A/N: Hey hey! I've been wanting to write this one for a while, so I finally bit the bullet. Taking place after 7x16 and connecting back to 6x02 :)
"I don't know how you went through this growing up."
"Every situation's a little different. My dad would come home drunk after being out all night, my mom would say something to him, he would snap. I was little, so I'd just put a pillow over my head to try to make it all go away, but, you know, she would come downstairs the next day with a bunch of makeup on trying to cover it up and you could still see the bruises every time. We would tell ourselves it was the last time, but of course it would happen again, and they were just in this terrible dance, but, you know, I would close my eyes and I would wish that somebody would come in and just put him in his place – do what you did. You did a good thing, Jay."
"So what happened to your mom? Where did she go?"
"Nowhere. She's still with my dad."
The whole conversation haunted Jay as he drove back to his apartment. He had wanted to keep pushing, but something in her eyes stopped him. He didn't know what it was, so instead of asking 'Why?' or saying he'd help her get her mom out, he finished his drink in silence.
He hated himself.
"Dammit," he breathed and hit the steering wheel.
He should have pushed for more. He should have said something.
He should not have just finished his drink and waited for her to talk. She brought up the traffic back from the airport which transitioned into saying she needed to bring her car in for an oil change the next day so would he follow her to bring her back to the district while she waited.
He missed his chance to ask her more about her past and where she was from. He knew the logistics, but she kept the actual memories so close to vest that despite believing he knew her, he also knew he didn't really know her.
He had questions that he wasn't sure were appropriate to ask, but ones that he felt were necessary for him to know the answers to.
Did her dad ever hit her?
Did she ever tell anyone?
Did her mom ever try to leave?
How long has it been since she talked to her dad?
When did the abuse even begin?
Growing up in his own house with his own dad, things were rough, and while it wasn't really amazing and filled with love everyday, it wasn't horrible. He had issues, clearly, but they didn't stem from a physically abusive dad.
He couldn't imagine what Hailey had going on that did relate back to her dad. He didn't want to psychoanalyze her; he'd rather they talked through it together.
He took a deep breath and pulled up to his apartment building. It was when he was stepping out of his truck that he froze and rethought what had just crossed his mind.
She probably did have something going on that related back to her dad. He knew he did, so it would make sense that sometimes the way she acted or worked would relate to her childhood.
"You're just projecting whatever daddy-daughter crap got you screwed up."
Jay stared forward at nothing as he so clearly remembered yelling at her in that parking lot just half an hour before shooting the man behind his dad's death.
That day seemed burned in his mind forever and was something that still haunted him, but he never really focused on the Hailey part of it – he usually only remembered the pain that had ripped through him both physically and mentally when he'd finally avenged his father.
But he had treated her horribly. He could see that now.
He had yelled at her. He had ignored her. He had pushed her away.
He had scared her in more ways than one.
"You're just projecting whatever daddy-daughter crap got you screwed up."
He could hear the words slip faster from his lips than he could really think through what he was saying.
"Okay, I'm done being your punching bag. Give me your keys."
His hands grew sweaty and he squeezed his eyes shut as the realization of what he feared hit him.
He didn't properly apologize.
"I just couldn't stop myself."
What the hell?
And now…now he knew what those words had meant to her when he'd taken his pain out on her.
"You're just projecting whatever daddy-daughter crap got you screwed up."
"My dad would come home drunk after being out all night, my mom would say something to him, he would snap."
Jay jumped back in his truck and started driving toward Hailey's condo.
He didn't care that it was close to 11 o'clock at night or that he had to work the next morning.
He needed to apologize.
"Please, please," he whispered when the traffic light turned red preventing him from getting to her place in the time he needed.
She trusted him and he betrayed her. He had poked a wound – maybe even worse than just poke it, he had seriously cut her deep and no doubt reopened that old wound.
"I would close my eyes and I would wish that somebody would come in and just put him in his place – do what you did. You did a good thing, Jay."
She probably also wished he'd never raised his voice at her and that he hadn't hurt her by saying she was screwed up.
His hands were sweating against the steering wheel as he sped through Chicago. Part of him wanted to throw on the sirens and weave through the lanes.
Hailey had implied that she needed him. She had wanted him to protect her from her father and in return, he had essentially punched her in the gut.
Granted, it was over a year ago, but still.
He didn't think he could live with himself if he didn't apologize to her.
"You're just projecting whatever daddy-daughter crap got you screwed up."
How could he have been so stupid?
Finally, he was parking his truck outside her condo and jogging up to her front door. He didn't care that he was being obnoxious as he knocked loudly. He needed to see her and to apologize.
The door opened and Vanessa raised an eyebrow, "What the hell are you doing? Do you realize there are people trying to sleep?"
"Where's Hailey?" Jay asked.
"Excuse me?" Vanessa crossed her arms.
"I need to talk to Hailey," Jay stepped in the condo.
Vanessa sighed and shut the door, "Well, she's showering right now. Are you okay?"
Jay rubbed his face, "I…No, I'm not. I'll just wait down here. I'm sorry."
Vanessa watched him rock back and forth on his heels while staring up the stairs. She relaxed and lightly hit his arm, "I'll grab you a water."
Jay nodded absentmindedly and slipped his coat off to hang it in the closet.
Vanessa returned a moment later with a glass of water. She handed it to him and tried meeting his eyes, "Jay."
He hummed and sipped the water.
"Do you need anything?" Vanessa asked.
He shook his head, "I just need to talk to Hailey."
"She's okay," Vanessa said slowly, "But you're sort of scaring me."
