Chapter One - In Search of Grace

A/N: Hi, everyone! I haven't written fanfic in over a decade now, but I can't get TLOU2 out of my head, so here we are. This AU story will kick off the day of the horde, after Joel and Ellie's chat on the porch, with things panning out a bit differently. I don't own the story or characters, "New Year of Grace" by Ben Watt ft. Marissa Nadler (from this chapter), or "Bilgewater" by Brown Bird for the title.

Years roll by, some fast and some go slow

Versions of us come and go

I see myself, I see a lived-in face

If one that's in search of grace

XXX

"Now y'all listen," Joel said, eyes scanning the people waiting for their patrol assignments, "Tommy and I'll take the overlook out north. Pete, Jesse, go check the creek trails. Dina, Ellie—" Joel broke off, his throat tightening. He pushed through, but his voice came out quieter and rougher than he meant it to. "You got the west woods covered?"

Ellie rolled her eyes, and he could just see the curses flying behind them. With an edge of sarcasm, she drawled, "Yeah. 'Course we do." She hitched her backpack up on her shoulder and turned to leave.

With what felt an awful lot like pity, Dina smiled at him. "See you later," she said, backing up to follow Ellie.

"Phew," Tommy said behind him, apparently picking up on the iciness between Ellie and his brother. Joel watched Ellie go, trying to figure out what the hell he'd done to piss her off this time. He'd barely said anything to her at all. After their conversation on the porch last night, Joel had decided he'd give Ellie some space until they figured out how to fix whatever Boston had messed up between them.

Ellie was about twenty feet away when it hit him. Just a few weeks back, before everything had gone to shit, he and Ellie had taken the west woods trail together.

XXX

"Watch it," Ellie had said, their horses trotting along side-by-side. "There's a sharp stump coming up on the right. After the big tree that snapped in the blizzard a couple weeks ago."

Sure enough, the stump appeared on his right, and Joel maneuvered his horse around it. "I gotcha, girl," he said, patting the horse on the neck. He turned his attention to Ellie. "I should bring you on my routes more often, huh, kiddo?"

"Yeah, no shit, Joel. I've got this one memorized by now," she replied.

He believed it. He had assigned this route to Ellie twice as much as anyone else. It wasn't the easiest one, and it wasn't the hardest. There were a couple of treacherous parts, especially during the winters when trees sometimes snapped under the weight of the snow during particularly nasty storms. Heavy branches sometimes fell, too, with enough weight to break someone's back.

But at least she was familiar with it after all the repetition. It wasn't a high-traffic area for the Infected, at least not usually. And it never took her so far away from the town that he wouldn't be able to reach her fast if she really needed him to.

He thought about denying it, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Lying to Ellie had always been a last resort for him. And after Boston, some illogical part of Joel's brain told him that he could make up for the Firefly lie if he told enough truths. If he just showed her enough loyalty, they could move past the betrayal.

And so help him God, if Joel could help Ellie live the best damn life she could—well, maybe someday she'd understand just how much it was really worth. There was a lot more to Ellie than dying for a vaccine that was sure to fail. She just didn't know it yet. But once she did, Joel hoped she'd understand why he'd made the choices that he did. That there had never been any other choice to begin with.

"You got somethin' against the woods?" he asked her.

"Do you have something against giving me the same routes as everybody else?" Ellie returned. Joel couldn't honestly deny that either, so he kept his mouth shut. Ellie continued, "Everybody here's had a close call or two, you know. Stop worrying so much. I mean, shit, look at all these grays." She reached over as if to swipe at his hair.

He blocked her, giving her arm a gentle shove away. "Would you just focus on stayin' on your horse?"

She scoffed. "What do you want me to do? In case you forgot, I'm already immune. I can handle a couple Infected."

Joel couldn't help but flinch, though it was small enough that she didn't seem to notice. Whenever she mentioned her immunity like that, casually and thoughtlessly like it didn't mean anything, he felt a little sick. As a teen, Joel hadn't sworn much in front of his momma—but on the few times he'd slipped up, she'd swatted at him and said, "If it comes out easy, I bet you say it all the time." And she'd been right.

"We'll talk about it after we get back, all right, kiddo?"

"Yeah right," she said, making a face.

Before they could argue anymore, the gasping and screeching of a clicker sounded through the trees. She looked at him and added, "I'm gonna hold you to that, you know." She slowed her horse and pulled a pistol from her side. "And if I get this in one shot, you're signing up for the next open mic night."

Before he had a chance to say no, Joel heard the crack of a bullet. And almost instantly, the screeching began to die out.

He swore under his breath. Ellie put the pistol back in her holster and looked at him. "And for fuck's sake, give me some better routes."

XXX

Ellie had been right. They hadn't talked about the assignments anymore after they got home, because he'd been avoiding the conversation and then forgot all about it. He wondered if she was still mad about that.

Joel called out to Ellie before he could let himself change his mind. "Hey. Ellie, c'mere a second."

Her shoulders stiffened. For a moment, it seemed like she was about to ignore him completely and continue walking. But he approached her slowly, and eventually she turned around.

"Yes, Joel?" she said, crossing her arms.

"How about you and Dina take the overlook?"

Ellie's eyebrows furled, but at least Dina seemed happy enough with the change. "Nice," Dina said, nudging Ellie with her elbow.

Joel couldn't help himself from adding, "But listen, I think there might be a storm comin', so you better go quick." He could already see Ellie tuning out at his advice, so he sped up. "And hey, girls, don't go off the trail by that old town to the west. Been a long time since anybody cleared the area. And if you go, there's a couple ledges that get icy—"

"Okay, okay," Ellie interrupted, finally putting him out of his misery. "We get it. No town."

"Yep. No town," he echoed.

Nodding, Ellie hiked her bag up again. "Fine. See you tonight." After a pause, she gave him a weak wave and an even weaker smile. "Thanks, Joel."

XXX

Oh, my love, it's easy to forget

All of the love we have known

Oh, my love, now please do not forget

All of the years we have known

XXX

A/N: Thanks for reading, and I'd really appreciate any reviews! Chapter 2 should be up by next Tuesday. On the next episode of "The Storm That's Surely Coming," we've got Abby, Ellie and Dina, and a whole horde of Infected.