I don't own these characters or profit from them. Also this is based on the movie, which I feel is superior to the book. However I'm certain Diana Wynn Jones would have approved of the changes since the extremely short book seemed slightly unfinished and likely was made after or around when she died and she might have made some of those changes herself.
Earwig and the Witch: Christmas Dinner
By, Clayton Overstreet
Some people say you can't go home again while others say you never should. Bella Yaga glared across the table at the busty redheaded witch who had arrived toting a pie and alongside Earwig's friend Custard. The two children sat at one end of the table between them with the mandrake sitting quietly on the other, his shiny paper hat still on his head as his cheeks heated up.
"So the little beast is yours is she?"
The redhead raised her eyebrow. "And you're the mysterious woman who adopted her last year. I got your information from the orphanage." Bella looked at the station pie between them. "I bought that when I came into town. Figured I'd stop by and say hello. I didn't know Earwig was with you until I saw your name on the paperwork." She smiled at the Mandrake. "I remember it was always your favorite." He nodded and grunted a little.
"So you're my mum?" Earwig asked. They turned to look at her.
Bella frowned. "Did you know about this?"
"Well," she said as Custard tried to squeeze into his chair next to her. "I do have a photographic memory, but things from when I was a baby are always a bit blurry. I thought she might be, but when I asked it seemed like a bit of a sore subject and I hardly thought it mattered."
"It didn't?"
The girl sniffed. "Of course not. I had no idea when or if you'd be back and I have a perfectly serviceable home now. I was originally planning to stay at the orphanage, but becoming a witch is working out much better. What was your name?"
The woman blushed. "Tina Yaga."
Earwig looked at Bella who sneered. "My elder sister. Who got made part of the coven of witches that leads all magic users when she perfected her philosopher's stone. Always was a bit of a show off. At least until she broke coven law and got involved in politics."
Earwig resisted the urge to say "So that's why she looks so much younger than you". Instead she said, "So that's where you ran off to."
"I'm sorry I couldn't take you with me Earwig…"
"Wait, that's her real name? I thought you were Erica Wig or some such," Bella said.
"No, I left a note," Tina said.
"They probably didn't think it was a proper name," Earwig said.
"Anyway I'm sorry I wasn't around to be a good mother…" She stopped as Earwig laughed. "What?"
"You were a fantastic mother. I mean I do read you know. In my opinion leaving me behind at a wonderful orphanage was quite preferable than taking me around when a bunch of witches were trying to get you. I just wish I'd known. We all make up stories about who our real parents were and why they left us. Custard for example lost his family in an arson fire and while that's sad, it's always been the best story.
"If I'd known my mum was a fugitive witch and former rock star mine would have been so much better." Bella snorted and custard stared wide eyed. "I already got adopted by a wonderful witch and drummer and a kind and caring mandrake. Honestly it's fantastic." She paused. "You aren't here to take me back yet, are you?" She saw Mandrake and Bella stiffen up. If the older witch spoke she was sure she would say something like "Good riddance" but the words seemed to get stuck in her throat. Meanwhile the Mandrake's eyes flickered with suppressed emotions. For some kind of demon he was surprisingly emotional.
"It's not that I don't want to, but I'm afraid I can't," she said. "A few years on the run and I finally had to skip worlds with the help of an old friend of mine named Howel Jenkins."
Bella snorted. "That lazy peacock…"
The Mandrake growled softly and Tina moved on quickly. "I ended up in a world where the government controls witchcraft and there was an enchanter called Chrestomanci who offered me sanctuary and agreed to intervene with the coven for me, but in exchange I have to so some work for him. He's got me helping rebuild a medieval world that was being used as a man from this one as sort of an amusement park. I'm working with some wizards and griffins and wizard griffins…" She paused. "This isn't going too fast for you is it?"
