AN: starts in the middle of the new sitters interview.
EO is endgame for me, but I do think Olivia deserves some exploration of her sexuality and who knows, maybe Elliot will be ok w a poly relationship.
I'm the worst at summaries. Starts mild but will definitely be T or M for sure.
"I just... honestly? I'm in the service industry and right now with the pandemic and everything being the way it is... I'm not making anywhere close to what I was making before. I'm even collecting partial unemployment and between that, the stimulus AND working, I still can't cover my bills and I'm still so new in New York... I don't trust anyone enough to get a room mate yet so I'm willing to bust my ass to be able to keep up with my bills and stay independent for as long as I can".
Olivia looked at the girl sitting in front of her. She appreciated her candidness. Everyone else she had interviewed had the credentials and the bubbly personality... but she had the balls to actually tell her 'I'm hurting for money and I'm willing to pick up however many jobs I can to pay my bills'. Something about that made this girl her favorite candidate so far.
"Stevie, I'm sorry you're having a rough time during this. What made you choose a position like this if you don't mind me asking?" Olivia reached for her coffee cup before leaning back in the uncomfortable wire chair. She watched Stevie's body language and eyes.
"Childcare?" She shrugged, "honestly I don't know. I'm not going to sit here and lie to you that I've babysat a million kids before. I have three sisters and two little cousins I used to get stuck with from the time I was 8. I do know what I'm doing I guess in that sense but I can't give references because that's my only experience. Basically being a mom from 8-16 years old." She chuckled. "It was great birth control, though I'll tell you that!"
Olivia couldn't help but laugh. Although she knew she wanted someone with references she also saw the honesty in Stevie's eyes. The way she held herself. She could tell she had to grow up quick in her life. There was something about the way she spoke about her past that she was intrigued.
"Stevie ...I did want references" Olivia's eyes caught hers. She could see the disappointment already written on her face, "but for some reason a woman who had to take care of not one but five kids from the time she was eight... something tells me you'll be just fine". The girls face lit up.
"Oh my God, Olivia, seriously? Thank you! This extra money will help so much and it's been so hard to find another gig! Thank you. Hell, I can even call my siblings and cousins if you'd want and have them tell you about me taking care of them. Whatever you'd need. I was basically their mom. Shoot, I had to mother myself too." She realized she was rambling and her voice trailed off as she looked down. Olivia caught that and placed a hand over hers on the table.
"I'm sorry."
"Nah. It's ok. Made me a strong independent woman."
"If you don't mind me asking what age are you now?"
"I'm 30." Stevie looked almost embarrassed to say. Still in the service industry, still looking for a job, no career. "Kind of pathetic I know".
"What? What do you mean?" Olivia looked concerned at her comment.
"Well, you know. Here I am. 30 years old. Degree but no career. Still in the service industry trying to scrape pennies to get by". Her hands flew up simultaneously as she shrugged. Stevie started nervous laughing.
"Sweetie, trust me, you have a 1 bedroom apartment in Manhattan. If you weren't scraping pennies to get by I'd question THAT. As for being in the service industry, there's nothing wrong with that. It's the pandemic causing this lapse in money, not your work ethic. Some of the hardest working people I've ever met were in that industry. Working day in day out. If it weren't for my bartender some nights, man I don't know what I'd do". She just smiled at the girl a genuine, big smile. "What is your degree in?"
"I have a bachelors in exercise and sports science with a minor in nutrition and public health".
Olivia's eyes lit up. "That's fantastic actually!"
Steve sat there confused.
"No. Stevie. You don't understand. You're perfect. You're actually perfect for this position." Olivia couldn't help but laugh as Stevie waited for her to elaborate.
"Listen. I try. I really do try my best for Noah but I'll admit, if he wants pizza for dinner I am RELIEVED. Chinese? No problem. Thai? The best. I've been wanting to teach him about being healthy and putting better things into his body. He is so so smart, you'll see, and I want to feed his brain. I need to start being healthier myself and I was just talking to a coworker about possibly hiring a nutritionist to help me with everything. At least on where to start! This is perfect." Olivia leaned forward again elbows on the coffee shops table and grabbed both of Stevie's hands in excitement, her face beaming.
"Well then, I guess this is fate." She said peering over her coffee cup.
"I guess it is. Stevie, you're hired." Olivia reached out her hand and Stevie gladly took it to give her a hand shake.
