So I feel as if Derek wasn't given that much hard stuff to deal with in Greys anatomy so in this fanfic I'm going to give him as much as I can. It's going to be along one but all I do is write so it'll be okay

Disclaimer- I DO NOT OWN GREYS ANATOMY.

Dr Meredith Shepherd, Head of Neurosurgery.

Chief Derek Shepherd, Chief of Surgery and Neurosurgeon.

Who knew a sign could be so important. Meredith walked happily into Derek's office, knocking on the door loudly.

"Der?" She smiled. "Derek?"

Derek was sat on his couch, head in his hands looking down at his shoes. He had a waste basket to him, a glass of water and his phone.

"Derek?" Meredith said walking over to her husband.

He had obviously puked so she thoughts that that was what was wrong.

"Are you sick?" She asked running her hand down his back as she collapsed onto the couch beside him.

"Kathleen just called." He said, his voice shaky and raspy.

"Kathleen?"

"Mom had a stroke."

"Stroke?"

"She's...she's gone." He whispered.

"Gone?" She said holding back her own tears.

"In her sleep, Nancy found her when she didn't turn up to look after Alfie and Phoebe."

"Oh Der, is that why you were sick?"

"Yes." He sighed.

"Come here." She said pulling him into her chest.

Sobs racked his chest and he made a noise that broke Meredith's heart, when Mark died he kept everything in until he couldn't. He broke down a few weeks later which ended up with him in the hospital. Amelia had died 5 years previous from an overdose, it was Derek who found her. She worked at Seattle Grace and stole drugs from there. Derek didn't cry then, he was the one who sorted everything out. He made the speech for her and Mark's funerals and didn't cry once.

He never cried, even his 3 children picked up on it. Orva and Robyn were 8 and Kai was 4. When their uncle Mark died from a heart attack 3 years previous they didn't see him cry, they saw Meredith cry, their grandma cry but not their dad. Derek had a rough patch 1 year and a bit before but didn't cry, he just isolated himself from everyone. He became bitter towards everyone and just ended up upsetting his kids.

Derek darted forwards again and threw up in the small waste bin. He coughed and spluttered into the bin as Meredith rubbed his back gently.

"It's okay, your okay." She reassured.

Cristina, being awkward as ever chose that moment to walk in. She just stared at him and walked in, shutting the door behind him. Derek leant back into Meredith's arms, he carried on crying as Meredith handed him the glass of water.

"Thank you." He whispered.

"You ill Shepherd?" She asked.

"No." He snapped.

Meredith looked at Derek then back to Cristina.

"My mom is dead." He said coldly.

"Oh I'm sorry, I'm...I'm gonna go now." Cristina said before leaving awkwardly.

"Can we go home?"

"Yeah," She sighed, "Let's go home."

"I love you," He whispered.

"Love you too," She murmured, kissing him again but not moving as she clutched him close to her, rocking him slightly as they both started to cry.

"Oh god," He sighed into her shoulder.

"I know," She whispered, rubbing his back. "I know."

"Mer...I...my mom," He breathed.

"It doesn't..." She shook her head. "It doesn't make sense."

"It...she's supposed to be here."

"I know," she sighed. "For...I just always thought...and now she's not."

"I don't...I don't know how I'm supposed to handle this, Mer," He admitted quietly.

"I know Derek, it's going to be hard but I'm going to get you through this. You ready?" She whispered, her hand resting against his still damp cheek.

"Yeah," He nodded, drawing in a shaky breath.

"You'll be okay, Der," She stood, pulling him up next to her.

"Yeah," He sighed.

"Let's go," She sighed. "Let's go home."

"Home," He nodded.

She found his car keys and for the first time, made their way out to the car in their scrubs, not bothering to change or even tell anyone where they were going. Orva, Robyn and Kai had spent the day with Izzie, they would be home soon. And then they would have to tell two 8 year olds and a 4 year old that their Nona was gone. And somehow, they'd be okay. They had to be.

Derek hadn't been able to drive home, he sat in the passenger seat and stared out the window. He was silent the entire way home. He looked sheet white, almost a pale green colour. Meredith parked up the car and Derek staggered into their 'dream house'. The front door opened and the smell of fresh cookies assaulted his nostrils.

"Daddy!" Kai screamed running over to him.

Derek fanned his hand over his mouth and ran into the bathroom. All the kids watched in shock and horror as their dad ran into the bathroom practically gagging. Meredith walked through the door and was greeted by a smiling Izzie and a grumpy looking Alex.

