AN: Ah, this came out of nowhere. I really don't know how or why. I wrote it in a day. It's a bit dark, sort of. But personally I think this is a happy story at its heart. Also forgive me! I've never used this tense before in my writing. It was a new experience. There may be errors.
Hope you enjoy! Heed the warning! It's not explicit, but there are definitely some very mature subjects here, and descriptions of violence and so on which may make some readers uncomfortable.
For the purpose of this story let's assume Sasuke never left Konoha and they continued on as a team.
Warnings & Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Violence, Anxiety, Fear, Inner Demons, Naruto POV, Falling in Love
Fearless
When Naruto chooses to walk the path of a shinobi, he doesn't really think about all that it entails. He knows that it is an honourable choice, to fight for one's village. He knows that shinobi in the village are revered, and that the best of the best become Hokage and receive the highest honour of all. He knows that shinobi are necessary, that the shinobi countries control all trade because of their military strength, and that without them the world would fall to war. He knows it's the only path he wants to take when he sets foot outside his door.
However, the path he's chosen is not a straight one, or even a slightly winding trail through the woods. It's a path that's missing entire sections, riddled with obstacles, split in many ways, and with no clear end in sight.
He does not yet know of the horrors he will encounter on such a path.
But he will.
There is a reason the older shinobi and civilians in the village frown at his juvenile antics, a reason they lack a sense of humour for his pranks. And though Naruto originally thinks it stems entirely from the beast sealed within him, he realises now that there is so much more to it than that. The emptiness behind their gazes forms over time. All of them begin their lives with happiness in their hearts. Before the way of the shinobi steals it from them.
As he climbs the ranks, the missions begin to change. He feels excited at first. He wants the challenge. He wants to prove himself. To get stronger, and show Konoha what he's made of. But as time passes he begins to realize that nothing is quite as it seems. As he gets stronger, so too do his foes. As the missions become tougher, the losses become that much greater.
With each mission comes another name etched onto the memorial stone in the village. Sometimes multiple names. Sometimes names he knows well.
Sometimes he has to tell wives and husbands and children about those names, and in those moments, he sees it. When the happiness disappears.
He watches the emotions appear in waves. First shock. Without fail, there is always a moment of disbelief, of denial. But soon after, sadness overtakes it. The longest part of the sequence apart from the end.
Naruto almost wishes it would last longer. He dreads what comes next.
Anger. Anger always directed at him. Why hasn't he saved them? Why hasn't he died in their place? How dare he come back alive when another, more valuable shinobi, has made the ultimate sacrifice for Konoha? He often wonders that himself.
The guilt eats away at him. But he smiles through the pain. Tries to bury it, until those accusing stares fade away into nothing. The villagers' eyes become void of emotion, while Naruto drowns in it.
With each mission, more of the evil in the world is exposed. And soon Naruto begins to wonder if there is more evil than good. His jokes are less. His pranks all but disappear. He understands now, what it means to be a shinobi.
As Jounins, he and Sasuke are often placed on the same team. They work well together, despite their differences. They argue often, push each other's buttons like no other. But after years of training and fighting at each other's sides, they fall into a sort of rhythm. Sasuke is a good shinobi. Even Naruto can admit that. He's serious, focused on the mission. He is well trained, strong, and calculating. He's calm, stoic, and in control at all times. He's exactly what a shinobi ought to be.
Completely the opposite of Naruto.
Though Naruto is not as overzealous as he was as a child, he is still brash, loud, and unexpected. He's quick to react, and doesn't take the time to think things through. It's a weakness, sometimes. But it's also a strength. He confuses his opponents. And gives his teammates time to come up with a strategy. His distraction allows for Sasuke's success.
Their strengths complement each other. They come to understand this. They make it work, and as a team, they are a force to be reckoned with, in ways others are not.
They win battles together. They complete missions together.
They watch their comrades die together.
There's something unnerving about witnessing death. Bringing about the end of another human being's life. Watching a friend take his or her last breath. It's an experience that cannot be shared by many. Sasuke and Naruto share it countless times.
It doesn't take long for them to form a unique bond. One might call it friendship. But truly, it is deeper than that. More meaningful. Special. Naruto hesitates to call Sasuke a mere friend.
