Olivia groaned as she picked up a box and heaved it up to the top of the closet. She picked up a plastic bag of clothes destined for Good Will and moved it out of her way, and stared in confusion at what she found underneath. Amanda was still in the shower, so she picked up the package and set it on the bed to ask her about it later. Amanda emerged from the shower feeling relaxed and refreshed, drying her long blonde hair on a towel. She stopped in her tracks when she saw the package on the bed as fear gripped her heart. She quickly dressed and found Olivia in the kitchen making sandwiches for lunch.
"Hey." Amanda attempted to appear casual.
"Hey. Turkey sandwiches okay for lunch?" Olivia smiled.
"Yeah, thanks. Um… so…" Amanda blushed.
"Come sit and eat, sweetie, then we'll talk about it." Olivia said kindly.
"Can I have your lap?" Amanda asked, suddenly feeling vulnerable and clingy.
"Of course." Olivia nodded.
Amanda ate her lunch cuddled on Olivia's lap, the whole time trying furiously to come up with what exactly she was going to say when Olivia inevitably asked her about the package she had found in the closet. Everything she thought of sounded horrible to her, and the blonde prayed to whatever higher power existed to just let her curl up and die. This was going to be the end of her marriage, she was convinced of it. Olivia was either going to laugh at her or find her disgusting, but either way, there was no way that Olivia was going to stay with her. When they were finished eating, Amanda laid her head against Olivia's shoulder trying not to cry while Olivia cuddled her at the table and rubbed Amanda's satisfied belly.
"Feeling brave?" Olivia inquired lovingly.
"No." Amanda replied honestly.
"Well, I found the package and I'm still here, right? I didn't run out the door screaming." Olivia pointed out kindly. She knew her wife very well and she knew that Amanda thought her world was mere seconds from exploding.
"I'm sorry." Amanda whimpered.
"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, baby. I just want you to talk to me and tell me what's going on. Come on, let's go cuddle and talk, just you and me."
Olivia took Amanda back into the bedroom and sat with her back against the headboard. She welcomed Amanda into her arms and cuddled her blonde wife close to her heart. The brunette detective reached into the package and pulled out one of its contents. Each diaper in the package had a different design; this one that Olivia held in her hand was a cute shade of pastel pink with pastel purple and yellow hearts on it. But these diapers weren't for babies; they were for an adult Amanda's size.
"This apartment is a judgment free zone, my love. You know that. And these aren't for babies, so I know you're not trying to drop hints about wanting a baby. So whenever you're ready, you can tell me whatever it is you want to tell me."
Amanda mumbled something into Olivia's chest.
"In English, sweetheart." Olivia requested kindly.
"Sometimes… sometimes when you're gone… I… sometimes when you're gone I like to be a little girl." Amanda forced herself to blurt out and waited for the sky to fall. She knew it would.
But the sky didn't fall. Olivia didn't laugh at her or yell at her or get up to leave. There were no hints of disgust or judgment on Olivia's face. Instead, Olivia shocked Amanda by cuddling her even closer and kissing her forehead.
"See? That wasn't so hard. Is this something you've been doing for a while? What gave you the idea?" Olivia asked.
"A few months, maybe. But I started thinking about it last year. I've been reading online about this thing called ageplay. Some people use it as part of their sexual activities, but I'm not into that. I like our sex life the way it is. I just like the idea of being little again, having someone love me and take care of me the right way. You know how crappy my childhood was."
"Yes, I know." Olivia nodded, trying not to become enraged thinking about some of the awful stories Amanda had told her over the years about her treatment as a child.
"I… um… I bought this too." Amanda got up from Olivia's lap and returned holding a pink and yellow pacifier with Tinkerbell on it.
"That's cute." Olivia observed.
"So… what now?" Amanda asked fearfully. She was still waiting for Olivia to tell her that she was leaving her.
"Well, if you want I can change you into one of these." Olivia offered, holding up the diaper.
"You're not leaving me?" Amanda asked in utter shock.
"Of course not. Honey, look at me. I will never leave you, ever. This isn't some dark, horrible secret. You didn't kill anyone. I've heard about ageplay before, it's not as uncommon as you think. If this is something that you think will help you in some way, then I'm one hundred percent on board. I'm just sorry that you felt like you couldn't come to me and talk to me about this sooner."
"I was afraid you would think there's something wrong with me." Amanda confessed.
"There's nothing wrong with you, angel. You're a perfectly normal, fully functioning woman. You help me with the chores and the bills, we have a fantastic sex life, and you do great at work. Just because this is something that sparks your interest doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. Yes, you are working to overcome some issues, but who doesn't have that? Everybody is working on something."
"So, you don't think I'm crazy?"
