Hello beautifuls! So, I have not posted anything BNHA related in 2021, and that's depressing. So, here's a little one-shot I wrote based on the roleplay I've been doing with one of my closest friends, cosmothediclonius on DeviantArt! Our roleplay is very heavily based on Life Is Strange. If you can spot the LiS quote, you gets hearts :)
Thirty-nine percent.
I stared back at the math test, as if it were mocking me.
How could I let this happen? I'm better than this! I'm not stupid, I'm a solid A-B student. I normally don't get anything under 85% if I can help it.
Here I am though… I can't believe it...
I fucking hate myself…
"Hey," Izuku, my boyfriend and best friend of 13 years tapped my desk to get my attention. "how'd you do?"
I sighed, slipping the paper on the desk towards him, laying my head on my arms. He picked it up, furring his eyebrows in a confused manner… Confused? Or annoyed or angry? He's probably angry with me…
He hates you…
"….. Hey, 'Ruki?" Izuku asked after a moment; I looked up at him, I knew that tears were threatening to spill from my electric blue eyes, but I didn't care.
"Yeah?" I responded, quietly. Earning a concerned glance from the greenette.
"... Are you okay?" He showed nothing but compassion in his green eyes.
… Am I okay?
How do I respond to that? Lie and say I'm fine? Avoid the question? Do I not say anything at all? No, Izuku's smarter than that. He knows when I'm not okay…. But why am I not okay? I'm physically okay, so why do I feel so numb? It's hard to express that I'm not 100% but…. How do I tell them? My Dads, my brother, my boyfriend… How can I express that I need help?
"Koruki." Izuku's use of my full name snapped me out of my thoughts. "Breathe, babe."
Breathe….
I only then realized that I wasn't breathing correctly, or really at all for that matter. I forced myself to let out a shaky breath, reliving my lungs that I didn't even realize were gasping for air.
I noticed that Izuku looked at me for a long minute, as if he were studying me or something, probably keeping notes in his ever-expanding mind.
"'Ruki?" Izuku questioned, looking me in the eye. "Is everything okay?"
Tell him… He's your boyfriend and best friend. He's your safe place. He won't judge you. He'll be there for you, just as he always has been.
"I…." I sighed, shaking my head. "I really don't know, 'Zu…" I expressed, looking down. "One moment I'm fine, and the next I'm in so much mental pain it hurts…. I don't know how to explain it, and I don't know how to get through it either… I just feel so numb."
It's so hard to explain…
"You're feeling numb again?" Izuku questioned to confirm, and I nodded. Izuku hummed in thought, thinking through his words carefully. "How are you feeling, exactly?"
Like I'm dying inside…
"I just feel like... I'm being taken over mentally or something... I'm not sure." I expressed, tapping my nails on the desk. "It's like I'm not in control of any of my emotions at all... Or my feelings, for that matter. I'm sad... I know I'm sad... But I don't know why I'm sad..." A few tears escaped my eyes, despite my protests. "…. I'm sorry…"
"Hey, you don't need to apologize." Izuku gently wiped the tears from my eyes. "Its not your fault."
"Then why is my grade so fucking low?" I asked, looking down on my desk. I heard Izuku sigh as he ran his fingers through my short brown hair, causing me to close my eyes for a moment.
Curse my dying love for having my hair played with.
"Hey, if it helps, why don't we hang out after school today? You have theater club this afternoon, right?" I nodded in confirmation.
"Sort of... I'm supposed to go over my solo for the winter classic. It's a showcase, singing instead of acting... We all have set times so we can practice by ourselves... If you wanna come though, that's fine..." I raised my head up a bit, though there were still some tears in my eyes.
"I'd love to come, 'Ruki. Nothing would make me happier then to see you practice for this winter's performance." He took my hand and locked it with his own. "I'll always be here for you."
God, I don't deserve him.
'….. Thanks, 'Zu... That means so much to me... Thank you." I gave a small smile in response, earning Izuku patting my arm with a smile.
"There's that smile I like to see." The bell rang shortly after he said that, causing everyone to pack up their stuff.
