whiskey. Words he wished and prayed for that would never come out of his child's mouth. 'I hate you. You were my best friend and now I wish you weren't even my father.' He couldn't shut those words out, how could you? So he sat down in the basement trying to figure out when his little girl became not so little anymore. Tried to think about where it all went wrong. But he couldn't. He couldn't think, not with those words on repeat.

He was a proud father and he always thought he was doing a dam good job at it. He loved his children with every ounce in his body. Some days were harder then others but all in all he couldn't complain about his family.

First came Jack Henry. The surprise baby. He and Erin weren't together, messy breakup. He walked out on her because he couldn't overcome his backstory. Even though he knew she could probably handle it, he just went the easy way out. But when they found out Erin was pregnant they fought for what they had, fixed the broken pieces. It took a lot of work, Jay went to group meetings with other veterans, talked about his past. He then gained the courage to take Erin, it definitely opened her eyes too and it bought them closer together.

They moved back in with each other, a semi fresh start. Stopped pushing their feelings and emotions aside. Laid everything on the table, if they wanted to make it work they had to talk to each other because that was always their weakest point.

Their relationship got much better, they found that love again and weren't letting it go this time. And that love only grew stronger when a tiny 6 pound baby came into the world. Eyes like Jays, freckles too. But he had Erin's nose. He was definitely the perfect mix of them both.

He was quite an easy going baby, people always said how lucky they were to have such a great baby. He slept through most nights, didn't fuss much and he was well behaved throughout most his childhood.

You also wouldn't think that little baby Jack would be as tall as Jay at the age of eighteen. And as-well as being as tall as his father he was his father all over, wanting to follow in his footsteps and everything. They fought about it. Jay didn't want his son to experience what he did but he also didn't want a relationship with his son like he did with his own father so he swallowed it and supported him every step of the way. So when his first born baby graduated high school and set off to join the army his heart was full and he was overwhelmed with pride.

Second came Hudson William. Spitting image of Jay once again and his older brother. These Halstead genes always frustrated Erin, she had to carry the sucker for nine months so why couldn't they look a little more like her? But no they always favoured Jay but of course she didn't mind.

Conceived on their wedding night. Cliche right? Two years younger then his older brother. They didn't want to have another baby until they tied the knot so they didn't muck around once it became offical.

This pregnancy was nothing but horrible. Morning sickness but at every hour of the day. Back aches. Swollen feet. Every symptom under the sun. Of course Erin would blame Jay it was his child. Jay would always laugh and say, "It's only every 'my child' when he's kicking you in the bladder or making you throw up your breakfast."

So yes this little man tested their marriage because they'd fight and fight. But they would never go to bed angry, something that had been imprinted into their heads the day their celebrant officially announced them husband and wife. So of course Erin blamed it on the hormones and Jay would give in saying he acted like a jerk but they'd always both apologise before the day ended.

And when Hudson finally came into the world they were both thankful. Although he only kept testing his parents as he went from baby to teenager.

He barely slept as a baby, so Erin was always sleep deprived. Jay was working most nights, in this time he had became Sergeant and taken over intelligence. But he still wanted to be home, not missing the important moments. He wasn't going to be like his father, he had promised that to Erin and wouldn't break it. Although some nights he came close but he would always make up for it.

The hours Jay worked was hard on the both of them and it made Erin consider becoming a full time stay at home mother but they both knew that's defiantly not what she wanted. So they made a schedule that worked, for both their family and intelligence.

Hudson's toddler years were a blur in their parents eyes because how exhausted they always were when having to chase after him. It was always the same thing, he got into things, drew on the walls, was nothing but a ratbag. But they couldn't stay angry at him because he was such a sweet little boy that always gave his parents unconditional love.

Hudson grew up wanting to be just like his uncle so once he was old enough to start taking the right course to get into med school he did. And he studied hard, the little kid that mucked around and would always get into fights changed his ways and was now one of the smartest people they knew.

So Jay stood tall and proud the day of his second baby's graduation. He couldn't help but think back on all the tough times Hudson had thrown at them but would do it all again to be here. No doubt about it.

Third and final came Lailah Camille. The one that pulled on Jays heart strings. The one that had him wrapped around her finger. The one that done no wrong in his eyes.

When Jay found out he was having a daughter he wanted to throw up. He had sons. Boys were easy. He knew boys. Girls he didn't know. Girls he barely understood. He was still trying to figure Erin out and they had now been married for six years.

Yeah that's right, five year gap between their second eldest and their new baby and once she came into the world that would make it nearly six. She definitely wasn't planned but they were definitely happy when two lines showed up on the pregnancy test and once her tiny little lungs took over the birthing suite they felt complete.

