Being angry sucks.

In the muggle movies I would watch back home, the "coming of age" teen rom/coms, there would always be this scene where right after things start to look up, the guy does something to hurt the girl and she storms off in a rage. What they don't tell you is that you don't get the chance to stomp off, because the guy is the one that drove you there and you don't have the money for a bus. So you have to argue, finish eating the fancy dinner at the fancy restaurant while fancy, well-dressed people stare and then say, "Can I get a ride or something?" What they don't tell you is the torture of sitting in that car, while the guy glances at you nervously during every red light and you pretend not to notice in your self-righteous rage. What they don't tell you is that rage is not as glamorous in real life. Your head feels fuzzy and hot, and your armpits itch and your palms sweat and you can't do anything about it because you're supposed to be angry and angry people don't twitch and squirm in discomfort. And to cap it all off, you have to focus on looking mad, and keeping a scowling face gets really tiring really fast. You have to focus on keeping your eyebrows scrunched together and your eyes narrowed and your mouth tight and drawn when all you want to do is relax and stuff your face in a pillow, and eat watermelon sour patch kids and cauldron cakes until you cry yourself to sleep pathetically.

I had all these thoughts running through my mind and more, and the urge to rest my burning forehead against the glass was strong, but I kept my arms crossed tightly and my mouth shut and ignored the way the seatbelt was chafing the side of my neck. I ignored the anxious looks Parker gave me, and the way he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, and the desperate desire to curl up in a ball on my bed and sob. It was only after this entire ordeal that I finally got my movie-worthy moment of angry satisfaction by slamming the car door behind me without a word and stalking up the driveway to my house, but even that was ruined when I wobbled on my heels and had to windmill my arms to keep from falling and I knew Parker saw. Cheeks burning, I collapsed, exhausted, on my lovely, lovely bed and threw my heels across the room where they slammed against the wall and fell to the floor with a disappointingly soft thud. "Stupid carpet. Cushioning everything," I muttered, and lay back, wondering what to do. I wanted badly to call Emma and rant, but her family was thoroughly magical and she didn't have a phone- not that she would know how to use it. Writing a letter was no good, as Freya was out hunting for frogs and it didn't have the same effect as being able to talk right then and there. Besides, she had never really understood me and Parker. At least, no more than I did.

Parker had always been there for me, even after I learned that I had been accepted at Hogwarts and I had to tell him I was going to some posh private school in Connecticut. Every summer I would return from my double life, and every summer we grew closer. I would enjoy the muggle world and its familiar comforts before returning gladly to the excitement and thrill of Hogwarts. It was inconceivable to me that I would ever want to stay- but that was before that night after the football game, when, giddy and maybe a little drunk, we had kissed. And it felt so right. To walk to and from the frozen yogurt place, only this time hand in hand. I knew my parents would only disapprove- I had no future here. I belonged to the magic world, to work at St. Mungo's or the Ministry of Magic, and in my subconscious I knew that, too, but I couldn't help myself. So on continued the stolen kisses behind buildings, in his car, at his friends' parties that I had avoided until now. Even the joy I experienced discovering I had been accepted to Hogwarts, that my life had changed for good- it had nothing on the feeling of bubbly excitement I felt being with him. So when he asked me out, I said yes.

I shoved my face into my pillow, wanting nothing more than to forget anything had happened, but of course, my hyperactive brain would do nothing but replay the dinner scene over and over again in my head. The nice dinner, the sickly sweet scent of flowers invading my senses, and the arguing. The second I had agreed to the date, I knew I had made a mistake. It could never have lasted, I would never get to be with him- he was a muggle, and I was not. So I had resolved to end it then and there.

It could work, Parker had argued. We can work.

"No," I had said, shaking my head. "I leave for school in September, and it'll be my second-to-last year, and then I'll be gone. We'd never see each other. We'll go our separate ways."

We'll call."

"It wouldn't work."

"Why are you so negative?" snapped Parker, attracting a few stares. "Why did you even say yes to this in the first place if you knew it couldn't last?"

"Because I knew that we would drift, and I didn't- I didn't want it to be because of this." I gestured to the vase with flowers, the fancy meal, the flickering candle-light. "Because I said no. I didn't want to end it all on a sour note."

"And you didn't think that maybe dragging me along would only make it worse?"

"No!" I half-shouted, putting down my fork. "I didn't think about it, because I wasn't dragging you along. I really do like you, it's just… it's so…"

"I'll visit you or something. At your school."

"You can't."

"Why not?"

"I… you just… can't."

Parker's brow furrowed. "Are you blowing me off?"

"No!"

"Don't lie to me, Kat."