"Not at all," Earwig said haughtily. "The Mandrake lends me plenty of books on the history of witchcraft and I was just reading The Way of the Words by, Prometheus. It talked all about the Homeward Bounder revolt in the eighties. I haven't gotten that far in my training, but I think I've got the gist. I also learned about gods and luminaries and all sorts of other things. He's very smart." Mandrake's ears burst into flames and he could nto help a small smile.
"She really is quite clever," the Mandrake said.
Tina smiled. "I'm not surprised. You know Earwig your father is—"
"Stop right there," the girl interrupted. "I'd rather not know."
"You wouldn't?"
"Well I think either you're about to tell me it's the Mandrake… or you're not. If I'm some half demon or other all well and good, but it doesn't' really change anything, since he'd my dad now anyway. If I'm not then since you didn't bring him with you, you aren't together and anything else would just be disappointing, right?" Across the table the Mandrake smiled at her and she smiled back. "I would like to know what exactly this rule is that got you in trouble."
Tina frowned. "I just wanted to make the world a better place. I thought it was selfish for witches not to act to stop crime or clean up the environment, so I tried to help a politician become Prime Minister."
"Flagrantly going against the will of the coven. It's been witch law since witches helped the Spanish armada centuries ago to stay out of politics. Then there were those seven off world sorcerers who tried it a few decades back… last I heard only Erskin and his youngest brother Venturus or something are still around and the youngest one got turned into a child or some such. Always wondered what they would do to you if they caught you dear sister."
"I just wanted…"
"Well I have to side with the coven on this one," Earwig said. Tina turned and stared at her, clearly shocked. "It's obvious that witches have an edge, but if everyone was a witch or something it wouldn't be much fun. On top of that if witches can just hop to other worlds when things go bad, they should let ordinary people run their own lives, not try controlling them. If we did then we'd never do anything else."
"Ha!" Bella said.
"Oh don't get all high and mighty you old baggage, earwig said, giving her a little dig. "I'd still let witches try if they wanted, if it were me. Give her a license to try at least."
Tina smiled a little. "Unfortunately witches do not take kindly to those who deny their edicts. The ruling coven members don't generally have to compromise, even for one of their own."
Earwig shrugged. "I can't blame them. I generally find thought hat people do what you want better when you're kind to them."
"And what do you do if they remain nasty even when you are nice?"
Looking at Bella Yaga Earwig grinned evilly. "Well in that case I might curse them to have a couple of extra hands grow out of their butt and face or something." Bella blushed and to everyone's surprise the Mandrake let out a loud bark of laughter. After a moment even Bella chuckled a little and fakes a swing at the girl who easily dodged it. "Anyway mother, while I'm glad you came to visit I am quite happy in my current situation. Besides I promised the Mandrake I wouldn't run away."
"You can stay the night," Bella finally said. "Even a couple days. If you want. We gave Earwig your old guitar and she could probably use a bit of advice on playing the ruddy thing properly. She's competent enough at drumming and has even picked up a bit of keyboard, but honestly she takes after you musically. I just hope she has more sense about other matters."
Tina looked at her daughter. "You don't' have a problem with that, do you?"
"I'd love to get to know you a bit,' she said happily. "You already met my mate Custard."
"Yes, he seems like a nice boy.'
Custard blushed. "Um, I have to get back to the orphanage soon, before lights out." Earwig nodded. "That's okay. I'll tell you what happens later. Come visit again though, okay?"
He looked nervously at the Mandrake, but nodded. I will." He gave her a quick hug and then raced away.
They waited until the door opened and closed. Tina said, 'I hope being under the sway of the coven doesn't chafe too much. It seems like you are the type who prefers giving orders to taking them, if what I heard at your old children's home is right. The matron had quite a lot to say on the subject as did nearly everyone else who knew you."
"She's a stubborn and bossy brat, I'll give her that," Bella Yaga said. Despite her tone she gave a little smile of pride.
"Actually hearing that there's a coven of witches in charge of every witch in the world is the best news I've heard since the Mandrake said I'd be getting proper magic lessons."
