"Or would Sy Bisti be better?"
The boy voiced the question right as the ship's captain had paused speaking, his tone striking an immediate contrast by its lightness and conversationality. The captain's words had been curt and haughty, bearing no possibility of any venture that transgressed their predefined lines.
But these words were different. They bore the hallmark cadence of youth, the slight brashness of inexperience. Yet at the same time they revealed an acuity about the mind that had formed them. That day Thrawn had learned several things — this boy knew what he was, and although Thrawn's species was a subject of myth to him he had absorbed those myths with attentiveness and appreciation.
That was no reason to trust the boy, of course, but those six words had catalyzed a trajectory in Thrawn's journey that he hadn't expected. They had pinned an ally to his side, given him a resource to understanding the Galactic Empire. But they had done something else, too — they had forged Thrawn's first genuine connection with a member of the human species. Most remarkable was how the boy had initiated it: with an innocent offer to ease Thrawn's understanding, devoid of any signs of condescension or hidden motives. Just a blind gesture of goodwill. Hospitality for a stranger.
Still, (perhaps ironically, Thrawn mused) the boy's good deed towards him hadn't gone unpunished. Even as time cleared Thrawn's suspicions about the boy being a planted spy, it had brought other observations: The confused notes in the boy's responses to him, the contorting expressions and gestures with tense hands whenever he had to explain a sensitive social topic. Him frowning as a high-status aide walked away from him, having refused her offer of a better position elsewhere. His hung head and pursed lips whenever someone called him Ensign, the lowly rank he had been stuck with since the day he entered Thrawn's command. The boy was someone who'd been caught in a web, and that web only coiled tighter around him the longer he fought to free himself from it. Soon the strands would suffocate him.
All because he had spoken those first words. Because he'd shown curiosity, had dared to reach out and contact the unknown. Had sought to improve a situation with his own idea before his superior officer could even think of suggesting it. Indeed, those were defining traits of the boy's character. The exact ones that defined Thrawn as well.
The traits that, oddly, the boy himself seemed entirely unaware of.
Now Thrawn looked at the young man seated before him. The years they had spent together in the Imperial Navy had made him balanced and resolute. He carried himself with awareness, his back straight, and Thrawn oftentimes found a latent contemplation in his gaze even in the moments where there was nothing for him to study. All those years ago Thrawn had deduced his plight and had resolved to give him an equal benefit from their alliance. Turn the web into a cocoon, one from which something more complete would emerge. Someone whose observational skills had been honed, whose reasoning and resourcefulness had been cultivated by a mentor.
To no surprise, Eli had proven himself. He'd assisted Thrawn through thick and thin, had followed him into battle, and had born the burden of command many times over. Now Eli wore the black uniform of the Expansionary Defense Fleet of the Chiss. The first human to ever have been among them. The color and cut were becoming to his features and brought a gravity to his appearance. Moreover, that gravity seemed to have been amplified by the mission he'd just returned from — a risky reconnaissance operation on Aloxor. It had nearly ended in failure, but if anything it had solidified Eli in everyone's eyes as reliable and capable.
And yet… there were deeper layers to the picture. The young man's brow was creased with light frown lines, his shoulders and elbows tense as his hands rested on the table's surface. He peered around the room as if flustered by its vastness, still attempting to determine what he was doing in it.
True enough, Thrawn hadn't given a reason for summoning Eli to the meeting. He'd simply called, and Eli had come. Perhaps Eli had felt out of place in the presence of Faro and Ar'alani, who would have more authority and influence in the upcoming battle.
Or perhaps it was something else.
As the seconds of their proximity and solitude ticked by, other things emerged to the forefront. The repressed vexation, the dejection. The nervousness in the young man's posture and the fluctuations in heat signature perceptible to Thrawn's eyes. Indeed, those things had been there all throughout their current campaign. Eli had hidden them well; he'd dutifully followed Ar'alani and Thrawn's orders, from the moment they had discovered the surviving sky-walker, through the subsequent excursions and investigations, right up to this present moment.
