AN: This was literally a shitpost, but NO, people on Tumblr wanted this. Who am I to disobey the will of 23 Tumblrs who liked the idea?
Anyway, this is easily the most-shitpost-y and self-indulgent thing I've ever written. Have fun.
"This is ridiculous." Adora sighed.
"I know." Glimmer rolled her eyes. "A paper assigned over spring break? That's an insult."
"I think she was talking about the mission, Glimmer." Bow amended, his voice coming from Adora's pocket.
"Well, excuse me, but I'm still worried about having my vacation infringed upon." Glimmer grumbled.
"Could you focus? We're rock climbing up a sheer cliff face and you've almost fallen twice." Adora gestured to the wall they were climbing.
"I'm distracted, and I'm not the best rock climber on a good day."
"We should do training courses or something. Biking, rock climbing, some aerobics for dodging when bad guys start shooting at us."
"Pass."
"The entrance should be on your left." Bow offered. "Look for a secret button."
"Got it." Glimmer poked a suspicious-looking ledge and a door opened up beside them. "Secret labs. People just can't seem to hide them very well." She shook her head as they climbed into the entrance.
"To be fair, Dr. Drill was just trying to hide the lab from curious rock climbers." Adora shrugged, pulling off her gear. "Plus, she needs to be able to find it herself."
"Actually, I have an elevator from the mountaintop." A voice piped up from in front of them. Adora looked up, startled, to see Dr. Drill waiting for them.
"Wait, so we didn't have to climb up a sheer rock face to get here?" Glimmer groaned.
"You did not. If you had let me know you were coming, I would've directed you to the employees' entrance. That one is just for visitors." Drill nodded.
"Unbelievable."
"Dr. Drill," Adora cut in. "We're here in response to your hit on my website. Something was stolen from your lab, as I understand it?"
"Yes! Follow me!" Dr. Drill nodded eagerly and headed deeper into the lab. The duo followed her, taking in the strange array of half-built machinery. "This morning, I came into the lab and saw that everything was completely out of order from the way I left it. I thought I may have blacked out from fumes again and rearranged the lab, but when I went through my logs, there was no mention of me moving anything from its designated spot." The doctor shrugged.
"Logs?" Glimmer asked.
"Yes, I have a system rigged up in my work area to record everything I say. I get so busy, I often forget to jot down my findings or detail my processes. This way, I can have everything I need just by talking aloud." Dr. Drill said happily.
"Smart." Adora observed. "They don't let us take auditory notes in our classes."
"Eh, the American education system is in need of some serious updates." Drill scoffed. "For starters, I have a great prototype of a robotic chef. My current caterer hates it, which is how I know the prototype is working."
"Robotic lunch-ladies?" Glimmer raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Can't be any worse than the one we have. Probably would have more personality too."
"Aside from up-and-coming culinary bots," Adora pulled out the communicator and started typing. "Do you have any high-profile work that might make your lab worth breaking into?"
"As far as I can tell, nothing is missing." Drill said. "Though, I did notice one of my personal droids was out of place. Somehow Emily ended over - Wait." she rushed over to a vat filled with fluid and gasped. "My fetus! It's gone! There's no way it could have left the cloning pod unless someone took it!"
"Did you say cloning pods?" Adora deadpanned.
"Yes, cloning was a project I started with an old partner. Never panned out, but I always say no experiment is a failure. I'm sure I can use half-formed clones of bats for something." Drill shrugged. "And now one's been stolen!"
"Bat clones. This woman clones bats." Glimmer coughed.
"Glimmer…."
"Let me check my logs and see if anything else is missing." Drill rubbed her hands together. "Darla?"
"Yes, Entrapta?" a disembodied voice answered.
"Play me my logs from past twenty-four hours."
"Playing logs." The sound of crickets mixed with mechanical whirring played in the lab.
"Maybe give us the highlights." Adora recommended.
"Darla, play vocal tracks from those logs, please." Drill amended.
"I have found vocal tracks from non-users. Did you have guests yesterday?" Darla's monotone voice read.
"There were no non-users in the lab yesterday." Drill frowned, scratching her purple hair.
"That must have been the intruders." Glimmer snapped her fingers.
"Oh, yeah!" Adora agreed.
"Darla, play non-user vocal tracks." Drill instructed.
"Yes, Entrapta."
"Thank you!"
"You're welcome."
"That was an unwelcome strain on my back." An unfamiliar voice complained.
