"Where's Moony?"

James looked up from the tie he was fumbling with at his neck and saw Sirius' distraught expression in the mirror he was facing. He frowned as he watched Sirius throw Remus' bed curtains open.

"Why?"

Sirius shut the curtains. "What's it to you? I'm bored and I want Remus to come with me." He turned around to face James. "Where's Remus?"

"And Peter," James added, straightening his tie.

Sirius paused to give James an odd look. "No, I said Remus."

"And Peter," James repeated, turning around to face the real Sirius Black.

"Oka-a-ay," Sirius said slowly, "And Peter. Where are Remus and Peter?"

James shrugged. "I don't know."

Sirius threw him a withering look and then stomped his way to his own bed to tug off his heavy footwear.

"You shouldn't leave Wormtail out like that you know," James said, rummaging in his trunk for his school robes.

"He'll live," Sirius replied. James dug in his pocket for his Head Boy badge and studied it with interest. He rubbed it on the edge of his robes and turned his attention back to Sirius, who had now flicked Remus' trunk open and was searching deftly through its contents.

"What are you doing?"

"What?" Sirius asked vaguely. He drew out a tiny corked bottle sparkling with a deep purple liquid, studied it with a critical eye, and then pocketed it.

"What's that?" James asked.

Sirius stood up, shoving the trunk back to its corner with his foot. "What, the bottle? It's his post-transformation potion. Pomfrey gave it for his headache."

"Then why are you pinching it?"

"I'm not pinching it," Sirius said petulantly, "I'm taking it to Remus. He forgot to have his dose this morning."

James frowned in consternation. "How the fuck do you know that?"

"How the fuck does it matter?" was Sirius' retort. James wasn't quite sure, but for some urgent, inexplicable reason, it did matter, quite a bit, though he couldn't quite place why. Sirius ran a hand through his hair, tussling it so that it fell in his face, and then tossed his head back. He turned to face James, and his hair drifted elegantly into place like they were curtains framing his handsome face.

James felt an acute flash of irritation at the memory of his own hair in the mirror just a few moments ago. "Stop doing that," he grumbled.

Sirius grinned cheekily at him, his bright smile displaying perfect teeth. "Sorry, mate."

James huffed and grabbed his book bag. "I was saying that you shouldn't keep writing Peter off like that. It's not nice."

The silence that followed caused James to spare a glance at Sirius. His face was dubious. "It's not nice?"

"That's what I said."

"Okay. Shall I invite him for tea then? We could sit together and knit, or braid each other's hair."

"Cute," James snapped, "Mock me all you like for being considerate of a friend's feelings, but I'm serious Padfoot, it gets to him sometimes."

"It gets to him or it gets to you?" Sirius asked with a roll of his eyes, "Because I don't see him complaining."

James shrugged. "It's a suggestion. Try being nice to him once in a while."

"Yeah okay, I'll give it a shot."

Sirius suddenly stopped in front of Remus' bed and scowled.

"What?" James asked.

"He left his scarf here again," Sirius muttered, grabbing the red and gold piece of cloth sprawled on Remus' bed and fingering it gingerly. "Stupid git."

"I can see the offensiveness behind this behavior, yes," James said gravely. Sirius buried his face in the scarf, inhaling deeply like he was thinking very profoundly about something. James wrinkled his nose. "Gods stop snogging his scarf. I swear Padfoot, sometimes you're so weird."

"What, so being nice to Peter is more important than saving Remus from potentially getting a cold?" Sirius demanded.

James rubbed the end of his nose. Sirius was always touchy when it came to Remus. Innate protective canine instincts. This had to be handled delicately. James hopped onto his bed so that he was face to face with Sirius. Sirius raised his eyebrow at him, leaning his head away a little. James gazed intently at him.

"Now I might be wrong, my dear, for the frigidness of midsummer Scotland inside a castle is definitely a thing to be feared, but I think that maybe, just maybe, your precious Moonykins can survive without his scarf today," James said. Then he added, for good measure, "Maybe."

Sirius rolled his eyes and shoved James away playfully. James sat up on his bed and regarded Sirius calmly.

"You've changed."

"You're one to talk."

James frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Sirius whirled around, feet planted apart in a defensive stance, looking agitated and a little lost. "You tell me. You're always with Evans, prancing around the school and making the world a better place. When was the last time you pulled a prank?"

"I don't prance," James said, peeved, "And I can't fool around as much as before. You know that."

"Why?" Sirius demanded.

"Because my badge would be revoked if I did!" James said in exasperation.

Sirius sat down and crossed his legs on his bed and gazed at James. He said quietly, "that didn't matter to you before."

James blinked at him, and suddenly he felt a rush of annoyance, perhaps because Sirius was sitting there looking so much like a child that James suddenly felt ancient, or maybe because Sirius was right and there really was nothing he could do about it, so instead he said, "Well what did you think, that we'd stay twelve our whole lives? Maybe I have changed, but maybe we all need to. You know, grow up and all that."

