A/N: No spanking in this one. We are going to start diving more into Amanda's past, here is the first story that gives a little bit more insight. More about Amanda's past will be revealed in future stories.
"This was a really bad idea." Amanda commented fearfully as Olivia pulled the car into the parking lot of the familiar house. Olivia turned the car's engine off and reached across to hold Amanda's hand.
"It's very sweet of you to want to come down to see your dad after his stroke. Look at me, my love. I'm right here with you. I got us a hotel room so we can have the evenings to ourselves and if at any point you decide you want to go back to New York early, all you have to do is tell me and I will make that happen for you. We don't have to stay any longer than you want to stay." Olivia said kindly.
"What if I need to be 'little' while we're here?" Amanda asked.
"I packed Erica, your sippy cup, some diapers, and your pacifier for you, they're in the blue bag. If you need to be my little girl, all you have to do is tell me and I will take you back to the hotel. You just whisper in my ear like we do, okay?"
"Okay. I love you." Amanda smiled and leaned across to kiss Olivia.
"I love you too." Olivia smiled and returned her wife's affection.
Amanda stepped out of the car and took a deep breath, staring up at the house she grew up in. She forced herself not to think about some of the things that had occurred in this house and instead grabbed Olivia's hand as they walked up to the door and Amanda reached for the handle.
"Hello!" Amanda called out as she walked into the house, followed by Olivia. The first thing that Amanda's eyes landed on was the strap still hanging on the wall where it had been for as long as she could remember. Although both of the Rollins daughters were grown, the strap was still kept in its spot to frighten any potential grandchildren into obedience, even though neither Kim or Amanda planned to have children. Amanda winced just thinking about the wicked strap landing across her tender back.
"Hey, Amanda. Hey, Liv." Kim walked out of the kitchen to greet them. She was on probation again and living with her parents while she tried to get clean for what seemed like the thousandth time.
"Hey, Kim." Olivia greeted.
"Hey. Where's Mom and Daddy?" Amanda embraced her sister.
"Daddy's still weak from the stroke, Mom took him upstairs to rest."
"I thought I heard voices down here." Beth Anne suddenly appeared from upstairs and offered her best fake smile.
"Hey, Mom." Amanda didn't move to hug her mother, nor did Beth Anne offer any affection.
"Oh, dear. You've gained just a tad bit of weight, darling." Beth Anne observed, eyeing her eldest daughter's backside critically.
"It's late in the evening, so we aren't staying. We just wanted to let you know that we made it into town safely. We'll see you tomorrow. Tell Daddy we'll see him in the morning."
"Oh, but your room is all ready for you, and I set up the spare room for Detective Benson." Beth Anne said.
"Olivia is my wife, Mom, we share a room. And we got a hotel room so we'll be out of your hair. We'll come by in the morning for breakfast." Amanda said.
"Still the same ungrateful brat. Just like when you were six and refused the dancing lessons Nana paid for." Beth Anne huffed as Amanda pulled Olivia out of the house.
"You did so well in there, baby. Just take a breath. Good girl." Olivia praised lovingly once they were back in the car, gently tucking Amanda's long blonde hair behind her ear.
"The strap." Amanda whimpered.
"I know, sweetheart. I saw it too. It's okay, no more strap." Olivia promised. Amanda had told her all about the atrocities inflicted on her tender back and stomach by that strap. It didn't go unnoticed that Beth Anne hadn't said one word to her and Olivia felt a rush of satisfaction; obviously the woman was still angry with her about the last time Olivia had put Beth Anne in her place and was giving her the silent treatment, which was just fine as far as Olivia was concerned.
"I didn't refuse the dancing lessons. I wanted horseback riding lessons, but Nana wouldn't pay for those so Mom made me go to the dancing lessons. I wasn't good at it and they told me not to come back." Amanda explained and cried remembering the beating she had endured that night after the dance instructor called.
"Cuddle, Mama?" Amanda pleaded, sinking into 'little' space.
"Of course, precious. Let's get to the hotel and we'll cuddle and watch TV."
Olivia checked them into the hotel and led Amanda through the halls to their room. Olivia made sure to hang the 'do not disturb' sign on the door. The first thing Amanda did was reach into the blue bag and retrieve Erica and her pacifier, cuddling the doll close to her heart and popping the pacifier into her mouth. Olivia turned the TV on and found cartoons. She guided Amanda to lie down on the bed and gently changed her into a diaper, then guided her to sit up and slid behind her to cuddle her. Olivia kissed Amanda's temple when she felt Amanda's body completely relax into hers. Amanda smiled when Mama kissed her.