Teammate, partner, ally, companion. Naruto thinks all of these words can be used to describe their relationship, and yet, none of them feel quite right. None of them…fit.
Sasuke, Naruto thinks. He's just…Sasuke.
Naruto leaves it at that.
Naruto comes to rely on Sasuke. To trust him, more than anyone else. He dreads the day Sasuke's name might find its way onto the memorial. Hopes it never comes. There is no family to tell. No sadness to witness. No anger to receive. But the guilt…the guilt will still be there. And Naruto knows that will be the day his eyes finally become empty as well.
The last few years of missions grate away at him. Naruto feels the memories wearing on his soul. Each time he sets foot outside his apartment, he wonders if it might be the last. If this mission, will be the one that finally does him in. Does Sasuke in. Naruto is strong, physically, but he wears his emotions on his sleeve. It is a weakness. It is not the way of the shinobi. He knows that.
One day it will kill him.
One day it will kill Sasuke instead.
He worries that the next failure will be his fault.
But inescapably, he continues on. He steps outside his door once again.
Naruto clutches the tiny hand, eyes wide as he takes in the scene before him with dismay. The village they found is completely desecrated. A ruin, left behind by their foes. Naruto holds in his tears as he watches the little chest rise and fall for the last time. Now there is not a single soul left alive. The child whose hand he holds is unrecognizable. Body torn apart, face burnt to a crisp. There are hundreds more just like it. He feels the burning behind his eyes and blinks the pain away. He wishes he was better at this. He wishes he could just forget.
Sasuke stands nearby, his face a mask of indifference. Naruto isn't sure what he's thinking, or feeling. But he's ready to go, waiting for Naruto. He looks towards the horizon, scoping out the surrounding area. There's nothing but smoke and dead bodies.
"We need to move," Sasuke grunts, his patience wearing thin. Naruto blinks. He knows those they track are close by. And staying in such a spot, they risk an ambush. He knows. But…
"We can't just leave them…like…this," Naruto's voice fades away at the end. He wonders if Sasuke hears him. But of course he does. His senses are always alert on a mission. Naruto grimaces at the sound of his own voice, so desperate and pleading. Weak.
Sasuke swallows and sighs.
There's a lengthy pause, and Naruto closes his eyes and grits his teeth. He's being foolish. But then…
"I won't," Sasuke promises. Naruto's eyes snap open and he stares at Sasuke in surprise. He looks as unemotional as ever, but he nods away from them and urges Naruto to move. "Go up ahead. Don't watch."
Naruto exhales and stands. He tries to hide a sniffle. He knows he fails. Sasuke's ever perceptive gaze tracks the movement. Naruto nods and walks away. For once he doesn't argue.
He hears the force of Sasuke's flames. There will be nothing left behind. Not a single trace of any body. It isn't a proper burial, but it is the best they can do under the circumstances. It's better than leaving the bodies to rot. Allowing the vultures and insects to prey upon them until they become skeletons ripped bare of their flesh. Naruto's seen that too. He's walked into communities that are long since abandoned. Seen the flies and rats. He's watched as they feast on remains months old.
The freshness of the corpses today is somehow even worse. It's more tragic. Preventable.
Naruto grimaces as the scent of burnt flesh hits his nostrils. The unpleasant smell is regrettably familiar. He tastes the putrid tang of vomit on his tongue a mere second before he's bending over and retching up his rations from a few hours prior.
Naruto startles when Sasuke settles next to him, draping several chains and knick knacks over the village gate. He's collected them from the bodies. Naruto stares at the way they dangle, catching the flickering of the flames as they die away. There's a little stuffed doll amongst them, clearly from one of the children. It looks homemade, with buttons painstakingly sewn on for eyes, its mouth shaped in an eternal smile. He doesn't even realize he's silently crying until Sasuke wipes away one of the trails across his face.
He falls apart.
Naruto gasps into his hand, shoulders shaking as he gazes hazily at the aftermath of Sasuke's work.
"We were too late…we could have…," Naruto blurts, and then his eyes widen and he turns away. "Shit. S-sorry." He's never let it affect him like this before. Certainly he's cried on missions before. He's yelled and screamed and let the tears run down his face as he continues on. But this time…he's not sure he can go on. His entire body is shaking. In this state, he's nothing more than a hindrance.