Sirius was on his feet in a flash, a bundle of childish rage and clenched fists. "Nobody needs to change!" "What's wrong with you? What happened?" James asked in surprise.

"There's nothing wrong with me," Sirius said bitterly, "Fuck, James, why should we change? What good would that do? Would it really be so bad if everything remains just as it is? Is familiarity all that bloody difficult to deal with?"

"Shut up," James advised him, his head beginning to hurt, "Stop with this nonsense, it's too early in the morning. Go find Remus."

"And Peter," Sirius added sullenly, temper wilting as fast it had bloomed. James watched him stomp his way to the door in a whirlwind of energy and pent-up frustration and charming gaiety that was exclusively Sirius Black. When he reached to door, James called out, "And tell them to bring back a butterbeer for me when you get to the kitchens."

James then sat where he was for a long time, mulling over their conversation.

The next morning as Sirius was walking down the Charms corridor on his way to the loo, he was suddenly and quite frighteningly ambushed by what he thought for a wild second was a very agile hedgehog, and later identified that it was James' hair that had, in fact, so rudely attacked his face.

"Bloody hell!" Sirius screamed as he was bodily thrown into a random empty classroom, "Why the fuck am I being abducted? Do I look like Lily fucking Evans to you?"

"No," James replied unnecessarily, closing the door behind him.

"What are you doing? Why can't you talk to me over the table like a normal person? Is this why you were giving me coveted looks at breakfast? Gods, you're creepy. Can I go to the loo now?" Sirius asked, feeling rather lightheaded as he shot James a dark look while getting to his feet.

"No," James grinned giddily at him. "Hi."

Sirius stared.

"How are you, Sirius?" James continued grinning with his lopsided glasses and hedgehog hair.

"Please don't hurt me," Sirius blurted.

"Don't be stupid," James said, smile sliding off of his face. "Do you know why I brought you here?"

"Because you're insane?"

"No," James said, and Sirius wondered why in Merlin's name he was even responding to that jibe, which was, at best, rhetorical, "Something's bothering you, isn't it?"

"Er, you?"

James cocked his head, "You've been moping all week and I want to know why."

"I haven't been moping."

"No, of course you haven't. What's wrong?"

Sirius stiffened. "Nothing," he replied.

"Okay."

"Can I go now?"

James suddenly dropped to the ground in a cross-legged heap in front of the door and looked up at Sirius. "No."

"You've got to be kidding me," Sirius deadpanned.

James made a show of looking around the room before turning back to Sirius. "Uhm, no."

"Move."

"No."

"Move."

"No."

"Move …"

"No … you know, you're really bad at this," James said conversationally. His eyes, however, were fixed on Sirius' face and his hand was on the wand in his pocket.

"Move."

"No. Why don't you take a seat? This could take a while."

Sirius took a calming breath. "James, move."

James rolled his eyes, "Gee Sirius, how's that been working for you so far?"

"I don't want to fucking tell you what's wrong," Sirius snapped, and James' hand tightened its grip on his wand in anticipation, "Get out of my way."

James eyed Sirius warily as he stood with fists balled and shoulders tensed. "I'm pretty comfortable here, thanks."

The cold, simmering look Sirius had on his face made James narrow his eyes and wait. He would crack, James knew it, any moment Sirius' patience was going to break and his legendary temper would unleash and then in the midst of casting shielding charms and deflecting curses from a raging Sirius, James would finally get a wind of what was going on.

It wasn't so much bravery that James could claim fueled this admittedly self-destructive course of action, but the familiarity of habit. Perhaps the first time he thought to provoke Sirius into a rampage in first year could be associated with rash bravery but even then James felt that it had been more of his inborn lack of self-preservation which, by the way, over the years, he had made an effort to keep in check.

Nobody dared cross a raging Sirius Black but James knew better, he knew where the eye of the hurricane was, and that was right in front of Sirius, for people in the periphery were far more likely to get hurt than whoever was in the line of fire. James knew the secret: that Sirius broke stuff and threw hexes and cursed fit to make even James blush, but he would not intentionally hurt James, or even Remus or Peter.

You had to know how to handle Sirius. And handling Sirius was not a job for those frail at heart. Which was lucky for James.

They faced each other, sizing each other up for a long time. And then Sirius closed his eyes.

"You want to know what's wrong?"

James was taken by surprise. "Yes?"

"Okay." Sirius gracefully sank to the floor, en expression of resignation darting across his face.

"Okay?" James parroted blankly.

"Let's talk," Sirius said quietly.

James opened and closed his mouth repeatedly. He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair and all the while he stared at Sirius. "What?"

"You heard me." Sirius said calmly, reaching into his pocket.

James stared as Sirius' hand slowly disappeared into his robes. "Are you going to hurt me?"

"No," Sirius replied, pulling out his wand and tossing it to the side with a clatter. James stared at it in fright.

"What are you doing?"

Sirius cocked his head, challenging James to expect an answer.

"You're not going to wreck utter havoc and pave a path for destruction and doom?" James asked meekly.

Sirius shook his head.