"Is he okay?" Izzie said concerned.

"What do you mean?"

"He is currently throwing up in your bathroom." Alex said bluntly.

"You can't tell the kids, but his mom died this morning."

"Oh my god." She whispered.

"Mommy?" Orva said walking over to Meredith.

"Yes sweetie."

"What's wrong with daddy?"

"He's sick, I'm going to go check on him now." She said hugging her.

Meredith quickly ran into the bathroom to see Derek collapsed on the floor around the bathroom.

"Hey Der, can you hear me?"

"Yes." He sighed.

"What do you need?"

"I'm going...to go tell them."

"Are you sure your in a fit state to do that?"

"I have to." He sighed.

He stood up off the floor and grabbed onto the shower handle when the dizziness hit him. Meredith grabbed onto him and helped him walk out where they were all waiting for him.

"Daddy?"

"Hmmm..."

"Are you okay?" Kai asked.

"Yes of course, can you all just sit down on the couch with me and mommy?"

They all did so, Derek collapsed down and placed a pillow over his hurting stomach.

"Daddy? What's wrong? Did something bad happen?" Robyn asked.

"Mommy and I need to...we need to talk to you all ," Derek nodded.

"Something bad happened," Orva looked from Derek to Meredith.

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "Yeah, Orva, something bad happened."

"What?"

"Nona had..." Derek whispered, his breath hitching in his throat. "She had a stroke. A...there was...a blood clot formed somewhere in...her...and it traveled to her brain. She...had a...it made..."

"Der," Meredith sighed, grabbing his hand. "You can't do this."

"I...can," He nodded, pushing back tears with his other hand.

"What's wrong with Nona?" Kai pushed.

"What's a stroke? Is it...that's bad?" Robyn asked.

"She...it cuts off blood flow to the brain, the blockage causes...veins and when there's no blood to your brain...things..." Derek tried to choke out.

"Derek," Meredith shook her head, "You...why don't you...I mean, you can't. I'll tell them. You go to bed and I'll tell them."

"Okay," Derek whispered. "Okay."

"Daddy?" Robyn's face fell. "What...Mommy, what happened? What...where's Nona?"

Derek eyes filled with fresh tears as he pulled himself off the couch and disappeared into their bedroom. Meredith watched him leave, blinking back her own tears before turning to her kids.

"Nona died last night."

"What?" Kai cried.

"Nona's gone?" Orva cried.

Meredith sat there with Izzie and Alex answering all of their questions for probably 20 minutes before they realised how late it actually was.

"Teeth then bed guys." She smiled.

"Is daddy going to be okay?"

"He's really sad but soon he should be okay again." Izzie answered for her.

"Good night love you all." Meredith smiled as they all disappeared into their respected rooms.

Izzie followed them and put them all to bed for her.

"How is Derek?"

"He's not good Alex, not at all. I'm scared that this is going to end him. He's worked so hard in the last few months to get better and now he has just got better but now this is going to finish him off."

"Oh Mer." Alex said hugging her.

"Are you hungry?"

"Yes very but I feel bad if I eat."

"You can't help out everyone else if your not okay, let me make you a sandwich."

"Thank you Alex."

Alex stood up and Meredith's phone rang. Kathleen. No.

"Hi Kathleen."

"Hi Mer, how is Derek doing?"

"Not good, he's thrown up a lot and he's in bed at the moment."

"He did the same after Mark and dad."

"I know. How are you doing? I know it's a bad question."

"I'm okay, it's just weird."

"I know."

"I've rung you because we are all coming to you tomorrow. We are at the airport."

"What?"

"In Mom's will she said she wanted to be buried in Seattle next to Mark and Amelia."

"Understandable."

"Is Derek going to be okay with everyone there?"

"I don't know, I'm worried about him. You know when he had his depression for a few months and didn't work for a while."

"Yeah,"

"I'm worried that's going to happen again."

"I know Meredith."

"I better go Kath the kids are going to bed, see you tomorrow, do you want us to pick you all up?"

"No it's okay we have a car taking us all to a hotel in the city."

"Okay, bye Kathleen."

"Bye."

Meredith sighed and placed her phone down on the coffee table. Alex walked back with a sandwich and a bag of salted lays.

"Thanks Alex."

Izzie walked back in looking exhausted,

"They're all asleep in bed."

"Thank you Iz."

"It's okay, we're going to head off do you still want us tomorrow?"