"Don't blame yourself. You didn't do this."
Sasuke's voice is low, his breath close enough that it grazes Naruto's ear. Naruto chokes on a sob and shakes his head. He can't afford to show this side of himself. Not even to Sasuke.
Out of nowhere Sasuke turns him around and pushes his head against his chest. It's warm, and solid, and he feels unbelievably safe in his hold. Naruto doesn't know where it comes from. Sasuke's never been an affectionate sort of person. He's the opposite of tactile. And yet now, his fingers hold tight to the back of Naruto's head, and Naruto doesn't think they've ever been closer.
"Shhh, just let it out."
The words are spoken softly, in a tone Naruto doesn't often hear from anyone, let alone Sasuke. The slight pulling of his hair grounds him, and he allows himself to cry. He slumps slightly, closes his eyes and sighs. Naruto breathes in deep against Sasuke's throat. He smells like sweat and ash. He can feel Sasuke's quickened pulse against his skin. It strangely helps.
Just minutes later they push on.
Sasuke doesn't question him. Doesn't ask him if he's okay. He doesn't mention anything at all. He just guides them to the rendezvous point with slow but sure steps. There is no one there to meet them when they arrive. More comrades lost to war. More names to add to the memorial stone upon their return.
Naruto feels worn. He's not shaking anymore, but his thoughts are a mess. He can't focus on a single one. He no longer knows what do to. He looks up at Sasuke, feels emptier than before, wonders if Sasuke sees in his eyes what he often sees in others.
"We should rest," Sasuke says. It's more of an order than a suggestion.
Naruto nods wearily. He peers into the darkness of the woods around them, fumbles to find the right words. "W-we need a lookout."
"My clones are already watching. Sleep."
That Naruto hasn't even noticed their presence speaks volumes on the state of his mind. He's not aware. He's letting it affect his performance in an extreme way. As team leader, Sasuke should evaluate him then and there, send him home, or order him to stand by. But he doesn't. Naruto can't help but think it's because the mission cannot be completed alone.
They catch their enemies the following day. They've taken one of the villagers hostage. A survivor. Naruto hears the screams long before he notices their presence.
He can't keep himself in check. He breaks formation. He completely loses control, the nine tails overtaking his form. He nearly mutilates the hostage, missing her by a fraction of an inch, his foxlike claws trampling the ground beneath his hulking form. He slices through the air, cutting down the enemy shinobi in a single swipe. Their bodies fall in pieces to the ground. He doesn't stop there, trampling through the nearby foliage and ripping it up from the ground. There's so much anger. So much emotion. Naruto doesn't remember half of what he sees. He's more fox than human. A monster, without a mind. Sasuke is forced to rein him in with his sharingan. The fight lasts ages but somehow he succeeds.
Naruto stares at the remnants of his destruction, panting as his body recovers from the strain. They are always meant to keep at least one alive for questioning. No hope of that now. Their chance at gathering information is gone. He looks to the woman, sees her hyperventilating on the ground. He can't bring himself to approach her. In the end, she dies anyway, her face a frozen mask of fear. Naruto wonders if he's killed her after all.
Her name won't be etched on any memorial.
Sasuke takes care of everything. And though Naruto is ashamed, he's also grateful. He can't meet his eyes. He walks behind him every step of the way home. Their pace is slowed. And Naruto knows that's because of him as well.
When they return Naruto spends time alone in his apartment. He wonders if Sasuke will write him up for incompetence on the mission. He knows he's violated a lot of orders, let his emotions get in the way of their task. By all accounts, the mission is a failure. That sort of thing will have him removed from service or put on leave. It's the right choice, probably. He's too unpredictable. Unreliable. He's no longer an asset to the team. He imagines Sasuke doing it. Sees his hand hovering over the team report, deciding what to write. He'll check off all the boxes. List the names of the dead. Then scratch a note at the bottom.
Naruto Uzumaki…Not fit for active duty.
That'll be it. That'll be…the end.
Naruto knows he isn't particularly well liked. It won't take much for the elders to create an excuse to call him unstable. They'll lock him away. Finally have their little experiment all to themselves. Many of the villagers will support it. His friends are fewer in number each and every day. There's no one to fight for him. No one will want to. He's little more than an erratic beast.
