One evening on the shore of the Black Lake as they bathed in the orange glow of the setting sun, everything changed. Or, the first 'I love you.'
They hadn't been officially dating very long, but they'd shared a few snogs before they started dating – if just about every day since the beginning of the school year counted as a few snogs – and they had been open and frank about their feelings for each other for weeks before they'd made it official, and she'd known him since they were eleven, so when James was silent all day, Lily knew something was on his mind. She didn't think he was upset with her; it wasn't an angry silence. It wasn't as if he was trying to hurt her feelings or punish her by not speaking to her. That wasn't something that James would do – it was what Sev would have done, back when they were friends and he thought she had done something wrong and was trying to guilt her into apologizing to him.
Rather, she got the distinct impression that he was wrestling with something in his mind, taking his time mulling it over. It was so rare that he took the time to think things through rather than diving in head first that she let him have the day, the whole damn day, even though it drove her mad. She would even let him have the night, if she thought he still needed it. Tomorrow, however, all bets were off. Her boy was going to get this off his chest, whatever this was.
They were in the Great Hall having dinner quite early tonight, their two separate friend groups sitting near each other, but not entirely together – James sat on Lily's right, and his friends sat to his right with only Sirius sitting across the table from Remus, two bodies down from James. On Lily's left sat her friends Mary and Dorcas. The only indication that the two groups were at all connected was how close Lily and James were sitting, hip to hip, shoulder to shoulder, knees knocking, feet tangled beneath the table, even as they turned their heads away from each other to focus on their respective friends.
If he were physically distant, she thought, then she would have worried because anyone who knew anything about James Potter knew that he could not keep his distance from the people he cared about. Be it an arm slung over a mate's shoulders, fingers threaded with hers or carding through her hair or dancing down her arm or brushing down her side, or the simple disregard for personal space, the boy was incapable of not showing physical affection. She doubted the idea of not touching her or Sirius or Remus or Peter at any given time ever even crossed his mind.
Not ten minutes ago, for instance, he'd walked in with his mates, a dejected Peter tucked under his arm, spotted her seated at the table and sat all but on top of her with nothing more than a graze of his lips to the side of her head in greeting as he continued to devote his sympathetic attention to Peter's woeful tale of rejection. He'd even had to pull his place setting over in order to maintain his proximity to her. So, no, she didn't have cause to worry that he was upset with her, or contemplating ditching her or anything of the sort.
Still, she was having a difficult time concentrating on Mary's story about the Muggle boy her mum wanted to set her up with back home. Instead, she was wondering what exactly could be taking up so much space in James's head. Currently, she knew, it was Peter's heartbreak. She tried not to be very obvious as she studied him; none of the boys were paying her any attention. She could hear James's soft, earnest, comforting tone as he spoke to Peter, told him not to worry about Melinda Sprockett, the pretty sixth year Ravenclaw girl who must have turned him down earlier. It should have comforted her to know that James wasn't being quiet with everyone. It only made her more concerned that he seemed to be holding something back from her.
"Right, Lily?" Mary said loudly.
Lily snapped her gaze to her friends, embarrassed to have been caught not paying attention. "Er, yeah, of course!"
"I told you she wasn't listening," Dorcas giggled as Mary rolled her eyes.
"Yes, I was!" Lily insisted, but she knew she was arguing in vain. She had been caught out, but she wasn't going to just admit it.
Dorcas wanted to drag it out - Lily could tell by the smirk on her face and the mischief in her eyes - but Mary, sweet, sweet Mary, took pity on her. "I was saying it might not be such a bad thing, you know? There's obviously nothing wrong with Muggles on the whole - I am Muggleborn; it would just be stressful trying to keep magic a secret."
"But do you even want to date him?" Lily asked.
Mary shrugged. "Well, he's cute enough, I guess. But I don't even know anything about him."
"Well, it may not be a terrible thing to just have some fun getting to know him; then you can decide if he's worth potentially breaking the Statute of Secrecy for," Dorcas said around a mouthful of Yorkshire Pudding.
"Certainly it's not really breaking the Statute of Secrecy?" Mary said, looking shocked at the thought. "If you fall in love with a Muggle, there's got to be some sort of bylaw that says you're allowed to tell them. Just like the Ministry told our parents about it when we got our Hogwarts letters."
Mary looked at Lily as if expecting her to argue with her or confirm that surely it wasn't illegal, but Lily simply didn't know. She'd never dated a Muggle.
"You're probably right," Dorcas hummed and lifted a shoulder. "I really don't know much about it, honestly."
James's fingers tangled gently in Lily's hair and she glanced over at him, distracted, expecting it to have been an unconscious thing he did while still deeply invested in his own mates. She was surprised to find him staring at her, eyes soft and warm and glowing with something akin to awe behind his glasses. There was a small, fond smile on his lips as he let his hand fall from her hair to twine his fingers with hers.