Lailah was definitely a daddy's girl. From day dot. As soon as she shared skin to skin contact with her father that was it. Erin was knocked off her pedestal and the only thing she was good for was food. But of course Erin didn't mind because the sight she saw when Lailah was in Jays arms was something that always made her heart skip a beat.

When she was a toddler Jay done it all. The tea party's. The fairy princess dress ups. The painted toenails. He learnt how to braid her and every song to the frozen soundtrack. For someone that had no idea how to be a father to a little girl he sure done well at it.

Lailah was definitely a mini Erin though, unlike the boys she had Erin's eyes, lips and dimples. But she sported red hair which would have come from Jays Irish background and of course freckles. What Halstead couldn't have freckles?

And she was as tough as they come. Of course she did grow up with two older brothers so they were rough with her but she also had parents that worked to protect the city so by the age of twelve she decided she wanted to join the police academy. Which made her parents proud and Grandpa Hank too. No one could forget how much she had him wrapped around her finger too.

Although she would always be a daddy's girl their relationship started to fade once she hit puberty. Of course she still loved him, no doubt about that. But she wanted to go hang out with friends and of course boys.

Jay nearly fainted when he heard that she was hanging around 'guy friends' during study hours. Especially when she hit fifteen nearly sixteen. Because he knew at that age all guys thought about was sex. And he was not ready for that.

The vision of her joining the police academy got further and further away as he watched his daughter slip between his fingers. Could he blame the job for not paying attention? Sure? But no, he couldn't blame anyone else but himself. He should have been there more, told her she could talk to him about anything.

Lailah was a heartbreaker, much like her mother in her teens years. Erin had explained the life she had and made her daughter promise to never go down that path, and she didn't. But she was still a young naive girl that wanted to try things and be cool like her friends.

But having a Sergeant as your father that runs the most elite unit in Chicago, a mother that's a detective and works in that unit and many Aunty's and Uncle's that are police aswell it's not always easy to be your everyday seventeen year old.

And this is where those words came into play. Erin had told Jay to let it go, warned him even. He couldn't keep acting like she was still the innocent toddler she once was. She was a woman that wanted to have fun and explore the world. But they had both seen horrible things and all he wanted to do was protect his little girl from that, but it was too far gone.

House party on a Saturday night, of course Lailah had curfew but she also had a group of friends and some guy she was pining over that she cared about more. Especially in the moment. She had a few drinks, more then a few. But she knew her limits.

She was never one to do drugs, yeah she'd tried weed on occasions but her parents always stressed how dangerous they were so she tried to stay clear.

Marcus, the guy that she was pining over was the one that had the drugs, what they were she couldn't remember? Coke maybe? It was a blur. But he was trying to get her to try some.

She was interrupted when talking to him by her older brother ringing her, "Jack, what are you ringing for?"

He could tell she was drunk, she may have thought her words sounded out together but they were far from it.

"Lai! Where the fuck are you? Dad is going crazy, your over an hour past curfew."

"Oh shush. Like you haven't stayed out past curfew."

"Yeah but I'm not you, you know what his like. He wants to protect you, where are you I will come get you?"

"No I'm not telling you. I'm having fun, please for once just let me be a normal teenager."

She said before hanging up the phone and continuing her conversation with the boy of the week.

Back at the Halstead's residence Jay was going stir crazy, ready to send out a search party but luckily he had Erin calming him down.

"Jay you have to take it easy."

"Take it easy! Erin she's just seventeen! Out god knows where, with god knows who! How are you not freaking out? After everything we see, everyday how can you be okay with this?"

"Because she's out daughter Jay, you have to trust her."

"Trust her? How can I trust her when she is constantly lying? What happened to the daughter that wanted to become a Chicago Police Officer?" Jay said standing with his hands on his hips.

"She still wants that Jay but she's grown up, let her live a little. Your blowing this way out of proportion." Erin said trying to calm her husband down but he wasn't having it.

"I can't keep letting this happen. I'm putting an end to it now. She's not an adult yet, she's still living under our roof..."

Erin watched Jay grabbed his things, phone, wallet, badge, gun, cuffs and her eyes widened, she knew exactly where he was going, "Don't do it Jay. She will hate you for it."

"I can't keep warning her Erin, maybe if I go and do this she will start listening."

Before he walked out the door Erin yelled out to him, "She will never forgive you."

"I'd rather her never forgive me then watch my daughter die in a hole." Jay said before slamming the door.

She felt great, on top of the world. And just when she was about to go up to a private room with Marcus she heard a very unpleasant familiar voice. And it wasn't his home voice it was his police voice.

