Written for The Quidditch League: Round 5: We All Have Our Flaws
Team: Holyhead Harpies
Position: Seeker
Prompt: Cowardice
Summary: Maybe, in the end, James was a coward. But that would not stop him from protecting his family.
Word Count: 1159
Warning: character driven to insanity
All his life, James was told he was brave. He never cried and nothing stopped him from doing what he wanted.
Getting sorted into Gryffindor reaffirmed that. Gryffindor was the house of the brave, of showing no fear. Surely, James was brave—maybe to the point of being foolish—if he was sorted into such a house.
The truth of the matter was that James wasn't brave. Maybe calling him a coward was going too far, but James was sure he was. He was a bully, he knew, and bullies were nothing but cowards who tried to act brave to hide their own insecurities and cowardice.
At 21, James had many regrets. He regretted how he acted at Hogwarts, how spoiled he acted until the death of his parents, not trusting his friends as well as he should, and many more.
However, one thing he would not regret is keeping his family safe. If joining Voldemort did that, then there was nothing that could stop him.
That was why, one day when Peter was visiting, he pulled him aside. He had known for about a month that Peter had joined the Death Eaters. Despite what one might think, Peter was his friend, and he knew Peter better than most.
"I want to join the Dark Lord," he stated bluntly, cutting to the chase.
There was no time for friendship now. Not when there was a war going on, when Peter was willing to betray them for the side that looked like it was going to win. Not that James could blame him when he, himself, was also a coward willing to betray his friends.
"J-James?" Peter stuttered, shocked by what his friend was saying.
Peter had never expected this turn of events. James, one of the bravest, most righteous people he's ever met, was willing to join the Dark Lord. And worst of all, he knew what a coward Peter was.
"James, I-I'm so–," Peter tried to say before James interrupted him.
"I don't care about that right now. How can I join the Dark Lord," he repeated.
In all honesty, James was trying not to think about it too much because if he did, all the pain and anger from his betrayal would come surging back.
"I-I can take you to him," Peter offered.
And that day, James met and joined Voldemort. He was just as monstrous as many depicted, but James didn't care. As long as they were safe, he repeated to himself.
And for the next year, James acted as a spy. When Dumbledore told him the prophecy, he immediately reported it to his lord. James' loyalty was rewarded when he attacked the Longbottoms instead of the Potters.
Lily, his fierce, lovely wife, supported him. Since Harry was born, all Lily wanted was his safety and if joining the Dark lord provided that, she could tolerate it. Even though she knew how Muggles and Muggle-borns were being treated, she supported him and James had to wonder how such a wonderful person could marry him.
But like all good things, it must come to an end. While their situation wasn't exactly good, it was tolerable if his family was safe.
Lord Voldemort, the most powerful, feared Dark Lord of their generation, was dead, defeated by a toddler.
The Dark side had lost.
When James heard the news, he just closed his eyes in resignation. They would find out soon and James would be punished for his crimes.
"James," Lily called out worriedly after telling him.
He opened his eyes to look at her. Her eyes showed the worries that he was sure his own eyes showed. Although Lily wasn't a participant in his crimes, she didn't stop him and for that, she too would be punished.
"What do we do, Lily-Flower? What do we do?" he asked her desperately.
And for once, Lily had no answer.
In the end, they decided to run away and start a new life for themselves. James rarely ran from things, but he knew they were in danger if they stayed. He also knew that the James of two years ago would be horrified at what he had done. That James would have stayed and accepted his punishment, but current James was a coward, through and through.
They didn't even make it out of their house.
James wasn't sure how they knew, but a captured Death Eater might have tipped the Aurors off. When James and Lily opened the door, they stood there waiting, wands pointed at them. They had no choice but to surrender.
He couldn't bear to look at his former friends' faces. He didn't want to see the shame and disappointment that they surely felt.
During his trial, he confessed. Peter sat with Sirius and Remus at the stands, and James couldn't help but hate him for that. He was getting away with the same crimes as James, and he knew James wouldn't reveal him.
His sentence was life in Azkaban while Lily got twenty years for helping him. Harry would live with his godfather, forever shamed for the crimes of his parents that just wanted to protect him.
His years in Azkaban were terrible. James tried not to grow insane, but it was hard with the Dementors and the little food he got.
Then, ten years after he was imprisoned, Harry visited him. He had grown up well, and looked like a perfect combination of him and Lily.
He often wondered how Lily was doing. They were separated, and he hoped she was doing better than him at least.
"Harry," he croaked, his voice raspy and dry from not using it.
"James," he replied coldly.
Ah, so he knew what they had done. That was good and bad. At least James wouldn't have to say why he was in here.
"Harry," he croaked again, but his mouth didn't want to work.
"Why did you do it?" his son asked before James could try to say anything else.
James tried to answer but Harry ploughed on, "Why did you do it? Why did you join a madman? For me?"
James nodded frantically, but that seemed to anger Harry.
"Is that what you tell yourself? That you did it for me? As if. You're a coward, James Potter, this I know. Uncle Sev has told me about your antics at school, and Uncle Siri did as well. You're a coward, too scared for your own good. Don't fool yourself," he spat.
Whatever Harry said after that was lost on James. He felt numb. Was he a coward? No, he was doing it for his family, he swears. He was not a coward. He was not a coward.
And for the rest of his life, James kept repeating that phrase. And no matter how many times he said it, it still didn't seem true.
Maybe James was a coward after all. But no one would ever know the truth, not even James himself.