So... that episode was a lot and my heart might never recover! It was sooo good but I have so many feelings and needed to deal with them in some way, so that means I finally wrote my first Lone Star post-ep. Enjoy!

*Title comes from 'Fix You' by Coldplay, one of my favorite songs ever.

TK rubbed both hands against his pant legs as he stumbled down the darkened alley. Breath drawing small, foggy circles in the air as it came faster than usual, colliding with the cold night air and evaporating just as quickly as the man's brisk pace blew the condensation away.

Reaching the end of the street, TK drew the hood of his sweater even lower onto his eyes, and looked both ways. There weren't many cars on this road so late at night, but there were many streetlights that proved to be a bigger threat. But TK had done this before, not in Austin, but in New York. And if TK had managed to avoid the lights, street cameras, and prying eyes of a city that never sleeps, he could surely do it in a town that only had one star to offer. Austin was a small town after all. But it never hurt to be careful, especially when one Strand was already in jail.

A crash sounded from a nearby dumpster and TK jumped. Turning around he half expected to find Carlos following him, but the street was completely deserted. He was half disappointed.

Closing his eyes and releasing a long breath, TK steeled his nerves and resumed his journey. Fingers now tapped impatiently against his thumb in a continuous, alternating pattern. Index. Middle. Ring. Pinky. A desperate cycle that circled as much as his thoughts. Carlos' confession. Hard words. A push. A hug, or more like a hold. The order of events replayed on his mind following the rhythmic movement of his fingers. A vicious obsession that had him stuck in reverse. Mind stuck on that damn moment in the apparatus bay, failing to catch up with the speed of his steps.

Reaching his destination, TK took a moment to try to convince himself to turn around. But the pain was too raw. And he was tired of fighting his own mind. Loving Carlos was his drug of choice now and with that gone his cravings had only intensified.

He had tried to sleep it off. Had stood alone in the balcony of the fire station as his team left after their shift was over. All six of his teammates stealing quick, worried glances his way, but in the end, they had all left. Not because they didn't care, they had all tried to get him to talk, but there was only one person he wanted to talk to and he had fucked it all up. His friends had said that Carlos would understand, to go knock on his door and make it right. TK had promised he would. But instead he had stayed rooted in place as he regretted all his life choices.

Just yesterday he could have said all his mistakes had led him to Austin and one Carlos Reyes. But today TK didn't have that luxury anymore. Today all his mistakes had left him with nothing. So TK had shook his head, and exited the firehouse with the desire to just sink into oblivion. He had gotten in his car and driven to an empty parking lot in between Carlos' condo, their condo, and Owen's apartment. And he had really tried to sleep it off. Tears clouding his eyes as he rested his head on his folded arms on top of the steering wheel. Sleep hadn't come. So TK had exited the car, locked the door, and turned around.

He had walked for miles and now he found himself here. Tears then sprang to his eyes again as Owen's voice asked 'why?' and Carlos' gruff tone begged him to 'listen to me and calm down'. Just like he had whispered close to his ear on so many nights alone in their bedroom when TK's past seemed to overwhelm him and his cravings became too much to handle on his own. But his dad and boyfriend weren't here, and those voices were nothing but echoes of conversations long past. Now TK was alone, just like he had been that fateful night back in New York.

Wiping the tears angrily from his eyes, TK took a decisive step forward and never looked back. Drawing some bills from his pocket as he had done so many times before, he did the quick exchange and walked away. The bag threatened to burn a whole on his hand so TK threw it in his pocket and walked faster. Where? He didn't know. He had nowhere to go now.

When he felt comfortable with the distance between his score and his current location, TK slowed down and finally came to a stop. Sitting down on the steps of some abandoned house, TK reached inside his pocket and pulled out his fix. Then he carefully unzipped the small bag and dropped two pills on his palm. So small, and seemingly inoffensive, but nobody knew their destructive potential more than TK. They wrecked lives, relationships and people. But TK didn't feel like he had anything to lose anymore.