"You'll be fine. Besides, I did all the climbing. All you did was shimmy up a rope." A second one groaned.
"Have you ever shimmed up a rope for 1.5 thousand feet?"
"I just climbed up a mountain, Hordak. With no climbing gear, mind you, because you're too cheap for anything but a rope. Do you really want to be the one bitching?"
"Bow?" Adora turned on the communicator. "Run a search on the name 'Hordak' and cross-reference with any crime reports."
"That won't be necessary." Drill said simply. "Darla, pause recordings." The speaking stopped. "I happen to know the thief."
"You know this Hordak guy?" Adora rubbed her chin.
"He's my old partner. We started the cloning project together, but he was headhunted by a big wig genetics firm. I haven't heard from him since, but the word around the science community is that he was laid off after being caught doing some unsavory experiments on volunteers." Drill shook her head. "Oh, Hordak."
"Wait, I heard about that on the news." Adora remembered.
"'Disgraced geneticist linked to inhumane experimentation vanishes before arrest.'" Bow piped up. "'Velvet Glove Labs has been accused of several counts of violating the Geneva convention and the laws of nature. Dozens of employees, including CEO Horace Prime, have been suspected of these experiments, but only one has been confirmed and indicted; Dr. Hordak Drill. He has since disappeared from his home and is wanted by authorities.'"
"Hordak….. Drill?" Glimmer frowned.
"Like I said. Old partner." Drill shrugged.
"We thought you meant lab-partner!"
"Husband. And ex-business partner." She clarified. "I hope we can make it work again one day, but alas. He's gone the way of biology." She shook her head mournfully.
"Right. Well, any idea who the second robber could be?" Adora wondered.
"Never heard her before."
"Bow?"
"I may have something." Bow held up a finger as he typed. "Hordak isn't the only person to flee the Velvet Glove recently."
"Another mad scientist?" Glimmer groaned.
"Not exactly. After Hordak's disappearing act, a watchdog agency tasked with getting to the bottom of the accusations investigated the lab. When they were gone, private security reported one of Velvet Glove's big projects as missing. Nothing was stolen, but an expensive asset disappeared during the investigation." He squinted at his computer.
"How was nothing stolen but something missing?" Adora asked.
"Not something. Someone. An unnamed volunteer with an extremely rare genetic disorder vanished from her, uh, maximum-security surveillance suite while security was monitoring the investigators." Bow said. "The next day, an Etherian tabloid reported that a convenience store was robbed by a, quote, 'woman with catlike-reflexes and physical features.'"
"One of the labs' freakish experiments was making the Cats movie a reality?" Adora wrinkled her nose.
"Biologists." Drill shook her head.
"Great. A literal cat burglar and a rogue geneticist are stealing from robotics labs." Glimmer sighed.
"Seems like it. The good news is that, based on what was stolen, I think I know where they're going to strike next." Bow perked up. "Tonight, the Plumeria Medical Institute is holding a mixer. The Institute is at the top of the field of medicinal-duplication."
"Cloning again?"
"Precisely. The Institute can clone body parts for organ transplants that are exact matches for the patient."
"They go to the ball, take advantage of the chill attitude, and steal the tech." Adora realized.
"Bingo."
"We have to stop them, Bow. Get us two tickets to that mixer, stat." Glimmer said seriously.
"Invested in the mission?" Adora raised an eyebrow.
"Invested in going to a party to save the world." Glimmer corrected.
"If you go after them, be warned." Drill piped up. "They were able to break into my lab, damage some of my machines, and do that to the wall." She gestured to four long slashes next to the cloning pods.
"How did you not know you had a break-in, again?" Glimmer demanded. Adora silently agreed. It seemed obvious from the wrecked lab.
"I have some hazardous machines and am trying to equip them with AI."
"Yeah, Hordak is the mad scientist." Glimmer mumbled under her breath.
"Thank you for the call, Dr. Drill, but now that we have all this evidence, we should be going." Adora shook the doctor's hand, ignoring Glimmer. "We have first period back soon, and school is three time zones away."
"Thank you, Adora Bull." Dr. Drill grinned. "I hope you find my work soon. If Hordak felt he had to steal it, he doesn't have any good intentions. I would have given Imp to him gladly if he had told me what he needed it for."
"I'll keep that in mind."
"Let's roll, AB. If I get more tardy on my record, it's detention." Glimmer insisted.
