A/N-Thematically, TROS missed the mark in many ways. But one of the most egregious examples for me was that Rey was still alone by the end of the story. She had an emotional need for family established from her very first scenes in the trilogy, and it was left unresolved. Surrogates in the form of friends, her masters, and the Jedi feel inadequate in the scope of her emotional trauma. She needed someone she could potentially start a family with, and Ben should have been that for her (and that's not even getting into his need for a normal family life). This is my attempt to reckon with the loss and unfulfilled need that Rey endures.

This story was heavily influenced by the song "Repeat Until Death" by Novo Amor. It's a truly heart-wrenching piece of music that, for me, would perfectly encapsulate Rey's emotional state after Ben's disappearance. I hope you give it a listen.

Side Note: This is based solely on what appeared in the film; I haven't read the novelization. My understanding is that there's slightly more closure there. The movie lacks this. I'm also of the opinion that Ben doesn't reside within Rey by the end of the story; I have hope that he's in the World Between Worlds (as do many of you, I think).

Rey stared at the tunic lying in front of her. She looked at her hand, uncomprehending. She was just holding something…

It took her a moment to remember: She wanted to take Ben's hand. Where was it?

She felt as if the ground had shifted beneath her but she wasn't sure why. Something that was previously ever-present was no longer there. In shock, she blankly looked around her, searching for something despite not knowing what it was she was missing. Finally, she looked back at the clothing.

"Ben…?"

The name that escaped her lips felt minuscule in the large space. Silence answered. Rey was dimly aware of the muted sounds of battle overhead. But underneath that was a profound silence she was only just beginning to recognize. It was the kind of silence that had feeling and weight. The kind of silence that was more than just the absence of sound. It was the absence of a consciousness that had tickled the back of mind for over a year. It was the utter lack of Ben's presence in the Force.

Recoiling, Rey abruptly stood, stumbling back from his clothing. She turned in circles, her eyes raking the gloom for any sign of the man she just held.

"Ben!" she called through the dark, panic starting to rise like acid in her gut. When only echoes returned to her, she squeezed her eyes shut, desperately trying to rekindle their Bond. She spread herself wide, casting about for him farther than she'd ever attempted before. She stretched herself thinner, and thinner, and thinner, grasping, pleading with the universe to present her with the one she sought.

Nothing.

Realization came slow but relentless. She fought it, straining and pushing her mind further until it felt like her body was pulling itself apart. Her eyes flew open in pain and exhaustion, the truth crashing into her with the force of a tornado, ripping the air from her lungs.

Still, she found enough to scream.

"BEN!"

The bright light of his hope was gone, a bonfire that had been smothered in the night. Rey's shaking hand covered her mouth in disbelief as her wet, panicked eyes stubbornly flicked everywhere but at the clothing that was unceremoniously dropped at her feet. Despite her efforts, they demanded her attention. How could mere articles of clothing hold such sway over her? They lay there, a silent testament to someone who existed that no longer was. She looked down at them, something gripping her throat.

Rey knelt, a pilgrim to an empty, pitiful shrine. She slowly reached out to grasp the fabric only to snatch her hand back in aversion. Repelled, she fell hard into a sitting position. They weren't Ben. He was gone, and Rey couldn't bring herself to touch them. She looked helplessly around for somebody, anybody. Despite knowing the truth, she instinctively looked for Ben in the Force.

And then she was struck with a more devastating blow. It was there before, her subconscious trying to protect her from the traumatic wound. Something had been cleaved from her being. It was like waking up after a battle and realizing that your limbs had been brutally amputated. The damage was bright, jagged, and bloodied. Rey desperately tried to avoid scrutinizing it too closely, afraid of what it would reveal. With a snarling viciousness, it forced her to reckon with her new reality.

She was only one half of what was once a whole. Her very soul had been ripped in two, the half that was Ben callously discarded. She couldn't sense him anymore but she felt his absence acutely. She felt it like a great hollowness that emanated no sensation or feeling. No anger, no pain, no despair. Just an empty space where his Force energy had once settled alongside hers.

The cold, numb nothingness of it terrified her, her breath coming in shallow, frantic bursts. Something heavy sat on her chest. She couldn't breathe. She felt mutilated, eviscerated. She shook as she breathed through her nose in a fruitless attempt to force calm. The air she took in had the metallic tang of blood mixed with dust. It did nothing to arrest her downward spiral.

She felt five-years-old again. She saw the ship rising out of the suffocating heat of Jakku. She saw her only family leaving her to a life that barely qualified as fear, the pain, the loss. The loneliness. She knew that loneliness. It was always there, even in the largest of crowds. It was something she had learned to incorporate into her being, something that she hid well from the prying eyes of others. Something she grew to live with.

This was different. This loneliness went well beyond the loss of another person. Ben had been part of her. Rey had told him once that she had never felt so alone. But his death was causing desolation on a scale that she couldn't see the bottom of. It was worse than physical pain; she could pinpoint that kind of pain. She shut her eyes against it, gripping her chest at the oppressive loss.

Rey let out a raw, animalistic lament that ripped at her throat and temporarily drowned out the battle overhead.

They had found each other. They had each other. Almost. It was cruel. They had no time, and what little they got felt bereft of quality. She should have told him how meaningful their connection was to her. After she realized she was part of a Dyad, Rey began to feel that other part of herself, recognize it for what it was. It was always there. He was always there. Ben had always been a part of her, even when she didn't know it. She was never alone. Learning to be conscious of his thoughts and feelings gave her inner peace. Peace knowing that someone cared for her deeply, that she would not be abandoned. She squeezed her eyes shut as tears burned tracks down her grimy cheeks.

"Don't go," she sobbed to the uncaring shadows. "Please don't leave me alone. I can't do it again," she wept, shaking her head. "Not again…"

She was just so tired. Why must she always forfeit those closest to her? Why must she always endure perpetual solitude? This rumination only served to increase the weight on her chest.

More than once, Rey willed herself to stand and leave, to move on as she had from other losses. To bury Ben deep within her mind as she had her parents. But her grief acted on her as a paralytic, and the memory of him wouldn't let her go. Ben wasn't there anymore, yet she couldn't leave. She couldn't leave him even if there was nothing left of him to be with.

"I need you," she pleaded faintly to the dark. But nobody answered. She folded in on herself, her head in her hands, and the hollow half of her swallowed the rest.

Rey cried alone.

The participants of the battle overhead took no notice of the woman whose amputated soul lay in a pile of discarded black clothing.

A/N-Thank you very much for taking the time to read. Feel free to leave feedback if you wish.