Them
"Where's Wakko?" Yakko noticed they were a sib short that morning.
"I don't know, he disappeared after breakfast," Dot answered.
"Hm," Yakko put his hands on his hips and thought, "We better go look for him."
"Do we have to?"
Yakko ignored her comment and opened the door to the water tower. He looked around but at first glance couldn't see him.
"Come on."
They slid down the legs of the water tower and when they hit the pavement they took another look around and called him.
"Wakko!"
"Wakko!"
Yakko whistled like he was calling a dog. "Wakko!"
"Come here boy!"
Yakko cupped his hands around his mouth and hollered, "THE GHOST AND MR. CHICKEN IS ON TV!"
"Shh!" Dot told him, "I think I hear something."
They held their breath and listened and in the distance they could hear the faint sound of somebody screaming, and it did sound like Wakko.
"Sounds like that did the trick," Dot said.
"That boy loves his Don Knotts," Yakko observed.
They saw a white cloud rushing towards them as the screams got louder. Before they could get a word out, Wakko zipped right past them, screaming in terror all the way, and zipped up the water tower and slammed the door behind him.
"What was that about?" Dot asked.
"I don't know, come on," Yakko waved her on as they climbed up again.
He opened the door and they stepped in and looked around, and didn't see their brother anywhere.
"Now what's he doing?" Dot asked.
"Don't ask me, he's your brother," Yakko said.
Dot scowled at him.
"Wakko?"
"Wakko, where are you?" Dot called.
They checked every inch of the water tower, and finally came to the bunk beds, they climbed the ladder to the top and found his bed empty. They exchanged a mutual shrug of confusion, then Yakko slid down the ladder to the floor and got on his knees to look under his own bunk. Dot crawled alongside him and took a look, and there they found Wakko laying flat on the floor with both hands pressed flat against his red cap.
"What're you doing, Wakko?" Dot asked.
"Shh! I'm hiding!" he whispered.
"From what?" Yakko asked.
"He's out there."
"Who is?" Dot asked.
"Come on out from there," Yakko told him.
Wakko let out a short yelp and the next thing Yakko knew, he was standing straight, his balled up hands on his sides and he was looking towards the 4th wall with his lips pursed together and one eye squinted, while his little brother sat perched on his head, shaking, his teeth chattering, and pulling Yakko's ears tight for leverage.
"Ahhhh...Dot," he said.
"Yeah?"
"Is there something on my head?"
"Uh huh."
"Yeah, and is it Wakko?" Yakko asked.
"Yep," she answered.
"I thought so," he responded. Raising his eyes, he told his brother, "And what, pray tell, are you doing up there?"
"Shhhh!" Wakko said, inadvertently squeezing Yakko's eyes about shut when he pulled his ears even tighter.
Yakko blinked hard in response to the sudden pain of his ears being jerked on and told his brother, "You know that's not how you fix the TV reception, right?"
"Be quiet, he'll hear you," Wakko whispered.
"Who will?" Dot wanted to know.
"The clown," Wakko said in a terrified whisper.
"What clown?" the two other Warners asked.
"He's out there, I saw him," Wakko said, shaking so hard he was making Yakko's whole body vibrate.
"Are they making another Stephen King movie?" Dot asked.
"Alright, Wakko, come down from there," Yakko reached up, grabbed his brother and forced him to let go and put him down on the floor. "Now explain it to us again."
"There's a clown out there!" Wakko whispered anxiously.
"Well what's he doing?" Dot asked.
"He's not doing anything, he's just there."
"Ahhhh-okay, this has gone on long enough," Yakko said, "Wakko, you are too old to be acting like this."
"I am not, I've always been this age," Wakko said defiantly as he stood on his tiptoes to stand shoulder to shoulder with his brother.
"That's the point," Dot said, "It's time you conquered this fear once and for all."
"Clowns are nothing to be scared of, they're the opposite of mimes, you're not scared of mimes, are you?" Yakko asked.
"No, but I don't like them."
"Nobody likes them, they're like salt-free chips, nobody can explain why they exist, but for some strange reason, they do, but you're not scared of them."
"No..."
"You're scared of clowns like humans are scared of spiders, you're not scared of spiders, are you?" Dot asked.