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"No references? Do you think that's a good idea this day and age, Liv?" Elliot fell in sync with her steps as they walked to the nearest hot dog stand.
"Don't worry Elliot, I asked her if she wouldn't mind if I did a background check. She never even hesitated she was beyond understanding. She even offered to take a drug test and give me her social media platforms. There's something about her Elliot, she's a straight shooter. I can tell she's had trauma in the past. I can see it in her eyes. Hear it in her voice and see it in the way she carries herself."
"So she's also a little side project for you, then?"
Olivia shot a death glare at Elliot, "what is that supposed to mean?"
"No disrespect, Liv. You take broken people and you want to fix them. It's just your nature. You like the journey."
Olivia wanted to come back with a snide comment but he was right. She couldn't deny the fact that whatever happened to Stevie in her past that made her grow up so quickly... she wanted to hear about it and help her deal with whatever it is.
"Elliot, you're an ass."
"Well, yes. But I AM right. Come on. Tell me otherwise. I'll call you a liar."
"Ok maybe there's some part of me that sees myself in her. The walls she has up, you hear it in her voice...but also the low self esteem with some of the comments she makes about herself. Don't get me started about being left with five kids from the time she was eight. She's been through something big and if it doesn't pop up in the background check... then hopefully one day she'll tell me and trust me enough to be a support system for her."
"Olivia, you're talking about her like you've known her for years and years."
"It feels like I have. I can't put my finger on it, Elliot, but I just keep saying there's something about her... I do. I see myself in her I think that's what it is. I see the pain in her eyes. Hear the strain in her voice when trying to be bubbly. She's only thirty, Elliot, she shouldn't be so... TIRED already" Olivia took a huge bite of her hotdog, "ya know?" She said with a full mouth. Elliot, having an even bigger bite in his mouth just nodded with raised eyebrows.
Swallowing hard and wiping his mouth he took a huge gulp of soda before changing his tone of voice.
"All joking aside, Liv. If it ends up something DID happen to her... you're the best support system she could ever want. Trust me, I know first hand." His eyes were soft now looking at her.
She just smiled at him not knowing what to say.
"Okay, bub, you're all set! Mommy is going to be going to work and you and Stevie are going to be spending time together ok? Are you going to be good for Stevie, Noah?" Olivia was bent don't on one knee talking to her son who was acting shy around Stevie trying to nuzzle into her to hide. Stevie caught Moah peek over Olivia's shoulder with welled up eyes and was trying to think of something -ANYTHING- to say. She noticed a Woody toy lying on the floor by the TV and immediately knew she could connect with the boy.
"HOWDY PARTNER" she said with a draw and kicked a leg out extending her hand.
Noah's eyes lit up and he released from Olivia almost instantly.
"HOWDY!" he ran into the other room for a minute and came back out with a toy horse and a cowboy hat on. "Toy story. Toy story ! Toy story! Pleeeeeeeaaaaasssee!"
Olivia stood and turned to Stevie.
"How did you know he liked toy story?" She was confused. This was the first time she was meeting Noah.
"I wanted him to feel comfortable before you left. I scanned the room as fast as I could and saw his Woody toy on the floor over there" she pointed to where it was. Olivia spun to look... the only thing she saw was his foot peeking out from under the television unit with 'Andy' prominently displayed on the sole. Something so minor, yet she picked it up instantly. Olivia knew being hyper aware of your surroundings at all times was a trauma response.
"That's amazing, Stevie."
"I always notice the tiniest things for something reason. Especially when I'm slightly panicking. Have my whole life. Comes in handy sometimes I guess I just wanted him to think I was cool before you left." She just shrugged.
"Thank you. Really. He'll be your best friend now. You might have to watch Toy Story a million times but hey-" Olivia bent down to give Noah a kiss goodbye, "Stevie is the boss when mommy leaves ok?"
"Ok!"
"I love you"
"Love you too momma"
"Thanks again, Stevie." Olivia was fixing her blouse, "all of the phone numbers are on the fridge and if anything... just call the precinct."
"No problem Olivia. Stay safe. "
With that, she nodded and headed out the door. She could hear Stevie saying to Noah that toy story was her favorite when she was little as she walked away and with that, the slight nervousness she had about a new babysitter was gone.