"It is?" Tina asked. The three of them all looked at her and Earwig made a steeple with her fingers, smiling over them as her eyebrows arched and laughed evilly. Thomas the cat, watched from the corner and recognized the look as the same one Earwig had when she had cursed Bella Yaga with those extra hands. "That means there are only about a dozen people between me and being queen of the world's witches."
Blinking her mother looked at the other two. "Is she serious?"
"Probably," Bella said. "And I wouldn't bet against her managing it."
"Of course I'll manage it," Earwig said. "I figure I'll become a rock star for my teenage years. Not one of those pop idols either but a real proper musician."
"Using magic?"
Earwig gave her mother a withering look 'Don't be ridiculous. You can't make people love you or what you do with magic. I mean you can, but it's a bit of a cheat. If I look half as good as you when I grow up I'll have no problem with people liking me. If I want power I'm still learning witchcraft. Same for money. It is scary how much Bella's customers pay to win dog shows or catch the eye of a neighbor boy."
"Do you have any plans once you're queen?"
"Oh I'm sure I'll think of something," she said and her evil face went back to affable little girl. "Not world domination or anything like I said, that seems like a bad idea. If the muggles ruin the planet witches can leave and come back and fix it either, but it seems like a bad idea to try steering them."
"Why?"
"Well because then they'd never learn anything. I read a Neil Gaiman book once where a boy had that kind of power and he figured sure, he could save the whales and make more of them, but it was probably better if people learned what happens when you kill off whales. A little unfair, but then so's mind controlling people."
"Muggles?"
Earwig shrugged. "Good enough word, isn't it? Personally I think mandrake's books are way better. Dumbledore was a bigger threat in those kids than the bad guys and the whole school system seems like a horrible idea for witchcraft. Which I guess explains Voldemort." She got up and went to the counter, coming back with four plates and a carving knife. "Why don't the three of us split this pie and let Bella have the best parts of the turkey and desert we already made/ She doesn't really like station pie." The Mandrake's eyes flashed a little and she quickly added, "Which means more for us." He calmed down
Tina reached over and put a hand on his. "I have missed… both of you quite a lot."
He nodded and then gently pulled his hand away. "We miss you too. But you left."
She pulled her own hand back and looked down. "I know."
Earwig placed a small slice of pie in front of her. She looked up and saw the entire rest of the pie was split between the girl and the Mandrake. Before she could say anything Earwig stuck out her tongue and said, "You know you can't just waltz back in and out. You got a bit of penance to work off first." She smiled. "I'm not actually mad at you though. Like I said, I think you are a great mum who did right by me, so I don't have any real complaints on that score. But let's just say if you were to spend a bit of time teaching me how to make one of those philosopher's stones and I'd consider that a good way to make up for all of those missed birthdays and Christmases."
Tina stared at her and then looked at Bella Yaga. "Did you teach her to be like this?"
"Don't look at me. She was like this from day one." Tearing a turkey leg off the bird and putting it on her plate she said, "I should have known she was your daughter."
"Yes, well don't think you're getting rid of me just because she came back," Earwig told the blue haired witch. "It's not going to be that easy."
"Should have let you run off on the first day," was the mumbled reply.
Mandrake looked at Tina. "Do it."
Poking at her pie Tina nodded. "Very well, I suppose I must." She looked at Earwig with a mix of wonder and a little pride as the girl shoveled food into her mouth. Thomas came up and rubbed against their legs and Tina slipped him a turkey wing that he immediately ran off with.
When they finished eating she watched as Earwig happily got up and began placing the dishes and extra food away. Then the girl yawned and hugged Bella, the Mandrake, and yes Tina before she and the cat went off to bed. Tina watched her go and a tear fell down her cheek. "I never meant to involve anyone else. That's why I…"
"Why you had a fight with us before you left," Bella said. Tina looked at her. "We saw right through you sister. Can't say I didn't feel a bit of satisfaction when I slapped you. But we knew what you were doing."
