Summary: Anya has, finally, gotten her PI's license. Via bribery, but still. It's valid. She can finally start branching out of cases involving demons while classing her business as a private investigative firm.
Which is when Buffy brings Anya her first college client and a tale of woe about a man named Parker.
Notes: Sequel to "Dance (With Me)" and "Anya's Vengeance Agency"
A Short Story About Vengeance
Anya is very good at the vengeance business. As Anyanka, patron saint of scorned women, she'd sent men to violent deaths and ripped apart their lives and possibly caused a few wars. She'd been the best of the best and D'Hoffryn's favorite, all for very good reasons.
As a human, it's a lot harder to take spectacular vengeance on the behalf of others. But Anya's done what she can to make due. Vengeance is her life's work, after all, and losing her wish granting skills wasn't about to make her switch businesses. Which was why she was now the proudly self employed owner of the Vengeance Investigations business that, until today, had been primarily catering towards demonic clientele, though she was accepting humans who were somehow connected to Sunnydale's demonic underbelly.
This all changed today, however, for a very good reason. A business could not advertise itself as a private investigative service in the state of California without acquiring a PI's license. Which, in Anya's case, meant wracking up six thousand hours of experience in certain fields or under the mentorship of professionals in certain other fields. Which Anya had neither the time, nor the patience, to acquire.
What she did have was a more than generous payout from her first official demon client of her definitely-not-a-private-investigator's vengeance business. The gemstones paid to Anya by the Sylki demon, Jessica, before she returned to the ocean had fetched a very impressive price on the black market. Enough to bribe her way into the PI's license she wanted. Meanwhile, the money from her other jobs had gone towards maintaining her apartment, buying groceries, and saving up for a small office front somewhere.
Anya was still working on the office front. But at least now she could branch out the business to people she won't have to triple check aren't intending to pay her in kittens. Which, though cute, aren't going to pay the bills.
The phone at Anya's apartment was, currently, doing double duty as her work phone. So when a call came in that afternoon, Anya answered with a very proud sounding, "Anya's Vengeance and Investigative Services. How can I avenge the wrongs visited upon you today?"
The voice on the other end of the line giggles, and it's quite a familiar laugh. "Ahn," Buffy calls her, a shortening of her name that reminds Anya a little of the name she'd had as a human before accepting D'Hoffryn's job offer all those centuries ago. When, once upon a time, a young woman scorned by the name of Aud had transformed her faithless lover into a troll.
Anya likes the way it sounds, rolling off Buffy's tongue. Though there's very little Buffy's tongue does that Anya doesn't enjoy.
"Is there something wrong with my business spiel?" Anya asks. "Too forceful? Not forceful enough?"
"It's perfect," Buffy corrected. "I just love how excited you sound to do vengeance. And... I have a potential client for you, if you're willing to head to campus? Meet me at the student union?"
"Sure thing," Anya replied brightly. "A new potential source of income and I get to see you? Win-win."
"Flatterer," Buffy retorts with another bright peel of laughter that Anya's come to enjoy hearing and causing.
"I'll see you soon, babe."
Buffy still figuring out how she feels about Anya's calling for vengeance. If she's being honest, she's a little worried about what it'll mean about their first fight as a couple, though she's pretty sure that if they weather that particular storm then it'll mean they're solid together. Which is what Buffy's really hoping they'll discover.
It's been wonderful, after all, dating someone who is interested in watching cheesy romance movies with her - in fact, Anya likes those cheesy movies even more than Buffy does - and doesn't find it weird that Buffy likes to dress fashionably while punching a vampire in the face. Anya isn't intimidated by the fact that Buffy's physically stronger than her. In fact, Anya pretty clearly finds that sexy. And Buffy likes that she can describe a demon she fought in a cemetery to Anya and a few clarifications later Anya will know what kind of demon she fought, how dangerous they are, what kind of threat they generally pose to humans, and whether or not they actually need to be killed or just beaten up until they're willing listen and then be encouraged to go to therapy so they'll stop making a nuisance of themselves to slayers in graveyards.
And there are, apparently, therapists for demons. The more Buffy learns about demons, the more she starts to accept they're really not one-size-fits-all the way the Watcher's Council clearly believes.
But just because Buffy's in a happy relationship doesn't mean that she doesn't get hit on all the time. There's the TA for the psychology course that Buffy accidentally dropped books on. (On his head, no less. Buffy was mortified.) He'd flirted with her and if Buffy had been single, well... Anya had appreciated Buffy's description of the guy's biceps, anyway. Riley had been cool about Buffy's 'flattered, but taken' response to his flirting, though she's not sure how cool he'd have been if she'd mentioned that her datemate was a woman. But Buffy had figured it wasn't really any of his business.
For the most part, the guys who try to flirt with Buffy are like Riley. They back off when she tells them she's dating someone. They're probably imagining her with a beefcake who could break them in half instead of petite, pretty, blonde Anya. (While Buffy could totally break them in half all on her own.) But, again, not their business.
But not every guy is a gentleman who'll back off when a girl is already taken. Some guys get told the words 'no' and 'I'm already seeing someone' and hear 'challenge' instead. And one of those guys is a persistent pest by the name of Parker Abrams.
At first Parker claims he's just interested in being Buffy's friend. And Buffy takes that at face value at first, until he keeps getting into her personal space when she repeatedly asks him not to. Keeps flirting when she tells him to stop. After he tries to put his arm not-so-stealthily around her shoulders for the umpteenth time, Buffy tells him to get lost and starts avoiding him on the assumption that he'll move on to someone else.