"Yes please could you take them to school? I don't want to leave Derek."

"Okay, see you tomorrow."

"Bye."

Izzie and Alex left leaving Meredith eating her dinner. She ate that and watched a bit of TV for a while before heading to bed. Derek was fast asleep, his eyes were red and puffy and he was still in his scrubs. Meredith quickly showered and changed into some pyjamas before falling asleep next to Derek.

"Mom! Dad!" Kai shouted running into their room at 6:30 in the morning.

"Go away." Derek snapped.

Kai stopped dead in his tracks and stared at them. Meredith sat up and looked at her son and angry husband.

"You go back to sleep Der."

Meredith quickly got up, put on some slippers and a robe before sneaking out of the room.

"Daddy grumpy." Kai cried.

"Daddy is tired and sad so you can see him after school today. Are your sisters up?"

"They say no school."

"Let me go talk to them, you can watch some cartoons on your iPad."

"Kay mommy."

Meredith, still half asleep, walked into her daughters bedroom. They were both sat on their beds with a grumpy face on.

"Hey Orva, Robyn why don't you want to go to school?"

"Sad."

"I know." She said sitting on Orva's bed and Robyn sitting next to them.

"Why daddy sick?"

"He's really sad and tired so we are going to leave him alone."

"Okay."

"How about I make you a deal."

"Okay..."

"You don't have to go to school all week if you promise to help mommy and do some math."

"Okay." They both smiled.

Derek slept that entire morning. Izzie and Alex helped out with Meredith to keep the kids occupied until the Shepherd clan arrived. Izzie had made everyone french toast which was a bad idea as it made the kids hyper. At 12:30, the Shepherd Clan arrived.

Meredith stood up from the couch and opened their large door. Lizzie, Kathleen and Nancy stood there smiling gently.

"Meredith." Kathleen smiled.

"Hi guys."

"Hey."

They walked in and Meredith took everyone's coats as they played with the kids for a few minutes.

"Where's Derek?" Nancy asked.

"He's asleep."

"Oh."

"Should I wake him?"

"Okay."

Meredith snuck into their room expecting to see Derek sleeping but he wasn't there. She could hear a faint cough and the sound of water gurgling. Meredith walked into the bathroom to see Derek sat on the floor of the shower, head between his knees in his scrubs.

"Hey Der."

"Mer." He croaked.

"Your sisters are here, let's get you cleaned up."

Derek stood up shakily and turned off the water. He stripped off and wrapped a towel around him. Normally, he would be in a suit when he saw his sisters but that day he just put on a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt. His black curls dripped against his pale head. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, his throat was sore from throwing up so much and his skin was as pale as a sheet of paper.

"Have you been sick again?"

"A lot." He sighed.

"Why didn't you get me?"

"You're busy."

"If your throwing up, that takes priority Der."

"Sorry."

"You don't need to apologise, do you still feel sick now?"

"Very." He sighed.

He stood up from the bed and walked out of their room into the kitchen, he completely ignored everyone and poured himself a glass of scotch. He quickly downed it and poured himself another.

"It's only 1 o'clock Derek."

"I don't care." He snapped.

He walked into the lounge and collapsed onto the couch.

"Hey Derek." Nancy smiled.

"Hi."

"Has Meredith talked to you?"

"No."

"We're having everything here in Seattle."

"What?"

"It was in her will, she wanted to be with Mark and Amelia."

He looked away, trying to stop the tears. He hadn't thought about Mark and Amelia for a long time. A few seconds later he looked back at them and took a sip of the scotch. Meredith sat down next to him and rubbed the small of his back gently.

"Okay."

"When should we have it?"

"Soon." Liz quickly said.

"2 weeks or sooner?"

"How about not this Sunday the Sunday after so 10 days?"

"She would've liked it on a Sunday."

"Definitely."

"What do you think Derek?"

"Hmmm..."

"I think she'd like that." Meredith said looking down worriedly at him.

"Lizzie can you call a florist? She'd love roses."

"Yep."

"I think we should get her a white coffin, with red and white roses."

"Perfect."

"How about a wake?"

"Would she actually like one?"

"We didn't have one for dad, I don't think she'd like that."

"She wouldn't like the attention."

"So no wake."

"No."

Derek didn't say a word, he remained silent. He had his head in his hands looking down at his hands, his hands were shaking like mad. Izzie and Alex had taken the kids out for a walk.

"I...I can't do this." He said standing up and running out of the house.

Everyone looked at each other and Meredith ran after him.