Midoriya Izuku can't remember the last time he felt good, and the sad part is he really thought being at UA school would make a difference. He had convinced himself that maybe a change of scenery, getting away from all of those bad memories, would. Well. Not solve all of his problems, but at least give himself a good foundation for starting anew. But there sat Kacchan in front of him, as he always has. And he knew that nothing would change.
That isn't to say that Bakugou hasn't been getting better in his own way. He has. But it's pretty hard to move on from your past when the cause of all your troubles is just a few feet away.
Izuku sat in the classroom of 1-A picking at his nails as Aizawa-Sensei droned on about something or another at the front of the room. He was only half listening. The class had just finished their latest chemistry test, and Izuku knew he had likely failed it. He would like to say that it wasn't for lack of trying, but that wouldn't exactly be the truth. It's not that he didn't want to study, he really did! But it seemed every time he tried to sit down and write something halfway decent, or even just finish a problem, his mind wouldn't stay in one place. All this failure was really beginning to wear on him too. He used to be such a high-achieving student and now he was just Izuku. Just Izuku.
Not for the first time, his mind was occupied with how much schoolwork he is behind on and how absolutely screwed over he was. If he just killed himself, he wouldn't have to worry about that anymore. He sighed. Logically, he knew that suicide was not the answer. As he has heard several times before, it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. That didn't stop him from thinking about it.
The bell rung, snapping him out of his thoughts.
Uraraka walked up to his desk, "Deku! How did you do on that last chemistry test? I think I might've actually done pretty good!"
"Hey Uraraka. I don't know, and honestly I'd rather not think about it," he laughed. It was easy to laugh with his friends, even if it was at his own expense. Especially if it was at his own expense.
"Understandable, understandable." She replied with a smile. "Well, Iida and I were just going to head to the cafeteria for some lunch. Did you want to come along?"
Izuku had noticed the two had been spending a lot more time alone together, and he didn't want to intrude on what was clearly a romance in the making.
"Nah, it's alright. I've got some homework I gotta catch up on, so I think I'm just going to head to my room for lunch. Thanks for the offer though! I'll catch up with you guys later!" Izuku waved at Iida from across the room as he said his goodbyes to Uraraka.
"No wait. Actually, do you mind if I talk to you really quick? In private." Uraraka looked to the side and back quickly.
Neither noticed, but Bakugou shot him a look when their backs were turned.
"Uh yeah, sure! Just let me grab my stuff and we can talk outside of the classroom?"
"Yeah sure, that sounds good to me."
Izuku made quick work of packing up his textbooks and met Uraraka outside of the classroom.
"Hey, are you doing okay? I can't help but notice that you seem a little tired. You know you can always come to be if something is bothering you, right?" She looked so genuinely concerned, it made Izuku's heart twist.
"Yeah, of course. I know that! But I promise you I'm fine, I've just been up late studying lately and it's getting to be a bit much for me. But don't worry! It'll all blow over after the semester is up, and then I'll be good as new!" He said, giving her his signature smile and a thumbs up.
Uraraka's look of concern twisted into a frown. "Well, alright. If you're sure. But please come to me if you're feeling down, we don't want a repeat of last semester." She laughed it off, but the underlying concern was unmistakable.
Last semester was an ordeal. Izuku had been struggling with his grades, very similar to how he is struggling with his grades now, and all that stress had bubbled over into an attempt on his life. He tried to overdose on his depression medication, which is stupid, because everyone knows you can't overdose on Wellbutrin. Uraraka had come to him for some help- last-minute cramming for a final they had scheduled for the next day and found him convulsing on the floor. One trip to recovery girl, a severe scolding, and several hours later, he was practically good as new. Physically, at least.
That didn't stop Uraraka from worrying. She was sworn to secrecy about his condition, Izuku hates making people worry, but ever since that night it seems she hasn't taken her eyes off of him.
Izuku laughed, "Yeah, you got me there haha. Well thanks for the concern, but I'm going to head out now if that's cool with you?"
"Oh yeah totally!" Uraraka said. "Just remember what I said, alright?"
"Will do!" Izuku turned and waved to his friend as he started making his way down the hallway.
Head downturned, Izuku made his way back to the dorms and sighed. That was too easy. In general, Izuku was not a good liar. No, actually he was a terrible liar. But lying about his condition was getting easier and easier these days. He had an endless list of believable excuses to give people when he was feeling down, and he hasn't been caught without an excuse in ages.
Alone, Izuku was allowed to steep in his thoughts. He set his backpack down, and quickly changed into more conformable clothes. Now that he was all by himself, the fun could begin.
Izuku didn't slit his wrists. Oh no, that was far too obvious of a place for him. Instead, he lifted his shirt and pressed the cold razor against his ribcage. The cuts had to be shallow here, as there wasn't a lot of fat between the surface of the skin and bone, but it was a sacrifice he was willing to make for the security that cutting in a less obvious place brings. As he watched blood pool where razor once was, he felt the rush of endorphins flood his body. Nothing could match the weightless feeling he got when he cut. That feeling that, even when he was bleeding, he was unbreakable. Izuku knew that this was catharsis unmatched by any other, and he knew that no matter what Recovery Girl had to say about it, nothing could keep him from this power, this feeling of absolute rapture that only cutting could bring.