"D'you want to go for a walk?" he murmured.
"Sure," she said, and was about to stand and eagerly lead him away when she noticed the plate in front of him. Before she could say anything else, he was standing and gently pulling her to her feet. "But you've hardly touched your dinner."
He shrugged and began to lead her towards the wide doorway.
Their friends watched them go without a word. Despite the fact that they had both been at least somewhat involved in conversation, there were no protests from either the boys or the girls. Though she hadn't said anything, she knew the girls were aware that something was on her mind and she suspected that the boys knew much more than she did about what was going on with James.
"I'm not hungry," he told her.
"What?" Lily couldn't honestly remember a time James had turned down food when he wasn't deathly ill or on the brink of collapsing from sheer exhaustion.
As if reading her mind, he gave her a look as they reached the Entrance Hall and headed out onto the grounds. "I'll go to the kitchens if I get hungry later. It's not a big deal."
Lily let it go, but she still found it rather odd until she noticed how jittery he was. James was never one to sit still, was in constant motion be it a bouncing leg in class or long slender fingers tapping the desk during Prefects' meetings. But this was a bit more than usual, she thought to herself as she watched him drag his hand through his hair for the fifth time since they'd walked outside. His head was swiveling this way and that and Lily would have worried he was looking for a getaway were his hand not so steady and secure in hers.
She realized as he gnawed on his bottom lip that he was nervous and despite the fact that she had been so convinced all day that he wasn't planning on ditching her, ignoring the warm, fond look he'd given her just moments before, Lily suddenly felt herself growing paranoid. What in the world could possibly have James Potter feeling nervous around her? Unless he was planning to break up with her. Or had some other likewise bad news to share.
There weren't very many people out; it was that time of year where it was beginning to get cold out and the sun was just starting to sink beneath the tree line of the Forbidden Forest so most of the student body was inside.
James led her over towards the Black Lake, and Lily watched him closely as he cheerfully greeted Martin Greene, his fellow Gryffindor Chaser, who was on his way up from the greenhouses. He didn't seem nervous as he promised to see the younger boy at their early morning practice the next day, but his hand immediately jumped to his hair when Martin was gone.
"You've been quiet today," Lily said softly, bumping her hip against his gently as they ambled along the shore of the lake. They had made about a half-circuit by the time she spoke.
James hummed, and she saw him nod out of the corner of her eye.
"A lot on your mind?" she asked. She had told herself he could have as much time to process his thoughts as he needed, but he'd invited her on this walk, hadn't he? He wouldn't have done that if he didn't want to talk to her.
"Yeah, I guess." He sighed, and his thumb stroked along the back of her hand. "Sorry."
"It's okay. You're allowed to be pensive sometimes," she assured him. Then that awful nagging worry struck again. What if she was reading all the signs wrong? What if his hand in hers wasn't a sign that everything was fine after all? "As long as you're not trying to ditch me."
She tried to make it sound like a joke, but she knew she failed when he halted in his tracks and pulled her around to face him. His eyes were wide behind his glasses and his jaw dropped as if nothing had ever shocked him more than that one suggestion.
"What?" he said, still gawking at her. Then, "What?"
"I was only joking," she lied weakly.
Though his shock had done more to assuage her sudden worry than anything she imagined he might say, she still felt oddly vulnerable. Ever since she had accepted her feelings for him at the end of Sixth Year, she wasn't used to feeling off-kilter around him. Even before they were officially dating, when they were in that odd will-they won't-they limbo, she hadn't felt nearly so uncertain than in that moment.
When she tried to turn away to keep things light, he held her there by the hand, once more turning her to face him. His free hand lifted, stroking her face, cupping her cheek as he stepped closer and peered down at her, that same awed look as before mixing with the confusion.
"Lily," he breathed, then shook his head as a bemused smile played on his lips. "Honestly, that's the farthest thing from my mind. That's the last thing I would ever do."
She didn't try to convince him she was joking, not again, not knowing that he could see right through her. Instead she bit her lip and tried to duck her head, but his nimble fingers on her cheeks kept her eyes on his. She felt her face flush, and she sighed.
"I'm mad for you, Lily," he mumbled, and brushed his lips gently over hers.
"I feel the same about you," she whispered, but she realized quite suddenly that maybe it was a bit more than that, actually. Maybe she a bit more than fancied the boy before her, judging by the way his silence had nagged at her all day until it had her on the edge of panic, fearing the worst even though she knew, logically, that her fear was unfounded.
And since when had being single again been the worst possible outcome her brain could conjure? It had only been a few weeks and already she couldn't imagine her life without James Potter taking up so much space in it.
