´I'm not supposed to be here.´
Sebastian whispered under his breath while lowering to his knees. He held the flowers in his hands, not caring that one thorn was pricking into his skin. He deserved it.
He held onto the flowers harder, feeling the thorn go further into his skin. Sebastian looked at the flowers. They were red roses. Red roses the flowers of love. He scoffed, if he knew one thing that was that this person didn't love him one bit. He didn't understand why they didn't. they should have loved him. How sick of a person was he that his own mother didn't love him? How inhuman he must be for his own mother to not give a shit about him. And now it is too late to change that. To make his mother love him.
He put the flowers on the ground, flinching when the thorn pulled out of his hand. He looked at his hand, seeing the red blood drip down his hand on the grass. He closed his hand preventing the blood from dripping. Sebasian looked up from the grass towards the grave.
Beloved wife and mother
Sebastian couldn't help but scoff again. He is the reason why she is dead. He isn't supposed to be here. He shouldn't even be here, he should hate her. She hated him so why shouldn't he hate her. Why is he here putting red roses on her grave, when he should not even care that she is there? It is his own fault, isn't it? She made it clear that he was the reason why she is six feet under. His own father reminds him of it every day. Sebastian felt his frustration grow. He didn't know who he was frustrated at. His mother? His father? Himself? He should have hated his mother, but he knew deep inside of him that he misses her. Was he that unlovable that his own mother didn't even love him. Well, what did he expect? Everyone reminded him constantly that he was the bad guy. He shouldn't feel bad for himself. He has no right to pity himself. He has no right to wish for the life where he was the beloved son.
With that Sebastian stood up, slapping the imaginary dust of his pants. He looked back once at the grave. He doesn't even know why he came here. This is the first time since she had died that he bothered to visit her. He bet that she doesn't even want him to visit. She would probably turn in her grave when she found out that he was there. And leaving red roses. The fucking flowers of love. He didn't even know why he got red roses. He knew it was her favourite, but did he really care that much that even after her death he wanted to please her. That is the least he can do, it is his fault that she is there. So if she wanted red roses on her otherwise forgotten, empty grave he would get her red roses.
Sebastian signed and walked back to his car. He didn't want to go home yet, so he decided to get some coffee from Lima Bean. He got into the car and turned on the radio. He pulled a disgusting face hearing a pop song that was literal shit. How is it that repeating the same sentence over and over is called music now? He changed stations but then decided it was a lost cause and just turned it off.
After riding in silence for 10 minutes, trying not to think about anything in his life especially his mother. He parked his car and entered Lima Bean. He waited in the line behind two girls, who were ordering two drinks that would probably give you diabetes if you drank one sip. Like seriously who needed that much sugar. He rolled his eyes when the girls started taking pictures of their overpriced, diabetes filled drinks.
He looked up and saw it was a new barista he had never seen before. Slightly frustrated because this person didn't know his usual order, so he had to talk more than usual. He stepped forward, and the new barista flashed him a smile that he thinks was supposed to be flirtatious, but was failing miserably. Sebastian chose to ignore it and ordered his large coffee with soya milk in it. The barista made it for him after he had paid for it. She handed him the cup and with a smile she said:
´Call me.´ Sebastian frowned in confusion and then noticed the number written on the cup. He looked back up at the barista, sure she wasn't ugly, but he was incredibly gay. He gave her a smirk and a wink, probably leading her on but not caring and walked away. He looked at the café looking for an empty space. It was rather busy at the moment. After scanning the room, he found a place at the back. Perfect! No one will bother him there. He didn't feel like talking to anyone today and certainly not someone who lived in Ohio. Not that someone wanted to talk to him, and he was glad because fuck them.
Sebastian sat down and grabbed a book out of his backpack, planning on reading as long as he can and only leaving when he place closes, not wanting to go home. He looked at the overused book, he has read this book so many times he lost count of how many times he has read it. He looked at the almost faded letters catcher in the rye. He knew it was a famous book, but he didn't care. He liked the book so he read it, simple as that. He turned the first page looking at the little message written on the inside.
This book made me think of you, Will always love you (no homo) keep this and every time you read it think of me, and our life long friendship
-James Lawson
Sebastian smiled reading the message, he thinks he has read those lines a thousand times, and he could never grow tired of it. He felt a pit of sadness forming in his stomach, but he decided to push it away as hard as he can. He already had enough to deal with today, and thinking about James wasn't going to help. Sebastian decided to put his focus on reading trying to ignore the world. Of course he had no such luck when he noticed people approaching his table. He signed and kept his eyes on his book, not bothering to look up when he noticed that the people were standing in front of him. He has barely read 100 pages, why can't people just leave him alone. Realising they were just standing there, not saying anything Sebastian decided to break the silence wanting to make them leave as fast as possible, so he could continue reading in peace.