Closing his eyes, he moved his hand towards his mouth but stopped just a few inches away. We make a pretty good team. We really do, don't we? Afraid so. The words echoed in his mind, and seemingly a thousand memories flashed in front of his eyes, from that first accident scene in a cold and rainy Austin night, to Carlos' retreating form after TK lashed out at him just hours before.

Tears now streamed freely down his face and TK blinked a few times, willing them to stop. But in the darkness of his mind, he only saw light. And Carlos' cow eyes looking back at him. They really wrecked people and suddenly TK's tears were no longer just that, but full-blown, body shaking sobs as all his pain, worry, regrets, guilt and desperation came pouring out of him.

And before TK knew what was happening he was standing up, fist shaking at his hide, and pills still held tightly on his palm. Without thinking TK let out a guttural cry and threw the pills as far away from himself as he could, the motion ending with his fist connecting harshly against the wall. Pain ricocheted all around his body, but TK felt alive and more clear-headed than before. So he let himself slide down the wall, and just cried. Knees drawn tightly against his chest, head resting on top of his folded arms.

In the last months, Carlos had managed to turn the gray of his life into a rainbow, and now he just had to cross it. So rubbing his bruised knuckles, TK let the lights guide him home. He wasn't ready to see Carlos just yet, and he thought maybe the other man wasn't ready either, or he would have come looking for him, so TK got up from the dirty street, walked back to his car and drove to Owen's house instead. The darkened alley stayed behind, as this night became no more than just some wasted dollar bills. TK would gladly part with those, but he was stronger now, they were stronger now, and he wasn't ready to part with his sobriety just yet. And he would never be ready to part with Carlos, so tomorrow he would make it right, but today he would just go to Owen's house. And if luck happened to be on his side tonight, maybe Mateo would be home so he wouldn't need to be alone. He really didn't want to be alone.

-x-x-x-

Carlos' walk from the firehouse back to his car was the longest of his life. He had made that same walk more than a hundred times but today it felt like someone had stretched the building because this was talking too long. With every step, he thought of turning back around. But TK had been clear, and if that hadn't been enough Judd had added all the certainty he needed. So, Carlos went against his heart, and continued to walk forward.

Reaching his squad car, Carlos felt like he could finally breathe again. But even then, he still wanted to walk back into the building. Because Carlos would rather choke and even relinquish his breath if it meant that he could hold TK in his arms again. But this wasn't about what he wanted, but what TK needed, and right now, TK didn't need him.

So Carlos opened the door and climbed in, relieved that Mitchell had allowed him the courtesy of doing this alone, but still blowing up his phone with questions. He would speak to her later, but right now Carlos just wanted to curl up in a ball and let go. But he wouldn't do that now, not here.

Reaching the parking lot of the grocery store he shopped at with TK, Carlos drove to the back and parked away from the many trucks lining the street. And then he allowed himself to break down. Tears streamed down his face, and he tried to blink them away, but quickly they turned into sobs, and his body was shaking and he was powerless to stop it all. And the only man that could, had just literally pushed him away not an hour ago.

Drawing a hand over his shoulder and chest, Carlos remembered TK's anger, how his body had vibrated with the emotional pressure that bounced around him in search of an outlet. How he had become that outlet. And it hurt, not in the physical sense, because he knew TK hadn't meant to hurt him, but just wanted to run away like he so often did when he was overwhelmed. But TK's shove had seemingly bypassed skin and gone right for his heart, and that pain was harder to fathom or forget.

The brief conversation played over and over again in his mind, and Carlos wondered what he could have done differently to avoid that outcome. But it would have always been Carlos and TK, with their pasts, presents, and futures, in a baggage, in their minds, and in their hearts, so the outcome would have always been the same. It was a fact, but it didn't make the reality of it hurt any less.