"There might be a pop quiz tomorrow, might not!" My Dad, Shouta Aizawa called out to everyone as they left. "Koruki. May I speak with you a moment?" It wasn't a question. I froze for a moment, but nodded just the same, sitting back down.
I'm in deep shit…
Izuku looked at me sympathetically before he left the classroom, Dad closing the door behind him, as he was the last one out.
1…2…3…4…5
"Koruki." Dad sat in the desk in front of me, sitting backwards in the chair so he was looking at me. "Is everything alright?"
Wait… What?
"I'm not here to lecture you, 'Ruki. Frankly, I'm concerned." I looked down. "Hey," He had me look at him. "your grades dropping as significant as this," He motioned towards the test on my desk. "it's concerning."
"Why…." I spoke quietly. "Why are you worried about my mental health?"
Dad seemed absolutely confused by the question.
"Because your Papa and I care about you, and your brother as well. We're not going to let you fail because of your mental health deteriorating." I looked down for a moment. "Koruki, we're here to help you. Not punish you. Having bad mental health is nothing to be ashamed about."
"…. Really?" I asked and he nodded.
You're not going to get hurt here… Shouta's not Keikao... Neither is Hizashi. They won't hurt you.
But what if they change their minds? What if they decide they don't want a screw up for a child and send me to foster care? It'd be very easy for them to do, just throw me in the system and—
"Koruki!" I breathed heavily as I felt myself being hugged by my Dad. My vision was a little blurry, and I was shaking. "You're okay. You're safe."
"What…. What…." I managed to breathe out.
"You're okay. You're not going anywhere, okay?"
You're okay…. You're safe… Dads will make sure of that…
I've got to start believing that myself.
"Th… Thank you…" I muttered softly as Dad stood up, ruffling my hair a bit. "…. I'm sorry."
"What for?"
"For being a nuisance…" I teared up slightly. "I-I don't mean to be…"
"You're not a nuisance, Koruki. Far from it." Dad brought my bangs out of my eyes. "You're smart, and you're talented. I know this. Your father knows this, and your brother and Izuku know this as well. We just need to find a way to get you to know this."
"I guess so…"
I don't know how you will but try if you can.
Dad just sighed and excused me for my next class.
The rest of the day was a blur, I don't really remember much of it. I know Izuku was checking on me every five seconds. I doubt he wrote anything in his notebook today at all.
Because you distracted him…
Currently, Izuku and I were on our way to the auditorium so I could practice for the showcase. He didn't have to come, but he insisted, saying that he promised me.
"It's not problem, really! I love hanging out with you, and seeing you sing your ever-loving heart out, so it's a win-win!"
A win for him, maybe…
The problem itself is not hanging out with Izuku. I love hanging out with him as much as he loves hanging with me. But…. What if he's just hanging out with me to be nice? Because he feels sorry for me?
"Koruki." I looked up at the greenette, who had stopped walking, and he had a very serious look on his face. "Do I need to speak with Shouta about you seeing your therapist more frequently?"
I froze for a moment at his question, not really knowing how to answer.
"Its just…. It seems your getting worse. Your anxiety is through the roof, I can tell by just looking at you. And I've mentioned some type of musical theater three times today and you had barley batted an eye and didn't reference a single song, even when I mentioned Hamilton." I let out a shaky breath at his observations. "Do I need to speak with Shouta? Yes or no?"
Speaking with Dad probably wouldn't be a bad thing… Even if it does mean more therapy. But that would just cost him more money, and you already have put him through so much. I'd hate to bother him…
"I…." I paused for a moment, trying to think. "I… I don't know… I'd hate to bother him…"
"You won't bother him, 'Ruki. He loves you. Hizashi too. You're their entire world, as you are mine. We just want to help you." I didn't know how to process that statement. Sure, Dad could say it and not mean it. But Izuku?... He wouldn't just say that kind of thing just to say it. I've known him since we were really little, he doesn't lie to me.
"….. You're sure?" I asked he nodded.
"Absolutely. You matter, 'Ruki. You're special. To everyone around you." He brought himself closer to me and brought his hands around my back. "You're everything to me." He kissed me on the lips, which I had closed my eyes as I relaxed in his hold, kissing him back.
We had separated and smiled at one another, and then we continued walking to the auditorium, his hand in mine.