"Why?" James demanded almost petulantly, his voice diminishing in size in tandem with his stature.

Sirius might have been amused if he wasn't so bloody tired. He shrugged. "I don't feel like it."

"You don't … you don't feel like …" James spluttered, "Did someone die?"

"No. You wanted to know what's bothering me, right? Let's talk."

James squeaked in a very unmanly way. This was surreal.

"Okay," James said, because that's all he could think of saying, "Okay. Okay. Talk, yes? I can talk. Hell, can I talk. This is … this is new. Okay. You can talk. I can … we can talk. Right."

James had no idea what to do. Handling cutting insults thrown his way was easy. Deflecting dangerous, potentially injurious curses was a piece of cake. Physical fights and grueling brawls were a walk in the park.

But talking?

Hell.

Sirius wanting to talk about his problem was inconceivable, unnatural, apocalyptical. Something was very, very wrong if Sirius wanted to talk about it.

And James was scared shitless.

"Okay," James said weakly, "Okay. So. Talking. That would involve me asking questions and you answering, yes? Alright. That's easy."

Sirius, James concluded, had been turned to stone, petrified by the sudden tipping of the balance of the cosmos. He continued anyway.

"So. This problem of yours. Erm. Does it have anything to do with your family?"

It was a stupid question, and James knew it because Sirius had severed ties with his family a very long time ago and even when he'd run away from home to the Potter's place, he'd only broken a window. If Sirius' abandonment by his family and his subsequent status as functionally an orphan with not a penny to his name was equivalent to a single window broken, James didn't want to imagine what could make Sirius stop breaking anything altogether.

Maybe Sirius wasn't angry. Maybe Sirius was, god forbid, upset. Horror dawned upon James.

"Is it Regulus?"

That was a much more plausible reason.

Sirius jerked his head once to the side.

James racked his brain for possible explanations.

"Is it a girl?"

Cue applause, James, he thought dryly to himself, it's like you don't know him at all.

He did a double take when he saw Sirius hesitate.

"It is a girl?" James asked in disbelief.

Sirius took a deep breath. "Not exactly."

"What's that supposed to mean?" James demanded.

"There are ... feelings involved," Sirius admitted reluctantly, drawing his knees up to his chest.

James took a while to digest this as he stared at Sirius. "So you have … you have feelings for somebody."

Sirius grit his teeth, obviously making as much an effort as James to keep up this talking business. "Yes. No. Yes."

Suddenly he made a noise of frustration and jumped to his feet and began pacing ferociously, fists clenching. "I'm sorry, alright? I don't … I do, I think I do, but … I'm sorry!"

"Stop!" James shrieked, hands on his ears as his head started spinning, "Stop!"

Sirius stopped pacing and gave James a quizzical look.

"Stop apologizing! You never apologize! It's unnatural! It's a heinous abomination! Haha! You apologized more in the last ten seconds than you did in your entire life!"

"I apologized twice," Sirius pointed out.

"Exactly! In the same sentence!" James continued shrieking, hating how stupid he sounded and wondering how Sirius could be so calm when obviously the world was ending.

Sirius sighed as if James was a petulant child and life was still normal and sat back down. There were a few moments of silence where James collected his wits.

"Have you told whoever it is?" James asked politely, eventually.

"No."

"Because …?"

"Because the odds are against me," Sirius said flatly.

"Did I miss something? The last time I checked, the entire female population of Hogwarts was banging on your door competing to throw themselves at your feet."

"That's the problem," Sirius muttered, trailing off into a forlorn silence.

"They won't like you because everyone else does?" James asked in confusion, "Wait, do you fancy Lily?"

"No."

"No? Well what kind of a broad is this?"

"It's not a girl."

"No need to be cocky, I'm sure a woman can fend off your advances without having her gender automatically put up for questioning," James rolled his eyes.

"It's not a girl," Sirius repeated, staring fixedly at the ground.

There was a long, revolutionary silence.

As a rule, James was a rather accepting individual, and while he did not heed most of the prejudices society harbored, he was, after all, a teenage boy, and there was only so much information he could process at once. Sirius did not doubt James' loyalty toward his friends, but even then, there was a small nagging doubt that maybe this time, James wouldn't take the news kindly.

Finally, when Sirius could take the silence no longer, he looked up at James. James was sitting very still, brows furrowed as he stared intently at a spot on the wall behind Sirius.

"James," Sirius croaked.

James' eyes widened and his gaze snapped to Sirius and the expression in them was one of disbelief, realization, and humbling awe.

"Lord," James breathed, "It's Remus, isn't it?"

Sirius went rigid, the world stopped spinning for one monumental moment, and then James found himself on the ground flat on his face as Sirius flew out of the classroom without a second glance, slamming the door behind him with resonating finality. There was complete and utter silence. James didn't bothering getting up, but continued to lay sprawled on the floor, staring at the wall as he tried to wrap his mind around this world-shattering turn of events.

"Lord," he repeated in awe, wondering how Sirius Black managed to bring about such complete and utter ruination of his own life. "He is so fucked."