Whumpay Day Three: Crying into Chest/Holding Back Tears

Part One

'Please stop! Please! I…I don't know what to do to make it better, to make you stop crying! Please!'

But the tiny baby in his arms wouldn't stop. And he didn't know what to do. He'd hoisted it out of the bed and walked up and down. He'd changed a – clean – diaper. He'd fed it some milk and burped it. Still it cried.

He felt like crying himself, but he held the tears back. Tears wouldn't help him. Nothing would help him. It was just him and it.

Scott jostled the baby gently as he paced. He'd had practice raising brothers. He knew what to do when a baby cried. But nothing was helping and he needed to get this baby quiet before it woke everyone else and all hell broke loose. Again.

Still the baby cried. Scott was only grateful that it wasn't screaming, but it was being noisy enough. What did it want? He tried to think back to what worked with his brothers but couldn't think of anything different he hadn't already tried. Virgil liked it when he hummed. Gordon liked stories. He couldn't remember if he had done anything for John, he was too young himself.

Alan. What did Alan like?

There was the sound of a door slamming, and feet stomping, and Scott knew he was in for it now. Sure enough, the door to his room burst open and his father stood there, anger clear on his face. But Jeff just about managed to reign himself in, sending a death-glare to Scott before turning on his heel and storming off, slamming the door behind him.

It was opened again by his brothers. All of them stood on the threshold but didn't enter. They didn't say anything either, just stood there with accusing eyes and grim faces. All except Gordon, who had started forward only to be snagged by John and pulled back.

Eventually they left, leaving Scott alone with the baby no-one wanted yet he couldn't abandon. And still it was crying. Eventually, tired to the core, Scott sat down in the chair and place the baby against him, hoping that the sound of his heart beating might calm it.

And he talked to it.

'You remind me so much of Gordon when he was young. Similar colouring. Let me tell you a story about the most beautiful woman in the world and the five precious gifts she left behind her.'

And as he spoke the baby quietened down, eventually falling asleep nestled against his chest, and as Scott looked down at the precious gift in his arms, he sighed deeply.

'Our brothers will come round, you'll see. As you grow they'll come to love you as I love you I'll always look after you, Alan. I'll always be there. For every dream and every nightmare. I promised Mom I would care for you and I will.' He kissed the baby's head.

Part Two

'Al! Alan! Alan, over here!' Alan's head shot up at the sound, and he looked around quickly, trying to pinpoint the position. It wasn't until the crowds cleared that he spotted his brother. Scott was striding through the terminal arrival gate, full uniform on display, and huge grin on his face.

Alan whooped and ran straight for him, clinging to his waist like it was an anchor. And for the seven-year-old his 22-year-old brother really was. Scott ruffled his hair and squeezed back for a moment, then prised Alan off and held him at arms' length, looking the skinny boy over.

'Wow, sprout. You've really shot up!' Alan beamed. He wound his arm around Scott's waist again and Scott draped his arm over the kid's shoulders and they walked through the terminal.

They were almost outside when there was a commotion. Someone was running through the terminal, there was lots of shouting and confusion. Scott immediately put Alan behind him and they stood still, not joining the crush of people running around without knowing where they were going.

A man was rushing towards them. He had a large knife and he seemed to be slashing at people as he ran. Alan, peeking around his brother, was frightened, but he glanced up at Scott and his brother was solid, commanding even, and Alan took strength.

As the man reached them he went for Scott, but Scott ducked to one side, and punched the man in the stomach hard. The knife dropped to the ground and Scott kicked it to one side as he stepped over the man, pulling his arms behind him. Four cops were quickly there and taking over.

Scott turned back to check on Alan and found the kid wide-eyed and staring. He crouched down, placing two hands on his brother's shoulders. 'You ok, Al?' he asked, concern mounting. But Alan snapped out of it, huge grin on his face. 'That was awesome! Can you teach me that? Can you? Can I learn to fight like you do?' As Scott steered him outside to the car he had no doubt was waiting for him Alan continued to ply him with requests.

Coming home was always a relief, but was also hard. The nightmares he suffered from his chosen career plagued him that much more when he was supposed to relax, and this time his leave did not coincide with anyone else's vacation time. He hoped Alan wouldn't hear.

Of course, the incident at the airport triggered a nasty one that night, and Scott found himself shooting upright, chest heaving and tears falling. He didn't usually wake in the middle though, something had disturbed him, and it was the quiet rapping at the door that solved that small mystery. Wiping his face, he called for Alan to come in, after all it couldn't be anyone else. The kid was again wide-eyed, but this time worry was clearly seen, and Scott opened his arms for his brother.

'You were shouting and it scared me,' he whispered into Scott's chest. Scott tightened his arms and kissed Alan's forehead. 'I'm sorry, it was just a dream. That's all Al, just a nightmare.' Alan swivelled his head and looked up. Scott could see the unshed tears in his brother's eyes, but Alan smiled, holding the tears back. He pulled Scott down so that they were lying on the bed and looked at him with such love and understanding.

'I have nightmares too, sometimes. Do you remember what you used to do and say to me?' he asked. Scott smiled as Alan shifted so that Scott was now leaning on him, and he could hear Alan's heart beating.

'I'll always look after you, Scott. I'll always be there. For every dream and every nightmare. I promised Mom I would care for you and I will.' Alan whispered the oft-repeated phrase, and if Scott wept a little onto Alan's chest, it was tears of love.