She turned to face him, eyes widened, in shock. Had he actually traced her phone and found out where she was? Was this real? Was he taking it that one step further.

"Lailah, come on, your coming with me." Jay said stern at the bottom of the steps.

"Dad, no." She quickly said and kept walking up the steps.

"Don't make me ask again."

All eyes were on her and people were starting to freak out thinking they were going to have to make a run for it. It was a house party full of underages after all.

"I said no, I'm not leaving."

She didn't know if it was the drugs in her system or the crazy amount of alcohol that was making her so feisty. Or whether it was just the anger she had against her father right now for doing this too her.

"Fine, I will do it the other way," he approached her, grabbing her head and slapping cuffs on them, "Lailah Halstead your under arrest for underage drinking."

They started walking down the stairs and he looked around then back at his daughter who was still in shock, "Cops will be here any minute so I suggest everyone who isn't at the legal drinking age leaves and to dispose of the drugs you have laying on the table." He pointed to the coffee table that had lines of coke already racked up.

Jay kept thinking how did he get here? How did he have such little trust in his daughter that he had to drag her out in cuffs from a party?

He put her in the backseat and started driving, "You high as-well or just drunk?" She stayed silent, "Home or district?"

"I'm surprised your even giving me a choice." She snapped back.

"Maybe if you didn't continue to lie to me and test my trust we wouldn't be here right now."

"Just take me home."

He left it at that, they'd talk there. He knew it was really appropriate taking her to his workplace and he hoped dragging her out in cuffs scared her enough and made her realise he wasn't bluffing anymore.

The yelling started as soon as the front door opened, Erin, Jack and Hudson were waiting in the kitchen, but they wished they hadn't been when they heard the yelling start.

"I cannot believe you! Why can't you just let me be like everyone else! You have to much hope for me! Let me live a little!"

"Your not like everyone else Lailah! I'm not going to let you go out and ruin your life by drinking and doing drugs at seventeen. You have more to live for then that?"

"How do you even know that's what I'm doing! You just jump to conclusions!"

"Lailah look at you, I wasn't born yesterday. Not to mention I can tell by your eyes that you have taken something and I can smell the alcohol from here!"

"God I hate you! I hate you so much right now! You have no right! You are barely here anymore! Work is more important to you! What I'm late twice in the last couple months and all of a sudden I'm a low life junkie?"

Jay gulped, "Lailah. You know that's not what I meant."

"Yes it is! You can't just let me go out and have fun. The boys got too! They never had a curfew and you pretty much threw a box of condoms at them when they went through puberty. But of course I can't possible do anything like that, for what reason I have no fucking clue."

If she was drunk she was way beyond sober now and these words were hitting Jay hard, harder then anything before, "I'm just trying to protect you."

"Protect me? How can you protect me when you don't let me do anything!"

"Lailah, everything I see at work..."

"You don't want to see happen to me? Blah blah. I have heard it before. Have you that little faith in me? I know exactly what to do incase of emergency's. I know who to call, how to protect myself. You think I ever go to these party's alone or without people I don't trust? I have done drugs three times in my life, weed twice and cocaine once. Tonight. And every single time I have done something I ring Jack or Hudson, and I tell them because I know if they don't hear from me in a few hours then they will check up on me," tears were now rolling down her face, "You don't know any of this because you don't listen. Your not here anymore for me to talk to. You know how you promised to never turn out like grandpa Hank? Well you have and worse."

"Lailah, okay I should have went a better way about this."

"Ever heard the saying when you try to protect someone too much they start to rebel? Ever stop to wonder that's maybe what's going on here? You can't protect me forever dad."

"Lailah, I'm sorry. Okay I'm sorry. What can I do?"

"Nothing."

Erin came from around the corner, "Sweetheart why don't you go up to your room?"

She nodded and before making her way up the stairs she turned to her father with broken eyes, "You were my best friend. Now I wish you weren't even my father."

Jay watched her walk away, holding it together. He could feel the lump in his throat, he'd gone to far. All this built up anger and emotion towards him was all let out and it was his fault. All he needed to do was trust her more and know that if she ever needed him all she had to do was call and he'd be there. But he just couldn't let it go.

Erin stepped towards him but he held up his hand, clearing his throat, "I just need a minute."

Jay sat in the basement, sipping on whiskey. The expensive whiskey Erin always bought him on his birthday. Usually it was only bought out on special occasions but he was way past that tonight.

He heard the steps creek, he shot his head up quickly and then it dropped when he saw Erin, "Expecting someone else?"

"Where the fuck did I go wrong?"