"You still left," the Mandrake said softly. It was barely a whisper but it was still full of more emotion than he usually showed. Los. Pain. A bit of hope that she might come back and the iron certainty that if she did it would be after a long hard slog in which she might, might, earn her way back into their hearts. He did not give her the chance to reply. He just stood up and then turned, walking through the wall behind him without a backward glance. "Don't disturb me."
Left alone the two witches looked at each other. Finally Bella stood up and said, "I suppose I'd better find a room for you to sleep in. Can't have you cluttering the place up. You still have that bike of yours?"
"I borrowed my boss's car," she said. "The motorbike got eaten by a dragon." Bella laughed nastily. "Sister…"
"Don't. You did what you did and chose your folly. It's done." She paused and looked at her sister seriously. "One thing though sister. I realize you can't stay and that girl is about as self reliant as it gets. Smart. Strong. She's going to take the world by storm, whatever she does. You should know though, that if you break her heart like you did ours, forgiveness will be the last thing you'll have to worry about. If you hurt that girl there won't be enough of you left to full a tea cup and you'll be wishing the coven got hold of you."
Tina started to reply but she saw the look in her sister's eye and thought of the way the Mandrake had looked at Earwig. Instead she just nodded. Words would never be enough. It was actions or nothing. So she just nodded solemnly and while Bella got up to get her some blankets she went down the hall and peered into Earwig's room.
The girl lay in bed sound asleep with the cat curled up by her head on her pillow. She was looking far more angelic than she had when she had mentioned becoming queen of the witches and going through the dozen or so members of the coven standing in her way like a lawnmower through grass. Now she just looked beautiful and perfect, just like when she was a baby. She had known she was leaving the girl in good hands, but it still tore her up. Losing Bella and even the Mandrake had not torn at her heart quite as much as leaving that perfect innocent baby behind. And that had been like icicles in her heart, guilt that never quite went away even when she had been sure she had been right In fact she had been sure breaking up the band Earwig was the right thin to do. Leaving Earwig the girl on the other hand had been different. Because at least the other two had a choice in whether or not to go with her. With her it had been necessary, but it had been Tina's decision and if she had known she was pregnant at the time, she wondered how her so called principles would have held out against that face.
Especially since the whole thing had just fallen to pieces anyway. Looking at Earwig now she could not help wondering what it would have been like if she had stayed. If she had just towed the line. One big happy family. Or maybe she would just have grown to resent the others anyway. Thought of them as holding her back. Witches did tend to be fairly malicious when balked.
Earwig's eyes cracked open and she smirked. "You know it's both rude and creepy to watch other people sleep."
"Sorry."
Yawning the girl rolled over to face away from her "It is okay. I'll forgive you this time. You can make it up to me by reading me a bedtime story or something tomorrow. After you give me my magic lessons and teach me some guitar. Maybe make lunch while you're at it."
Tina could not help smiling at the matter of fact way the little girl issued orders, as if obeying them was a foregone conclusion. Then again, she supposed it was. Tina hesitated only a moment before closing the door behind her.
The End
Authors note
Honestly I think Earwig is a good movie. There were only a few flaws. The CGI was awesome, but designed for Japanese language. So dubbing isn't so great. Same thing happened with that new Lupin movie.
Meanwhile the story was a bit under developed and you got the feeling reading the book that Diana Wynn Jones never got the chance to really work on it too much. On the other hand you wouldn't want someone else doing it after her either. Overall the story was there and I applaud the Ghibli people for adding the bits about them being rock stars and such, but otherwise keeping close to the original story almost exactly. In the book we never even see her mother and it ends with her merely wondering how to get Custard to come over, while in the movie you also got all those fun pictures during the credits, like her watching Howl's Moving Castle with the little demons. Either way there's a bit of a coincidence, whether her mom and Bella Yaga knew each other or not that Earwig ended up with another witch. Presumably Bella just needed someone who could work magic to be her assistant.
All in all both the movie and the book were a little open ended and could have done with a sequel, but that seemed unlikely so I thought I'd add a bit of something to tie up the loose ends. Let me know what you think by reviewing this and check out some of my books available on Amazon.