Mr. Clean and Chef Boyardee

Author's note: when you haven't showered in days because you've been doing nothing other than writing cringey bad fanfictions while also attempting to write a book.

Mr. Clean woke up in bed next to Chef Boyardee. "You fuck face." He muttered as he slapped him awake. "GIVE ME MY FUCKING FOOD!"

Chef Boyardee startled awake and then slapped Mr. Clean back. "BITCH, GET IT YOURSELF!"

The two slapped each other for several hours until finally, Mr. Clean hopped off the bed. "GO TO HELL, YOU CHEF FUCKLORD!" He shouted as he removed his disgustingly stained shirt to place on another only to dirty the clean one he put on with his armpit sweat. "God fuck damn it." He muttered. "I need a damn shower."

"We don't have time for that! We have to go to the dentist."

"GO TO HELL, CHEF." Screeched Mr. Clean at the top of his lungs. "I HATE YOU AND YOUR VILE COOKING SHIT!"

"WELL FUCK YOU! YOU CAN NEVER KEEP ANYTHING CLEAN!"

"YOU'RE A STUPID FUCKING CHEF FUCKER!" He put on a fake mustache and began dancing around the bedroom mocking the chef. "Oh, I'm a fucking chef! I make SHITTY FUCKING RAVIOLI THAT ALWAYS FUCKING HAVE TO REQUIRE SALT AND ADDITIONAL OTHER TOPPINGS AND SPICES JUST TO GIVE IT ANY SORT OF FLAVOR."

"OKAY WELL, WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING START COOKING SHIT FOR US THEN?"

"FUCK YOU!" He grabbed a bucket from downstairs and returned pouring his various cleaning products into it. "EAT THE FUCK UP!"

Chef Boyardee hopped off the bed and flung a fist at the man. "YOU BASTARD." The bucket tumbled down into the floor bleaching the carpet creating a nasty mess. "GOD DAMN IT THAT'S GOING TO COME OUT FROM THE DEPOSIT."

"YOU WILL DIE!" Shrieked Mr. Clean grabbing his mop.

Neighbors called the cops and they showed up knocking. "God, fuck damn it. It's the damn cops. Mama Mia."
The two put on fake happy faces and answered the door. "Hello, can we help you?"

"Yeah." Said the cop. "Got a complaint from one of the neighbors you both are making too many noises.

"Oh, we were just having sex, haha!" Laughed Mr. Clean. "Clean sex."

Chef Boyardee laughed too.

The cop was appalled and speechless. "Disgusting." He muttered as he left the two alone.

The moment he shut the door, the two were at it again shrieking their heads off and punching at each other. Chef Boyardee grabbed his knives and flung them at Mr. Clean.
Mr. Clean ducked and dodged the sharp objects as he grabbed a bottle of his cleaning spray and chucked it over at the chef. "GO FUCK IN HELL!" He screeched loudly not even forming proper sentences anymore.

Two hours later the two finally stopped their fighting and then sat at a table. Chef Boyardee opened up a can of ravioli and plopped it into a bowl sliding it across to Mr. Clean.

"What the fuck is this?" Pointed the angry clean man.

"It's your shit. Eat it."

"YOU DIDN'T EVEN HEAT IT UP OR ADD ANY SPICES."

"WELL FUCK WOW, SUCKS FOR YOU!"

Mr. Clean picked up the bowl and flung it over at Chef Boyardee, shattering it against the wall making an enormous mess. "YOU MONSTER!" Shouted the chef as he grabbed a chair to fling it at the bald man.

To be continued.