´What do you want, or is it a normal thing for you guys to just stare at a person?´
He could hear one of the girls scoff, not knowing who because he still hadn't bothered to look up from his book. ´ Could barely call you a person, meerkat.´ Yeah, that was definitely Santana. He finally looked up and glanced at who was all there. The whole New DIrections was there. Sebastian whistled trying to sound impressed. ´Am I that scary that you guys have to come here with the whole gang?´ Sebastian said with a smirk. ´ Oh come on my little toe is scarier than you.´ Puck said. ´Well how I would love to continue talking about your fungus covered little toe, is there a reason why you guys are here?´ Sebastian was done with them. He just wanted to read and drink his coffee, but no the universe hated him. He decided to look at the group again, his eyes stopped when he saw two green eyes focus on him. Blaine. His heart still fluttered like a pathetic teenage girl when he saw him. He was almost tempted to join those two girls with the diabetes drinks, because he will fit right in.
He gave Blaine a flirtatious smirk. He knew he had no chance to be with Blaine, but he couldn't help to have a little hope that Blaine would like him back. For the universe to do him one favour and make the actual person he cared about love him back. Sebastian rolled his eyes when he saw Kurt put a protective arm around Blaine's waist. Sebastian looked at Blaine's eyes again, they seemed different today. Sebastian didn't know what changed, but Blaine looked at him with- was that longing he was seeing? Was Blaine actually changing his mind, and he wanted to be with him? Sebastian felt his body fill with hope and his heart was beating too fast for his liking, but he didn't care.
Sebastian was pulled out of his thoughts when Rachel started talking: ´We are sick of your little pranks. You put Blaine in the hospital, and you don't even care. You can't just walk around here like nothing happened, without any consequences.´ Sebastian flinched thinking about the consequences he did receive. He hoped they didn't see him flinch when he decided to speak. ´ You don't know anything about my life, and I have paid the consequences so why don't you guys turn around and go back to your pathetic little public school before I do something we are all going to regret.´ Sebastian knew it was an empty treat, but he hoped it was enough to convince them to leave. Sebastian internally groaned when Kurt decided to speak.
´Aw, what happened? You didn't get your weekly allowance and mommy Smythe decided she didn't love you anymore.´ Sebastian knew that mother command shouldn't hurt him as much as it did and before he knew it he couldn't help himself. He stood up and walked over to Kurt, well into his comfort zone. ´Like you would know anything about mother's love.´ He knew it was a shitty thing to say, but he didn't care at the moment, he was so angry at Kurt. How the hell could he say that? Before he knew it he felt scalding hot coffee thrown at him. He could feel his skin being on fire, the coffee already seeping into his shirt and onto his skin. He knew if he didn't pull off his clothes soon he would get second-degree burns. The pain was almost unbearable and he wanted to scream. He closed his hands into a fist and squeezed his eyes shut, breathing heavily. He didn't want them to get the satisfaction of hearing him scream. Sebastian was frozen in pain, but he knew the damage was going to be a lot worse if he didn't take off his clothes soon and put his body under cold water.
He turned around silently, grabbed his book and backpack and left the place. He could hear the New Directions following him, probably also in shock that Kurt threw boiling coffee at him. Sebastian walked faster to his car to get home. Ha, what a joke this whole day he was avoiding that place and now he actually wanted to go there. ´I'm sorr-´ before Kurt could finish his sentence, Sebastian turned around. ´Oh, shut the fuck up, don't act like you didn't enjoy throwing coffee at me!´ He was getting angrier and angrier. He just wanted to go home and be alone at this point. He saw Finn stepping forward, putting a protective hand on Kurt´s shoulder. ´ He is only trying to apologize, even though you don't even deserve it.´ He looked at Kurt again. Was Kurt really crying? He couldn't fucking believe it. He was there with the burning skin being in an insufferable amount of pain. And Kurt fucking Hummel was the one crying! He looked like a pathetic little girl even though that wasn't that off from the actual truth. How does he always manage to play the victim in every situation? He looked back at Finn, remembering he also had a dead parent. Wow, they should make a club.