When Carlos' tears finally ran out, his heartbreak had seemed to go with it, and now he was angry. At Owen, at Gabriel, at TK, at himself. He was just angry with the universe and the unfairness of it all, so he lashed out, hitting his steering wheel one, two, three times, until his knuckles began to hurt. But the pain seemed to anchor him and pull him back from the edge.

Carlos could still feel TK's hands on him, not loving and exploring, but hurt and angry, and the sensation threatened to break his heart in two. He knew TK was a physical guy, he just never expected to be on the receiving end of that with anything but love, comfort and affection. But that's just who TK was and Carlos loved every part of him. In their time together, Carlos had learned that TK craved what was tangible, probably because so much of his past had been spent floating in the clouds. That meant that sometimes TK sought reassuring touches: fingers intertwined, a shoulder squeeze, a hand over a knee. Other times he got physical in bed, or the couch, the shower, or the floor and every time Carlos reciprocated with a smile. But on fewer occasions, when TK's upset with himself or the world, and his restless energy couldn't be released by a caring touch, his self-destructive tendencies won and he craved other types of physicality. He hit the punching bag, he punched two Texans at a bar, and this time, he shoved Carlos against a firetruck... Carlos understood, but it still hurt.

That second to last thought made Carlos stop dead in his tracks, as he thought back to one of their first meetings. When TK had been cuffed, bruised and beaten, sitting on his desk at the station after just being arrested after a bar fight. TK had said he wanted to feel something, and for Carlos now it was the opposite. He wanted to feel nothing at all. But he knew you couldn't choose either way, that's not how life worked. But did TK?

Panic rose in his chest as he remembered the rest of that conversation, and TK's confession, and for a moment Carlos willed his frantic thoughts to stop. He grabbed his phone and searched his contacts, see you tonight, babe, I love you. TK's last text message mocking him with a promise that wouldn't happen now.

Carlos' finger hovered over TK's name for a few minutes, more than a few times coming almost close enough to connect the call, but in the end, Carlos just set his phone back down and closed his eyes. The fear was still there, an all encompassing terror that mocked him with TK's words from that day, with substances.

But Carlos pushed it all down. The pain, the heartbreak, the guilt, but above all, the instinctual need to play hero, to be a savior, and TK's knight in shining armor. Today was not the time for that. Not out of anger, because God knows he could never be angry at TK, but just because as much as he wanted to fix things, he knew this day wasn't his to fix. At least not until tomorrow.

TK needed space, and if he was honest with himself, he did too. Talking now could lead to another fight and heated words, and he wasn't sure they could come back from two of those on the same day. At least not unscathed and without hearts seriously bruised. And Carlos really wanted to avoid that if at all possible.

So even if it hurt, he would let TK be, and hope for the best. If the worst happened, Carlos would be there to pick up the pieces. But TK had a team now, and he was currently surrounded by them. But more importantly, Carlos simply had faith in TK, in the strength of his character and all the love in his heart he had to give.

Today Carlos would lick his wounds and patch up his heart, but tomorrow he would fix this. Because as much as he might want to deny it, a fixer is what he was. And he would always be ready to fix TK, so he continued to avoid his next fix. Even though Carlos loved the whole of him, cracks in the armor, baggage on his back, and doubts on his heart; but he knew TK wanted to be better and continue turning his life around and who was he to deny the love of his life anything. But until then, Carlos would finish his shift, go home and release his stress in the kitchen. Maybe cook something and have it ready for whenever TK returned home.

-x-x-x-

"TK… how are you doing?" Carlos asked, drawing his oxygen mask down.

"I'm fine," TK instinctively replied, voice raspy after all the smoke they had inhaled during the fire, "and push that over your face." Turning sideways, TK pulled the mask back over his boyfriend's face. One of his own secured around his face. And an extra large blanket spread over both of their bodies as they laid together on a bed in their hospital room.

After the fire was put off, and everyone had calmed down, TK and Carlos had wanted nothing more than to go home together and curl up in bed, but they no longer had a home to go to, so when their fathers and friends had insisted on getting checked out at the hospital they had easily agreed. Their families and friends had been with them for a while but had eventually left knowing the boys needed time to themselves. And now here they were.