"No, but I don't like them either."
"But you're not scared of them."
"No."
"And spiders might actually bite...have you ever known a clown to bite someone?" Dot asked.
"No," Wakko admitted, absently pressing the tips of his index fingers together.
"See? Nothing to be scared of," Yakko said, "they're just performers in costumes and grease paint, they're perfectly harmless."
"But they scare me," Wakko said.
"Right, so we," Yakko placed a hand on his chest, "Are going to help you get over this fear once and for all."
A sudden pounding on the water tower door got all their attention.
"It's him! He's here!" Wakko said, and jumped on Yakko's head again.
Yakko glared up at his brother through one eye, and reached up and in one swift move removed Wakko, who was curled up like a turban, and put him back on the ground.
"I'll handle this, he's probably just some birthday performer who got the wrong address," he said as he headed for the door.
"Open up in there!" the clown said as he banged on the door with his gloved fist.
He in fact was not a birthday performer. He was Pingo the Clown, otherwise known by his real identity, John Guzzi. He was a master criminal who had spent years winning over gullible victims with his happy-go-lucky clown act, and used it to make his way into his victims homes. Some of them he robbed when they weren't looking, and the ones who had caught him at it, he'd gotten rid of them. Nobody ever suspected him, who would ever think a funny clown could be a dangerous psychopath? Besides, even if they did, he was easily passable for any one of a dozen guys in town who wore the same outfit and makeup to perform at birthday parties and children's hospitals, any one of those suckers could easily take the fall for him if any eyewitnesses would report a clown in the area.
He'd been in the process of relieving one unsuspecting Burbank homeowner of their cash, jewelry, stereo, big screen TV, and VCR. He'd also been in the process of fitting one rolled up Persian rug with its occupant in it, in the back of his car when he turned and saw a strange looking kid at the corner, who took one look at him and yelled "CLOWN!" at the top of his lungs and ran away in sheer terror.
Pingo didn't know what all the kid had seen, but he wasn't going to take any chances, he chased the kid onto the Warner studio lot, and saw the kid climb up the water tower and go in. The kid had nowhere to go now, nowhere to hide, and there wouldn't be any witnesses on this side of the studio property. This was going to be a piece of cake.
The door opened, but the kid who answered wasn't the same one he'd chased. This was a taller skinny kid in a pair of pants with a big belt.
"Sorry, pal," he said, "nobody's having a birthday party here, you better check with your boss and get the right address."
And with that, he pulled the door shut again.
Pingo stood there for a minute in a stupor, trying to figure out what had just happened. When the initial shock wore off, he banged on the door again. "Open up in there!"
The door opened again and this time a different kid answered, this one was a girl wearing a pink skirt and her ears tied up with a flower.
"My my, is it Halloween already?" she asked, and stepped back into the tower, her muffled voice resonating, "How the year has flown by." She appeared in the doorway again and asked him, "Do you like black licorice?"
"No," he answered.
"Neither do we, that's why we're giving it out," Dot said as she handed him a bowl full of it, "Happy Heartburn!" And with that she slammed the door in his face again.
Pingo stood there for another minute in an equal stupor, then threw the bowl away and beat on the door.
"My he's persistent isn't he?" Dot asked as she stepped over towards the calendar in the kitchen, "Hey Yakko."
"What is it?"
"Unless we've been forgetting to change the calendar, it's only May."
"Huh?" Yakko looked at the calendar page. "So it is...boy is this guy confused then."
Wakko huddled by his siblings, still shaking, as they tried to figure it out.
"Hmmmmm, maybe this guy's doing some kind of fraternity prank," Yakko said.
"Well that's sure a lot of trouble to go to for a panty raid," Dot said.
"Mmmmmwah," Yakko blew a kiss to the fourth wall, "Goodnight everybody." He turned to his brother and asked him, "Hey Wakko, can I see your gag bag?"
"Sure, but why?" Wakko asked.
"Open up in there!" Pingo said as he mercilessly pounded on the door.
It opened again and Yakko stuck his head out and told the clown, "Sorry, bub, this is all we could contribute to the cause," and handed Pingo a set of boxers with big red hearts on them, "Better luck at the next water tower."