"Is there any way we could use the employee exit?" Adora tried.
"Oh, of course. Down the hall to your left, can't miss it." Drill pointed.
"Thanks again. And feel free to call if one of your bots becomes sentient and goes rogue."
"You'll be the first to know."
"Looking forward to that." Glimmer muttered sarcastically as they headed for the elevator.
"Etherian History-Makers." Adora read in study hall. "That's the whole topic?"
"They do that on purpose. By making the topic vague, teachers trick you into thinking you have lots of options and can make the paper fun. Instead, all the vagueness does is confuse you because you don't have proper instructions and no idea what qualifies as a topic for the paper." Glimmer accused.
"Well, at least we have all of next week to figure it out." Adora shrugged.
"But next week is spring break!" Glimmer moaned. "Work during breaks should be illegal."
"Like this paper is interrupting your nonstop plans."
"That's low. And I'm having a stay-cation, thank you."
"As in 'staying in my room all day, watching YouTube and playing Sparkle Mountain' kind of a stay-cation?"
"Precisely. Sparkle Mountain calls my name, and I must abide." Glimmer said reverently.
"That game will rot your brain, you know." Adora rolled her eyes.
"RPGs are good for you! They cultivate imagination and creativity."
"Yes, I'm sure blowing up enemies with your character's magical sparkle blasts and teleportation powers is very rewarding for your brain."
"Don't mock the magic of a level 150 Sorcerer Queen!"
"Ms. Bright, please keep your voice down." Mrs. General called from the front of the room.
"Sorry." Glimmer lowered her head.
"Maybe we should get back to the paper. If we finish it today, then we have all break free." Adora advised.
"It's the principal of the thing, though." Glimmer grumbled.
"Fine. Die on that hill. As for me, I've already picked my topic." Adora said proudly.
"Who?"
"Your mom."
"Haha, very funny."
"I'm serious."
"What? You can't interview my mother." Glimmer hissed.
"She's been Principal for thirty years, cultivated the free student lunch program, and banned Gym from being more than twice a week. She's changed history for the better." Adora defended.
"But she's my mother. I should get to interview her." Glimmer whined.
"We can both do it."
"And have similar papers?"
"Yeah."
"Oh. Okay." Glimmer shrugged.
"See? The paper is halfway done." Adora grinned, tapping her paper.
The communicator beeped, and half the class shushed her. Adora's grin turned sheepish, but she answered the call anyway. "What's the sitch, Bow?"
"I have both of your tickets to the ball, but you need to pick up your clothes on your own." Bow said.
"I have some great dresses at home. We'll be fine." Glimmer put in.
"This mission could turn combative fast. Are you sure dresses are your best bet?" Bow asked.
"Oh yeah."
"I'll call in a favor, get us some tactical suits." Adora promised.
"Tactical suits are a thing?" Glimmer's eyes sparkled.
"You'd be surprised." Adora said. "Bow, did you just call to check on our wardrobe?"
"I also wanted to remind you that the Institute is in Plumeria, so it'll take some time to get there from Etheria. You may need to cut class to get your clothes and head to the ball in time." Bow advised.
"Great, let's go." Glimmer pumped her fist.
"It's the last day before spring break. Do we really want to be the kids who bail before a holiday?"
"Just go." Mrs. General said, not looking up from her book. "Knowing the two of you, this is some 'save the world' type deal, and that's more important than Home Ec. next period." She jabbed a thumb at the door.
"No fair!" Mermista stood up angrily. "Why do they get to go while the rest of us stay here?"
"Ms. Saline, when you regularly foil evil supervillains, then you can cut class early." General looked away from her book, and the class collectively grimaced. "Until then, sit down."
"But-"
"Bull, Bright, get out. Saline, you've got detention." She looked back down at Art of War and Mermista fumed while Glimmer and Adora frantically packed.
"It's spring break starting at 3!"
"Now your break won't start until 5. Hope it was worth the spectacle you've made in my classroom."
"Good luck, Mermista." Glimmer chuckled as she and Adora made their way out the door. They managed to avoid hearing her no-doubt snarky reply. "That was fun."
"Eyes on the prize, Glimmer."
"Right. Tactical suits time!"
AN: There will be another installment of this at some point. It was originally a one-shot, but I split it because I'm stagnating some on the second half. Next time on this fic: Princess Prom, but it's just this time with evil scientists and teenage world-heroes. So, you know, not much has really changed.
See you soon (eventually)!