"Really?" Carlos pressed, brow quirked upward.

"I am," TK said, surprisingly managing to sound confident even in the midst of being the victims of a serial arsonist and almost losing their lives.

"How?" Carlos wondered. He was usually the calm and collected one, but right now he felt the world spinning out of its axis.

"I still have you," TK said simply, running his fingers through Carlos' curls. His boyfriend unconsciously leaned into his touch, making TK smile.

"Yeah," Carlos breathed out. "But we have nothing else."

"Carlos, with you, I always feel like I have the world. So much that I often feel like I don't deserve this much… or you." TK's eyes darkened as he remembered the previous night and how close he had come to losing his sobriety, but he pushed the memory away. Carlos had enough to deal with right now, but TK promised to himself to tell him later, because once they had become an official couple, they had promised to never hide anything from each other, and a fire might burn down their house, but it didn't touch their promises. "Losing the condo hurts, a lot. But, as long as we have each other, I think we will be okay. At least I know I will, and I hope you will too."

Carlos turned to TK and hated the brief uncertainty that he saw in his eyes, so he lowered his mask again, then followed suit with TK's, and turned sideways. TK met him in the middle and they shared a kiss. It tasted of smoke and ash but Carlos and TK pressed forward and deepened it. Showing destiny that together they would always be stronger than any force that tried to destroy them. Stronger than the fire that had burned down their physical home. They were earth, steady and each other's rock and grounding presence. Water, drowning in each other's depth and flowing into each other until they became the perfect team. And free like air, ready to be the wind behind their sails, and always each other's breath of fresh air.

"I love you," Carlos said when air became a necessity, which happened more quickly than it usually did, given they had already been deprived of oxygen enough for one night.

TK said nothing to that, just pulled Carlos to him and kissed him again. Because they had also been deprived of each other, and right now they'd both rather share their oxygen and give in to that stronger desire. And proving Carlos' thoughts from the previous day right, TK quickly got physical, hands roaming over Carlos' body, as he tried to touch every part of him. But this time, Carlos knew TK wasn't looking for a repeat of what had happened earlier that day in what used to be their bedroom. Tonight, TK's hands only sought reassurance. And Carlos had the same necessity, so he let his arms move freely too. Each touch letting the other know that they were truly okay, they had survived, and that's all that mattered in this moment. All the rest could be dealt with at a later time.

"I love you, too," TK said eventually, when oxygen was running low again, a barely suppressed cough making Carlos' brows furrow in concern. "And I'm sorry you lost your apartment. I know how much that place meant to you."

"Our apartment, TK. Our," Carlos said softly, "maybe once we find a new place and start over again, you will finally start calling it our." A breathy laugh escaped his lips, but it never reached his eyes. "And it did mean a lot to me, but not nearly as much as the man I shared it with. Last year that condo was just a house, babe. Only after you came around did it become a home."

"You're my home too, Carlos," TK croaked, moving his finger over Carlos' face trying to get rid of some soot that still clung to his boyfriend's skin. "And I'm so happy you're okay. For a moment there, I also didn't think we were gonna make it out." Suddenly, TK's expression changed as he stared as his darkened finger and his eyes clouded with tears. "Oh God, I could have really lost you tonight." In that moment, the dam finally broke and all of his emotions came cascading down, his breath turning into small wheezes as TK finally let his guard down. He had been strong for the two of them during the fire, letting his firefighter instinct kick in as they fought to stay alive and then stood outside the charred structure that had been their house. But now the reality of everything was catching up to him and TK could do nothing but break down.

"Hey, come here," Carlos whispered, turning all the way to the side and pulling TK into his chest, his arms going protectively around him. "Baby, you're okay, we're okay. Breathe TK, it's okay, we're okay," he whimpered, tears streaming down his face now too.