"I'm not lying," I insisted, wishing it were true. It was so hard, having to lie to him- about Hogwarts, about magic, about everything my life had become. I just wanted to sit him down and spill everything, but I couldn't. So I tightened the reins on my emotions and said, "Parker, I want to stay in touch with you, but there would just be too much pressure if we were- you know, dating."

"That's bull." He was getting visibly angry now. "I mean, once we graduate, I'll find a place! An apartment or something. I've been working at Walmart, I have savings."

"I know you do."

"And it won't be easy, but we can get through it! I mean, where do you want to work?"

The Ministry of Magic, I thought. "I don't know," I said.

"Well, I'll work wherever."

"No," I said firmly. "You're not putting your entire life on hold for something that could never work. There will be other people."

"There won't be!" pleaded Parker. "Not like you."

"Like me."

"Yes, like you. You're smart. You're strong. You're capable." He looked so desperate, so earnest. I felt my heart crumbling, and I almost choked trying to force the word out: "No." It came out softer than a whisper and I stared down at my plate, ears burning.

Parker was silent, and when I looked up, his face had hardened.

"Parker?"

Nothing.

"Parker-"

"Okay."

"What?"

"I said, fine. Whatever. There's other people."

"Yeah."

Another silence ensued. Neither of us touched our plates.

"Parker?"

"I said, whatever!"

"Okay!"

I picked unhappily at my food. "I guess we should go."

"Yeah."

My cheeks flushed. "So, can I get a ride or something?"

So now here I was, stuffing my face with sour streamers and junior mints, bawling uncontrollably. Like I had just gone through a breakup. After one date. In thirteen years. Pathetic.

Freya soared in through the open window, a dead frog clamped in her beak. She gazed at me mournfully with her large, silver eyes and hooted as best she could with her beak full. I sighed dramatically and tossed aside the now empty junior mints box, letting my gaze wander around my room. Most of my possessions were at Hogwarts in my dorm, and since I only ever returned in the summer, the place was looking pretty bare. The penguin-themed calendar on my wall announced that there were only four days left until the start of term, on September 1st. Four more days until I could finally see Emma and Steph and Lucas, and leave behind the mind-numbingly boringness of muggle summers at the Kwik-E-Mart cash register, saving for the endless amounts of book shopping I intended to do at Flourish and Blotts. I badly missed the cramped, colorful streets of Diagon Alley, the overflowing shelves of extraordinary knick-knacks and unusual items. I wanted to finally let Freya out of her cage and let her roam free around the owlery. I wanted to dash up and down the grand marble staircase between classes, elbowing my way through the packed hallways so I could be the first one to arrive in all my classes and get my pick of the seats.

I groaned, rummaging through what remained of the sour streamers and stuffed the last one in my mouth before crawling out of bed. It was about time I packed, something I always put off to the very end, but right now I just needed something to distract myself with. I pulled the piles of spell books out of the closet, my robes, broomstick, cauldron, and bottles of potion ingredients. My quidditch robes were folded underneath my bed; I was the seeker for the Ravenclaw team. I was small, agile, and a quick thinker, pretty much a no brainer, especially since I was one of the only people to try out for the spot. Seeker pickings had been slim ever since Randall McNally had wound up in the hospital wing with a shattered jaw after taking a bludger to the face.

I folded the blue and silver robes up and tucked them in my trunk, and got to work cramming every last book into my trunk. Usually I took two trunks and a duffel bag, but this time I was determined to fit everything into two pieces of luggage. Eventually however, after ten minutes of rearranging and jumping up and down on trunk lids in an attempt to close the latch, I finally admitted defeat and brought out the duffel, which I piled all of my books into. I did, however, restrain myself to only the books I could fit into the duffel. In went A History of Magic, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, The Standard Book of Spells Grade Six, and Hogwarts: A History. The next five minutes were spent debating how many of Bathilda Bagshot I should bring along with me. When I had at last completed my packing, I slumped back onto my pillows and cried.

"We'll see you during the holidays."

"Love you, Mom!"

"Be good!"

"I've got to go!"

"Write often!"

"I will- bye!"

"I love you, Katherine."

Luggage in tow, I shouldered my way through the crowded, noisy haze of platform nine and three-quarters and swung myself onto the train. "Bye, Kat!" called Mom, waving furiously as the train began to creep across the tracks. I stuck my head out of the window and waved back until the Hogwarts Express picked up speed and the platform was lost from view.

Most of the compartments were already full with chattering students- giddy first years showing off their new wands and spell books, and bored looking seventh years slouching in their seats eating licorice wands or making out.

"Kat- hey, Kat!" cried a familiar voice behind me.

"Steph!" I exclaimed, grabbing her into a hug. She grinned back at me, large brown eyes partly obscured by her bangs. "Are you excited?"