Naruto squeezes his eyes shut and fresh tears leak from the edges. He tries to convince himself it won't be so bad. He won't have to watch his friends die anymore. He won't have to see innocent villages slaughtered. He won't have to see Sasuke's gaze become empty like the rest. He won't see Sasuke at all.
He won't see Sasuke…
He cries some more.
Naruto jolts awake at a knock at his door. He feels sudden terror in his heart. Have they come for him already, in the middle of the night? He lies frozen atop his bed, heart pounding in his chest. Waiting.
Another knock comes, shortly followed by, "Dobe, get up."
Naruto throws off his blankets and slides on his slippers. He's at the door in an instant. He whips it open, half expecting Sasuke to be accompanied by anbu, but he's alone. Naruto's shoulders relax.
"W-what…are you doing here?"
Sasuke's expression is unreadable. He frowns slightly, a crease forming between his eyes. His gaze never leaves Naruto's. When Sasuke beckons him to follow, Naruto hastily throws on his sandals and a robe and runs after him.
They sit together at the edge of the Uchiha compound, watching frogs chirp in one of the creeks. It's peaceful. Naruto thinks this is for his benefit and stays quiet for Sasuke's. Sasuke always prefers the quiet. He's surprised when Sasuke is the one to talk.
"Are you okay to keep doing missions?"
Naruto startles. It's not what he expects.
"Or…do you need time off? I can request some leave for our team if you need it."
"You didn't already write me up?" Naruto blurts.
Sasuke turns towards him then, brows furrowed. "Why would I do that?" Naruto gapes at him, and Sasuke sighs and turns away. "I wanted to talk to you first," he comments.
Naruto looks down at the grass. A frog jumps on his hand and he doesn't shake it off. It's a confirmation of sorts. Sasuke has thought about it. Writing him up. But in the end, has chosen not to. Naruto is curious why.
"I trust your judgement. I trust you to make the right call," Sasuke adds.
Naruto looks back towards him. He studies Sasuke's profile, remembers the way Sasuke held him, the silent patience as he led him home. He finds he can't give this up.
"I…I'm okay," Naruto decides. "But even still…you should have reported me for incompetence on this mission. I let my emotions get in the way. I-,"
"You didn't," Sasuke interrupts him. "Whatever you're thinking, you didn't. You're not incompetent. You're human. That's not a bad thing."
"You were fine…," Naruto trails off. He doesn't mean it to be an accusation, but it feels like one. Like he's judging him. Criticizing his lack of an emotional response, and Sasuke bristles.
"I wasn't," Sasuke practically growls. Naruto flinches and eyes him up and down. "I'm not."
Sasuke sighs and leans back on his hands. He looks tired. For the first time Naruto realizes Sasuke's not so perfect after all.
"We compartmentalize differently," Sasuke begins, his gaze somewhat distant as he recalls memories impossible to forget. "Shinobi culture is…toxic. Shinobi don't cry, shinobi don't show their emotions, shinobi complete the mission with no regard to those who get in their way." He turns to look at Naruto then. "Which is healthier, letting the emotions free, facing them head on, or bottling them up until you reach insanity?"
Naruto contemplates that for a moment. He picks at a piece of grass, thinks that Sasuke might have a point.
"There's a reason why so many of the so called strongest shinobi go rogue, or mad," Sasuke continues. He closes his eyes, face set in a deep frown. "I'm afraid one day that will be me."
Naruto twists around to face him at the admission. He's never heard Sasuke say such a thing before.
"You're…afraid?"
"Of course I am. Aren't you?"
Naruto hesitates for a moment. He's tempted to deny it. Tempted to shout the opposite loudly into the night. Of course he's not afraid! He's a shinobi after all! But he knows it's not true. He's afraid of plenty. Perhaps his fears differ slightly from Sasuke's. But…the end result is the same. A loss of one's self. Becoming something…you're not. And after Sasuke's revealed so much of himself, it feels incredibly dishonest to say otherwise. Sasuke peers at him out of the corner of his eyes, and Naruto wilts. He nods instead.
He thinks about Sasuke. About his desire to let go, and inability to do so. He thinks about how Sasuke has helped him, even though it goes against his nature to do so. He wants to do the same. "Is there….anything I can do? To…to help?" he asks.