For the next few minutes the only sounds in the room were the noise of the medical equipment, the barely suppressed sniffs and coughs that managed to escape the two men, and the many whispered promises only for each other to hear.

"Are we going to be okay?" TK asked eventually, voice muffled by Carlos' shirt.

Drawing back, Carlos looked at TK and tried to read his boyfriend. Trying to keep a calm appearance even as his heart threatened to beat out of his chest. "What do you mean?"

"You and me, Carlos. Can we get past this?"

"Do you want to?"

"Of course!"

"Then we will," Carlos said with full certainty. "Where there's a will there's a way. Especially for two people that make such a good team."

"Okay," TK said simply. "Tomorrow we can get an Airbnb, or go to one of the six houses offered to us, and start looking for a new place. We will both be out of work for at least a week or two, so we have time to start the process at least."

"Yeah." Carlos smiled, glad to set their sights into the future and not on what had been lost today. "And you know what's the first thing we're getting for our new bedroom?"

TK looked up and scrunched his nose as he thought about it deeply. "A bed? Although we are pretty good on the floor too. As long as the room's carpeted," he offered, a proud, little teasing smile on his face.

"You're adorable when you're trying to be flirty," Carlos let out with a chuckle. "But no. A fire extinguisher for the bedroom."

And TK could only grin at that. Carlos joining him soon after. Their relieved laughter echoing in the room as their eyes started fluttering closed.

"Carlos?"

"TK?"

"I'm sorry. For fighting you, and pushing you. I should have never done that. Sometimes I still revert to old habits, but I know that's no excuse. And I'm very sorry."

"We said-"

"I know what we said, Carlos."

"TK we almost died today. The fight, it doesn't matter, and we agreed-"

"Babe, I know, I know, but just listen to me. The fact something worse happened, doesn't mean what I did was right. You are always there for me, and you didn't deserve to be treated that way," TK said sincerely, looking up into Carlos' eyes and moving a shaky hand to wipe some stray tears from his cheeks. "Besides, if you can apologize a hundred times for the fire extinguisher, I can apologize for something that really needs forgiving. I love you, Carlos." TK also wanted to say that in hindsight, a fire extinguisher would have achieved nothing in that fire, but he let Carlos have that small, manageable thing to focus on, instead of the ruin that had become their home.

"I love you, too TK," Carlos breathed out, "and I forgive you, but there's one thing you can do to make it up to me."

"Anything."

"My turn." Carlos turned himself over on the bed, so his back was to TK and sighed deeply as soon as TK hugged him close to his chest. "Thank you." He grabbed his boyfriend's hand in his and intertwined their fingers, but quickly frowned at what he saw there. "What happened to your hand?"

"I could ask the same thing about yours, babe," TK said knowingly, "we can exchange stories tomorrow. There's a lot we still have to talk about. But now, sleep. We have work to do tomorrow, and a home to start rebuilding."

"Okay," Carlos agreed easily, knowing there were still some talks they needed to have, with each other, but also their dads. Because TK might have been the one that pushed Carlos, but Owen and Gabriel had pushed them both into that situation. But that could all wait until tomorrow. "Good night, TK."

"Sleep well, Carlos."

TK's existence had been gray before Carlos, and Carlos' life had just been black and white. But, tonight, even in the midst of the fire that destroyed their physical home, their lives were full of color. Because all that had been lost could be fixed, and that only meant there was something still worth fighting for. And they still had their families, their friends, and each other, and that was the only home that truly mattered, and that if lost, could never be replaced. Everything else would just fall back into place, as inevitable as TK and Carlos falling for each other.

So, content in each other's arms, and just happy to be alive, Carlos and TK finally drifted off to sleep. Oxygen masks discarded to the side, blanket halfway to the floor. Knuckles, hearts and egos bruised. But a smile on their faces. Because for as long as they were a team they knew they could do anything. And they were lucky, because The Reyes and Strand families truly made a pretty good team.

Thanks for reading!