"No, my love, you're not crazy at all. I can't say the same for your parents or your sister, but you are perfectly sane."
Amanda giggled and Olivia smiled.
"Can you put that on me?" Amanda pointed to the diaper.
"Yes. Lie down."
Amanda laid down on the bed, popped her pacifier into her mouth, and waited patiently while Olivia figured out how to put the diaper on her. Amanda helped by lifting her own hips when Olivia told her to. When she was finished, Olivia smiled, thinking that Amanda in her diaper with her pacifier in her mouth was the cutest thing she'd ever seen. She helped Amanda sit up and slid behind her to cuddle her.
"Thanks for understanding, Liv." Amanda looked up at Olivia adoringly.
"I love you so much, sweetheart. I always want you to come and talk to me about anything that's on your mind, no matter what it is."
"So you don't mind if I want to be 'little' sometimes?"
"I don't mind at all, and I'll enjoy taking care of you. I think we need to set up some ground rules, though. You can't suddenly decide you want to be my little girl five seconds before we run out the door for work, there has to be time. And when you decide you want to be 'little', we won't have sex until you feel like being a 'big girl' again since you said you're not interested in mixing sex with ageplay. Does that sound fair?"
"Yes. Can I call you 'Mama' when I feel 'little'?" Amanda asked shyly.
"I would be honored." Olivia smiled and Amanda beamed.
"I love you, Mama." Amanda beamed, sinking into 'little' space.
"I love you too, my sweet little Mandy." Olivia cooed lovingly, recognizing immediately that the energy in the room had shifted so she changed her voice to reflect a more maternal quality.
Amanda smiled at her new name, and from that moment on whenever she felt 'little', she would be known as Mandy instead of Amanda. Little Mandy giggled when Mama tickled her belly.
"Okay, let's finish getting you dressed, then we need to go shopping." Olivia patted Little Mandy's diaper-clad bottom affectionately.
"Why?" the blonde asked curiously.
"Well, if I'm going to do a good job being a proper Mama, then you're going to need a few things." Olivia reasoned with a smile.
Olivia took Amanda to the store and Amanda was delighted when Mama let her pick out a green sippy cup, another package of diapers, strawberry-scented baby shampoo, and some lavender scented bubble bath. Then she surprised Amanda by taking her to the toy section of the store. More toys and games would be accumulated over time, but they could pick out a few things to get Amanda started. Little Mandy picked out a Frozen puzzle, a Beanie Baby horse named Lucky, Candy Land, a Cinderella coloring book and crayons, and then began to look at the dolls. Her eyes lit up when she found one with long dark hair and green eyes wearing a cute sparkly pink top and little blue jeans. Olivia decided that was enough for now and took everything up to the register to pay for it. As soon as they were in the car, Little Mandy reached into the bag and fished out her new doll. Olivia smiled, sensing that the doll was going to become a favorite.
"What are you going to name her, sweetheart? She needs a special name that you pick out for her." Olivia smiled.
"Hmm… Sabrina?... No… Aimee?... Nah… Heather?... Ooooh! I know! Her name is Erica!" Amanda smiled happily.
"That's a great name, baby. Put your seatbelt on and let's go home."
Mama helped when Little Mandy had trouble figuring out the seatbelt. When they were home, Amanda took everything into the spare room.
"Um, Liv? I think 'Little Mandy' needs her own room for her toys and things." Amanda dropped character for a moment.
"I think you're right. We'll spend some time getting this room fixed up. It's just sitting here empty, someone might as well use it for something." Olivia agreed.
Before long, Little Mandy had her own room with her own princess bed that she adored, although she found sleeping alone at night rather difficult. But the bed was always there if Amanda was feeling 'little' and decided she wanted to use it.
Olivia took to her new role as Little Mandy's loving Mama naturally, as if she'd been doing it their whole lives, but quickly discovered that her beloved Mandy could be a mischievous little girl and found herself having to lay down the law. She put a chair in the corner of Little Mandy's room, but quickly discovered that Little Mandy was terrified of being left alone in the corner, afraid that Mama was going to leave her there forever and wouldn't come back for her. So Olivia stayed behind her for the full twenty minutes that she made Little Mandy sit in the corner, occasionally stroking her long blonde hair to remind Amanda that she was still there and wasn't going to abandon her. Discipline was never about neglect, it was about reinforcing the rules. When the twenty minutes were over, Mama let Little Mandy out of the time-out chair and held her for a few minutes while Amanda cried a little and apologized.
"Do you still love me, Mama?" Little Mandy sniffled with tears in her eyes, terrified of the answer.
"Of course I still love you, my angel. You'll always be my good girl." Olivia assured her lovingly. She picked Amanda up and carried her out of the room to move on with their day.