Sasuke looks at him. Contemplates. He thinks for a very long time, gaze shifting as it takes in every inch of Naruto's form. For a moment, he looks almost sad, longing, and Naruto doesn't like it at all. The expression disappears a second later. Sasuke grimaces slightly, purses his lips, then breathes out through his nose. "I…wouldn't ask that of you."
Naruto doesn't understand. He frowns, drops the grass from his fingers and sits up a little straighter. "Teme…you can ask anything of me, you know?" Sasuke smiles slightly, and Naruto wavers for a moment. That same sad expression is back, and he's not sure what to make of it at all. Naruto's jaw tenses, and his face grows serious. "I…I consider you my closest friend. More than a friend. You're my…you're…you're Sasuke! I would do anything for you. I mean that."
Sasuke meets his gaze again.
"I know."
The words are quiet, hesitant, but accepting. So Naruto asks again. "What do you need?"
Sasuke stares at him, unblinking as he speaks. "A release."
"Like…a spar?" Naruto asks, head tilting to the side. They spar often. Fight all of the time when they train. Surely that isn't all Sasuke needs.
"Not that kind of release."
Naruto pauses. His thoughts scatter and he tries to come up with any other solution he can think of. Sasuke eyes him with an intensity he's never seen before. The moon's light reflects off of his dark irises, and Naruto can't take his eyes off of them. Then he notices it. The way Sasuke is staring at him. How his gaze lingers at Naruto's collarbone, drops down to his bare thighs and back up again. He sees the outline of something hard in Sasuke's pants. Something…quite…big. And Naruto gets it.
"O-oh," he stutters. He flushes slightly, turns away. "There're brothels you know."
Sasuke clicks his tongue and snarls, "I'm not into women." For some reason, the admission doesn't surprise Naruto at all. Sasuke has always had many admirers. And not once has he shown a single ounce of interest. The elders won't be happy. No more sharingan to farm in the future. Naruto wonders briefly if that's part of the reason. He smiles slightly before Sasuke continues, "Besides, I'd only end up killing them."
That comes as more of a shocker. Sasuke looks towards Naruto again, and Naruto falters beneath his serious stare. He glances away, fidgets with his robe. Does that mean…that Sasuke needs to be violent as well? During…How violent? Violent enough to kill? That was…pretty violent.
Naruto tries to imagine it. What it might feel like. To be beneath him in such an intimate and submissive way. If the pain would far outweigh the pleasure. Or if the pleasure would…surpass the pain. Naruto flushes and stares wide eyed at the ground. He's never been with someone like that before. He doesn't even have anything to compare it to. He's not sure how he feels…about his first time…possibly being like that.
"Like I said, I wouldn't ask it of you," Sasuke whispers. He ducks his head, and Naruto hears the resignation in his tone.
"But I can handle it," Naruto mutters, more to himself than Sasuke. "I'll…heal," he adds. His relationship with the Kyuubi is a complicated one, but there is one thing they agree on most regularly. The survival of Naruto's corporal form. Naruto's regenerative ability is a bit of an anomaly, and it has only grown stronger over the years. His wounds heal faster than should ever be possible. Sometimes closing over within seconds. His breaks mend. His bruises fade. He doesn't have a single scar anywhere on his body as a result. Learning to work in tandem with Kurama has had its benefits. He can survive even the most grievous of injuries. There is very little Sasuke can do to him to cause permanent harm.
The pain however, is another story. He feels that well and good. But for Sasuke…Naruto thinks he's willing to bear it.
Sasuke's fingers clench where they rest in the grass. His body is tense. Strained. Naruto can practically feel it on the air. He's heard Naruto's mutterings. He's imagining it too. "I'd…hurt you. Badly."
"Sasuke," Naruto whispers, and he waits until Sasuke meets his gaze. "I said…I would do anything for you, and I meant it."
Sasuke eyes him for a moment, and Naruto can't breathe. There's so much to see in that dark gaze. More emotion in mere seconds than Naruto's seen in his entire lifetime. Then the irises flash and turn red.
Sasuke kisses him. Hard. It's fierce, almost vicious. Naruto's lips split with the force of it. But he likes it. His body responds, and he goes limp in Sasuke's hold.