Erin made her way over and sat on his leg on the chair he was resting in, he wrapped his arm around her still nursing his scotch in the other hand, "I don't know babe. I really wish I had an answer."

"I never realised how angry she was at me and tonight just pushed all that over the edge. All she wanted was for me to believe she'd do the right thing, why was it so hard for me to do that? Let it go? Trust her."

"Because your a great father..."

"Pfft. I think we figured out tonight I'm not. She's right, I'm barely ever home anymore, the last few years I have cared more about work then home, you can't tell me otherwise."

"Okay maybe so, doesn't make you any less of a father, you were always there when it counted."

"Really? Because right now I don't feel like i was. Not in the recent years anyway. She needed me Er and I wasn't there for her."

Erin felt Jays heart shatter into pieces, as he put the glass down and raised his hand up to wipe his eyes.

"She's just not your little girl anymore, you have to except that."

He nodded, "She said she wished I was never her father. She said she hated me."

"She was also very angry. Probably a little high and intoxicated so I wouldn't believe everything that comes out of her mouth."

He chuckled a little, "I still remember the day we went for your eight week ultrasound. When we found out we were having another baby and then when she was going to be a girl. I was scared for my life, not knowing what to expect. I thought I was doing a pretty good job until now."

"Hey your still doing it. She knows how much you care and love her and deep down she knows what you do half the time is only because of that."

"I hope so."

Erin kissed his forehead, "Now seeings though you have both had an hour to calm down I think you should go talk to her."

"Is she still up?"

She nodded, "The boys were with her. Another thing she did speak the truth when she said that."

"Said what?"

"That she rings one of them, every time she goes out drinking. She tells them where she is, what time she will be home whether she's drinking or decides to take drugs. But she didn't tell them tonight."

Jay frowned in confused, "Why?"

"Maybe to get you to snap? That's what they think anyway. I think she wanted to let all the anger and truth about how she was feeling out. She wanted to talk to you in the worse way possible. It sounds pretty bizarre but it makes sense."

"She just wanted to talk to me, she could have done that."

"Jay the last six months all you two have done is butted heads because she wants to go out for a few drinks and your completely against it. Or when you found condoms in her handbag..."

"Well how did you expect me to react?"

"Be proud that she's being safe? I mean you were happy to give the boys them to make sure they were safe when they become sexually active and I know for a fact that Hudson is just like Will on the girl front."

"God help us." Jay chuckled and lifted Erin of his knee, "I gotta go talk to her, hopefully she won't yell."

"I love you, just remember that."

"Love you always."

The door creaked open, light shon in and then it started closed again, she wiped her eyes and rolled over, "Daddy?"

Jays heart broke at the noise that came out of his daughter, the word he hadn't heard in years. And she sounded so fragile.

"Can we talk."

She nodded and turned the light on beside her bed, "No yelling though?"

He smiled and sat beside her, "No yelling, promise."

"I don't hate you. And I don't wish you weren't my father. It's just you made me so angry."

"And I wonder why, I put cuffs on you infront of all your friends at a party I'd be angry at me too. But I was scared Lai, as a father I can't help that really I can't but I need to learn to trust your instincts."

"Why don't you trust me like you do with the boys? I'm sure they have done way more reckless things then I have."

Jay nodded and he knew for sure they had, there was a few times he'd get a phone call from a fellow officer about one of his sons getting up to no good.

"Because your my little girl and for some reason it's harder watching you grow up and I have no idea why."

"I can't stay little forever."

"I know but your will always be my baby girl. Always."

She smiled and leant into her father, "I can't keep doing this with you though, I'm older now I want to spend my last free year in high school doing fun things before I go off and join the academy."

His eyes widened, "You still want that?"

"Of course. But your never here so you wouldn't know."

He swallowed that familiar lump in his throat again, "I'm going to try be better, be here for you guys. I know it's hard with Jack off on his tours and Huds off working crazy hours in the ED. I want us to have the relationship we use to have."

"Then believe in me. Please."

"I promise I will."

"And trust me?"

"Promise."

"And know that if I ever need someone your the first person I'd call."

Jay felt tears in his eyes, "You know you can always call me baby and I will be there."

"I know. And even though I have been so angry at you for the last couple months that never changed. I know mums just as much a badass but your a lot more intimidating."

He chuckled, "Glad you think so."

"I'm still a little annoyed that you embarrassed me infront of all those people I'm never going to live that down."

"I really am sorry."

"So am I, for not talking to you sooner."

"Promise you don't hate me? And wish you had a different father?" He squeezed her shoulder and she wrapped her arms around his waist giving him a cuddle.

"Promise. Your the best father ever."