"Erica wants kisses too." Amanda held up her doll and Olivia obediently kissed the doll.
"All right, sweet girl, bedtime." Mama announced when she glanced at the clock and noticed the time.
"Not tired." Amanda protested with a yawn.
"Sure you're not. Come on, into pajamas, teeth brushed. We can read one story then it's time to sleep."
The next morning, Amanda and Olivia got up and went back to the house to join Amanda's family for breakfast. Amanda kissed her father sitting in his chair at the head of the table.
"Morning, Daddy."
"Someone go fetch me a beer." Jim demanded.
"Daddy, it's eight thirty in the morning and you just had a stroke." Amanda pointed out, already knowing that it was useless.
"Don't sass me, girl. That detective of yours'll backhand ya."
"I will not." Olivia gave the man her best Detective Benson glare.
Kim came wandering down the stairs, clearly high as a kite. Amanda went into the kitchen to offer to help with breakfast. Although she didn't win any points as mother of the year, Beth Anne was a fabulous cook.
"Morning, Mom. Do you need help with breakfast?"
"I heard your father ask you to bring him a beer. Didn't I raise you with any manners? When your father tells you to do something, you do it. Or do you still need a lesson with Mr. Strap after all these years?" Beth Anne threatened with a glare.
"I'm a grown woman, mother. And my wife is in the next room, she could arrest you for threatening me with assault."
"Stupid girl. Olivia has no power over a parent disciplining a disrespectful child." Beth Anne scoffed dismissively, even though they both knew that Olivia would have absolutely no problem arresting any member of Amanda's family.
"Discipline. Is that what we're calling it?" Amanda asked, almost amused but not quite.
"Oh, you're fine. If that quack of a therapist of yours is still trying to convince you that we abused you, then it's certainly no fault of ours if you're stupid enough to believe him."
"So it's normal to leave your child on their bed bleeding and screaming in pain?"
"That only happened once because you refused to bend over when your father told you to."
"No, Mom. That happened so many times I lost count. That happened every time I so much as blinked the wrong way." Amanda glared, her insides shaking. Not only was she beaten for her own shortcomings and imperfections, Amanda was often beaten for Kim's misbehavior as well.
"Fix your face this instant. Honestly, Amanda, if Olivia knew the lies you make up, she'd leave you in a second."
"Beth Anne, I highly recommend that you stop talking." Olivia walked into the kitchen, having overheard the last few minutes of their conversation.
"There's no crime in a mother talking to one of their children, Detective Benson. Which is not something I expect you to understand since you have none. Now, breakfast is ready."
By the time lunch rolled around, Amanda was feeling rather defeated, convinced that she was stupid and crazy. Olivia was protective as always and sternly shut down any and all attempts by all three members of the Rollins family to make Amanda feel worthless. It didn't help that Beth Anne and Jim were constantly at each other's throats. Kim was high and didn't care about much of anything, but the drugs made her tongue crueler than usual. Before lunch was even ready, Amanda squeezed Olivia's hand with all her might and whispered one word into the brunette detective's ear.
"Mama."
They made their excuses to leave and Olivia got Amanda out of the house as quickly as possible. Amanda crawled into the passenger seat and burst into tears.
"Mama's here, baby love. That's Mama's good girl." Olivia cooed, holding Amanda's hand.
Since they hadn't stayed at the house long enough to eat lunch, Olivia drove to the nearest McDonalds and pulled into the drive-thru. They took their food back to their hotel room and Little Mandy brightened a pathetic little bit when Mama handed her the happy meal. Safe in Mama's arms, Little Mandy opened the brightly colored bag in search of the toy hidden inside.
"Hold on, sweetie. The rules haven't changed. Eat your food before you open that." Olivia said kindly, referring to the small toy in Amanda's hand.
"Yes, Mama." Amanda obediently set the toy aside and turned to her food.
After lunch, Mama changed Little Mandy into a diaper and cuddled the little girl in her arms while Amanda cried out all of her fear and frustration, being tenderly rocked and reassured that Olivia would never hurt her or leave her. When she finally stopped crying, she still continued to stay cuddled in Mama's arms while Mama read several of Little Mandy's favorite stories to her.
"Mama, Grover is so silly." Little Mandy giggled while they were reading 'There's A Monster At The End of This Book'.
"He certainly is. Do you want to turn the page?" Olivia smiled.
They decided not to go back over to the Rollins' house for dinner and they decided that tomorrow instead of going over first thing in the morning, they would take the morning for themselves and go over in the afternoon. Amanda would most likely ask to go back to New York a few days early, but that was perfectly okay. She knew that she had a strong, loving Mama who would never abandon her and would support whatever decision she made.