Then Sasuke pushes him down onto the ground. He looks into Naruto's eyes, limbs shaking in anticipation. It's one last chance. One last opportunity to change his mind. A question. Are you sure? Naruto grins. Bring it on. He doesn't fight back.
He regrets it for half a second. His skull crashes against the ground, and he feels it crack. He catches a glimpse of Sasuke's frantic gaze. Desperation, need, pain. He doesn't cry out. He remembers why he's offered this.
Sasuke needs him and Naruto is…glad.
Sasuke does hurt him.
He's brutal with his blows, lashing out as he throws Naruto's body around beneath him. Naruto feels his bones snap, his skin tear. He gasps as Sasuke's sword slices through his torso. It's clean. It doesn't hit anything vital. Naruto feels tears come to his eyes regardless. He worries briefly that Sasuke might take it too far. Chop off a limb, accidentally behead him. But then pushes aside those thoughts. He trusts Sasuke. He knows he doesn't have to be afraid.
His clothes are ripped from his body, in tatters at his side, and then his legs are spread and he's completely at Sasuke's mercy. He doesn't have time to feel embarrassed. Sasuke grinds against him almost madly, and Naruto moans despite himself. He's never done this before. It hurts, and yet, Naruto craves each touch against his skin. Even the painful ones.
For a moment, Naruto sees a glimpse of what Sasuke could become. Of what Sasuke himself fears. Left to fester, such emotions could certainly overtake him. He might not come back to himself. He might become a monster of his own.
But the Sasuke he knows is still there. Still lingering beneath the surface, waiting for his moment to return. Naruto sees it in the depths of his gaze. Feels it in the rare gentle graze of fingertips along his sides. Hears it in his deep voice amidst the agonized grunts.
Sasuke takes his time in the beginning, but finds release quickly once he pushes completely inside Naruto's body. His thrusts are ruthless, bruising, his composure completely gone. He breaks Naruto's bones without a second thought. No one else could possibly survive it. And Naruto understands. He takes it all. He doesn't complain. And soon enough Sasuke groans and practically collapses against him in relief, one hand still grasping tightly around Naruto's neck.
They lie together atop the soil, and Sasuke pants beside him as he comes back to himself. Naruto feels cold without his body atop him. He shivers slightly, tastes the blood in his mouth. The moon has disappeared from the sky. It hides somewhere behind the clouds, and Naruto wonders if even it can't bear the sight of them. Of what they've become. He finds he doesn't care.
Naruto is bloody and scratched up, bruised all over. Places in his body ache that he didn't even know existed. He can't move for the time being. But he is okay. He can feel the fox at work, healing the wounds across his body, while Sasuke stares at him, fingers entangling in his hair in a surprisingly gentle way. Naruto can feel something leaking from his body. He's curious if it's just the remnants of Sasuke's release or something more. Naruto looks down, Sasuke follows his gaze. He's surprised to see his own seed scattered across his lower belly. Somehow…he got off anyway. He wonders what that says about his mental state. Perhaps a part of him likes the pain, the punishment. Or maybe…he just likes that it was Sasuke.
Naruto gets it. He knows it doesn't mean anything. It's just Sasuke's way of letting out his anger. He tries not to let that hurt more. He tries to be grateful for what he has. Grateful that he could do this one thing for Sasuke, who's done so much for him in return.
Naruto winces as his ankle slots back into place. The snap of bones is loud, and Sasuke twitches slightly when he hears it. There are many more to follow. The wound in Naruto's chest bleeds languidly, already beginning to clot at the edges. It's nowhere near enough to kill him. He can vaguely hear the fox berating him in his mind. Mocking him for enjoying this. But the fox likes it too. His chakra is thrumming beneath the surface, content with a new violent experience. He thrives off of it. Longs for more. Asks when it will happen again. Naruto flushes slightly and licks his lips. Will it happen again? He turns slightly, blinking wearily at Sasuke's searching gaze.
Sasuke opens his mouth, his brow creasing slightly before he closes it again without saying a word. His hand cups the edge of Naruto's jaw, trails down to brush sweaty hairs away from his neck. It's a startling contrast to the pain he's caused just moments before. He doesn't apologize. Naruto wonders if he even considers it. There's a strange expression on his face. One Naruto has never seen before.