The door slammed in his face and the killer clown was left there with a dazed expression and a large pair of underwear in his hands. He did a double take and chucked them in the air and decided he was done playing around. He turned the wheel and opened the door himself and stepped in.
"Alright, kid, where are ya?!" he demanded to know.
Yakko jumped out and pointed, "He's over there, he's over there!"
"Where? Where?" Pingo turned and looked behind him.
The three Warners jumped up and down and mocked in a singsong tone, "Monkeys-always loo-ook! Monkeys-always-loo-ook!"
Pingo growled and towered over the three siblings and a chase scene ensued. Yakko, Wakko and Dot initially all took off together with Pingo storming behind them, but after they made it to the bathroom and it looked like he'd cornered them, they all zipped off in different directions. Pingo wasn't even sure who he was chasing, he just started running after one of them.
Yakko jumped on the wall and pointed to a cupboard door and exclaimed, "He's in here, he's in here!"
Pingo reached the cupboard and opened the door, and was promptly hit on the head with a bowling ball that rolled out of it.
"No no no," Dot said, and pointed to another cupboard, "He's over here!"
Pingo ran over to the other side of the room, opened the other cupboard, and came face to face with the barrel of a shotgun rigged up to go off when the door opened. There was a loud blast and when the smoke cleared his whole face was blackened and his eyes were crossed.
Wakko stood in a corner and half mumbled to himself, parroting Yakko's words from earlier, "Nothing to be scared of, they're just performers in costumes with grease paint."
Like actors.
Wakko's eyes got big and a light bulb went off over his head. He waited until Yakko and Dot rushed past him, egging the clown on, and when Pingo was right in front of Wakko, the middle Warner jumped up and grabbed the waistband of Pingo's pants and yanked them down, much like they'd done to James Cagney shortly before their exile to the water tower 60 years ago.
Pingo found himself standing in the middle of the room in his boxer shorts, which caused the two other kids to erupt in a deafening laughter, Yakko pointed at him and Dot laughed so hard she rolled back and fell behind the couch. Her dry voice called up, slightly muffled, "I've fallen and I can't get up."
This sudden turn of events was so unexpected, it completely caught Pingo off guard, all he could do was sputter and stammer, trying to make some sense of it.
Wakko looked up at him with a hard glint in his eyes and said in a disappointed tone, "You're one of the worst actors this movie lot's ever seen, you're FIRED! Get out, NOW!"
"What!?" Pingo exclaimed in total confusion.
"You heard me," Wakko said as he put his hands on his sides defiantly and looked up at the clown, "get out, hit the road! Sayonara! A-di-os!"
He pulled out a giant mallet and swung it with enough force like a bat that he knocked Pingo clear out of the water tower and he crash landed on top of Ralph down below.
"Da-a-ah, which way did he go, George?" Ralph asked, slightly dazed as he saw birdies flying around his head.
In a perfect cartoon coincidence, two squad cars rolled up through the gate with their lights flashing, and two cops got out to assess the situation. They found the half conscious clown and the dazed security guard and pulled Pingo to his feet and up off of Ralph, who they left where he was.
"So you're the clown we've been getting complaints about," one of the cops said.
The other told him, "We're going downtown to ask some questions about some burglaries in the area."
Pingo's eyes stopped rolling and he noisily shook his head to get his bearings straight, and told the cops, "I did 'em, I did 'em! I did all of them! I'll show you everything! Lock me up! Put me in a padded cell, just get me away from those kids! I'll confess to everything, I can't take it!"
The two cops looked at each other and shrugged, and cuffed Pingo's hands behind his back and led him to the squad car as he rambled on and on, "I did it! I did all those robberies and I killed those people, I'll tell you everything, just get me as far away from those three horrible little kids as possible! You don't know the things they're capable of!"
"Boy, what some people won't do to get out of working a regular job," Yakko observed from where they stood on the water tower watching the scene unfold.
"Well Wakko?" Dot asked. "You still scared of clowns?"
"Are you kidding? After all that?" Wakko replied. "They're kids' stuff."
The three Warners shrugged in unison and went back inside the water tower and slammed the door shut.