Hey! First Casualty fanfic ever, so I really really hope you enjoy it. I miss Connie- Casualty just isn't the same without her- and we don't have enough of her and Grace! Please do let me know what you think, I have so many ideas for this so I'd love to continue!

TW- panic attack, so please don't read if you think it will trigger you

Enjoy :)

A x

She just wants her mum, the woman whose relationship with her over the years has been so twisted and strained and completely messed up that she doesn't even know how she feels about her- doubts she ever will. Hoping to go into medicine one day, Grace likes to think that her bedside manner isn't atrocious, but she finds herself at a loss when faced with her own mother's bedside. Connie lays on her back, her small body mostly obscured by bandages, cuts and wires that all seem to fuse into one, a conjoined mess that somehow finds its way into her body.

But Grace doesn't know what to say, and so she makes do with leaning her head against Connie's bed; clings on to her hand tightly, as though her life depends on it; and tries to allow herself to relax enough to sleep. However hard she tries though, the beeping monitors keep her conscious, jolting her awake every time she thinks she might just be able to get to sleep until it reaches a point where Grace is worried that they'll wake her mum up. She needs her sleep, her surgeons said (was one of them Ms Naylor? Grace wasn't sure) and the monitors were going to wake her up, weren't they? And surely the needles pricking her skin were hurting her too? Grace looks around, desperately trying to catch a glimpse of a nurse or doctor that she can ask, but it's halfway through the night shift in the ED: no one has a spare moment.

Without warning, an ear-piercing tone penetrates the silence of the side room they've found for Connie and a crash team runs in, gently but firmly pushing Grace out of the way so they can reach Connie.

'Mum?' she cries, terrified by the urgency of the doctors and nurses. Grace tries to force her way back to her mum's side, but she can't quite get there without getting in the way. 'Mum!'

'Can somebody get her out of here, now?' Dr Keogh calls, his voice just audible through the screaming monitors and sound of the defibrillator charging.

'Come on, Grace, shall we give the doctors some space? Let's go wait outside, yeah?' Faith wraps her arms around Grace, who instantly tries to throw her off, clawing at her arms as she fights to stay near her mum.

'No, I'm not leaving her! What's going on? Mum!' Grace continues, though her efforts were fast dissipating. She needs to keep going, keep fighting, until someone, anyone really, hears her and tells her just what's going on.

'Grace, sweetheart, we need to give everybody some space so they can help Mum,' Faith tries again. She's not even slightly taken aback by the girl's efforts to throw her off: in her panic and despair, they're really not as effective as they are intended to be.

Eventually, Faith manages to pull a still sobbing Grace out of Connie's room and onto the ward, holding her tightly in her arms as all of her motherly instincts kick in. She strokes her hair, still softly murmuring words of comfort, until Grace eventually calms down and comes to her senses. Though she's still overwhelmed by fear for her mum's life, at least the sensation of an impending panic attack has gone- for now- and she slowly realises that the nurse is still holding her.

Embarrassed, Grace awkwardly frees herself from Faith, turning to stare through the tiny glass window in the door to Connie's room, watching the scene unfold. Despite it being muffled, Dylan's voice calls out again:

'Charging to 300!'

Alarm bells ring in her head, sensing her senses into overdrive and every little sound reverberates through her mind. Each motion seems to slow down around her, as though it's all in slow motion and even though she's started pacing now, even though she knows how crazy she must look in front of Faith, she just can't stop it. Pressure builds in her chest as though the air has been knocked out of her, her stomach feeling like someone has punched her repeatedly. At her sides, Grace's hands shake, as do her legs, but all she can do is keep counting the strides that she's taking. 1...2...3...4...5 and turn the other way 1...2...3...4...5.

'Grace, sweetheart?' Faith notices her actions for the first time, hears her muttering under her breath, and catches the way she's fidgeting with her hands.

'Grace?'

Grace looks up sharply, startled by the nurse's voice that penetrates her spiralling thoughts. Her eyes are wide, Faith notices, like a deer caught in headlights, and she can practically hear the way Grace's heart must surely be pounding right now.

'Gracie.' The use of the nickname her mum had for her threatens to send her over the edge, but also makes her feel safe in a way that only Connie has been able to do before. 'Grace, look at me.'

Faith reaches out, holds the frightened girl's hands in hers, before fixing her blue eyes upon Grace's terrified brown ones.

'I need you to breathe, ok? In… and out. And again, in… and out.'

Grace copies Faith's exaggerated breathing, never letting go of the eye contact that for some reason is just so, so comforting- she just can't quite explain why. Eventually, finally, after ten minutes, Grace feels the pressure release in her chest and she can breathe again, though her thoughts immediately return to her mum.

'It's not good, is it?' she asks, 'Charging to 300, it isn't good, is it?'

Faith smiles sympathetically, places a hand on her shoulder before softly shaking her head. 'I know your mum, though, and she is a fighter, Grace. If anyone can get through this, it would be Connie. I promise you, she's getting the best possible care and we will do everything in our power. All she needs from you is to be there for her, and somehow I don't think that's going to be a problem, is it?'

Grace nods her head and smiles: she couldn't leave her mum, not after what she did for her.