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As time went by it seemed as though Stevie was constantly at Olivia's whether she was baby sitting Noah or not. Olivia had hired her as a personal nutritionist as well and any chance she had, she wanted Stevie there showing her any and all recipes she had under her belt. Not only had Stevie helped her plan out meals for the week but she helped her actually cook them as well; showing her how to time everything out almost perfectly so it would all finish around the same time. She helped Olivia figure out her macro nutrients and calorie deficit she needed to have a healthy weight loss and meet her goals. Olivia was beyond thankful to have Stevie around. For her sake and Noah's. Noah absolutely adored her. She would teach him how to cook the foods he was eating which made it all the mote fun for him. It's like she always knew exactly what to say and when to make him feel totally comfortable with her. Over time Olivia did notice that she would pick up on every minor detail. Tone of voice, body language, mannerisms, her surroundings, sounds, smells. When she ran her background check nothing popped up. No reports of anything. Olivia knew her hypersensitivity to everything was a trauma response and she wanted nothing more than Stevie to confide in her. Never pushing the subject, weeks had gone by at this point without either of them ever stepping over any lines. Olivia made sure not to over share about her personal life or anything with work, just in case any of it would be triggering for Stevie. She would never want to do that to her. Stevie would ask and Olivia would give her very vague responses.
The conversation usually stayed very mundane whether it was about food, work, Noah or some episode of a show one of them had seen or a book they read recently. It wasn't until one day Stevie worked up the balls to ask Olivia some personal questions while they were meal prepping for the week.
"So, Olivia... that Elliot guy. What's the story?" She kept her focus on cutting up fruits and veggies purposefully avoiding eye contact.
Olivia was slightly shaken at the question. Knowing that they hadn't really dove into anything personal ever... Stevie went straight for the jugular.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, he's around a lot. I'm sorry if it's forward I didn't mean to assume any—-"
"No. It's ok, Stevie you're allowed to ask me questions about my life" Olivia softened her gaze and tone of voice before letting out a small laugh. "It's uh— complicated to say the least".
"Ahhh. I see." She just gave a nod.
"It's hard to explain. We were partners in SVU for 12 years and then he... well he left for ten years without a word."
"Wait. What? He didn't even say goodbye?" Stevie waived the knife around nonchalantly.
"Not even a goodbye." Olivia was measuring out rice to put into containers, "I didn't know if he was alive or dead or what. Radio silence for ten years."
"...but now he's back?" Stevie seemed confused.
"... but now he's back." Olivia mimicked. She shrugged and shook her head, "it's hard to explain. I want to stay mad at him. I want to ignore him and hate him, but I can't. The day I saw him for the first time after ten years his wife was the victim of an explosion. My heart sank for him. But his wife, Kathy, I knew she was a fighter. I hoped she'd be ok."
"Why? If you love him?" Stevie's eyebrows jumped. She knew she messed up. It was her curse to be able to read people and hear what they're feeling in their tone of voice. She slipped and said what she was thinking out loud.
Olivia stopped doing what she was doing and looked at her. It was partly a death glare and partly sadness.
"I'm sorry Olivia I didn—-"
"You're right." She was looking down at the counter now. Hands gripping the edges. "I wanted her to be ok because... because it's always been him and Kathy... and I was always just his partner. It's just the natural flow of things I guess." She never looked up.
"...and you were afraid that if something did happen to her... then he'd be able to freely do whatever he wanted?" Stevie had stopped cutting veggies and had an intrigued look on her face.
God damn her. Olivia wanted to tell her to get out. She was calling her out on her own bullshit and she didn't like it. Maybe it's what she needed, though. She's been in denial for so long since he's been back. Since everything has happened. Since ... he told her he loved her and she never responded. Stevie hit the nail on the head.
"Yes."
Silence.
"Yes... and if he was able to do whatever he wanted and be with whoever he wanted... it scared the shit out of me that he wouldn't choose me... and that he WOULD. I don't know which one scared me more."
She couldn't believe she was basically pouring her heart out to her babysitter. It came so easy to just let tears flow and word vomit everything she's been feeling. She felt the tears on her face and suddenly a reassuring hand on her back. Stevie had moved over to her now to comfort her.
"Olivia, I hope I'm not over stepping. You know I notice everything and sometimes I swear it's a curse and I hate it. But I can see it in his eyes... he WOULD choose you. He loves you. He wants you. He almost... needs you. Whenever he's around his body language, voice, even his breathing changes."
She was rubbing Olivia's back now and moved her hair away from her face to place it behind her ear. "... and his pupils dilate like he's on drugs when he's around you."
