To love is to suffer

Author's Note:

Hey everyone, hope you are doing good? So, I am here to inform you that i am unable to post this story with M rating but it does contains physical interaction of sexual nature. I will try to edit the rating soon but meanwhile please dig in accordingly.

I like chocolate ice-creams. Especially when I am feeling alone. Today was one of those days. It had been three days since I had seen him, talked to him or touched him. He likes to do that. Keep his distance from me after we fight. So, when I got home today, I knew it was my ice-cream day.

Dr. Salunkhe observed today that I looked a little off. But what could I tell? No one in our team has any idea that we are together. But on the lonely nights like these, I can't help but ask myself that are we? Are we together?

I mean yes, we do have sex. But that's it. We never talk before it much. Although after it, when I put my head on his shoulder, he does like to talk to me. Tell me about the things he like or the places he would like to visit when he is less occupied. But who are we kidding here? He is never less occupied. In the past two years since I have joined his team, he has hardly missed a day from work. That's how Senior Inspector Abhijeet like to work.

Anyway, let me tell you what happened three days ago.

It was around 2'o clock when I heard the noise in my bathroom. I knew who it was.

"Hey" I said as I saw him coming out of the bathroom.

"Hi, sorry I disturbed you." He said as if he was not going to wake me up in a few minutes himself. He had changed from his work clothes.

He had opened the main door with the key I had given him one month after we did it for the first time. That was easy for both of us. So, this was our pattern since then. He would come to my house almost every night he had time. He would change his clothes. Then, he would come to bed, hug me from behind and we will have sex.

Afterwards, he would caress me fondly and play with my hair. Talk to me as if I was special for him. Like he waited whole day just to talk to me. But, as the night would end, he would leave my house even before I was up. Then, the whole day he would act as if I was nothing but a mere forensic assistant.

At the beginning, I was okay with this. I was not looking for any commitment myself. But over the time, things changed for me. But not for him.

That day too, I knew how the next day would rise with another heart break. But I never stopped him when he hugged me, kissed me and made love to me like I am his lover. Because in those moments, I am his and he is mine.

"After my retirement, I want to start a free school for homeless children." He said few minutes later as he kissed my curls away from my cheeks.

"I know. You told me about it before as well."

"Really? Well, that's strange. Usually, I remember all my conversations with everyone quite clearly. But with you… well, you are you."

This made me turn around. I looked in his eyes. May be there was hope. I couldn't help myself but ask.

"What about me, Abhijeet? Am I special to you?"

"Of course, you are Tarika. What kind of a question is that?" he said as if it was a matter of fact.

"I don't know Abhijeet. Whenever we meet in front of anyone, you act as if I am no one to you.?

"Well, it's because no one knows about us. And I want to keep it that way only."

"Can I ask you why? I mean why can't we tell everyone about us." I asked meekly.

"What are you talking about Tarika? You know how it is." Abhijeet said a little harshly. He moved my head from his shoulder and stated collecting his things.

"I am tired of this Abhijeet." I felt sudden rage.

How could he not see it? Doesn't he know how much I love him? Doesn't he know how I suffer? Every morning when I find him gone, my heart breaks a little bit more. Couldn't he see tears in my eyes whenever he look at me like I am nothing to him.

"Why are you so heartless?" I grabbed his shirt as I saw him picking up his keys.

"Tarika please stop it. Don't act as if I have betrayed you. I was truthful with you from the beginning. I never pretending anything. And you wanted it this way too." He roared as her pulled my hands away from him.

"You are a horrible human Abhijeet. You are mean. I hate myself for loving you." I roared back. But he was long gone by then.

Since that day he didn't come to lab. In cafeteria too, all the team members came except him. But I missed him so much. And I know it was not his fault. He was always honest with me. It is not his fault that I fell in love with him.

There is no point in waiting. He is not coming. Maybe he never will. The thought is enough to bring fresh tears in my eyes. Its better to try to sleep then over think.

"I miss you" I sent before I laid down.

I can smell him before he touches me. The alarm clock on my side table is reading the time as half past one.

"I miss you too. Please don't fight with me." He whispers before he kisses my shoulder. It melts my heart.

Again, I know how the next day will rise with another heart break. But I will never stop him when he will hug me, kiss me and make love to me like I am his lover. Because in those moments, I am his and he is mine.

And may be, for the time being, that is enough.

Author's Note:

Okay…So, first of all, you all have to forgive me for this awkward ending. I am not a big fan of this genre. And writing in it was difficult.

Now, secondly, Please give me your honest reviews about this chapter because depending upon your feedback I may or may not write another chapter from Abhijeet's point of view (poor guy has to defend himself).

So please do tell me your opinion about this one. And should I try some thing more in this genre?

Thankyou.