Once we got there, everything had already been set up for me.
"What song are you singing?" Izuku asked once I had finished warming up my voice, he was sitting in one of the auditorium chairs.
"God Rest Ye Mary Gentlemen, the Pentatonix version."
"Alright, belt it out for me, babe." I smiled at him and started singing.
We had been there for about 45 minutes, and I was singing the last verse of the song.
"God rest ye merry gentlemen,
let nothing you dismay.
Remember Christ our Savior,
was born on Christmas Day.
To save us all from Satan's pow'r,
when we were gone astray.
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy,
comfort and joy.
Oh, tidings of comfort and ~joy~"
Izuku applauded from where he was sitting and stood up, pushing himself up on the stage to hug me.
"That was great, 'Ruki! Your best one yet."
"….. Really? You think so?" I asked him and he nodded, removing himself from the hug.
"Absolutely!" He looked at me for a moment and smiled. "I'm going to get us some drinks from the vending machine." He told me and I nodded.
"Alright… Thank you." I told him as he left.
I sighed, walking over towards the piano and leaned on it, looking around me as I heard the auditorium door close.
I was alone.
I smiled, looking around me to be absolute, before starting to sing.
"You know the bed feels warmer.
Sleeping here alone." I had jumped up on the piano so I was sitting on top of it.
"You know I dream in color.
And do the things I want.
You think you got the best of me.
Think you've had the last laugh.
Bet you think that everything good is gone." I crossed my arms, rolling my eyes as I stood up on the piano.
"Think you left me broken down.
Think that I'd come running back.
Baby, you don't know me,
'cause you're dead wrong." I smiled and jumped down on the floor.
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger,
stand a little taller!
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone.
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter,
footsteps even lighter!
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone." I had spun around the stage, dancing a bit as I sang.
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger!
Just me, myself and I!
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger,
stand a little taller!
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone." I smiled, sitting on the edge of the stage, crossing my legs.
"You heard that I was starting over with someone new.
They told you I was moving on over you.
You didn't think that I'd come back,
I'd come back swinging.
You tried to break me, but you see…" I jumped up on the stage again.
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
Stand a little taller!
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone.
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter!
Footsteps even lighter!
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone!" I stood on of the props, only to jump down again shortly after.
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger!
Just me, myself and I!
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger,
stand a little taller!
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone!" I smiled, twirling a little bit mid-dance.
"Thanks to you I got a new thing started.
Thanks to you I'm not the broken-hearted.
Thanks to you I'm finally thinking about me,
you know in the end the day you left was just my beginning.
In the end..." I shook my head as I thought of my biological father momentarily, before breaking into dance again.
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
Stand a little taller!
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone.
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter!
Footsteps even lighter!
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone." I continued to dance on the stage, letting out all my emotions.
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger!
Just me, myself and I!
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
Stand a little taller!
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone!
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger!
Just me, myself and I!
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
Stand a little taller!
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone!
When I'm alone…."
I smiled as I finished the song, jumping a little bit when I heard a very slow, sarcastic clap. I quickly spun around to see shithead of class 1B himself, Neito Monoma.
Great.
"Amazing performance, Kakasu." He sneered, pushing himself onto the stage. "That was really something."
"Monoma. My name is Koruki. If you wish to call me by my last name, you may address me as Yamada-Aizawa." I tried to be calm and polite with him.
"HA!" The blonde laughed, shaking his head. "You really think they're your parents? They just adopted you. They're not your family!" I growled softly at that accusation.
Yeah. Cause I needed that today.
"Well, they say I am."
"Aizawa and Yamada say a lot of things! Some are complete untruths. Like you being their kid." I glared at him with my electric blue eyes in anger.
I am their kid.
"Leave my parents out of this."
"Your parents?" Monoma asked with a slight laugh. "Ohhh, you must mean Keikao and Levka. Your real parents." I turned away from him at that. "What? You don't want to speak of those who created you?"
"They may have created me, but they're not my parents. Levka was a non-issue, absentee parent. And you know what Keikao did to me. My case was attempted to be kept quiet, but the abuse rumors are true." I told him, trying to avoid his gray-eyed gaze.