"If you…need the release. Whenever. It's okay," Naruto slurs. He doesn't see Sasuke's reaction, but he feels the fingers pause in their motion just behind his ear. He's tired. His eyes are drooping. Sasuke's thumb presses beneath one of them before his hand finds a home at the small of Naruto's back.
"Thank you."
"Mm."
Naruto doesn't dream. He wakes up in his own bed and feels disoriented. He's clean, changed, and nothing hurts. He's not sure if his memories are real or if he's just that fucked up. But there's a brief note from Sasuke on his kitchen table. A bowl of instant ramen is settled on top. It's a request to train in the afternoon, if he's feeling well enough. And Naruto knows he hasn't imagined any of it. It's sweet, in a way. Naruto's heart aches, and he knows it's not from any physical injury.
But he feels good. At peace. Content, even. He's less afraid to walk out his door.
It becomes a routine for them.
After a tough mission, one ends up at the other's home. Sasuke holds him as he cries or screams. Sometimes they go outside the village boundaries and Naruto lets the fox out to roam. Sasuke brings him back to reality, and then Naruto lets Sasuke use his body. He always finds release too. And he always heals. Sasuke watches him for hours afterwards, and in the mornings, Naruto finds a gift left behind in his wake.
One day Sasuke is still there in the morning instead. Still watching. Still wearing that same unreadable expression. There's no gift on his table. But they kiss, and make breakfast together, and that's gift enough.
Eventually they decide to live together and Naruto moves into Sasuke's home. It's easier that way. They don't have to discuss where to meet, where to go. Sasuke doesn't need to carry him across the village in the middle of the night, and he's always there in the morning too. Sasuke's house is bigger, his bed is nicer, and Naruto likes it. He prefers the sound of the nature that surrounds them there to the villagers yelling in the streets as well.
Eventually the sex isn't just after missions. It's in the morning, when they first wake up. In the afternoon, after a spar. In the middle of the night, when one of them breaks free from a nightmare.
Eventually Naruto seeks out Sasuke for it too, and Sasuke is more focused on Naruto's pleasure than causing pain. The sex is just as good. Better, even. It becomes more about giving than taking. There are tender touches across his whiskers, breathless pants against his lips, a slickened slide within him, and soft kisses against his oversensitive skin.
One day Sasuke just looks at Naruto and reaches out to hold him.
"Did something happen?" Naruto asks, head tucked against Sasuke's shoulder.
"No. I just…wanted to hold you," Sasuke murmurs against his hair. His fingers tighten. He pulls away slightly. "Is that…okay?"
Naruto presses a kiss to his nose.
"Yeah. Of course."
They don't have sex at all that evening. They just kiss. And kiss. And kiss some more. Sasuke holds him all night long, and Naruto cuddles into his warmth, content, and happy, and safe.
One day Naruto kisses Sasuke in public.
"S-sorry," he stutters, eyes wide as he takes in Sasuke's shocked expression. He panics. He feels like he's committed a heinous crime. He nearly bolts before Sasuke touches his face and pulls him back in.
"Dobe," Sasuke breaths against him, lips lifting slightly on one side.
He exhales softly and kisses him back.
It becomes more than just sex. It becomes more than just a release. It becomes evening walks by the creek, lazy kisses in the afternoon, messes in the kitchen, and tender touches in the middle of the night.
Naruto thinks he might be in love.
What else could this feeling possibly be?
It's good. It's okay. Because he thinks Sasuke might just love him too.
They never say it. But some things don't need to be said to be understood. Sasuke shows his love with actions, and Naruto does so too.
Sometimes Naruto wonders what will happen if he loses Sasuke. He wonders if the joy in his eyes will fade away, if he'll feel emptiness in his heart. If his fears will one day become reality.
But then Sasuke kisses him, and tells him it'll be okay. And Naruto is pretty sure he's right.
Naruto doesn't wonder if there is more evil than good in the world anymore. He knows the answer. There is certainly more evil. There will always be more evil. But the good, is stronger than the evil. The good, is worth fighting for.
And so, he sets foot outside his door again. The path he's chosen awaits.
AN: Thanks so much for reading! Do let me know what you think!
I'm on Ao3 under the same name if you prefer to read my stories there. Also find me on tumblr!