During all those times, Eli had given no reason to suppose that something was bothering him. Thrawn had certainly noticed other things, like the leagues of progress Eli had made in Cheunh, the near-perfect way Eli had integrated himself into the Defense Fleet, talking and acting as if he'd been serving at Ar'alani's side for years. Just like Thrawn had served in his own time. At a similar age, in that exact same uniform. Even Eli's hair was similar in style and length to how Thrawn had worn his, ages ago.
Thrawn had taken all of this to be a sign of maturation. Perhaps it had even stirred a wistful thought deep down that the boy was growing to be more like Thrawn himself. A mirror image of sorts. A legacy.
But it had been wrong of him to think so.
He could have unfolded Eli's potential, but he could have never made him into something he wasn't. The words Thrawn had left in his journal for Eli all those months ago still stood, in retrospect: Paths of friends always diverged at some point, and when they did, one shouldn't cling to the other individual. And that included the clinging of thoughts. The holding on to a past version of the person, or to one's simplified perception of them, and fantasizing that the divergence wasn't happening.
Because when one became lost in such fantasies, one lost touch with reality. Like what had befallen Thrawn during the moment of their reunion. He hadn't perceived Eli properly back then, when the young man had greeted him at Ar'alani's side, looking like a picture of Thrawn's younger self. Little had Thrawn known, those thoughts had blocked his vision.
He hadn't been able to see.
He'd missed what Eli had been, and so he'd misinterpreted the interactions that came after.
But now things were becoming clearer.
"I understand from Admiral Ar'alani that you'd hoped for more command authority aboard the Strikefast," Thrawn began.
A subtle dread fell over Eli's expression. Thrawn had touched upon the issue, and now there was no erasing what had been spoken. The young man's shoulders rounded in response. "I didn't realize it was that obvious, sir."
"It was to her." A pause settled in. Thrawn studied Eli, weighing the words he had chosen to say. "You must understand that such things take time."
Eli's face flickered with a brief emotion. Just another second and Thrawn would have been able to put a name to it, but it was quickly hidden. "Yes, sir," Eli replied, formal again. "Time, plus experience and trust." A pause. "Is that why you asked Admiral Ar'alani to let me handle the Defenders for this battle?"
"That was a welcome side effect," Thrawn said. "But no, not directly. As you stated earlier, the primary reasoning was that Captain Dobbs knows you." He gave a smile. "And that he trusts you."
Another wave of emotion crested over the young man's face, this time manifesting itself in a wince. "I hope so."
Thrawn took a moment to ponder this reaction. Perhaps Eli did have some doubts about his relationship with Dobbs… but the far more likely issue was that Eli no longer trusted himself. Thrawn could think of a person who might have contributed to this feeling — a certain proud Imperial who pulled no punches in calling Eli a deserter. Who deemed him unworthy of handling Imperial matters and Imperial property, and was likely waiting for him to mess up. But now wasn't the time to chase causality chains. Now was the time to give Eli what he needed to set his journey on the proper course.
A gesture of goodwill. From a friend.
"He does," Thrawn assured Eli. "I've already spoken to him. He is eager to play his part in the upcoming battle and welcomes the chance to serve with you again." He gave a nod. "And of course, you're also the only one aboard the Steadfast who speaks Basic with any fluency."
"Yes, sir," Eli replied.
The pause that ensued was lackluster. Eli's tone still didn't carry much conviction; not even the logical side of the situation seemed to have moved him.
Thrawn waited, and as expected this was confirmed: "I hope I'll justify your confidence," Eli added.
Thrawn had never doubted he would. Had this needed saying?
"I'm certain you will," he replied.
Then he fell into thought. Perhaps… Eli didn't know?
The realization dawned. Of course — Eli hadn't yet made sense of it. That was hardly to be expected; the young man's assignment was to crack a code that no one in the Ascendancy before him had ever managed to solve.
Thrawn tilted his head to the side. "The project you're working on for Admiral Ar'alani. She hasn't yet told you its purpose, has she?"
"No, sir."
"Ask her after the battle. I believe she'll then be willing to tell you." He spread out an arm in invitation towards the door. "And now Captain Dobbs and his pilots are waiting in the TIE ready room for you to give them their final briefing."