Which he does... and that is, unfortunately, the problem. Because the girl he moves on to doesn't recognize his predatory behavior for what it is. He tricks her into bed and then humiliates Lita in front of her friends. Because all he wanted was a no strings attached fling and it's not his fault that she misread his intentions, right? He didn't promise her anything, right?
He just lead her on and heavily implied a relationship he had no intention of pursuing. He'd just used her for sex, counted it as extra points she'd been a virgin, and then left her broken and used while he moved on to the next girl.
Buffy watches the drama unfold with narrowed eyes and the uncomfortable realization that it could have easily been her in Lita's place. If she'd still been getting over Angel instead of spending the summer falling head over heels for Anya, Buffy would have likely fallen for Parker's well-acted charms. So Buffy marches over to Lita and leads the shell-shocked young woman out of the sunlight and into the shade of a nearby building. Sits her down on the steps and offers her a water bottle and a shoulder to cry on and a sympathetic ear.
"I wish his dick would fall off," Lita sobs.
Maybe it's not the most ethically sound decision Buffy's ever made, but she's already dating Anya and aware of what sort of things Anya's done in the past - and is still doing with her vengeance agency. Sending Lita and her wish for Parker to be castrated on to Anya feels like the right thing to do.
"My girlfriend runs a sort of... investigative service geared to help women wronged by men," Buffy tells her. "Would you like to meet her?"
"Can she make his dick fall off?"
"Probably."
Lita laughed, a noise made more of pain than any laugh ought to be. "Sure. I'll meet her."
So Buffy calls her beautiful girlfriend and arranges for Lita to meet with the patron saint of scorned women.
Anya listens to Lita's tale of woe and it's simultaneously a story Anya's heard a thousand times before and completely unique because it's Lita's story.
Once upon a time, Anya would have just made Parker's dick fall off the next time he had sex without a care in the world for whether that'd help Lita feel better or traumatize the poor girl in bed with Parker when it happened. But when Buffy had asked Anya if she cared about the well being of the victims she was taking vengeance for all those months ago before prom, Anya had internalized that question entirely without meaning to do so.
She had at the start, when she was a young demon who wanted women to find the same catharsis she had. But over time results started mattering more than the well being of the women Anyanka cursed men for. And Anya wondered if she'd lost something important when that happened.
So Anya was trying to run her agency a little different than her vengeance demon days. And not just because she wanted to avoid causing deaths because they upset Buffy. She'd been trying to give her clients the closure they really needed to move on with their lives. That was the most important thing she could do for them.
"Okay, so something unfortunate definitely needs to happen to that man's dick. But what will help you get back what he took from you?" Anya asked. "He took your confidence and him becoming a eunuch will be quite satisfying but it won't give that back to you."
"I feel used," Lita admitted. "I feel stupid. I should have realized... how do I stop that from ever happening again? How can I ever be sure that the next guy to show interest in me doesn't just want to... to use me and lose me just like him?"
"Actually," Anya said with a slow grin, "I know just the enchantment." Crystal based enchantments tended to be the most stable and could be used by anyone once the magic was firmly embedded into the crystal matrix. "You can use it to tell if a man's intentions are honest and if he's violent towards women."
Lita looked skeptical, but she also looked interested despite herself.
"Now," Anya continued, "do you want the dick falling off thing to be literal or do you want him to become impotent instead?"
The vengeful smile that lit up Lita's face was truly glorious to see.
Buffy greeted Anya with a kiss. "So, how was work?"
"I created a sensory crystal that Lita can use to check the intentions of men flirting with her. If he's honest and good hearted and would never do violence to a woman, the crystal glows blue. Red for abusers. Purple for a guy who just wants to use her for sex. Pink for a guy who is a cheater. That sort of thing. It's not cheap to make, but she wasn't too fussed about the price." Anya grinned impishly, adding, "and Parker is in for a surprise the next time he tricks a woman into his bed. He can only have sex if he's not being duplicitous and he's truly sorry about the women he's already taken advantage of. Otherwise, not even the best drugs in the world will let him get it up."
"So it'll be a long time, if ever, he manages to have sex again?" Buffy snickered. "Good. Dude's a creep."
"I think I've found an affordable location to set up an office," Anya added. "And another client already. She wants to know if her boyfriend is cheating on her. If yes, vengeance. If no, she wants to do something nice to make up for suspecting him."
"Well, I hope he's not a cheater, for her sake."
"My investigation starts tomorrow, so I'll let you know how things go." Anya linked her arm with Buffy's. "How were your classes?"
"Queer Studies is fascinating and so is my psychology course. I think maybe I'm starting to get an idea of what major I want to declare."
"Psychology?"
"Yeah. I think I'd like to be a school counselor. I... we had a counselor at Sunnydale High that he... left a big impression on me, before the hellmouth did what it always does." Buffy smiled wanly and Anya wished she could do more than kiss away the sadness she saw lingering in those memories. "By the time I graduate, there'll probably be a new high school in town. And the students would fare a lot better with a counselor who kills the monsters instead of getting killed by them."
"One of these days I want to introduce you to Halfrek. If she's still talking to me even though I'm human now. She cares a lot about kids too; I think you two would hit it off."
"She's the one who does vengeance for children and teens, right?" Buffy confirmed. "Your sort-of ex-girlfriend."
"Well, we weren't really dating. Just having sex occasionally. But yes. Just ignore her if she tries to proposition you for a threesome, though." Anya said, tone matter-of-fact. "She's just always wanted to seduce a Slayer."
Buffy couldn't help herself. She laughed and shook her head. Halfrek sounded like she'd be interesting to meet indeed. "Only vengeance demon I want seducing me is Anyanka herself."
"Well I'd certainly hope so." Anya winked. "I hear she's very sexy."
"Oh, yes, very sexy. Talented hands too."