"Ohhh, so your dad really did beat you to a pulp." He laughed as I looked down, trying to ignore him. At least until Izuku gets back. "Wow! That must have sucked for you, midget." I growled at the 'nickname' standing up.
"Don't even think of calling me names like that." I cursed my short height of 4"9 more than ever right now. Monoma was probably around 5"6 in height. I'm only up to his shoulder, and he's at least a head taller than I was.
"Why not?" He grabbed me by my shirt, which I wasn't prepared for.
"Stop telling me what to do! I am so sick of people trying to control me!" He yelled in my face, causing me to flinch. "I'm tired of your loser class getting everything they've ever wanted in life!"
"You know nothing of us! We don't get everything we ever wanted, that is just not what happens!" I defended them, knowing that a lot of people didn't get a happy childhood. And if they did, some forced trauma on them hurt as they got older.
"SHUT UP!" He dropped me, causing me to yell out in fear. Luckily I had caught myself.
That was close…
"You know what…." He growled; I saw him eyeing a crowbar near the stairs. Why was it there? I don't know, maybe someone needed to fix something. He pulled me up by the arm, forcefully dragging me down off the stage by the stairs, despite my protests and fighting for him to let me go. He picked up the crowbar, smiling at me, and smacked it right onto my left arm.
I screamed.
"HA! Now 1A's little music nerd can't do much of anything now!" Monoma laughed, mocking me, as I cried. I had lowered myself against the stage wall, grasping my arm in pain as it throbbed, tears escaping my eyes because I was in too much pain to hold them back, looking down because I couldn't even bear to look at the blonde. "Oh, you big baby. Stop crying! I bet your Dad did this on several occasions. This is just a reminder to you how much he hurt you."
"Get the hell away from him!" I heard a familiar voice yell, the run of footsteps and someone pushing another person up against the wall.
I looked up to see my boyfriend, who had pushed Monoma up against the wall. And by the looks of it, he didn't do it lightly.
"M-Midoriya!" Monoma smiled at the greenette. "Kakasu and I were just—" That earned a fist to the face.
"His name. Is Koruki." Izuku growled, pushing Monoma away from us and towards the doors. "Get out of here… And don't ever come near Koruki ever again." Monoma scoffed but had walked away anyways.
"'Ruki!" Izuku was by my side in seconds, worry written all over his face. It was then that he noticed the crowbar beside me, which Monoma had dropped when Izuku pushed him up against the wall. "Did— Did he hit you with that crowbar?"
"Y-Y-Yeah…" I managed to speak, trembling. "H-He hit m-my a-arm…" Izuku shushed me, in a soothing manner, before looking at my arm. I winced as he touched it, my arm was throbbing, and I couldn't bend it.
"Alright, I'm going to take you your Dads, so we can get you to a hospital." He had put his arm behind my back and under my legs, picking me up bridal style.
"I-It hurts…" I cried, leaning into Izuku's chest.
"I know…" He shushed me, soothingly. "We'll help you in no time."
We had reached outside, and I winced in pain.
"I-Izuku…" I muttered, reaching into my pocket with my good arm. "Just call them."
"Yeah, sure." Izuku set me down, carefully, as he took the phone and called Dad.
I didn't hear most of the conversation, I was trying to ignore the pain in my arm.
"Koruki!" I jumped slightly at Papa's yell of my name, him rushing up to me. "What happened?!"
"Monoma hit him with a crowbar." Izuku growled through his teeth, while trying to be respectful but also wanting to kill Monoma at the same time.
"A crowbar?!" Papa gasped in shock, looking at Izuku. "Here, Koruki." Papa picked me up bridal style, Izuku following shortly behind us. I had closed my eyes, trying to ignore the pain.
"Koruki!" I heard Dad call out, I opened my eyes to see he had pulled up the family black car, my brother in the backseat.
"Oh my God, 'Ruki!" I heard Denki gasp as I closed my eyes once more. I felt myself being placed in the backseat and Izuku sitting beside me, running his fingers through my hair as I leaned on his shoulder, more tears in my eyes.