´What want to talk about your dad too?´ Sebastian should really learn to shut up once in a while. Making two dead parent jokes in one day, he wasn't even that low to not feel bad for what he said. Luckily he had no time to really think about what he had just said because he felt a fist connect with his jaw. The force knocked him to the ground. He grabbed his jaw, knowing a bruise was already forming. His fucking luck, first being burned alive which was still hurting like hell, he should really take off his clothes soon. And then being punched. Wiw, this was really his day, wasn't it? He looked up and saw Finn standing there seething. Sebastian stood up a little unsteady. He looked back at the group, who were all looking shocked. ´What, anyone else wants to go for another round!´ Sebastian said, screaming like a madman. Before anyone could answer he turned around to his car and walked away.
He got into his car and looked back at the group. They were all turned to each other, probably talking about what just happened. Sebastian pulled off his soaking jacket. Flinching when the fabric made contact with his skin. Yeah, they were definitely second-degree burns now. He turned on his car and glanced one time back at the group. That is when he made eye contact with Blaine. Sebastian froze what he was doing and looked back at him. Blaine gave him an apologetic little smile, but Sebastian didn't care he was just so angry. How could he just stand there while he was literally being burned alive and beaten up? He flipped him off, probably ruining his chances of ever being in a relationship with him. Sebastian drove away, thinking about what just happened.
Why did he expect for Blaine to intervene? Blaine doesn't owe him anything. Hell, he put him in the fucking hospital. Blaine had every right to punch him. But instead he smiled at him and what did Sebastian do, he fucked it all over again. Why couldn't he do one thing right? Why couldn't Blaine just love him? Why couldn't anyone love him? That's right he was the bad guy. He was just the villain who ruined everyone's lives. Of course they went out of their way to beat him up, if he were in their position he would do the same thing. Sebastian shook his head trying not to think and just focus on driving. But no matter what he kept thinking of one person. Blaine. He just wanted Blaine to protect him. To have one person in this world to protect him from his problems. To tell him that he loved him and that he was going to be okay, that it wasn't all his fault. But he knew that that would never happen so why bother. Why bother letting anyone in, the only thing they will do is hurt you and then leave. You are better off alone. He didn't need anyone. He was Sebastian fucking Smythe.
And Blaine was already dating someone, not that that has ever stopped him. But he knew Blaine was loyal to Kurt, so the chances are slim of Blaine confessing his feelings to him if he was still dating Kurt. What was so special about Kurt that Blaine chose Kurt over him. He was aware that he was a mess, but he could make himself perfect. Hell, he would even dress like a girl like Kurt, if he was into that. He didn't understand why he would be. Like seriously why be gay if you are just going to date a girl?
Sebastian sat uncomfortable in his chair, His chest was screaming at him, from being burned and his jaw felt sore. He finally pulled up at his house and walked out of his car and entered through the massive doors. He didn't see his dad's car, so he knew he was still at work. He let out a sign of relief. He walked upstairs to his bathroom. He pulled off his shirt, hissing in pain. He looked into the mirror and saw that his red swollen skin on his chest was already blistering. He was too late and now he had to deal with second-degree burns. His fucking luck. He turned on the shower and got undressed. He went into the shower making the water cool, hoping that it would help with the pain. He let out a breath of ease feeling the cold water cooling the burning skin.
After ten minutes, he decided it was time to get out of the shower. He turned the shower off, but regretted it the second the water stopped hitting his skin. His chest was back to being on fire. But he knew he couldn't stand under the shower for forever. He walked back to the mirror. He looked in the mirror again, pulling a disgusting face when he saw his blister covered chest. He stared at his jaw seeing a nasty bruise already forming. Wow, and he thought he couldn't get uglier. He opened up a cabinet and got out his first aid kit. He knew he had to rap the wounds if he wanted them to heal properly. He got out the bandages preparing himself for the pain. He was about to bandage himself up when he heard the doorbell ring.
That's weird no one ever came to his house and his father had the key. He quickly put on a clean shirt that wasn't covered in coffee and slowly walked down the stairs towards the door, trying not to move his chest too much seeing how it still hurt like a little bitch. He saw a figure stand in front of the door. He didn't recognize it, but what had he expected? He didn't really look at the person who he was meeting for the first time and thought about how their silhouette would look like. The only way for him to know who was standing in front of his door was to open it. Who would come visit him? Maybe it was one of the New Directions trying to finish the job and punch him again. He opened the door, and in front of him was the person he least expected to visit him. But it was the person he hoped would come by.
It was Blaine.