Olivia turned her head to face Stevie and stood up straight now. Stevie wasn't sure what she was seeing in Olivia in this very moment. She knew what lust looked like in someone's eyes. She knew what want and need looked like. She knew how someone's breath changed when they were turned on. All of that was pouring out of Olivia and she didn't even realize it... only Stevie saw it.
"Stevie," it was almost a whisper, "what do you see in me when I'm around Elliot? Be specific, please."
She gulped. How specific did she want her to be? She noticed everything all the time, in every situation but around Olivia she picks up even more because she's constantly staring at the woman. She had become almost infatuated with the beautiful brunette. The way her voice hitched when she was nervous, or how it got deep when she's angry. The way her chin twitches and she parts her lips slightly when she's holding back tears. The way she sighs when she's tired, or beams when she's with Noah. She's even noticed her body language when they've been meal prepping, when she gets excited as a meal is coming together or disappointed when it doesn't look like the picture on Pinterest. Just how specific did Olivia need her to be right now?
"Well—- uh," she cleared her throat, "how specific do you want me to be Olivia?" She looked at her from furrowed brows.
"Very." It came out huskier than normal.
"Uh. Whew. Ok. Well, I can see you love him. You're ... IN love with him. There's always slight yearning in your eyes. You lick your lips a lot when you're around him, even if you're not talking about anything in particular but I've noticed you stare at his mouth a lot. You shift when you do. Your entire body. Which tells me... he uh——-" she shook her head and looked down, "he makes you wet. Or at least the thought of his mouth does." Olivia had her eyes closed now listening to everything the woman before her was saying.
"Your pupils dilate only slightly, not as much as his do when he's around you. You're like a drug to him but not the other way around. He makes you hot but he also stirs up a sadness and rage in you I can see when your chin twitches. Your eyebrows also do this thing when you're holding back anger or tears..." Stevie was now standing on the other side of the kitchen island facing Olivia. Her eyes still closed. She was staring at Olivia now. "You want him. You love him. You're angry. You're afraid. I'm not sure what you're afraid of..."
Olivia opened her eyes and made direct eye contact with her. "I think you know. I'm sure you can see it."
She didn't break the eye contact with Olivia.
"I don't want to make assumptions."
You haven't been wrong YET. Keep going". It was almost a command.
"You're afraid because... you don't know if he's what you actually want. If ... a MAN... is what you actually want in life." There. She said it.
Olivia blinked hard. Her head was spinning. Noah was in his bedroom curled up taking a nap. The words that Stevie just said made her entire body tingle. How could she have never noticed this about herself until someone else said it out loud. Another tear. "What do you see when I'm with you?" She kept her eyes closed. Hard.
Stevie didn't know what to do. She cleared her throat and reached out a hand to Olivia's who was now white knuckling the kitchen island.
"Liv.."
"Tell me."
"Lust. I see lust. I see curiosity. I see that—— you —-want me."
She opened her eyes.
"I'm 54 years old. How could I have never noticed this about myself? Was I in denial?"
She turned her back to Stevie and leaned her body against the island.
Stevie walked around slowly. Leaving one hand on the island the entire time. She didn't know if it was to steady her for what she was about to do or if it was so she didn't completely ravage her boss. Olivia followed her with eyes as she came to stand in front of her. "Olivia..."
"Stevie, I'm 24 years older than you. I'm your boss. This is—-"
"Olivia...I'm very much so ...an adult." She brushed her hand against her cheek.
Before she could do anything at all Olivia took her by the back of her head, fingers getting lost in her dirty blonde hair, and crashed her lips onto hers. She felt her entire body get goosebumps and felt like she couldn't breathe but Stevie's lips were soft and welcoming. Stevie went to deepen the kiss but just as she felt her part her lips Olivia stopped.
"We can't."
Stevie looked at her face. She was serious.
"What's wrong? Did I do someth—listen I'm so sorry if I—"
"Stevie. Stop." She motioned to the bedroom where her son was sleeping, "because of Noah. He's only napping."
"Of course. Oh my gosh, I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize. I—— I'm the one who kissed you." Her voice was almost a grumble. She pulled the younger woman to her once more before breaking their connection in the middle of the kitchen, "maybe Fin can take Noah for the night." With that she kissed her, hard. Tongue grazing over hers. She bit her lip slightly before moving away from her and going back to measuring out food.
Stevie had a slight smirk on her face. She shook it off and went back to cutting her vegetables.