I heard Dad and Papa talking as to what happened, Izuku chiming in when he needed too. Denki didn't say much, but I could tell that he was pissed the fuck off.
They're gonna kill Monoma…
Before I knew it we were at the hospital. Dad had gotten out first, opening the door to let Denki out before he picked me up and carried me inside, Papa, Denki and Izuku following us in.
We were able to get in quickly. Having both your parents be pro-heroes, and one of them hosting an extremely popular radio show has its perks.
"How long do X-Rays take?" I asked, still holding my arm in pain.
"Awhile, listener." Papa smiled at me, warmly. "Just sit tight." I huffed, looking down, sadly. I doubt this went unnoticed.
"You had that look earlier today. Are you alright?" Denki asked me.
I was right.
"You're not happy. Are you?" Izuku, who was sitting next to me, asked and I sighed, shaking my head.
"No… I'm not."
I don't know if it was from the pain in my arm that made me put my guard down, or I was just tired of pretending.
"What's wrong, Koruki?" Dad finally asked me after a long silence. "We can't help you if you don't tell us."
"That's the thing…. I don't know. I know my anxiety's skyrocketing and my depression is kicking my ass, but I don't know why… I don't know why it's beating me so bad..." I finally explained, looking down. "I thought that I could handle it on my own… And I'd be fine… But I'm not. I'm not fine…"
"It's okay to not be fine, 'Ruki." Papa told me, setting his hand on my shoulder. "It makes us human. And that's okay."
"Exactly, kid. Do you really think that us, as pro-heroes, don't have mental health problems such as depression?" I looked at Dad, shocked.
"Really?" I asked him and he nodded.
"I guarantee you that most heroes out there have some form of mental illness or other." He sighed, shaking his head. "I will be calling your therapist when we get home. I want you to start seeing them more." I nodded slowly in agreement and sighed.
"Okay…." No sooner than I said that the doctor walked in.
"So, it looks to be a Galeazzi fracture. We will have to cast it for about 4 to 6 weeks." I sighed, looking down.
This day couldn't get any better, could it?
"What color would you like your cast, sweetie?" The doctor asked and I gave her a small smile.
"Blue…" I told her and she nodded, leaving to get the things she needed.
"I will be calling in Monoma's parents." Dad told me and I nodded in understanding.
"Is he going to get suspended?" I asked him.
"Here's hoping." Denki commented, earning a glare from Dads. "What? I don't like the guy. He's a rude and obnoxious shitty motherfucker."
"Denki Yamada-Aizawa!" Papa smacked Denki upside the head, lightly.
"Ow! You know its true, Papa." Denki defended himself.
"It's true." I added onto that.
"I agree." Izuku finished, earning confused but understanding looks from both my parents. "If we're lucky, he gets expelled. I don't like the way he talks down to you, Koruki. Or you, Denki."
"He talks down to Shoto too. A lot of us, actually." Denki added and I sighed, shaking my head.
Monoma really needs to be taught a lesson.
"He really needs to be taught a lesson."
"I punched him in the mouth." Izuku commented with a smile, earning a surprised look from Denki.
"Woah, seriously?" Denki asked and he nodded.
"Problem children." Dad rolled his eyes, earning a laugh from Papa.
Right then, the Doctor walked in and started to wrap my arm. She had placed several layers of soft cotton around my arm, then started with the plaster of the cast, and then added an extra layer for protection.
"Alright… You are good to go." I tried to move my arm around a little bit, but it was weird, and it hurt.
This is going to be really weird for awhile…
"Don't worry, you'll heal up in no time!" Izuku comforted me and I smiled.
"Thanks, 'Zu."
"Come on, children. Let's go." Dad commented, tiredly.
"YEAH!" Papa yelled enthusiastically, running ahead, causing me to laugh.
"Let's hit the road!" Denki yelled happily, following Papa.
"I'm so glad you're more like me." Dad told me and I smiled.
"Yeah…. Me too." Dad gave me a smile and walked ahead of me.
"It's a good life, Koruki Yamada-Aizawa." Izuku took my good hand and kissed it. "Say it." I smiled, shaking my head.
"It's a good life, Izuku Midoriya."
There really are people who really, really care for me…. Wow.
That's going to take some getting used to.