"Of course! You have no idea how infuriatingly boring it is living in the muggle world- I can never talk about Hogwarts or anything- because nothing happens over the summer! Well, something happened over the summer. I'll tell you about it when we find a compartment."

"Sure! I know where Emma and Lucas are, follow me."

We weaved our way through the crowded train to the very back, where Emma and Lucas were comparing their new cauldrons. Emma's face lit up when she saw us coming. "Kat! I've missed you!" She threw her arms around me the second I stepped into the compartment. "Why didn't you write?"

"I couldn't," I said, which was true. "Freya can't deliver during the day because someone might see, and she hunts at night."

Emma pouted. "Oh. Well, you're here now, and I have so much to tell you! But first, Lucas has some exciting news."

Lucas blushed. "Not that exciting."

"Stop being modest!" exclaimed Emma, bouncing in her seat. "Tell them or I will!"

"Alright," relented Lucas, brushing his mop of sandy brown hair out of his eyes. "I got an internship at the Ministry over the summer."

"Lucas!" I exclaimed, swatting him on the shoulder. "You've always wanted to work at the Ministry! That's great news!"

"Yeah. It's a lot more exciting than working at Flourish and Blotts, that's for sure," said Steph. I whirled around, surprised. "You worked at Flourish and Blotts? Lucky!"

"Not really," said Steph, shrugging. "I just shelved books and swept. Nothing interesting happened. But I needed the galleons."

"Still, though."

As we all chatted comfortably and caught up, I couldn't help but grin as the scenery outside the window changed into endless fields of green. I had badly missed Hogwarts since the moment I left. I loved the endless shelves of books, the grandiose corridors and staircases, the mad rush between classes, and the delicious feasts of lamb chops and mashed potatoes. I missed being able to talk freely, not having to hold back the vital part of my life that Hogwarts had become. I missed being able to read my spell books for hours on end until I fell asleep in an armchair by the arching windows in the Ravenclaw common room. I was practically delirious with happiness as, hours later, the train screeched to a halt at Hogsmeade Station. Brushing Drooble's gum wrappers off my lap, I pulled my trunk and Freya's cage off the luggage rack overhead while Steph and Lucas bickered over quidditch teams.

"Firs' years... firs' years over here!" bellowed the familiar voice of Hagrid, the groundskeeper. A crowd of frightened looking first-years followed him down to the lake, part of the Hogwarts tradition. I still recalled the first time I ever saw the castle, massive and glittering against the indigo sky.

By the time we had reached the castle and found our places at the Ravenclaw table, the sun was dipping below the horizon, painting the clouds with streaks of orange and gold. The headmaster stood up to address the school, and held up a hand. Silence fell instantly.

"Welcome," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling behind half-moon glasses. "To another year at Hogwarts. Before we dig in to our scrumptious feast, I have a few announcements to make. First of all, we have some new staff changes. Taking over the spot of potions will be Professor Slughorn." He held his hand out to the staff table, where a large, jowly man with an impressive moustache beamed. "Second, I am proud to announce that our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher will be our very own Professor Snape." A polite smattering of applause followed his proclamation. Lucas was staring very hard at his empty plate.

"Without further ado, let the feast begin!"

A cheer arose as the glimmering silver platters were suddenly overflowing with delicious food- a whole roast turkey, apples, mashed potatoes, Brussel sprouts, glazed carrots, soups, and a mouth-watering array of casseroles. I piled my plate eagerly, glad to be eating something other than salad and frozen pizza for the first time in months. Beside me, Lucas already had his cheeks full to the brim with green beans and lamb chops. When I had finally eaten enough to satisfy my ravenous appetite, the platters shimmered, to be replaced by heaps of dessert. I helped myself to a little of everything- a small sliver of lemon meringue pie, a slice of sponge cake with cream and strawberries, a spoonful of pudding, and far more chocolate mousse than I care to admit. There was even ice cream, and I couldn't resist the pure heaven that was salted caramel ice cream.

At last, when I couldn't eat another bite for the life of me, the plates disappeared altogether and the crowded hall began to empty as tired students filed their way up to their common rooms. The four of us practically waddled our way up the spiral staircase, to where the bronze eagle-knocker said, "What has a face but no eyes, and hands but no arms?"

"A clock," replied one of the prefects, and we all tumbled, tired and grateful, into the spacious Ravenclaw common room. With a tall, domed ceiling and large windows, the place reminded me of an observatory at night. Some nights when the workload was light, I would check out a book on constellations and search the pollution-free sky. Tonight, however, I was too exhausted and full to bother, so I made my way to the girl's dormitories and fell fast asleep within minutes.