He smiled at her soft admission and then let go of her hand to bury both of his in her thick auburn hair. He kissed her, gently again, but much more solidly than a mere brush of his lips to hers. His mouth fit perfectly over hers, moving overs once, twice, thrice, before he tilted his head and deepened the kiss.
A piercing wolf-whistle broke them apart after what may have been several minutes and they looked across the lake towards the castle to find their friends, his blokes and her girls, gathered near what was widely considered the best tree due to its full foliage and location mere steps from the shore of the lake. It was fairly obvious who had made the obtrusive sound as Dorcas was currently hitting Sirius's arm none-too-gently.
Lily looked up at James, surprised to find him looking somewhat disappointed by the arrival of their friends. She couldn't recall ever seeing him anything less than thrilled to be reunited with his boys regardless of how brief their separation.
"Shall we?" she asked when he met her gaze.
He sighed, and his hands trailed slowly down her arms until their fingers were linked once more. "I suppose."
They continued on their course, not bothering to speed up despite Sirius's distant and persistent urging. James tugged her to a halt again just as they were about to round the last little curve of the shoreline, mere meters from their friends.
She peered up at him, mesmerized by the way the orange glow of the setting sun bathed him. He looked unreal; he looked perfect; he looked like a figment of her wildest dreams.
"I am sorry for worrying you today," he said softly. "I didn't mean to be distant. I was just… thinking about something."
"It's okay," she told him again. "I didn't actually think you were going to ditch me all day. I don't know why I suddenly got afraid of that."
He smiled at her, and there was a slightly manic look to the way his lips curved up. "It's just that… I got myself all worked up and nervous over it."
She laughed at him because, well, she'd already realized that, hadn't she? Almost as soon as they'd left the Great Hall he'd made it obvious how nervous he was. As he slid his arms around her waist and pulled her just a little bit closer, his expression dead serious, she suddenly realized why he was so nervous. And it was so obvious as well, wasn't it? Hadn't she all but come to the conclusion for herself mere moments before? Her breath hitched as he opened his mouth.
Suddenly, the wild Gryffindor in her wanted nothing more than to beat him to the punch. The softer, more caring part of her recognized that he had been struggling to work himself up to this all day and she had only had a few minutes of the realization, and she couldn't take that from him. So, she smiled up at him and waited.
He was quiet for another second, then took a deep breath, and on a sharp exhale said, "I love you."
Though she knew it was coming, the declaration made her heart sing and a little relieved giggle passed unbidden from her lips. Lily beamed up at him and it wasn't until she registered the lingering anxiety in his eyes that she realized he was waiting for a response.
"I love you too, you idiot," she said with a fond shake of her head. "I can't believe you've spent a whole day stressing about saying three little words to me when it's so obvious how I'd respond."
"I've fancied this girl for four years and finally got her to date me and she thinks I want to break up with her," he shot back, but he was grinning now, a mischievous teasing glint in his eyes. "Honestly, and all these years I thought you were clever."
She rolled her eyes and he shook his head at her, splitting grin still in full effect, before he slid his arms around her waist, pulled her to him, and lifted her off her feet to swing her around in the air. Lily wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and threw her head back, laughing freely as he made her dizzy with all his spinning.
"I love you," he said again as he finally set her feet back on the ground. "I love you, I love you, I love you."
"You know it doesn't make it any more meaningful if you repeat it incessantly," she teased, but he clearly wasn't bothered as he lowered his head, his mouth covering hers completely, hands leisurely trailing up her body until one rested tenderly on the side of her neck and the other cupped her cheek.
He jerked away from her as a stream of water from the lake suddenly shot out and struck him in the side of the head, magically missing her by inches. They both whipped around to see their friends all laughing at them, Sirius's wand hanging limp in his hand at his side as he was all but doubled over.
James took several hurried steps away from her, clearly intent on retaliation, before he turned around again, kissed her quickly and with a flash of a grin, and repeated, "I love you."
Then he was gone, and was nothing more than a tangle of limbs as he wrestled Sirius to the ground Muggle-style. Remus and Peter stood close by, laughing, as Mary and Dorcas retreated hurriedly to avoid falling casualty to the boys' roughhousing. They stopped in front of Lily and all three of them watched warily as James and Sirius rolled into Remus's legs, causing the poor boy to fall on top of them as Peter dashed a few steps back.
"Boys," Dorcas said, shaking her head as she watched Remus, usually the most composed of the lot, laugh and throw himself wholeheartedly into the pile of wrestling limbs.
"So immature," Mary agreed with a little dismissive sniff.
But Lily couldn't stop smiling as she watched James play with his mates like children. "Still love 'em, though."
I've missed these kids.
And you guys.
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed! 3