"Yes, sir."
Eli stood up, and just like that the close of their meeting rushed towards them. "In the meantime I have to speak one more time with Colonel Yularen," Thrawn said. "The battle stands before us, Lieutenant Vanto. May warrior's fortune be with us all."
Eli saluted a final time. Thrawn watched him go, shrinking down the hallway before he veered off from view. Towards the TIE fighters, towards the theater of battle where he was a key player. That was where Eli's future lay, not within the depths of self-doubt. As for his concerns, they would clear up soon enough. Soon he would learn that the task he had been entrusted with was one of the deepest, most coveted secrets of the Chiss. A secret Thrawn wouldn't have shared even with the Emperor himself.
A secret that only a person like Eli was worthy of keeping.
'Ask her after the battle.'
Eli would.
'I believe she'll then be willing to tell you.'
Ar'alani would be.
And Eli's mind would be put to ease. Because Eli already had patience; what he needed was faith. He need to know that his work was worthwhile, that he would live up to the expectations others had of him. And Thrawn had affirmed exactly that.
Hadn't he?
'I'm certain you will.'
Usually when Thrawn solved a problem, the thoughts about it would conclude. Like a final puzzle piece falling into place to complete a picture. Nothing more would have to be analyzed about the matter and nothing more would have to be done for it. He could archive it away whole in his mind, like a successfully-excavated relic.
That wasn't the case now. Pieces from the conversation still floated around in his thoughts, partitioned and separate, tugging at him to analyze. And the strongest pull was to the emotion that had flickered over Eli's face at the beginning. The moment after Thrawn had said that such things took time.
Now Thrawn could pinpoint what that fleeting emotion had been: it had been relief. Clearly Eli had been expecting a different kind of talk, perhaps a harsher one. The mental image he'd had of his former admiral hadn't matched up with what Thrawn had given him.
And now a new dimension opened up to Thrawn's musings.
How, in the end, did Eli see him?
'Now Captain Dobbs and his pilots are waiting in the TIE ready room for you...'
'Yes, sir.'
Thrawn rose from his chair and shut off the datapad he wasn't looking at. He was still turning words over in his mind, trying to deduce whether he had indeed chosen the right ones. Whether his intonations had been unambiguous. Whether he'd truly had the effect on Eli he had wanted.
He pictured the young man's face, cycled anew through the expressions he had displayed and tried to reinterpret them.
And in the end Thrawn found he was no longer sure.
For years he hadn't seen Eli properly. He'd seen bits and pieces of him, some which had shone out to him brightly and left the rest in shadow. But now his sight was beginning to improve. And it was bringing one certainty to the forefront of his mind, one that was much clearer than any of his previous impressions had been.
He and Eli had grasped understanding before, but many times they had missed.
They shared three languages now, but still they often talked past each other.
Some part of Thrawn's reasoning still remained an enigma to Eli, much as it had been an enigma to everyone else. Likewise, Thrawn had overlooked those parts of Eli that had been masked in shadow, painting them over with the aspects that were familiar.
Where there had been a different person, Thrawn had seen himself. And that fallacy led to failures in communication.
Like the one that had happened just now.
And yes… he would have to acknowledge the divergence.
The young officer in the black uniform returning to the Chiss Ascendancy wasn't Thrawn. He had learned from Thrawn, but he had left the Empire neither with the encouragement nor with the advice he had wanted from his teacher. The person who would command the TIE Defenders and assist the Strikefast in the crucial moment of battle would rely on his own mind and his own method. His path into the future would not be one he'd been guided upon by Thrawn's hand.
But perhaps it would still be a right one.
Eli would aid the Chiss with his unique talents and perception. He would earn the trust of Ar'alani, then of the rest of her crew, and discover a place of honor and belonging for the first time in his life. All though his own efforts. And when they met again, Thrawn would see a worthy man occupying his former place who wasn't him. Who could be someone Thrawn wasn't.
Who could succeed where Thrawn couldn't.
'The battle stands before us, Lieutenant Vanto.'
'Or would Sy Bisti be better?'
No, he and Eli were not the same.