Jay pursed his lips, "I'm fine. I just need to talk to her."
Vanessa took a deep breath, "Okay, whatever. Make yourself at home. You know where everything is. See you in the morning."
Jay nodded and walked to the living room to sit on the couch.
He looked around the room and tried focusing on the glass of water in his hands. He'd grown to realize that water was Vanessa's thing. He'd been over a handful of times when either Hailey or Vanessa had been having a rough day and they usually had a glass of ice water in front of them when he arrived. He knew Hailey would prefer a beer when upset, so the water had to have been Vanessa.
He sipped it slowly then breathed in and closed his eyes.
"You're just projecting whatever daddy-daughter crap got you screwed up."
The lack of family pictures throughout her house made sense now. He'd known she had family issues, but so had he and he still had a couple family pictures throughout his apartment.
It was now also clear as to why she didn't like her mom. He didn't blame her for having a sticky relationship with her when the woman had stayed with the man who abused her and, assumingly, her children.
He finished his water then set the empty glass on the coffee table before rubbing his hand over his face and sinking further into the couch. He hated men who abused children more than anything.
Hailey's footsteps hurried down the stairs and suddenly the smell of her shampoo was enveloping him. "Jay?"
He turned to see her wearing one of his sweatshirts he kept at her place over a pair of shorts. He would have thought she looked cute drowning in his clothes had he still not been so focused on apologizing to her.
"Vanessa said you seemed off, what's going on?" Hailey sat next to him on the couch, "Talk to me." She brushed her wet hair from her face and stared at him with wide eyes.
Jay didn't know what exactly to say to her in that moment. He'd been so focused just on apologizing that he didn't put the words to it.
"Hey," Hailey said softly and lightly touched his hand, "Are you okay?"
Jay swallowed, "I'm sorry."
Hailey looked shocked, "For what?"
Jay breathed in, "For how I treated you when my dad died."
Hailey softened slightly, "Jay, that was a year and a half ago. We've moved on."
He shook his head, "I was an ass to you."
Hailey tried to smile, "Well, thank you for officially apologizing. I'm just confused on why this is even happening."
Jay blushed and had to break her eye contact. He wished he still had the empty glass in his hands just to give him something to mess around with while he fought his embarrassment. "I said some pretty awful things about you and your dad back then," he said quietly, "And now," he fought his nerves and looked up at her again, "Now that I know a little more about your past, I'm disgusted with what I said back then. I'm not apologizing right now to make myself feel better. I'm apologizing because you…you shouldn't ever have to think I don't care or that I think you're screwed up. You're not. You are incredibly brave and I've always known that, but tonight…tonight reminded me of how strong you really are."
Hailey breathed in and out slowly as his words sank in. She wiped her sweaty hand against the couch then lightly pulled at the strings of her hoodie.
Jay was used to being able to read her with just a look, yet now he had no idea what was going through her head. She sort of looked like she wanted to cry, but she also looked like she was waiting for more. He was at a loss, though. He was happy with what he said. He didn't know what else he could add in fear that the more he talked, the more it would seem like he was making this all up and wasn't genuine.
Hailey shakily set her hand on his and squeezed lightly. She shook her head before hugging him tightly.
Jay closed his eyes and held onto her until she chose to sit back.
"Thank you," she said softly.
Jay nodded and returned the squeeze to her hand.
Hailey shook her head and used her free hand to wipe under her eyes.
"You're not a screw-up," Jay whispered, "I promise you."
Hailey weakly smiled and looked down at their hands still joined together. She brushed her thumb over his knuckles then pulled her hand away.
She sucked in a breath, "Did you…did you want a beer?"
Jay chuckled lightly, "No, that's okay, thank you, though."
Hailey nodded and pulled the blanket over her legs.
Jay glanced around then grabbed the remote, "You want to watch a movie?"
"Sure," Hailey said softly.
Jay kicked his feet up on the coffee table before flipping through the channels and choosing a random movie. He let out a breath and put his arms on the back of the couch.
Hailey smiled at him then rested her feet on his thigh.
Jay laughed and looked at her, "Yeah?"
Hailey shrugged, "Thanks for coming over. I'm glad you're here."
Jay watched her then squeezed her ankle, "Thanks for letting me in."
Hailey glanced toward the door then held up a strand of her wet hair, "Did you?"
Jay chuckled and slipped down on the couch, "You did, Hails."
She smiled and nudged his stomach with her foot before turning on her side to watch the TV.
Jay watched the movie on the screen, but was quickly distracted by the soft snore coming from Hailey. He smirked to himself and shook his head. She hadn't even lasted fifteen minutes, yet he wasn't surprised. She had been exhausted the past few days; he knew she was just as tired as he was. He was just terrified she was tired from nightmares of her past and not the case haunting her like it haunted him.
But that was a conversation for another time.
He fixed the blanket over her and settled down himself for the night with the soft glow of the TV lulling him to sleep.
He didn't regret coming over and staying one bit. In the morning, he was glad that he was there as she slowly woke up and even stayed for a coffee just to double check that she slept fine.
What he did regret, though, was not carrying her up to bed once she'd fallen asleep because of the crick in his neck from sleeping on the couch.
He was glad that the regret of not apologizing to her all those months ago was mostly gone. He should have spoken up sooner, but at least he said something in the end.
She was his partner and his friend. She deserved someone to care for her and be her escape now – be the person she didn't have when she was younger.
Jay was fully ready to be that person for as long as she'd let him.
A/N: I hope you liked it! As always, you can connect to the others if you'd like :)